Jared sat at the kitchen table. Still wearing his costume, he had his collected Halloween candy spread before him.
He’d divided his stash into piles according to size, flavor, and worthlessness. Fortunately, that latter pile was light this year. He shook his head again in wonder that Dr. Pepper Chapstick was even manufactured, let alone that some sadistic parent, or more likely some child hating scum had purchased such an item to drop into some unexpecting young person’s bag. Jared, a member of the math club at his school, was far too bright to have even considered using such a disgusting product.
There were also three plastic sleeves of yogurt in that ill-fated pile. There were several health conscious and therefore candy handicapped families, at least in Jared’s mind, who lived on the blocks within his sphere of candy collection. He knew about them from previous years however and had expected the misdirected bag bombs, or something similar, to appear among his edible treats. His dogs liked them which rendered them more edible than the Chapstick which he’d be using instead of eating. His plan was to leave a stanky, but funny note on his big brother’s car windows later that night.
He’d be squirting the yogurt into the dog’s food dishes later, thereby ensuring their loyalty on those occasions when he’d need to slip something off his plate and under the table for their consumption. His parents, usually his dad, were fine cooks, but errors in judgment had been known to occur in the kitchen. It was wise to be prepared.
Other piles were divided into chocolate, hard, chewy, and sour.
Wiser souls than Jared had told him that chocolate was the best. Best candy, food… well, just the best. His mom had a co-worker who’d almost turned that belief into a religion. Jared certainly did not disagree and was therefore happy that the chocolate pile was quite large. He gazed satisfied at the others piles as well. The three hours he’d spent wandering the dark, cold streets of his domain had served him well.
His eyes shifted to what he had to admit was his favorite pile. The one with the full-sized candy bars. KitKat, and Twix, his favorites. Also, Snickers, Hersheys, and a 3 Musketeers. He smiled as he selected a KitKat but kept his eye on the 3 Musketeers which featured a picture of Finn from Star Wars wielding a blaster. Replacing the Kit Kat, Jared picked up the Musketeers and studied the picture in which the bolt from Finn’s blaster underlined the bar’s name and ricocheted off D’Artagnan’s sabre.
With a nod, he reached to his hip where his Star Trek phaser rested. He’d have preferred a pistol from Star Wars, but this one lit up and had sound which increased its cool factor sufficiently. Also, none of his friends had one. According to the internet, the technology of Star Trek was much more powerful than that of Star Wars. He’d seen a You Tube video where the Enterprise took out a Star Destroyer with one of its missiles. Jared couldn’t remember exactly what the missiles were called but the flare on the screen was sharp. The bald guy from X-Men was pretty sharp too as he stood, straightened his uniform shirt, and nodded that his people should take out the other ships too.
Settling back in his seat, Jared closed his eyes and imagined taking his Trek tech up against the Empire’s.
Dressed in Trek security armor, Jared strapped the Federation supplies he’d been sent to retrieve over his shoulder and triggered his communicator. “Enterprise, the is Lieutenant Greenwood. Ready for…”
He stopped speaking and ducked as 3 Stormtroopers came barreling around the corner of the Death Star corridor, their weapons directing deadly flares of death toward him. Fortunately, their aim was a bad as ever. Scorched and smoking gouges marked the walls around him as Jared took all the troopers out, one shot a piece.
Again, he lifted his communicator. “Ready for beaming Enterprise.”
“We can’t get a lock on you. The battle shielding is too heavy in that section.”
Rolling his eyes, Jared responded, “Understood. Notify me when I’ve reached a better location.” Closing his unit, he held up his pistol and hurried away.
Rounding a corner, he was nose to nose with another Stormtrooper. Each threw punches. He grunted as his head rocked beneath his helmet. The trooper hit the deck hard and did not get up. Onward Jared rushed as he heard a squad coming from behind him. Blasts scared the walls and deck before one shot caught him in the back. The concussion shoved him forward. As he fell, he rolled, stopping himself on the deck and facing his attackers. A short exchange of weapon fire and all of his opponents were down.
Leaping to his feet, he rushed to a doorway which blocked the corridor. As it opened he collided with another trooper. As the man fell, Jared looked over to see Darth Maul wielding his two-bladed light saber.
Just then, Jared’s communicator beeped. “We have a lock!”
“Then bring me over!” Jared shouted back. “Hurry!”
Opening his eyes, Jared looked at the unopened candy bar and Finn, his blaster still flaring. Fantasy is fun… Jared thought, …but that was Maul, and a phaser doesn’t make me the Terminator!
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