Diary of a Snoopy Cat

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Chapter 6: 8 Days before Christmas

Thursday Morning:

Yesterday was a special day, I scribbled in my Diary.

Imagine a detective agency named after me!

I had to live up to my name now, which was both flattering and a huge responsibility. At the same time, I was determined to make our new detective agency a huge success.

If we cracked this case, our reputation would be established. All the doggies who met daily at the park would know of us and spread the news. The doggies who walked or who were walked in Kensington Park were a gossipy lot.

No doubt about it. Soon we would have a popular detective agency. Since my name was involved, it was up to me to cement the reputation of the company by solving this mystery.

With regard to this case, the decision had been made. We were all convinced that the Stinky Porkster had stolen the will, the legal paper, handing over the house to Ned.

Other questions arose:

❖“Where had he hidden it?”

❖“Could he have already destroyed the will?”

❖“Could he have taken it with him to his office and hidden it there?”

❖“Even if it was in his room, how could we

find it?”

I couldn’t get this case out of my head.

Was there a possibility for me to solve it by myself?

I decided to go over and speak to Boss. I knew that the Stinky Porkster went to work, but what about Ned? Ned did not go to work. He was a computer geek and he worked from home. But with Boss’s help, maybe I could do more snooping around without Ned noticing that I was there.

I crept over the ceilings, walls, and up the trees of our neighbors, and soon arrived on Boss’s wall.

Everything was quiet. I could see from my position on the wall that Ned was in his room, his head down, working on his computer.

As expected, Boss came dashing out of the house. He had sensed an intruder – a cat on his premises.

He did not bark. He was being faithful to his promise to Monk and intelligent enough to realize that I had not paid him a visit solely to enjoy his company.

“Howdy Boss,” I said. Can we have a chat?”

“Sure. GRrrrrr,” he said.

“Come along to the kitchen. I am by myself. Ned will not come down until lunchtime. Even if he does, he has no objections to cats. Actually, he rather likes Monk. He always tries to stop and pet him if we meet him on the way to the park, GRrrrrr.”

I ran to the shrub at the far end, slipped down the branches to the ground and followed Boss into the kitchen.

We sat on his huge cot. I told him about what we had discussed last night and the conclusion we had reached.

Boss looked at me shrewdly.

“This is what I suspected as well GRrrrrr,” he said.

“Ned thinks the same. He told me so. But he is too timid to challenge The Stinky Porkster. I believe he feels guilty that old Mr. Finchley decided to leave the house to him, an outsider, instead of to his flesh and blood, the Stinky Porkster. GRrrrrr.

“However, he never expected the Stinky Porkster to ask him to leave the house. GRrrrrr.

“Ned is a simpleton. He thought that the Stinky Porkster and he could continue to share the house and live together like a family since neither of them had any family left. GRrrrrr” Boss concluded.

“Boss,” I said. “I want to go into Stinky Porkster’s room and search it.”

“The Stinky Porkster is always careful to lock his door before he leaves. GRrrrrr.” said Boss.

“He never did this before but since of late he is very careful to lock his door. As if Ned or I would want to go into the Stinker’s room anyway. GRrrrrr.

“You may have to wait until he comes back home. GRrrrrr.”

“Let’s go outside,” I said.

I remembered the large tree just next to Stinky Porkster’s room that Monk and I had noticed when we last took a look around upstairs.

I looked thoughtfully at the windows. Although Boss could not get up to the room that way, I could.

One of my favorite pastimes is balancing on narrow ledges and leaping onto surfaces out of the reach of others.

The branches leaning towards the Stinky Porkster’s bedroom looked sturdy enough to withstand my weight.

I made a decision.

Time was running out and I could not get the thought of investigating the Stinky Porkster’s room out of my head.

I realized that this was my great chance to play the role of a great snoop and do something thrilling.

My inquisitiveness got the better of me.

I clambered up the tree like an old pro with Boss looking on with his eyes nearly popping out of his head. I got the feeling he was impressed.

Just for his benefit, I airily leaped from one branch to another which brought me closer to the window.

Soon I was looking into the Stinky Porkster’s bedroom. I waved to Boss, who was looking at me with his tongue hanging out, and leaped without difficulty from the branch right onto the Porkster’s bed.

Good-EEE! A pretty soft landing.

“Piece of cake!” I thought to myself smugly. I took a quick look around.

Everything seemed to be in place: A large bed, a wardrobe, an armchair, a bookshelf with green leather-bound books all of the same size and two writing tables.

I climbed onto one desk and delicately pushed the papers around, trying to peek at every one of them.

Despite my being careful, no way would the Stinky Porkster not notice that someone had been browsing through his papers.

“Nothing ventured, nothing gained,” I murmured to myself, and decided to do a thorough job of it.

I jumped into his clothes cupboard.

❖Nope, nothing there other than his clothes.

I carefully went through another writing table near his bed.

❖Nope, nothing there either, other than some unpaid bills.

I poked my head into his shoe cupboard.

❖Nope, nothing there but shoes, slippers and shoe polish.

I looked under his bed.

❖Nope, nothing there.

I looked between the sheets.

❖Nope, nothing there.

I searched high and low but could not find the will.

❖Nope! Nothing! Nada!

I looked around the room. Every single place had been checked.

I wondered why the Stinky Porkster took so much trouble to close the door and lock it so carefully. There was nothing of value in this room other than for some suits and shoes, expensive and very well used. No value for any thief to steal.

“Who would want those?” I wondered.

I sat on the bed, deep in thought, wondering what I should do next.

I decided to stay in the room, hiding until the Stinky Porkster got back.

I leaped out of the window and quickly went down to let Boss know of my decision.

While I was examining the Stinky Porkster’s room the sky had turned gray. It looked as if it was about to start raining.

I shuddered.

If there is one thing that I hated – it was getting wet.


I quickly rattled off what I had planned to Boss.

Boss looked surprised at my decision. “Are you sure, Inca? GRrrrrr,” he asked.

“I wouldn’t want you to get into difficulties. GRrrrrr. Monk and your family may not be pleased that you are by yourself in a locked room. Why don’t you go get Monk to help you? GRrrrrr.”

“It’s too late now?” I meowed back quickly and reassuringly.

“After all, we are detectives and this is what we usually do.”

More importantly, I did not want him to guess that I wanted to solve this case by myself.

To be honest, I wanted to take all the glory for myself.

Before he could protest, I dashed up the tree, jumped back into the room and looked for a good place to hide.

Under the bed was the best place, I decided, and curled myself into a ball to keep warm.

Thursday Afternoon:

I woke up with a start to the sound of a key turning in the lock.

A light was snapped on and the Stinky Porkster’s fat body entered the room letting out stink bombs as he plodded into the room.

Looking at him closely, I had to agree with Boss.

Not a very pleasant sight, was Boss’s Porkster. NOT a pleasant smell either.

I hadn’t observed the Stinky Porkster this close before:

❖TheStinkyPorksterwasperfectly round.

❖His face was as round as was his body.

❖He had a smug expression on his face, as if bullying was his favorite pastime.

I realized that Ned would never stand a chance with this great big bully.

He had a very long nose and his eyes made him look like the very devil himself.

Boss had warned me about this. Even so, I felt a shiver run down my spine looking at his demonic eyes.

He gave a startled groan when he saw his messy papers and stomped out of the room.

“Boss! Ned! Who went into my room?” bellowed the Stinky Porkster.

Boy! Did he have a loud harsh voice to go with his round head, round face and even rounder body!

It was clear to me that the Stinky Porkster suspected Ned.

A confused Ned came into my view with Boss sheepishly slinking in behind him.

“No one,” said Ned. “I’ve been at home the whole day and Boss never made a sound. The door was locked after all.”

The Stinky Porkster glared at Ned.

He had known Ned for a long time and realized that Ned would never think of doing such a thing.

In his opinion, Ned was a simpleton, a wishy- washy do-gooder with the courage of a dish cloth.

“Someone came in this way. I am sure of it. My things are messed up!” said the Stinky Porkster and rushed to the window.

“It must be Rolf cleaning after you,” said Ned mildly.

Ned shook his head and left the room with Boss.

The Stinky Porkster slammed the door and locked it. After he did this, he looked around and went to the bookshelf.

I watched him carefully, not daring to breathe. Would he search under the bed?


The Stinky Porkster didn’t look the kind of fatso who would bother to go down on his chubby knees and peer under the bed.

It looked as if I would be safe as long as I didn’t make a sound.

He carefully opened a large green book from the shelf and looked inside. He removed a folded paper, sighed with relief, carefully put it back and placed the book on the shelf again.

He continued to put his belongings in order. He then took a quick look around the room, went out and relocked the door behind him.

I sat pondering and wondering why the Stinky Porkster did not destroy the will. Surely, that would have been the easiest thing to do? I wished I could get into his mind to read what was going on in it!

Could it be that he still loved his uncle and could not bring himself to destroy the will?

No time to ponder, I thought. What was I to do?

A thought sprang to my mind.

Should I climb the shelf and pull the book down?

Could I do it without making much noise so that the Stinky Porkster would not rush back into the room and catch me in the act?

I needed some help. I decided to leave the room through the window and discuss this with Boss.

On the ground, Boss was waiting for me. He sighed with relief when he saw me. I told him what had happened.

“What a relief that he didn’t find you hiding under the bed. I’ve been so worried about you. GRrrrrr.”

“The Stinky Porkster would never bend down to check under it. Too much exercise for his fat body,” I said with a sneer.

I looked at him triumphantly.

“I have discovered where the Stinky Porkster has hidden the will.

“We now need to decide how we can get it out of the room. I could do this by myself, but I need your help.

“I am worried that when I pull the book down from the shelf, the noise would bring the Stinky Porkster running back upstairs.

“How do we get the Stinky Porkster out of the house? If he leaves the house for at least 10 minutes, it would give me enough time to get at the document,” I concluded.

Boss wrinkled his nose, deep in thought and said --

“There is only one thing that the Stinky Porkster loves more than himself. That is his car. He cleans it himself every Sunday and lavishes attention on it as if it were a newborn baby. If he thought anything would happen to it, he would be out of the house in a jiffy. GRrrrrr.”

Boss thought for a minute. “Inca, GRrrrrr” he said.

“Climb back into his room. I am going to create a commotion near his car. GRrrrrr.

“Listen for my bark. GRrrrrr.”

“Up I go,” I said and gave Boss an airy wave.

In a few minutes, I returned to the room and hid under the bed.

After some time, I heard Boss’s ferocious bark from the side of the house where the Stinky Porkster’s much loved car was parked.

I then heard the Stinky Porkster’s loud voice and heard him as he crashed out of the house and banged the side door.

I did not hesitate.

I immediately jumped on the shelf and pulled at the large book that I had seen the Stinky Porkster examining.

Horror of horrors!!

I could not make the book budge. It was tightly packed between the other books.

I desperately pulled, knowing that the Stinky Porkster could walk back into the room at any moment.

What would he do if he found a strange cat in his room?

I could probably dart out of the window having noticed how unfit the Stinky Porkster was.

But the whole purpose would be lost as he surely would take the paper and disappear out of the house or destroy it.

Our one and only chance would be lost forever.

Should I leave the room now and come back with Monk who was much stronger?

Hmmm…. that would take the case right out of my own hands.

I am ashamed to admit that I really wished to crack this case by myself.

After all the team had named our Detective Agency after me.

I couldn’t let the side down.

The sheer desperation of the situation made me use all my strength.

I latched my nails onto the binder of the book. I pulled with all my might.


The book crashed to the ground with a THUMP.

The folded paper floated down and rested on the floor.

What a relief!!!


I bent down to take a look at the paper. Yep, it was the WILL.



The door burst open and the Stinky Porkster stood at the door…

My heart stood still!

I looked at the Stinky Porkster in horror!

The sight of me bending over the will had turned him into a mad demon.

He yelled!


His face had turned purple. He looked not only like a mad demon but a mad demon about to have a fit.

I shuddered, the fur on my neck standing on end.

Cyril the Porkster had turned into a purple monster and a demon combined in one horrid fat body.

For a second, I couldn’t move as I was terrified! I stood glued to the floor!

All my bravado disappeared in a jiffy.

I pulled myself out of my state of terror.

It’s’nowornever’Ithoughttomyself desperately.

I had to make a run for it.

I grabbed the paper in my mouth and leaped to the window.

But I had not anticipated the nasty rain.

The blast of stormy rain gave me a rude shock.

I nearly let out a loud meow in my surprise at the cold wet rain.

Just in time, I remembered the valuable paper I carried and clamped it tighter in my mouth.

My hesitation at the window had given the Stinky Porkster time to move.

I heard the Stinky Porkster’s loud voice utter a snarl and his hot stinky breath pour over me.

“Got you” he said as his fat fist reached out and grabbed me.

The Stinky Porkster yanked me to the ground and held me down.

I struggled with all my might but I couldn’t wriggle free.

My heart beat wildly:

Bang! Boom! Bang!

What a disaster!!! What would he do?

❖Would this be the end of my wonderful short life?

❖Would he crush me under his big fat feet??

❖Would he rip my head off???

❖Would he chew me up like a chocolate????

❖Would he swallow me whole like a marshmallow????

❖Would I end up turning into a snack for this ugly purple monster??????

How did I get myself into this pickle?

Just then Boss came charging into the room barking very, very loudly.


The Stinky Porkster was distracted by Boss’s hurried and noisy dash into the room.

This made him lose his grip and I managed to wriggle out of his grasp.

I guess he expected Boss to catch me and rip me to pieces.

The Stinky Porkster was well aware of Boss’s reputation for destroying kitties.

“Catch her Boss!”

Yelled the Stinky Porkster, making the glass windows rattle at the loud roar of his voice.

Boss winked at me whilst snarling. Taking that as a sign of encouragement, I leaped out of the window using all my strength.

My famous talent for leaping came into good use.

I landed on the tree and clutched on to the branch for dear life.

The rain had turned the branches wet and slippery. My paws were damp and I felt myself sliding down the trunk.

I dug my claws deeper into the slippery trunk and continued to climb down in spite of being worried that I would slip and fall.

I slithered to the ground and hid under a shrub.

I stayed as still as I could, panting with the force of my descent.

I was safe for the moment but I was shivering from the cold.

The will, a single paper, was not heavy. Thankfully, it was folded and I could hold it firmly in my mouth.

Another worry - I was more nervous that the paper would turn into a soggy mess due to the water from the rain.

I heard a commotion in the background and a loud voice shouting,

“Boss, after that cat!”

I forced myself to move from the safety of the shrub that protected me from the rain and raced for the wall.

I felt Boss’s large paws coming after me, but rather slowly.

I guessed Boss was pretending to come after me but was actually running at a slower pace to give me a chance to escape.

Good old Boss!

Without thinking twice, I raced to the shrubbery by the wall and climbed it, forgetting the cold and my shivering body.

I raced back home.

Thursday Evening:

I was ever so happy to be back in our warm and cozy cottage.

I put down the document on our dining table where Mom would surely not miss seeing it.

I sat down panting.

I excitedly blabbed the story out to Cara who looked at me with awe.

“Inca, you are so brave,” she said.

“Cara, quick run and go fetch Monk,” I said. “I don’t wish to leave this paper alone for one minute.”

While waiting for Monk, I carefully opened the folded paper. Despite the dampness the writing was clear.

Here was the will, signed in the shaky but legible writing of old Mr. Finchley, gifting his house to Ned!!

It was countersigned with two other signatures and stamped.

I had done it!

I had achieved my dream of solving the case by myself.

I had become a detective par excellence!

“Well done!” said Monk as he padded in with Polo and Cara.

“The important thing is to tell Mom that she should protect this paper and call Ned pronto,” I said through chattering teeth.

Despite my shivers, I couldn’t help but be proud.

But I restrained myself from bragging.

In any case, my chattering teeth prevented me from doing so.

“I wish Solo was here,” said Monk.

He was silent for a minute and then said:

“Inca can you get Mom to call Inspector Reid? He will know what to do about this. Yes, he will be a match for the Stinky Porkster.”

Monk was correct.

No way did I want Mom to deal with someone like the Stinky Porkster alone.

“You are right, Monk,” I said.

“I will do so as soon as she comes in from the store with Fromage. In the meantime, Cara and I will guard the will and see that it doesn’t get in harm’s way.

“Without this precious paper, Ned would be on the streets and Boss would be left to live with the Stinky Porkster.

“We cannot allow that. Despite how Boss has behaved in the past, he was now our client, and we must do our best for him.”

“I think Boss has learnt his lesson,” said Polo.

“He feels sorry for his past behavior and has nothing but admiration for you. I know he will keep to his promise. I am sure he will no longer bother kitties. No fear of that. Boss has his faults, but he is a doggie who keeps to his word.”

“He was a great help in me getting away from the Stinky Porkster,” I said in agreement.

No sooner had I uttered these words that we saw a strange ugly face looking in through the window.

Narrow slits for eyes, short stubble on his head, with a really ugly mug! He was staring at us with a menacing sneer on his face.

“Who is that?” I yowled nearly falling off the table.

“It’s Rolf!” yapped Polo in excitement and fear as he recognized the nasty face peering at us.

The Stinky Porkster seemed to have sent Rolf after us instead of coming himself.

We looked at each other in alarm.

Where were our friendly humans when we needed them?

I began to have second thoughts about this whole adventure.

As much as I loved detective work, I didn’t wish any of my furry family or friends to get hurt.

Rolf looked like a NASTY piece of work.

“Quick, quick, let’s hide the will before he gets in,” yelled Monk.

We heard him at the door fiddling with the lock.

Luckily the door was locked!

“He will be able to open the door with a false key. I have seen this done many times before by Solo and Hobbs,” yowled Monk.

“Let’s move it.”


“I will take the will and go out through the window,” shouted Monk.

“Hold on Monk!” I yelled.

“He will only come after you. He looks like a tough and fit guy. I know what to do, trust me.

“You just try to distract him.”

While the door burst open, my friends charged at Rolf courageously, even my timid sis Cara.

I grabbed the will in my mouth and headed off to the attic, closely followed by Charlotte.

Charlotte had guessed what I had in mind.

We were heading to a place that Rolf would never be able to get to. Our playing field – the attic.

The attic was Charlotte’s home and the spot we played our favorite game - Gangsters Verses Cops.

Our home was a proper cottage. There was an attic just below the thatched roof.

This space was awkwardly shaped and a human would find it difficult to walk upright in it.

Mom had reserved the attic as a playpen for her four-footed furry family.

As we left, I saw Monk landing on Rolf’s shoulder digging his sharp claws into him.

No light weight was our pal Monk, I can assure you.

Rolf let out a shrill yell of surprise as Polo nipped his ankles with his sharp teeth and Cara hissed at him with all her might.

Looking at Rolf, I knew they couldn’t stop him. But it did give Charlotte and me time to run up to the attic.

Charlotte gave a frightened squeak when we saw Rolf’s angry face looming behind us with our team behind him.

Monk, noticing that I was a few feet from the landing to the attic, launched himself once again onto Rolf’s back.

Rolf lost his step and went crashing down the stairs with this sudden weight on him.

I saw Monk had landed safely on his feet, as we kitties always do.

He jumped on Rolf once again.

With another burst of energy, I raced into the attic with Charlotte scurrying behind me.

“Over here,” panted Charlotte and led me to a far corner where she had made a comfy nest.

She took the will in her teeny paws and pushed it deep inside.

Only she could enter this tiny space. Not even we could enter her private space as it was so small.

I was fairly sure that Rolf would not be able to get inside the attic.

Even if he crawled on his belly, he would not be able to reach into Charlotte’s nest.

“Stay hidden with the paper, Charlotte,” I said as we saw Rolf trying to squeeze himself into the attic.

I went forward, hissing angrily, though my heart was pounding with fear.

Rolf looked a nasty sullen character and I did not look forward to battling with him.

One thing though, he had a nasal voice which made his curses seem silly.

But his voice was the only thing silly about him.

In every other way, he was a huge, ugly, revolting man.

Rolf tried to crawl further into the room. His nasty, stinky breath made us want to puke.


Just then we heard the sound of Mom’s bicycle coming up the drive.

I sighed with relief.

For sure, Rolf did not want to get caught inside Mom’s house, uninvited.

Muttering a low curse in his silly voice, Rolf crawled back out and ran down the stairs.

He leaped out of the window as Mom’s key turned in the lock.

We collapsed in relief.

Rolf’s role in the mystery soon became evident. He was the Stinky Porkster’s henchman.

He had planned to get a big fat bribe once the house became the Stinky Porkster’s.

I recovered the paper from Charlotte and sped down the stairs.

Mom came in with Fromage. She wheeled her bicycle under the protection of the porch and Fromage jumped down from the basket that he rides in.

Monk and Polo left me to deal with Mom and quickly ran out through the back-door cat flap.

When Mom and Fromage came in, Cara and I were sitting solemnly in front of the paper on the dining table.

“Hello My little poppets! Why the long faces?” said Mom.

“Why aren’t you running to greet me?

“What’s going on?” added Mom when she noticed us crouching over the will.

Leaving Cara to explain to Fromage about what had happened, I jumped into Mom’s arms.

I put my forepaws on her shoulders and looked deep into her eyes.

I started passing my thoughts to her in deep waves, explaining the need to call Inspector Reid and hand over the will urgently to him to save Ned from losing his house.

My telepathic powers were as strong as ever.

Mom of course understood. She picked up the will and read it without saying a word.

“How you managed to get a hold of this will is a wonder. I need to call Inspector Reid right away” she said.

Mom knew Ned. They often met while jogging in the park. Ned had told her about him having to leave his home.

Mom lifted the phone and called Inspector Reid. She explained excitedly about what was going on. Inspector Reid promised to come immediately.

Between you and me, I believed Inspector Reid had a crush on Mom.

I’d noticed how he hung on every word she said and simpered like an idiot whenever she was around.

True to his word, Inspector Reid knocked on our door soon after.

He looked over our cozy sitting room. He eagerly accepted Mom’s offer of hot chocolate which he sipped while listening to Mom.

Inspector Reid, like his friend Solo, was tall and lanky but with sandy brown hair unlike Solo’s mop of black hair.

Monk claimed that Inspector Reid was a decent bloke even though he rarely smiled. However, Monk had to admit that after the Inspector met my family, particularly Mom, he was a changed person.

“You did very well calling me, Missy,” he said and blushed when Mom expressed her thanks for him coming so quickly.

He studied the will carefully.

“Somehow, I suspect your kitties had something to do with this will,” he said as he looked at the three of us.

We blinked at him, and then ignored him, each of us busy in our own way.

Fromage settled down before the fire.

Cara settled down on Mom’s lap, glowering at the good Inspector.

I settled behind Mom’s head, sniffing her fresh scented hair. She could then lean back and give me a quick stroke when she felt my breath on her neck.

Inspector Reid reluctantly got to his feet and held Mom’s hands while saying his goodbyes.

“Is he ever going to let go of her hands?” muttered Cara crossly.

Cara is possessive of Mom.

“Come on Cara,” I said. “He’s just being friendly. He’s is helping us after all.”

In response, Cara scowled some more at Inspector Reid.

The good inspector had no idea about Cara’s possessive jealousy. He promised Mom that he would deal with the will.

He had heard rumors of the Stinky Porkster asking Ned to leave his home. He assured Mom that he would make sure that Ned became the lawful owner of the house.

It would be the Stinky Porkster who would have to leave the house unless Ned agreed to let him stay on.

Inspector Reid couldn’t understand why the Stinky Porkster wanted Ned’s home when he already had an expensive apartment.

It was a well-known fact that the Stinky Porkster had inherited a great deal from his uncle, Mr. Finchley.

“Money is the root of all evil,” replied Mom.

“For some people, life revolves around money and greed overcomes good sense.

“I am so glad for Ned. It would have been a terrible blow to him to leave his home and Boss,” said Mom.

Mom loved to preach.

She was right of course. She knows her stuff, does our Mom.

I was thrilled with the outcome of the case and knew that Boss would be beside himself with joy, as would Ned.

We would get Boss’s reaction from Polo when they met in the park. Polo would explain in more detail how the team attacked Rolf and what Charlotte and I had done to save the will.

Everyone would know of the role I had played in getting back the will.

I was counting on this story spreading like wild-

fire amongst the animal kingdom.

I had done it! Yes, I had become a Detective Cat Par Excellence!

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