Chapter 19- Masks & Difficult Tasks
C h a p t e r 1 9
O l i v i a W a l k e r
"I’m just a girl in the city doing alright,
Then I turn into a monster overnight,
Now I don’t know how to turn myself right,
Oh the irony.”
I sang that parody of Sofia the First to myself coarsely. My eyes are firmly closed, as I take big deep breathes in and out.
It’s not your fault. She took her own life, I think to myself.
Florence Summers is in a happier place.
I cried bitterly. I knew this was a solid lie. It was the only comforting thing that reassured me, my only lifeline.
There was a timid knock on the door. Dad walked in.
“Hey Livvy.” He said cheerfully.
He spoke as if nothing was wrong, and he was utterly oblivious. I hated that about him-- always able to burn something to the ground, walk out unscathed, and rebuild somewhere else.
“Cut the crap. I hear you talking about shipping me to a counselor.” I spat at him.
He looked surprised, then his face turning cold.
“YOU’RE the reason why that Florence killed herself!” He yelled.
I sprang up, my hands curling into firm fists.
“NO! Don’t even start!” I yelled back, advancing on him.
“YOU’RE the one who left Mom and I alone, we barley had any money! Now that she died, I live in a family that hates me! I'M ALONE HERE!”
“Do you FREAKING EXPECT me to grow up and act like everything’s okay?” I shouted.
He didn’t even flinch, instead he was just staring at me with cold eyes.
“YOU DIDN’T CARE ABOUT US! You were all like '15 cents per week? They’ll survive!’ ” I screamed.
Range boiled up in me, my face red.
“And you still expect me to think of you as my dad.” I said.
“You’re not my Daddy.”
Rumor has it, Florence’s mom is trying to sue Brandon and I.
The school didn’t have as many students than it usual had- it was Florence’s funeral today. She was popular in her own weird way. Students avoided me like I had this rare sickness.
I felt different- no one would tag on with me. I kept on looking back, feeling like I took the wrong road, or misread the signs. I obviously did.
Someone tapped me on the back. It was Alec.
“Lets talk, somewhere private.” He said.
I nodded, and we ended up in the outside picnic tables.
“You ruined me.” He said getting right to the point.
" You made me go crazy.” He said.
Tears welled in my eyes.
“I can’t think straight, breathe right without thinking about her.” He said.
He closed his eyes. Honestly I was sad- I had damaged him beyond fixture.
“Look, I’m sorry.” I said.
I tried to hold his hand, but he pulled away, looking disguised.
“Sorry? That’s all you say?” He yelled.
“What else can I do?”
“Bring her back to life.”
I began crying harder. I should’ve understand when Alec rejected me; instead, I was being the stubborn, persistent child I always was. And I pulled it to the extreme.
Alec walked away.
On the look of his face, it seemed as if we shared no more than a polite conversation.
God, that boy has so many masks.
I wish I did, to hide my hurt.
No one would give me another chance. I rushed out to the school parking lot, and I prayed to God a bus would hit me right at this moment.
I took off my heels, and laid face-down on the parking lot. My body shook with tears, and I watched my whole fucked-up life play before my eyes.
"HIT ME! God, someone hit me please!" I pleaded to whoever was listening. I didn't deserve to be in this world.
A pair of strong arms lifted me, and I protested violently.
"Kill me, kill me already! I'm begging you!" I pleaded.
"You're going to be okay Olivia. I'm here for you." Caleb said.
He gingerly placed me in the front seat of his car and drove off.
“It’s okay honey, it’s normal to feel like this.” Granny Joe said.
Caleb had drove me over to Granny Joe's. I'm a little thankful he did- she calmed me down.
And she didn’t shriek back in disgust (like how most of the other old people did) when I came to over. Except she smiled. She forgives, and moves on.
“You and Florence are so alike.” She said.
“How? Florence never made... people die.” I admitted.
Granny Joe threw her head back and laughed, her pale blue eyes shining with tears. Caleb, who sat next to me, wrapped his arm around me warmly.
“It’s not that dear. It’s that you both wanted and needed someone to lean on.” She explained.
It was true; after mom died, Dad lost interest in my daily temper tantrums.
“I can’t handle her shit! Biggest mistake of my life.” I heard Dad yell to Emily one night.
The only person who really was interested with me was... Stacey. I remember she would ask to tutor me, and I would refuse. I was raised to hate to her.
Granny Joe who seemed to hear my thinking smiled at me.
“I think it’s about time to make up with your sister again.” She said.
I smiled. That would take a lot of courage.
Considering last time I tried to bring up a conversation with her, she slapped me and strangled me. I think it’s because when she didn’t answer back, I threw my heels at her...
I hope she forgives me. It’s gonna be a difficult task.