I Miss You (24/02/2016)
A daughter is a mother's gender partner, her closest ally in the family confederacy, an extension of her self. And mothers are their daughters' role model, their biological and emotional road map, the arbiter of all their relationships.
Do you know what this word mother means?
You might be knowing one of the many forms of the word like
Ma, Mamma, Mom, mummy, Madre, Amma,Mommy.
Who are you?
What's your identity?
This ego, This self respect,This self dignity you have upon yourself,who gave you this?
Who made you this beautiful?
Who gave you this life?
When you opened your eyes for the first time in this world, the thing that you might have first saw was the beautiful face and orbs of your mother.
When you were a baby, do you know who soothed you and calmed you to sleep when you cried at the top of your pitch using your little larynx?
A daughter and her mother are the best of friends in this world.
I am a fifteen year old teenager.
Feel and see my story from my eyes.
With a height of 5' slim figure and short hair, I'm a tomboy.With a serious problem with my anger and an arrogant attitude I live my life.
Fearing no one and being quiet is the way I am.
Still apart from this, You will be surprised to know that I am a trained classical Odissi Dancer.Only because of my mother.
Who forced me to learn dance and never allowed me to give up when I couldn't bear the pain on my limbs,
while I practiced the tough dance form.
I am also a girl who loves sports.Hence, I have joined a club along with my younger sister to play Lawn Tennis and dare I say I'm very good at it. My mother would take my sister and me on a bike every evening,miles away from our house so we could learn to play tennis.
My daily routine was to get up at five in the morning.Do my business in the bathroom and get for school coaching classes.Then at four in the evening I returned from school,within fifteen minutes I would refresh myself and get ready for my Tennis Class.
Only on Thursdays and Sundays I would go to my dance class to practice the form.
One day, "I can not go to any dance class.Do you understand? I feel pain. I am tired.I am a human.Do you think it's very easy for me to handle my school,dance classes and tennis classes everyday? I can't do this any more" with an adamant,arrogant and stern face I spitted it out from my mouth to my mother.
As usual she was calm and reserved.
"Get ready within fifteen minutes.You have your dance class" she said with her own stern voice and went inside the Kitchen.
"Did you not hear me? I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE" I shouted at the top of my lungs.
That day after a lengthy argument and a fight I finally went to my dance class but of course late.
I am a hot headed teenager after all and my Tomboy ways didn't help me when I argued with my mother and sometimes there was a situation when I threw things at her.
I will be truthful.
I didn't know any cooking and I would literally burn the Kitchen down if the responsibility of the kitchen was ever given to me.
I wouldn't be able to differentiate between salt and sugar until I get to taste it because my mother uses powdered sugar most of the time and never allowed me to help her in the kitchen.
According to her "You are my daughter and you are not meant for the kitchen.Study,be talented that's all I am asking of you.Cleaning the house,cooking are my responsibilities and you don't need to do this as long as I am alive".
My Dad and me sleep in our AC bedroom while my sister and my mother slept in the other non AC room because the doctor has strictly forbidden her to sleep in AC room because she was diagnosed with pneumonia.She started to sneeze and cough every day.I would see her taking loads of medicine everyday.
I get irritated when someone sneezed beside me.I started to object to the food that my mother made saying "Do you need to sneeze inside kitchen room.Take it away.I won't eat this at any cost.Please".
I never thought how she would have felt when I talked to her like this.
So disrespectful of me.
My mother and father didn't have any ties with their families because their's was a love marriage against their families's wishes.So for fifteen years of my life,I never got to know who is a grandmother and grandfather.
Who is a uncle and Aunt.
How it is to have cousins, brothers and sisters.
My sister,Daddy,Mommy,Nanny,me and my pet German Shepherd completed our family and I loved my life .We enjoyed each others company.
Bruno my pet dog was my life.
I loved him so much.
Once there was a misunderstanding between my mother and my father and they began to argue a lot.
At one point of time, their argument turned to a fight and they began to fight everyday .It was really disturbing for my sister and me to witness such actions everyday.
You won't believe this.
I wanted both of them to get a divorce.It was really very much disturbing to see my mother cough and try to stand her place while fighting.
One day,after a terrible fight my father left home at midnight in extreme cold weather.
Soon I found my mother coughing and trying to catch her breath,panting heavily.I panicked and I dialed my Dad's number to let him know about her condition but no use.He didn't take any of my calls.
Frustrated,I went out of my house to my neighbor for help.She was a friend of my mother.I told her about my mother and lied that my Dad was out of town.
She immediately helped us by calling a taxi. Me, although a fifteen year old girl, showed some courage and helped my mother to the taxi and locked my sister and nanny(who was a mentally disturbed person) alone at home and asked the driver to take us to hospital.
The doctors examined her and do you know what they did?
They asked me to bring a form from casualty at midnight.I obliged and went to the casualty to do as they asked.Tears rolled down my face as fear crept in.Finally I called my best friend who lived really close to the hospital for help. She ,her mother and her Aunt reached hospital within ten minutes.
They took care of my mother and did the formalities.Even argued with the Doctors for being so heartless allowing a fifteen year old girl to go alone to the casualty at midnight.
The ECG was done and we found her heart beat was irregular.She was immediately admitted and my tension aroused when everybody asked about my father.
Finally I messaged my father about her condition and after lots of arguments and negative replies he arrived in the hospital after three hours.
A daughter messaged her father "If anything happens to her remember this clearly , I am not going to allow you within a feet away from her.This is your doing after all.You will loose your wife and daughters forever .So just keep your personal matter aside and come here. IGH hospital".
She started getting admitted often and that too in the ICU, every time she felt unwell.
It was very difficult for us to wait for her outside the ICU room while watching other people dying every minute.
The little hope which we had began to fade seeing the family crying finding their lives one die in front of their eyes.
I just recovered from Chickenpox and found that my sister got infected too because of me.
The last day of examination went well and I came back finding my mother sitting on the lounge in our living room watching TV.
She has recovered much and she is back to cook delicious foods.She seemed much better and the atmosphere in our house was again calm and homely as it was a year ago.
"How was your exam?" She asked me while I was unbuttoning my uniform.
"Great! Hey I lets go for Jogging from tomorrow.What do you say? You will feel better.You haven't gone for a walk from a long time" I said cheerfully.
"Hmm.Sounds good.Okay we will go" she said smiling a bit.
I knew she never recovered fully.
My Mother was a strong and stubborn woman.She never showed weakness.She his her pain well.
I went to the other room and opened my Facebook and started chatting and posting pics of mine.
That was the time when I was new to Facebook.
The next day.
Let me tell you something.
My Mother never loved non veg. She eats whenever she wants but most of the time she was a vegetarian.
So we were surprised to hear that she wanted to eat fish today.
She asked my father to bring some fish and cook for her while she prepared the rice.
My father said "Okay.Um get ready.First we will go to the physician so that you could take your injection and then I will leave you at home and go to buy the fish".
They were getting ready when I found my net balance got over.
I asked my mother to recharge it and she said "You also come with us.While I take the injection you can go to recharge at the nearby stores".
"Okay" I beamed and got ready.
My sister was still suffering from Chickenpox. So she didn't join us.
We three went in our car and I recharged my phone while she took her injection.
"Wait! Let's go there.I want to buy some fruits for my daughters" she said when Dad was going to reverse the gear.
"Fruits? Seriously? Are you mad? Didn't doctor told you not to eat things which contains water?" My father argued.
"Ah! You worry too much.Fruits are for our daughters.Now hush and drive us there" my mother said leaving no room for a No.
I giggled and sat on the back seat hearing their conversation.
"Fine.But don't come running to me when you don't feel good" Daddy said irritated.
"Whatever" my mother said crossing her arms.
She bought some oranges,grapes and bananas for me and my sister after bargaining with the vendors for the fruits.
Dad left us back at home and went to buy fish on his bike.Mother prepared the rice and went to the bedroom turning on the TV watching it while sleeping in the bed.
I went to the other room,surfing through the net when my sister slept next to me still suffering from pox.
Dad arrived shortly and cooked the fish.My mother ate the fish and rice and both of them watched TV while we we were in the other room.
When father went to buy fish my mother ate some grapes sneakily and gave me a sheepish smile when I found her eating the grapes.
"Simi. Simi. Come here quick" I heard my father calling for me from his bedroom.
I ran to him and found my mother vomiting.
"What's wrong?" I asked worriedly.
"We have to take her to hospital okay.Get ready.I need your help" he ordered me.
I nodded and got ready and when I came back to the living room I found her all dressed and sitting on the sofa looking at me.
"Are you alright?" I asked panic setting in.
"Yeah I'm fine.I think we should go to the hospital.I am not feeling that well" she said her voice hoarse.
"Okay" I said and we began to leave when my thirteen year old sister shouted from her room " Mamma bring me a headache medicine when you return back.Okay".
"Okay sweetheart.Just rest. We will be back soon" Mommy cooed at her and we left for the hospital.
We went to my mother's Cardiac Doctor.
He was a Cardiac Doctor and he had his clinic in the 1st floor.
Means a heart patient or Cardiac patient has to climb those steps to reach his clinic.
My Mother seemed absolutely fine by now.I saw a man carrying an old woman down the steps so I joked "Come on Dad you also carry Mom like that".
"Are you mad? I can walk by myself. Thank you very much" my mother stammered a hint of red appearing in her face.
"Stubborn Woman" I heard my father whisper making me to chuckle while my mother sent a glare at his direction making him to cough.
He went ahead and I followed him taking the steps while my mother followed us.
Reaching the floor my father was going towards the receptionist when she shouted "Aye.. Somebody help her".
I looked back confused to find my mother on the ground.
Panicking I rushed to her aid,my father following me.
The nurse said that the Doctor is out of town and we need to admit her quickly to ICU.
Without wasting any minute,we took her to a new hospital nearby.She got admitted to ICU quickly and the Doctors asked us to transfer her to the Capital hospital which was 380 kms away.
My father said to first make her stable.How can we transfer her in such condition?
They said that they are calling a good doctor for her aid.
It was already Seven in the evening.
The "Good Doctor" arrived and who was he ?
My Mother's cardiac Doctor.He was surprised to see us there.Never in his life he would have thought that we would have admitted her to this hospital.
A nurse allowed me to go inside the ICU to see my mother.
I went inside to see my mother sleeping in an odd position.
I covered her with the sheet because the room was really cold because of A.C. She had goosebumps and I found her breathing heavily.
"Mommy!" I whispered to her making her to open her eyes slowly.
"Rub my hands please" she panted.
I began to rub her hands slowly when the IV machine started to beep furiously.The nurse started to run towards us and called the Doctor.
"Mommy? Mommy!" I shouted shaking her.
I witnessed as the machine beeped loudly and her heart rate began to decrease very quickly.
When the Doctors arrived,I was pushed out of the room.
"What happened ?" My father asked me worriedly.
I don't know why but I began to laugh and walk out of the hospital,tears streaming down my face.
Deep down I knew what was going on.
I was turned around by my Dad and I heard him shouting shaking me "where are you going? What happened?".
When I didn't reply anything he held my hand dragged me back.
We saw Doctors and nurses running in and out of the room.
My father began to cry after talking to a doctor.And it was the first time in my life I saw him crying this terribly.
Right at eight in the evening we heard the Doctor say
"She is no more".
This is my real life story and I wanted to share it their is an other chapter too.
Today is the day I lost my mom from my life.