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Unicorniolio, the Amazing Flying Unicorn

By Peter J. Hill All Rights Reserved ©

Children / Humor

Chapter 8

At the edge of the forest Pan, Prince Paul and Unicorniolio stood looking across the Corny Poop Swamp. It bubbled and burped, and smelled disgustingly awful! There was a greenish-yellow steam rising from the surface. It was hot and stinky and filled with a slimy green, brown and black poop that had nuts, corn and lettuce floating in it. Unicorniolio looked at the Prince and could barely keep his eyes open from the awful stench. “It’s best to just breathe through your mouth. Smelling it will make you throw up,” said Prince Paul. All at once they heard Pan burp and say, “Too late!” Pan leaned over a log and projectile vomited all of his beastaroni, chunks flying everywhere as if shot from a cannon!

The Prince looked at Pan to see if he was all right. Pan picked his sweaty head up from the log, his face as white as Unicorniolio, and smiled. He still had a thick strand of gooey vomit hanging from his chin and attached to his shirt. “It’s okay, I’m good. Sorry guys. Just needed to get past that. We’re good. Let’s go get the Princess.”

“You still have a little something on your chin.” Said Unicorniolio helpfully. Pan looked happy and said, “Oh, good! At least I didn’t lose all of it!” He grabbed the thick strand of vomit like bubble gum all stretched out and chewed it back into his mouth, swallowed it and then burped and farted at the same time. Impressed, Unicorniolio laughed and so did Pan. “That was so disgusting!” Said Unicorniolio. Pan smiled and said, “I know, I know. It’s a gift.”

The Prince looked at the two and said, “Hey, are you two finished? Come on, let’s go!” There were briar patches of thorns and old boats that lay stuck in the swamp and covered in poop with shards of nuts and corn stuck in the sides. These were clearly failed rescue attempts from years past. Across the swamp and up the snow filled mountain range was the Queen’s castle. The top of the castle rose above the clouds and from far away, they could see a small window at the highest part of the castle. “There!” the Prince pointed to the window, “that is where the Princess is held.”

“How are we supposed to get across this swamp? And even if we can, how are we to rescue the Princess way up there and get past the crazy, flying naked butt monkeys?” asked Unicorniolio.

Prince Paul smiled and reached into his satchel and pulled out a small black felt pouch. He loosened the drawstring and pulled out a beautiful gold ring with a unicorn head designed into the band. The ring pattern with its beautiful twists and turns looked like Unicorniolio’s horn. He took out the ring and realized it was too large for the Prince’s fingers. In fact, it was too large for anyone’s fingers. He held up the ring in front of Unicorniolio’s head, “Do you believe Unicorniolio? Do you truly believe?” Unicorniolio looked at the Prince, closed his eyes tightly and the ring started to glow! Prince Paul recited these words:

Unicorn, oh, Unicorn

Today the day has come

Unicorn, oh, Unicorn, you are the chosen one

Please find my Princess and wear this ring,

Let the magic enter you and fly, oh, Unicorn fly!

The Prince slid the ring down the horn of Unicorniolio. The winds picked up and Unicorniolio started to feel something take over his body. Bright white light shot out of his wing tips, he felt lighter, more nimble and incredibly strong. He was no longer afraid to rescue the Princess and magically, a beautiful saddle appeared on his back that fit perfectly around his large wings. It had beautiful gems in the saddle with a handle and stirrups. Unicorniolio stretched out his wings! Pan cheered! Prince Paul shouted, “It worked! It really worked!”

Now the rumbling in Unicorniolio’s stomach made sense. He smiled and looked at the Prince and Pan. With a powerful, bellowing, triumphant fart like none ever heard before and which echoed across the Corny Poop Swamp, and up the snow-capped mountains, all the way to the Queen’s castle and past the crazy, naked butt monkeys, right into the Queen’s own personal chambers he said, “I am the chosen one! I am Unicorniolioooo!!”

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