Unicorniolio, the Amazing Flying Unicorn

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Chapter 9

It all made sense now. The Beastaroni, the gold ring. This was a magical combination indeed. Unicorniolio knelt before Prince Paul and the prince quickly climbed onto Unicorniolio. He turned around and looked at Pan. Pan was so excited and happy for the Prince! The Prince looked at Unicorniolio and they both smiled and looked at Pan. “There’s still room for more up here!” shouted Prince Paul. With an eager toot and a smile, Pan jumped onto Unicorniolio’s back and held onto the back of the Prince.

“Are you ready?” shouted Unicorniolio. “Ready!” shouted Prince Paul and Pan. Unicorniolio ran, farted mightily and jumped into the air. This was just like when he jumped over the fence, but this time, his wings spread and flapped, his gas blast propelling him, he quickly climbed up into the great wide open. He was flying! For the first time, he was flying and for the first time in many, many years the skies had seen a flying unicorn. They flew high and fast across the Corny Poop Swamp and up to Princess Penelope’s window.

Princess Penelope had heard the shouts and blasts of farts of Unicorniolio and was waiting by the window. When Unicorniolio flew to the window, Pan reached into his belt and took out his magic rope. He stretched it out and Prince Paul jumped off the saddle, sliding down Pan’s rope to get inside the castle window. He reached out to Princess Penelope to take her hand. “My name is Prince Paul and I’m here with the unicorn! I’m here to rescue you!”

Just then the door flew open. It was the evil Queen! “Stop right there! Nobody takes the girl until I have my unicorn ring!” She looked at Unicorniolio and said, “You! You think you can take what’s not yours? You think you can just fly up here, cut some cheese and leave with the Princess? We’ll see about that! Guards! Seize them! Get the girl and get that ring! I don’t care if you have to rip the horn off his head! I want that ring!”

The crazy, flying naked butt monkeys ran into the room. They had black, feathered wings and furry black and brown spotted bodies and wore red vests. Their yellow teeth were sharp and pointy and they had long green jagged claws. The monkeys’ eyes glowed red and sort of rolled around in their heads. And though they growled and shrieked all sorts of frightful noises, they didn’t look very smart. Pan quickly reached into his leather case and pulled out a small black ball with a wick. He quickly lit the wick from his pipe and threw the black ball into the window. KABOOM! A large orange smoke cloud came billowing out of the window. It stunk of steamed broccoli and rotten eggs! Unicorniolio looked and saw all of the monkeys lying on the floor. Naked monkey bottoms galore!

Crazed with anger, the Queen screamed, “GET THEM! GET UP YOU FOOLS DON’T LET THEM GET AWAY!” The Princess took Prince Paul’s hand as he yelled to her, “Hurry, run!” They jumped out of the window and onto Unicorniolio’s back. “It’s been fun, but we really must be leaving!” Pan laughed as he left a trail of farts and various odd noises.

Unicorniolio flew away, but following closely behind them were several of the crazy, flying naked butt monkeys. Just then something flew past Unicorniolio’s head. “Duck!” the Prince shouted. “Dive!” Pan yelled. Unicorniolio turned around to see that the crazy, flying naked butt monkeys were throwing POOP at them! “Gross!” thought Unicorniolio as the brown, smelly chunks came hurdling through the air at them. The Princess leaned into Unicorniolio’s ear and said, “you heard my wind song, and you heard my calls for help! Thank you! Now, you know what to do.”

Pan and Prince Paul didn’t understand what the Princess was saying in Unicorniolio’s ear. Suddenly, the saddle started to shutter and Unicorniolio’s stomach made a strange percolating noise. Gurgle. Thump. Pan and Prince Paul looked at each other with a look that said “Uh, oh.” Unicorniolio’s wings flapped and the saddle continued to shutter. “Hold on everybody!” shouted Unicorniolio, and just as the crazy, flying naked butt monkeys were about to snatch them from Unicorniolio’s back, Unicorniolio unleashed the biggest Beastaroni fart in all the land! Possibly in all of history! The monkeys became so disoriented by Unicorniolio’s gas explosion that they began to fly into one another. Some started to gag and cough, others could no longer fly straight.

“Hit ’em again!” shouted the Prince! Unicorniolio farted thunderously once more, this time making the monkeys fall and crash into the Corny Poop Swamp. The monkeys were shouting up at the unicorn who farted in their faces, trying to throw poop, but Unicorniolio was flying too high. They were out of range. Then with a few whiffs of the poop swamp steam, the crazy, flying naked butt monkeys started throwing up on each other. They were covered in corn kernels, peanuts, lettuce and poop. Unicorniolio and the others cheered!

“Let’s go home Unicorniolio!” said the Prince. For today, they were victorious. Somehow they knew that they hadn’t seen the last of the evil Queen. But on this happiest of days, the Prince and Princess would be married.

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