“And you’re sure she isn’t a disgruntled past conquest?”
“Nah, I’d never seen her before. And what do you mean ‘disgruntled past conquest’? I always leave my women satisfied and on good terms!”
“Ya, Amy and Melissa were very ‘satisfied’ when they discovered you’d been sleeping with both of them at the same time. And, I’m pretty sure them smiling after kicking you in the crotch does not qualify for the “on-good-terms” category.”
“Hey, they each knew I was seeing other people. What they didn’t appreciate was the fact that I’d made plans with both of them for the same night. I heard they’re best friends now so really they should be thanking me for the introduction.”
“I’m sure that they would have preferred to have both been fully dressed for their first meeting. And they probably could have done without you saying, ‘Just gimme five minutes, Amy, and I’ll be right with ya. Help yourself to anything from the kitchen’.”
Damon paused and, looking genuinely concerned, said, “But seriously, I’d never seen this girl before and she looked horrified to see me. What could make her so terrified to run into me?”
Terrence shook his head, replying, “No idea. Hey, I gotta run. I need to grab a sandwich before physics starts.”
“Catch ya later.”
Damon glanced at his watch and realised he’d needed to get moving too. Intro to American Literature was starting in five minutes and it was on the other side of campus. He’d heard that Professor Linden was a grumpy old woman who threw students out for being a minute late. He sprinted into the room with thirty seconds to spare and as Professor Linden introduced herself he turned to his neighbour. He was about to ask if Professor Linden reminded her of Herbert from Family Guy as well. The question died on his lips, however, as he came face-to-face with the girl with the pointy toed shoes. She clearly hadn’t calmed down and looked even less pleased to see him sitting next to her than she was at finding him in the courtyard. He got up with the intention of changing seats, accidentally dropping his cellphone on to the tiled floor. He bent over to pick it up, buttocks in the air facing Prof. Linden. Unfortunately, she chose that moment to turn in his direction and ask in a crisp British accent (Why were the sharp-tongued professors always British? Insults and scoldings sounded that much worse when they were said with a British accent. ),”Have my five minutes of lecture time proved dissatisfying for you, young man? I had hoped that young university lads would be able to find more intelligent ways of voicing their displeasure than- what do you call it- ‘mooning’ me.”
Still bent over, head tucked between his knees, Damon responded,” I thought the view might be better from here. I was wrong.”
As the class giggled, he returned to his seat and spent the remainder of the hour trying not to meet Prof. Linden’s gaze and ignoring the pointed glare of the angry Lilliputian next to him. He was the first person out the door when class finally ended and he didn’t look back until he was safely in his dorm.
Great. Usually when I’m trying my damndest to avoid two women, I actually did something to earn their hatred. But I didn’t even accidentally walk in on these two naked like I did Aunt Ida! Crap! Now I have the mental image of Professor Linden naked stuck in my head. What time does the campus pub open?!
Damon grabbed his wallet and headed out the door. He loved his schedule this semester. He only had one class a day on Monday and Thursday; two classes on Wednesday and Friday; and no class on Tuesday. Mondays and Wednesdays were ruined for him now of course (Linden’s class ran twice a week), but at least he had Tuesday to look forward to.
He loved the campus pub. As a resident student, he got to move in a week before school started and he had already decided that it was his favourite spot on campus, second only to the shady tree behind the dorm. The tree was near a little pond with a weird one-eyed frog that he had named ‘Bob’ one night when he was drunk.
The pub wasn’t large but he preferred the cozy feel and the dim lighting. He was in the spotlight a lot because he was a competitive swimmer but he really hated all the attention. His favourite part of the pub was this big armchair sunk into a little recess in the wall where he could sit and people watch without being watched in return. He was already good friends with the bar manager- Maxine. She was in her mid-forties but you couldn’t tell that by looking at her. It was easy to underestimate her fun personality and easy going nature but, as many an overly drunk or under-aged college student discovered each year, she was no pushover. Damon had seen her personally toss a few out or break up fights between considerably larger guys than herself. He had long decided to stay on her good side while he attended St. Aloysius.
He waved to Maxine as he walked in. She was training some new hires and paused to wave back. Brandy was tending bar today. She was pretty but had a beefy, football-playing boyfriend, for whom his slender swimmer’s build was no match, so he generally avoided flirting with her. After getting his Corona and a serving of sweet potato fries, he made his way to his favourite spot and was relieved to find it free of short chicks and old female professors. The way today was going he half expected to have one or both sitting there ready to throw a cup of hot coffee in his face just for fun. He sank into his chair with his snack and a copy of ‘Huckleberry Finn’ that he’d brought along in case people-watching got boring. He’d read the novel before and he didn’t particularly like it but Linden was giving a quiz next week on the first half of the book so he needed to brush up.
Half an hour later, the pointy toed Fury walked in. Luckily, she didn’t see him as she made her way first to the bar, then to a seat diagonally opposite his little hidey-hole. She appeared calmer as she pulled out her own copy of ‘Huck Finn’ and munched on her plate of loaded nachos. He was kind of surprised to see her tuck into her food like that. She was so tiny he couldn’t imagine where it all went. He was also amazed at how quickly she appeared to read. She would probably be done the book that evening. He watched as a guy approached the table with two drinks in hand- a beer and a pink drink with an umbrella. Her would-be suitor walked away ten seconds later, still clutching them both. Damon could tell she had only said one word when the poor guy walked up to the table, without even looking up from her book- ‘No’. Damon felt better. Maybe she hates all men. At least, he escaped without bruised shins. As he thought about possible scenarios to explain his bruises to his teammates without getting ribbed for a month, she packed up her stuff and left the pub. He glanced at his watch and decided to get another serving of sweet potato fries before heading over to Terry’s dorm to play some video games and flirt with the cute girls across the hall.
“So the Napoleon in heels was not only at the pub just now but is in my American Lit class.”
“Hahahahaha! Linden and her? Gonna drop it?”
“Nah, I need the credit but why did it have to be a full credit? An entire year of both of them? Karma must really be pissed about the Amy/Melissa thing!”
“Yes! Fatality!” Terrence shouted as Liu Kang’s body was decapitated.
“Whatever, dude! You know I’d kick your ass in GoldenEye, that’s why you picked this.”
“Matches my sore shins.”
“Would you shut up about your shins already? Man up!”
“Let’s have Cindy and Robin come over and kick you in the shins while wearing pointy-toed stilettos and see how you feel!”
“Whatever. Want another beer?”
“Nah, I’m good thanks.”
Terrence settled back on the couch next to him and picked up his controller. As they selected new players for round two he asked, “So did you talk to her about what happened this morning?”
“Well, between trying to avoid pissing Old Man Linden off any more than I had already and making sure that I had a clear escape route should Tisiphone decide to stab me with the pencil she kept twirling angrily, there wasn’t enough brain left over for attempting to have an intelligent conversation.”
“Is your brain ever capable of making intelligent conversation?”
“You know there’s no Raiden to defend you in real life, right?”