Chapter Sixteen, dark beginnings
Do not turn to mediums or seek out spiritists, for you will be defiled by them. I am the Lord your God. Leviticus 19:31
Pauline considered what she had experienced in the past. Her psychic interest had started very early in life. She remembered as a small oh, maybe three or four year old girl, buying a pendulum at a gift store in Canada. She was fascinated that it seemed to swing different directions based on the answer to her question. One question she asked it was, “Am I wearing a red sweater?” The pendulum gave the yes response. Even at that young age she thought to herself that she might be influencing it because she knew the correct answer. After that there was the Ouija board her brothers had obtained somewhere and she played with it with her friend, but there was a scary episode and she quit using it. During this episode the candle had suddenly gone out and a piece of a stuffed animal that had been across the room somehow transmigrated into the candle jar. This was just beyond comprehension for Pauline and her friend who were, as it happened, quite literally playing with fire.
Her interest then waned for a bit but when she went to college she found a witchcraft book in a little store downtown. It was probably not even a serious witchcraft book, but it did have enough information to be dangerous. Then after she got to college there was the yoga book that she found in the college bookstore. She enjoyed doing the exercises and hoped that it would keep her healthy for the rest of her life. She did not have a lot of health issues at that point but she was depressed and had bad acne. A doctor had told her to drink fruit juice for her acne. He happened to be a Chinese doctor, and so this began her interest in alternative and natural medicine. People may know that natural medicine is somewhat tied to witchcraft because of the herbs involved. It may be the witchcraft or it may be the actual medicinal physical properties of the herb, but either way some people who are afraid of witchcraft are afraid of herbal medicine.
Pauline realized now of course that evil demonic forces had been bringing spiritual practices back into her life over and over for her whole life. After college there was a short marriage to a man who read tarot cards and was taking channeling lessons from a so-called professional psychic. Pauline actually sat and watched one time when he was practicing and did not see anything unusual but could sense a spiritual presence in the room that was not entirely friendly. This same man enjoyed browsing at New Age bookstores, reading tarot cards, collecting crystals which were supposedly imbued with psychic properties, making vision boards, making a wish box, practicing astral projection, and lucid vivid dreaming. Pauline was trying to get a closer relationship with her husband so she participated in many of these practices but she drew the line at the channeling. Her husband had said that he could feel someone pushing him to the back of his body while it pushed itself to the front, thereby taking over his body. She often wondered if he really experienced these things, in which case he was truly lost and in danger, or whether he was merely trying to.
Most people would not tolerate these presences in their lives, although some do when they visit psychic mediums. Whatever it was that caused her to allow these presences, it was a huge mistake. She suspected a lack of self-esteem as well as a dysfunctional childhood. A lifelong depression could have stemmed from the same causes or could have been brought by the evil demonic presence. There was a time in her life when she felt as though the future was so dark and even her current situation was so dark she could not bear to go on. She found herself becoming a hermit, hiding from others either literally or by her sheer absence or lack of commitment. Even as a child she loved to spend time alone in the dark lush forest or in her room or anywhere alone. On childhood camping trips she would explore the dark lush forest by herself, climb beech and pine trees, take hikes, and build tiny villages. Now they would call those fairy gardens. She told her husband, Tyler, about them, and he just thought it was adorable but could not picture it or understand it. Maybe she would build a fairy garden in their new landscaping, with little hidden alcoves, houses, and furniture.
She prayed often during this week before the next support and mentoring group meeting. She asked Father God to heal her and deliver her from any past evil demonic influences, and to heal her self esteem so that she felt ready to help others. She was delighted to be growing and would go anywhere Father God would send her, say anything he wanted her to say, do anything he wanted her to do. For a long time she had not understood what Father God’s purpose was to be for her, flawed as she was in her own opinion, but he seemed to have been speaking to her more and more as she delved into the Word.
And she prayed Father God was leading her to develop a list of tasks that people could check off with which they could protect themselves. They could anoint their house. They could pray for their children and spouses. They could pray for every struggle they had in life even as small as losing weight or how to decorate a room or please their spouse. She knew that it was important to protect oneself from spiritual attack, either from other people who are not pleased about the support and mentoring group or from the evil demons themselves who did not want to lose their prospects. Surrounding oneself with other Christians was one of the main ways to succeed. This may be the reason she felt the need to isolate herself somewhat; this could have been a spiritual attack. Taking the time to hear what Father God was saying to you was very important. She knew that she needed to be less busy and take more peace and quiet time with Father God. This would enable her to listen for gentle directive nudges. She herself enjoyed sitting by a pond during her lunch time and watching the birds. Currently it was goose migration time. The Canadian Geese would migrate through Canada and Michigan to regions farther south. She was not sure how far they traveled but they always stopped at this particular park and probably realistically at any medium sized body of water. Peace and quiet time lent itself to reflective writing, thinking, praying, and rest. She had once been a member of a church that emphasized Sabbath rest and she could never completely rest on the Sabbath but she did try. It was during those quiet times that she came up with some of her best writing ideas.