The beginning of the end
Everyone wants a happy story, everyone just expects to love and be loved, but that’s a bunch of crap. The truth is- no one loves you until it’s too late. They just wait and wait until time is up and to be honest it sucks. It sucks when it’s too late and things can’t go back; because this is reality. My wrist are cut, blood leaking from my veins like a faucet. No one’s coming and I know this. Tears trailing down my pale, lifeless face as I lay on the white tile floor of the bathroom... just waiting. The funny thing is that everyone always waits too long and I couldn’t wait any longer. So I grabbed the metal blade and I trailed it up my wrist. I was done giving time a chance. I sit against the white bath tub, looking at the door- wondering, hoping I guess for someone to burst through the wooden door like a movie. But that’s the thing, that stuff only happens in the movies. The reality is; no one will ever come for you and I hate it. I start to choke up as I wait, I look down at the bloody floor, everything is sticky and red. I decide I change my mind, I realize I never wrote a letter. Panic sets in, there’s always meant to be a letter. A goodbye- but maybe that’s only in the films too. I stand, my legs wobbly. Everything in pain. I decide I regret my decision of slicing into my flesh, I make it to the door. I clasp the handle and then I stop- breaking down, the sobs come out in mangled cries. Everything is absolutely numb and I can’t take this back. I let out a broken sob once more and I clasp the door again. No one’s home, I’m alone- alone like always, I trail my body across the hall, blood staining the brown wooden floor. I crawl into my bedroom the door a few feet away from the bathroom and I crawl to my bed where the phone is. I know I’m bleeding out- I only have one chance. One last goodbye. I have no time- no time at all. I go through my contacts, who should my final goodbye be to? my mom, dad, friend? I can barely hold my phone. Numbness in my hand, I hit a number, a random number. It rings and rings. No answer. I slide my hand once again, random number. Rings and rings, when you start to fade, your vision goes first then your hearing. I could barely see. Or maybe that was just because of my tears.
“Hello?” I hear his voice, he’s laughing. Noise in the background.
“I’m dying,” I whisper in a crooked tone.
“Sam?” I hear his voice ask, I smile. Thank the world one thing happens like the movies.
“I’m bleeding out Dylan,” I mumble, my voice barely audible.
“Sam, what the hell you talking about? you drunk?” he asks and I realize he doesn’t believe me. I lied, no one believes you like in the movies- they just let you die!
“I don’t... I love you,” I cry. I'm trying to find words for my final goodbye.
“Call me in the morning Sam,” then he hangs up. The sound of the phone hanging up makes me sick to my stomach and my head starts to spin. A ringing blasted in my ears. I set my phone down, realizing he’ll never get that call. I drop my phone, blood trailing down my wrist and I let out an agonizing cry. I can’t hold my phone, I look up at the ceiling; my heart slowing down, it starts to hurt. Death hurts a lot- more than you’d expect and then it starts to become scary. It’s not sudden, it’s slow. It’s like your blood freezes. It’s like you become winter, it’s like all the seasons changing all at once. It’s terrifying. I’m scared for what’s going to happen next, I wait and wait in my bedroom. The thing is, I never wanted to die- I just wanted someone to understand I was in so much goddamn pain. But as I said in the first paragraph, no one ever cares enough to make the agonizing feeling of adolescence stop. No one wants to get involved because everyone’s in their own little bubbles. Everyone only cares about themselves and no one cares about the other people around them. So this is why I’m here, bleeding on the floor. To tell my story- to explain how the fuck this happened. This is the beginning of the end, this is my truth; possibly falsified, but my reality.