Over the course of the year Brandon and I grew closer. What kept bothering me was, that at his house we were like best friends, but as soon as I set foot in the school grounds he barely looked my way. I tried to ignore it and do my own thing. Some of the guys at school started asking me out on dates, and I didn’t see the harm in getting out now and again, so I would say yes.
That earned me a death stare or two from Kimberly and Brandon. I avoided Danny as much as I could, but he was one of the guys that kept asking me out and I kept turning him down. I started going to Brandon’s rugby matches. I really enjoyed watching the game, but even more watching him in his element.
I am ashamed to admit I had fallen off the wagon and moved past having a silly little crush on him. I was falling for him and I was falling hard. And yes, I did go on dates with those boys hoping to make him jealous, but it fell on blind eyes.
Simplyby sitting on the stands and watching him play you could see the passion he had for the game. It was amazing to witness. Then at his house when we talked, and he spoke about rugby, his love for the sport and what it meant to him, words just overflowed from him.
After nearly half the year still no one knew who I really was. I didn’t hide it; I just think the kids didn’t care. I didn’t tell Brandon not to say anything to the other kids, but it seemed like he wanted to keep it to himself, so I let him. It made no difference to me.
This all changed one Saturday afternoon as I sat on the pavilion watching Brandon’s game. Before I knew it, Danny was sitting next to me with Danny Jnr. on his lap, trying to strike up a conversation with me by using Danny Jnr. as the middleman.
Not wanting to be rude, I smiled back and continued the conversation.
“Hey little man. Can you please tell your daddy to stop bothering me? Even though you are extremely cute, I am still going to say no when he asks me out.”
Danny, taking everything in his stride, faked a hurt look on his face and spoke to Danny Jnr.
“Danny, tell the nice lady to stop hurting daddy’s feelings. All he wants to do is take her out to dinner one night this week and then he will leave her alone.”
The little guy found the two of us very amusing as he broke into a very cute, toothless grin, looking between both of us. Smiling at both of them, I just shook my head.
“Give it up, Danny. Between Kimberly and Brandon, one of them will have my head on a stick and I am not in the mood for that. The answer is still no, so stop trying to use your cute kid to change my mind. I am not going out to dinner with you. End of story.”
“Ah, come on Sam. It’s just one night and who cares about Kimberly and Brandon? Kimberly and I are not together anymore. Actually, we never were. That was just a onetime thing and what does it matter what Brandon thinks? It’s not like the two of you are dating.”
“No Danny, Brandon and I aren’t together but we are friends, and you two used to be best friends until you couldn’t keep it in your pants anymore. The proof of that is sitting on your lap right now, drooling. When I left three years ago, Kimberly and Brandon was the world’s happiest couple. They made my life hell but they were happy. And then, just one night and no morals between you and Kimberly broke Brandon in two.
“He didn’t just lose his girlfriend, he also lost his best friend. The one guy who was supposed to be on his side all the time betrayed him. Brandon and I maynot be dating but he is my friend, and I know it will upset him if I go out with you, so I’m not going to. Not just because of him, but because of me, too. You have a cute kid but I think you are an idiot and for that I don’t want to spend even one night in your company. This exchange alone is irritating me. So, goodbye Danny, and stop bothering me.”
With that I got up, ready to move to a different spot so I could finish watching the game in peace. Something I said, though, must have sparked Danny’s memory because he jumped up at that moment and very loudly declared my old nickname for everyone to hear.
“Pimple Face!” he exclaimed. “Oh my word. It is you. You actually came back after your freaky parents went all crazy and killed each other. I thought you killed yourself too!”
Taking a deep breath I looked around me. We had everybody’s attention at that moment. Shaking my head, I turned back to Danny.“Yes Danny, it is me. I moved back to South Africa; I was living with my aunt in Ireland forthe last three years. Sorry to disappoint you but I’m alive and well. Now if you will excuse me I would really like to finish watching the game.”
Turning on my heel I could hear the whispers as I moved away from everybody. Seems like the cat was finally out of the bag. I gave it until Monday, latest, for the new rumours to start.
My therapy was going really well but Dr. Trammel still didn’t feel I was ready to be taken off my meds. I was starting to self-medicate, and on the days I felt good and well I skipped my dose. If I had a bad day and really couldn’t handle it I would then take my medication, but, for the most part, the little bottles of pills sat on my kitchen counter unopened. In the beginning I had sometimes skipped a day or two, but these days I didn’t even think about it anymore.
The rumours about my return had started up and Kimberly was spitting fire that she hadn’t figured it out sooner. She was angry about me just being me, and the fact that I was back at school, and that Brandon was giving me the time of day even if it was only twice a week for his tutoring lesson.
A couple of times someone tossed a comment my way trying to hurt me, and he would come to my rescue again. But for the most part he stayed on his side of school and I on mine and we only mixed when I saw him at his house.
With me self-medicating, everything started changing again. Little by little the new and improved Sam was disappearing and the old Sam was showing her face more and more with each passing day. Before I knew it I had slipped back into my own personal hell. My only piece of heaven now was my tutoring sessions with Brandon.