When in England they say do what the English do and wherever you go do as they all do. Why because you do not want to stand out because if you stand out that makes you odd. Now that in England most of parliament have to be protected against the advances of their own kind and they no longer feel safe but fear we wonder what berk is running the country?
When one has to pay the price to the ferryman after a long ordeal of life what is the price for the ferryman because no one tells one what that price will be. It is not half a crown it is not that.
You must talk to us said the ladies back in the old days and make us feel we have done something worthy. The man is dying they come with a basket of food and the man is waiting to have his last supper the ladies are still talking. Two hours later the man has died and the ladies are still there talking and they have another hamper going to the next household which needs their attentions.
These are the gently born women who do not have it in them to be unkind.
Their gentle manners are sure fine.
Today we have these ladies as our aristocrats who rule and are the new governing bodies. That they are socially harassed and all manner of ill things happen to them one can hear over the media.
The thing is when they are talking the men are gently leading them to the bedroom and they go instead of thinking and misread the situation. I meant not to be here where in the world is this? What is this and why I’m I here and why lead me here when I was speaking about a part which is me playing in?
There is not much to interfere with their dogma of patriotism and despotic good will and their ego is superb and superior to mine. I am so egotistical they say because I try to mix and meddle into literature and all art and they mean not to have me near them.
So I have become a basket case.
Then one goes to the charities to make ends meet and they are there as well.
The rulers who make the charities go cringe and the demoniac plague can take them without them realising because they are still speaking. For they are in charge of funds and funding is far more the most important thing because without funds there are no buildings.
So as they talk and seek and the advances of no one and they are misled by all their situations which is far superior to anybody’s because they are the females who attire in their slim skirts showing their bounties but try not to say slam dog and they say to them who they do not condescend to making advances and even when one knows that they are doing it on purpose because they like to do it on purpose read situations and take the others in because who is they? The person most familiar is our dear Jane.
Now dear Jane is a consummate actress in crying wolf when she is a wolf herself.
Who is she ? Well we do not want to be sued now do we?
It is most obvious we do not want to be sued because if we were sued we would be undone to our last leggings and there is too much of me in the leggings before I leg it to a country without the lasting things in this country.
You see astute as I am in this country I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be elsewhere with proper creditability and myself included not at all. You see they say they swear they want me no matter what as me a artist of temperament and lack of refinement they say these handlers of dogs and all that they want me included in the package deal.
Art and the artist included.
Without the art the artist is okay but with the artist included the art can sell.
Now you might wonder how conceptual art is okay but words are fine these days so I think it is okay to write fine mean art stuff about the aristocratic intentions towards the artist. How can a woman escape to the Bahamas on a short income when everyone is chasing her chastity belt?
I mean no harm to the aristocratic nation of this doomed artistic world which sees no merit in the art but everything in the intents and purposes of the artist because talking to a artist is best and the art does not merit the attention even the intent of the artist not unless it is by Picasso then the world is okay again because it is. He did it his way I must do it mine.
Living artist have always been a problem we must have them all underground then we can speak what we think when the artist is alive they are a living orgasm and they create a volcanic eruptions which destroys our stability because the artist is a person who is also a uneven spoiler of things which says much to the world of our the smooth’s and all that. We dislike it rough we must have it all smooth that is why we do not only dislike artist but somehow we must make the world into this large photo-shop of artistic enterprises.
Of course sometimes they realise that their talking is bad for example take me I cannot go out without being attacked I do not know the reason but some authority thinks I should go out because it is good to see this and the other.
When one’s life is like a botched up operation done by some sorry surgeon, or a toddler given too much power then what does it make one but a failure?
The pettiness of having nothing to eat what can one eat the house the walls the things in there? The price of having nothing in there to talk to but the damned the criminally insane which is what I had and the make believe world of the damned.
She thought I was of no use to her brilliant ideas in my head nothing but this smugness and make believe of good behaviour. In fact that I was too good to be true and I was lying and being a virgin and should be nowhere.
In fact I was nowhere because I had not been around and what was the use of being female when one did not do anything what use the suffragettes suffering when they suffered in vain and for what? When in fact, I was being myself. What use when man had everything they needed a good house keeper and all that what mattered was to have fun girl. I was good I was too young to be bad.
You see said the teacher what use being a writer when one does not party? He was genuinely concerned about that? Of course the first thing a woman writer does is to circle the established writers. Whether men or women it did not matter without circles and all that it did not mean you were a writer. Look all the women who wrote had done such deeds from Aphra Benn to today and what did it matter when that thing was meaningless without value today?
The thing was did try did indeed circulate but the thing was nobody seemed to want to speak to me and when they did not contact me after some drink or some dancing I did not answer their calls and dejected went to work on the shop floor.
The thinking was that in today’s world we need women who are emancipated but I thought that was not the case you see if a woman does to everyone is she emancipated or out of the frying pan into the fire? You see when you have a husband it is one but if you go out and about it is many? Does many count as fun do all the women in Hollywood wailing seem to mean such things did not cost them?
I was too young to realise I needed friends as well as a boyfriend. That the world nowadays has nothing but how bad are. You need to be nice or good is being inappropriate and in fact a two faced telling a bare lie and one does not only dislike that kind of people but they are shunned. The popular opinion is today that it is bad to circulate and one made mistakes because of lack of code of conduct.
So in order to land parts one does need to go out and about but not to go too far? The thing is as long as it is consensual then it is not rape is it? But the women still feel violated I know been there the thing it is a disaster.
For a somebody to come into the home you have to be nowhere near another person and they need to feel at home enough to go to your bedroom and the bed sheets have to be clean and all the matters of behaviour must be that you are alone and available? The thing is what for? If there is nobody in your life then what does it mean to a man who is allowed into your bedroom? Does it matter? Lock your bedroom.
Lock all the cutlery and see if he stays in.
Do tell your friends you have someone swear on the phone I will be there soon and suggest that it is his friend who might be coming too. I meant no harm is not that it is easy to misunderstand what to make of a scantily clad woman who allows you into her bedroom and you have the power to fire or give some money too?
After emancipation we have come down to this?
I know it is a fool’s paradise when we think we have made off without the genitalia and done good we are all apes at heart.
Well that is never wise always say your house is being repaired and there is all that decorating to do and never ask a somebody into there without telling your best friends and everybody who knows you.
The thing was they did not even want me near the classes anymore because that was my attitude and it is unnerving is it not when that happens?
I was in class in the playwright class at the Westminster and because I had already had a short story in a magazine I was treated well like a celebrity but then it got to be a joke. The thing was every time I did something well done and more well done and more of the same.
Clap-clap clap and more of the clapping.
“Praise her and more praise.”
Positive encouragement is good but the thing was so are people who one is almost thinking know everything and are like Gods. I ended up having a head so big. The man had a side line and she had the class in there clapping me no end.
GCSE and more how did you manage to do that?
She needed to do that whatever for more of the clapping.
She had just graduated as a doctor and the man had been impressed.
I needed friends but there was nothing but this bare faced condemnation of me having no qualifications and because my home circumstances had been one of lack of amusement. More of the clapping.
I had been a sort of a child labour. Child slavery? We do not believe you that does not happen in our country in our world it is outdated nonsense.
More of the same clapping then back to the bar to drink in the insane cocktails which she married in. He was thrilled by her? Intoxicated.
Well almost but not quite there was some sorry things which had happened not normal childhood by all means. You had a childhood you grew what you complaining about? There are so many children starved neglected and you have grown up more of the clapping. The thing was I could not earn money from my work. More of the clapping she just continued to bring in stuff without grammar mistakes and took hold the centre stage.
The sexiness of that?
“More of the clapping we do not like you here.”
Sorry I must not go too fast let me slow down.
I had opinions.
I had a great deal of them but the playwrights whose plays I did criticise said me behaving like a someone when a nobody.
“You a nobody dare to criticise my play?”
That was after three years in the class.
I had no idea I was so obscure.
“A little thing hardly obvious.”
“A mere child compared to me I have years of experience and there is nothing she has done.”
Mere clapping of failure.
The plays they read in class were not that professional but then it was a very much a growing group.
The usual things happened to me on that theatre circuit they thought I had a high opinion about myself. The play which took me a lot of effort was never read and then I was loose on the world. And did not respect anyone of them and they took it into their heads to fire me. Critics damned me for being not good to read mere and that. I did not belong did not understand what I just read and did not belong with them.
To cut a long story short I was dyslexic. Almost did nothing with my life because of this? You see when one is at the GCSE stage with the nights in there hobnobbing with the likes of Cambridge and master levels with their levity it is bad.
Becket was mentioned and I did write shorter than most.
But Beckett wrote waiting for Godot and knew what that meant because I could wait for God as well.
That I did not sleep with them so I could starve for some morsel of comfort that is what they meant nobody knows what goes on when some rich group say tally go. The rich do mean when they say they want to know you. It is a fact of life that is what they mean nothing strange about being so strangers in the dark because the night time with a couple of glasses the whole class went for the things which mattered. The only thing which stopped them was that we were at this college and they had to wait until they took us home.
“Of course dears we are none the wiser what does she care about us?”
“We seem to be unpopular with her.”
The thing was they said they went to University and did not see I was doing my GCSE’S I was not a clubber but this was a club of sorts and to make ends meet the further college of education had made me the scholar to fund these activities.
“Jane’s ring is not on her finger.”
“Poor Jane such a grief stricken.”
“Yes she is behaving wildly because she is grief stricken.”
“We must go to school and broadcast what men are doing to us.”
“They are not behaving to us as it is our due.”
“Yes we are nothing to do with the worst thing is the girls would be defenceless in Parliament.”
“They are not allowed to vote until 18 and so that makes them safe does it not by the time they get to grips with it all they can choose.”
“It is not a matter of choosing we must all be aware what we had.”
“The thing is when women have the fiends out they don’t speak in proper guttural sentences.”
“How do you mean?”
“Hysteria this mass hysteria is catching it is the best joke ever.”
“Poor Jane has not got her ring on her finger.”
“Yes it is true.”