Chapter 1 ~preview~
She’s sitting. Just sitting. Her shiny brown hair dangles near her elbows as she’s leaning over, she is simply sitting on her bed. She’s broken. The only reason you know that, is because while peering into her room through the keyhole, you hear her crying. You don’t know why, but she hurts. It saddens you to hear her cry, and to watch as she takes a blade and starts carving lines into her thigh and wrist. The sight of it makes you want to puke. Why would she want to hurt herself? Why would someone of such strength, fall so far down a rabbit hole. A rabbit hole so deep and dark. How can she do that? You keep watching, just to make sure she doesn’t go too far or too deep. You feel the sting of the cuts, you feel the pain. She has no reaction, she doesn’t flinch or wince with pain. She just sits. The blood starts to trail down her arms and legs from the cuts. Then you hear a sharp inhalation of air. You let out a sigh of relief, that means she felt it and will stop cutting. You worry about her, as you should. You observe her clean out the cuts and smear the neosporin on the new, shallow lacerations. She slaps on a huge bandaid covering up all the cutting she’d done on her legs. It just breaks your heart to hear the soft patting sound of her tears hitting the carpet. You want to help her, yet you don’t know how. You think she’s suicidal. She has shown all the signs, reclusion, lack of interest, sudden change in appearance, work ethic and self harm. She avoids talking about certain things. And she’s more open to talk about others. She is shutting almost everyone out. Not you though. She’s kept you in her life still. You try to show her how talented she is, you read her handwritten stories, play her music that she wrote, sing the songs she created, compliment her art and style. You build her up. Even if no one else does, you stand by her because you can. She needs someone, anyone to fall back on. You think you know what’s best for her, so you stick around. She doesn’t know that you keep an eye on her, she’d kill you if she found out you knew what she did to herself. You know she is ashamed and embarrassed by it. Reaching out to her is almost impossible, and it hurts you both whenever you try to. She always shuts you down with one word responses, which worries you to no end. You ask if she’s okay, she says she’s fine. You ask if she’s happy, she says yep. You feel for her, we all have that sad time we go through. Hers is lasting forever it seems, when did it start? Right when Gracelin tried to kill herself, and it pushed Emme over the deep end. Emme thought it was her fault that Gracelin was in the hospital and slowly getting better. But in reality Emme was not at fault, she tried her best to be there for Gracelin, and Gracelin pushed her out of her life before she got depressed. You think about how much you want to dent Gracelin’s face in for doing that to Emme, she was her best friend. They went to school together, since they were 4 years old. Now please explain to me how someone that close to Emme can do so much harm to her? No one deserves that caliber of pain. You sit up straight and shake your head, realizing you were daydreaming, and Emme is still sitting on her bed. You squint, to make her look clearer. All you can now see is a dark figure on top of hues and shades of black and ash gray. Normally her room is bright, lively, and with color. Either her lights are off, or this is what the world looks like through Emme’s eyes. Both are scary to think about. She hasn’t eaten all day, and sleeping while hungry isn’t good. She also needs to take her medicines so she doesn’t flip out. You normally remind her to take her meds before bed and after she wakes up in the morning. You don’t know what is stopping you right now, you choke on words, nothing comes out but a staggered sigh. And that is when you realize it. You tilt your head trying to wrap your head around it. You sit up, and look in the mirror and realize the second most scary thing in your life. You close your eyes and breathe, and mutter “oh shit ...I’M Emme”.
“Great” you think, “now that we’ve gotten that establis…”
Someone knocks on the door. The color splashes back into the room. Quickly, covering her legs and wiping her eyes as well as plastering the biggest most fake smile on her face. Thankfully it’s only Becca.
“I love her to death, but my mother needs to learn how to not barge in” I scoff and think to myself.
“Hey Em,” mom starts off with a small smile. “How’re you feeling sweetie? Can I get you anything? Are you hungry? Should I call the doctor? Do you need your meds?”
What I wouldn’t give to just be alone in my room, she is so overprotective. Like the woman is hyperprotective. Watch, I’ve got this act down to a point. I tuck the hair in my face away behind my ear and look up at her.
“Thanks mom, but i’m okay, just a little shaken up still and tired. I think I’ll sleep and come down later to eat, I promise.” I muster up the smile of assurance.
“If you’re sure of that, okay. I’m just downstairs honey. Yell if you need anything.” And she slowly shuts the door and turns off the light.
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