Chapter 1: Monday
RULR messaged WindDemon53 at 12:27am
RULR: Arthur. Wake up.
WindDemon53: what the hell it’s half past 12 why are you messaging me?
WindDemon53: why are you even awake
RULR: Because, dude, I’ve had the best idea of all time.
WindDemon53: can’t it wait til morning?
RULR: No way man, you’ve gotta try this NOW.
WindDemon53: try what?
RULR: Peanut butter on toast.
WindDemon53: are you fucking kidding me
RULR: It’s seriously the best thing ever on its own.
RULR: But the fact that it’s midnight just adds to the flavour, makes it that much richer.
WindDemon53: you’re insane
RULR: Do it.
WindDemon53: i’m not eating toast it’s the middle of the night
RULR: It’s not just toast, it’s PEANUT BUTTER on toast!
WindDemon53: oh my god just go to sleep
RULR: MIDNIGHT PEANUT BUTTER, ARTHUR.
RULR: IT’S GONNA BE A THING.
WindDemon53: johnny it’s late, so late that it’s early. go back to bed
RULR: Hell no, I’m too busy eating the best thing ever.
WindDemon53: we have a test tomorrow, you can’t be doing this
RULR: You’re right, Arthur.
WindDemon53: thank you
RULR: It’s past midnight, what ARE you doing up at this hour?
WindDemon53: you’re an idiot
RULR: And YOU’RE taking longer to respond.
WindDemon53: so?
RULR: You’re totally trying it aren’t you.
WindDemon53: if my mum finds me in the kitchen at half past twelve in the morning i’m suing you
WhisperOnTheWind messaged WindDemon53 at 9:58pm/12:58am
WhisperOnTheWind: Hey arthur what are you doing online
WhisperOnTheWind: Isnt it 1am where you are
WindDemon53: it’s a long story
WhisperOnTheWind: Its still early for me ive got time
WindDemon53: midnight peanut butter.
WhisperOnTheWind: Im sorry?
WindDemon53: i’m eating peanut butter on toast at midnight.
WhisperOnTheWind: ...
WhisperOnTheWind: Is this a thing
WindDemon53: it will be by morning, if johnny gets his way
WhisperOnTheWind: Of course this is johnnys doing
WhisperOnTheWind: What is it is he trying to stay up all night again
WhisperOnTheWind: Dont you have a test tomorrow
WindDemon53: oh don’t even get me started, i don’t know why he’s still up doing weird shit
WhisperOnTheWind: I hate to break it to you hun but you are also still up doing weird shit
WindDemon53: yeah but it’s his fault
WhisperOnTheWind: What are you even doing? Is it some experiment or a challenge or what
WindDemon53: it’s nothing, that’s the weirdest part
WindDemon53: we’re literally just eating peanut butter in the middle of the night and somehow it’s fantastic?
WhisperOnTheWind: Hm yes that makes perfect sense
WindDemon53: i can feel the premium sarcasm from here
WhisperOnTheWind: Like id use the garden variety stuff for something like this
WindDemon53: don’t tell johnny i said this, but don’t knock it til you’ve tried it
WindDemon53: midnight peanut butter i mean, not garden variety sarcasm
WhisperOnTheWind: If i didn’t have school tomorrow i’d probably try it tonight
WhisperOnTheWind: Speaking of which...
WindDemon53: oh yeah, i should go or i’ll fall asleep in the test
WhisperOnTheWind: You probably should
WhisperOnTheWind: Good luck with that, btw
WindDemon53: thanks
WhisperOnTheWind: And good luck with the
WhisperOnTheWind: OTHER thing too
WhisperOnTheWind: *wiggles eyebrows*
WindDemon53: stop that.
WindDemon53: and yeah, thanks
WhisperOnTheWind: Tell me how it goes i want every detail
WindDemon53: hey if it goes well the whole planet’s gonna know every detail
WindDemon53: i’ll get skywriters and everything
WhisperOnTheWind: Please go to sleep before you get ahead of yourself and hire them prematurely
WindDemon53: there’s nothing premature about me, baby
WhisperOnTheWind: Charming
WindDemon53 messaged RULR at 9:06am
WindDemon53: dude where are you!?
RULR: In my bed, why?
WindDemon53: are you fucking kidding me?
RULR: Calm down, dude.
RULR: I was tired so I took the day off.
WindDemon53: did you forget we have a test today!?
WindDemon53: NOW, actually!? like AS WE TYPE?
RULR: I’ll take it another day, man, calm down.
WindDemon53: no i won’t! get over here!
RULR: Dude if the test already started there’s no way I’ll get there in time anyway.
WindDemon53: this is all your fault, you and your stupid peanut butter
RULR: Hey, don’t diss Midnight Peanut Butter, that shit’s gold and you know it.
WindDemon53: i can’t believe you tight now
RULR: ... excuse me?
WindDemon53: RIGHT now. god damn it i’m tired
WindDemon53: which is ALSO YOUR FAULT
RULR: Can you stop freaking out, please? Just take the test and don’t worry about me.
RULR: Dude?
RULR: Arthur?
RULR: A gentleman doesn’t leave without saying goodbye, Arthur.
WindDemon53: Arthur can’t come to the phone right now, he’s busy taking a test.
RULR: ... well this is awkward.
WindDemon53: I’ll appreciate you don’t distract other students from your home in addition to in class, John.
RULR: Told you I’d find a way, sir.
RULR messaged WindDemon53 at 12:05pm
RULR: Hey, sorry for messaging you in class.
RULR: Duuuuude answer me, I know this is your free period.
RULR: Baby don’t be like this.
RULR: We can work it out, I swear.
RULR: I don’t know why I’m apologising, YOU messaged ME.
RULR: Really you should be apologising to yourself.
RULR: And I should be reassuring you that all is well.
RULR: You haven’t given him his phone back, have you sir.
WindDemon53: Mr. Pinehurst’s phone will be returned to him at the end of the day, I suggest you refrain from contacting him until that time.
RULR: Ew, I called the teacher ‘baby’.
WhisperOnTheWind messaged notthatkindofcool at 9:08am/11:08pm
WhisperOnTheWind: Hey fi
notthatkindofcool: hi Renee!
WhisperOnTheWind: This is your reminder to hand your assignment in, as requested
notthatkindofcool: haha, thanks but i’d rather you told me when lunch started
WhisperOnTheWind: Isn’t it lunch where you are now? I make it ten past eleven, your time
notthatkindofcool: oh my god you’re right!
notthatkindofcool: omg they left me here!
WhisperOnTheWind: Are you still in your classroom?
notthatkindofcool: i’ve been playing phone games! i stopped paying attention!
WhisperOnTheWind: Dammit girl get out and get some air!
WhisperOnTheWind: And hand in your assignment
WhisperOnTheWind: Geez wheres your head at
notthatkindofcool: nowhere!
notthatkindofcool: i mean on my head. idk i had a good streak going i was in the ZONE
WhisperOnTheWind: My my my how academically inappropriate of you
notthatkindofcool: how dare you insinuate such a thing, i’ll have you know i am VERY academically appropriate
notthatkindofcool: in fact just last night i put together an english paper in record time
WhisperOnTheWind: Oh yeah the one youve been cutting corners on left right and center while cackling madly about it over every social media site you have access to
notthatkindofcool: that’s the one
notthatkindofcool: and i maintain that such documentation PROVES how invested in the project i was
WhisperOnTheWind: Idk if thats true but it was honestly the highlight of my evening
notthatkindofcool: mine too omg, i reread them once i’d finished and it was still funny
notthatkindofcool: i’m hilarious tbh
WhisperOnTheWind: Lol youre something alright
notthatkindofcool: wait did you say it was past eleven?
WhisperOnTheWind: You have a clock on your phone right because im starting to worry you have an ancient model or something
notthatkindofcool: oh yeah
notthatkindofcool: arty usually messages me at lunch, i wonder if something’s up
WhisperOnTheWind: And he hasnt yet?
notthatkindofcool: nope. have you heard from him?
WhisperOnTheWind: Not yet hold on ill check
WhisperOnTheWind messaged WindDemon53 at 9:12am/12:12pm
WhisperOnTheWind: Hey arthur are you busy
WhisperOnTheWind: Fiona says you havent talked to her yet and i am not having that
WindDemon53: If one more person contacts this account Mr Pinehurst will not be getting his phone back in one piece.
WhisperOnTheWind: Heads up don’t message arthur for a while
notthatkindofcool: how come?
WhisperOnTheWind: Either his phones being held hostage or it became sentient and hates us
WhisperOnTheWind: Details at eleven
notthatkindofcool: well that sucks. any idea whats going on?
WhisperOnTheWind: One. Ill do some digging and get back to you
notthatkindofcool: i’ll leave you to it then haha. talk to you later
WhisperOnTheWind: Cya
WhisperOnTheWind: Hand in your assignment!
notthatkindofcool: omg i already forgot again thank you!
WhisperOnTheWind messaged RULR at 9:14am/12:14pm
WhisperOnTheWind: What did you do
RULR: Why’s everyone riding my back today? What’s going on now?
WhisperOnTheWind: Someone took arthurs phone captive or something
WhisperOnTheWind: His accounts giving some weird response with proper capitalization
RULR: Oh yeah, haha. He got it confiscated in class.
WhisperOnTheWind: Which brings me back to what did you do
RULR: Hey! Why’s it MY fault?
WhisperOnTheWind: Oh come on its arty i dont think hes psychologically capable of pissing off a teacher
WhisperOnTheWind: You on the other hand have it as a character trait
RULR: Well in spite of that I did nothing.
RULR: He messaged me when he was meant to be doing the test and our teacher caught him, it’s his own fault this time.
WhisperOnTheWind: Wait you werent doing the test with him?
RULR: People really need to stop getting caught up in all the details.
WhisperOnTheWind: You are a mystery johnny ruler
RULR: Don’t you just wanna SOLVE me, babe?
WhisperOnTheWind has disconnected
notthatkindofcool messaged WhisperOnTheWind at 12:29am/9:29am
notthatkindofcool: RENEE
WhisperOnTheWind: Oh hey fi
WhisperOnTheWind: BTW turns out arty got his phone confiscated so thats why hes not responding
notthatkindofcool: RENEE SOMETHING HAPPENED
WhisperOnTheWind: What? Are you okay
notthatkindofcool: I DON’T KNOW OMG I NEED A MOMENT
WhisperOnTheWind: Ok you need to sit down or something cos im getting mixed signals here
notthatkindofcool: OKAY, I’M COOL.
WhisperOnTheWind: Ease off the capslock and tell me whats going on
notthatkindofcool: sorry i’m really excited!
notthatkindofcool: okay i handed in my assignment and since you said don’t talk to Arthur i hung around in the library and read like old times
notthatkindofcool: and this guy saw me looking through the photography books and talked to me!
WhisperOnTheWind: A GUY?
notthatkindofcool: A GUY!
WhisperOnTheWind: A GUY.
notthatkindofcool: A GUY/
notthatkindofcool: i ran out of punctuations
WhisperOnTheWind: Sorry could you give me like one second ill be back
notthatkindofcool: sure but hurry back i’m still in danger of going into cardiac arrest
WhisperOnTheWind messaged RULR at 9:32am/12:32pm
WhisperOnTheWind: Red alert red alert the second arthur contacts you tell him not to talk to fiona
RULR: How come?
WhisperOnTheWind: Stuff has happened that he needs to know about thats all you need to know
RULR: Is this about the Fiona thing?
WhisperOnTheWind: Oh good you know about that
RULR: Renee my dear, I know EVERYTHING about our Arthur.
RULR: I know when he’s crushing on a girl before HE does.
WhisperOnTheWind: Im sure that info comes in great handy
RULR: I can even tell what kind of underwear he picks out before school each day.
WhisperOnTheWind: Im sure that info never comes in handy and causes awkward situations
WhisperOnTheWind: In fact i think it just did
WhisperOnTheWind: ANYWAY stand by for details
WhisperOnTheWind: Sooooo? Tell me everything
notthatkindofcool: okay his name’s Dane, he’s a year older than us and he plays lacrosse
WhisperOnTheWind: Hold it hes graduated?
notthatkindofcool: no no he’s in my history class, he just got held back a year
WhisperOnTheWind: Thats not very reassuring
notthatkindofcool: no it’s fine! he had some problems and couldn’t pass a few classes in 9th grade, he’s doing fine this year
WhisperOnTheWind: Is that what he told you
notthatkindofcool: well yeah but does it even matter? it’s one year who cares
notthatkindofcool: anyway he’s sort of hot and sort of funny and he talked to me which was sort of scary but sort of really nice
notthatkindofcool: and then he ASKED ME OUT
WhisperOnTheWind: Omfg!
WhisperOnTheWind: What did you say???
notthatkindofcool: i said yes and then i RAN AWAY
WhisperOnTheWind: FIONA PORT ARE YOU JOKING THATS NOT PROPER PROTOCOL
notthatkindofcool: SHUT UP RENEE I PANICKED! WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO?
WhisperOnTheWind: KEEP TALKING OR SOMETHING!
WhisperOnTheWind: WAIT WHO EVEN CARES YOURE GOING ON A DATE!
notthatkindofcool: I KNOW OH MY GOD
WhisperOnTheWind: Arthurs fucked
RULR: Oh shit.
WindDemon53 messaged RULR at 3:19pm
WindDemon53: i can’t believe you, man
RULR: Oh hey, you finally got your phone back!
WindDemon53: yeah and you know what else i got?
WindDemon53: DETENTION.
WindDemon53: someone else tried to message me and mr k wrote me up
WindDemon53: also i think i failed the test so really just a shitty day all round
RULR: Aw shit, man, that sucks.
RULR: But hey don’t message Fiona.
WindDemon53: what? why not?
RULR: Because it’s not gonna go well.
WindDemon53: what the hell? you’ve been trying to get me to sum up the courage for days!
WindDemon53: the only reason i haven’t done it already is because you got my phone taken off me
WindDemon53: what do you mean it’s not gonna go well?
RULR: I mean Mr K’s nazi-isms just cost you some time that turned out to be pretty fucking valuable.
WindDemon53: what are you on about what happened?
RULR: Fiona met someone.
RULR: Arthur?
RULR: Dude? You still there?
WindDemon53: yeah i’m here
WindDemon53: what do you mean she met someone?
RULR: Ask Renee, she’s got all the details.
RULR: I mean, you could also ask Fi but I don’t think you want to do that right now.
RULR: Are you okay?
WindDemon53: i’ll get back to you on that
RULR: I’ll wait.
WindDemon53 messaged WhisperOnTheWind at 3:21pm/12:21pm
WindDemon53: what happened with fiona
WhisperOnTheWind: And hello to you too arthur.
WindDemon53: sorry, i’m not in the best mood right now
WindDemon53: johnny says you know what happened?
WhisperOnTheWind: Yeah i do
WhisperOnTheWind: Fiona was at lunch and some guy chatted her up
WindDemon53: are you shitting me
WhisperOnTheWind: You remain unshitted
WindDemon53: rhetorical question.
WhisperOnTheWind: mood lightening answer
WhisperOnTheWind: Anyway said guy asked her out and she said yes so now thats happening at some point
WhisperOnTheWind: You still there?
WindDemon53: yeah.
WhisperOnTheWind: Im sorry arthur.
WindDemon53: it’s fine. she probably would have said no anyway
WhisperOnTheWind: Hey you dont know that
WhisperOnTheWind: Fiona loves you dude
WindDemon53: not in that way.
WhisperOnTheWind: You know what i mean
WhisperOnTheWind: You don’t know she wouldnt have at least thought about it. Everyone thought youd be great together
WindDemon53: yeah well sorry to burst everyone's bubble but i blew it.
WhisperOnTheWind: I suppose nows not the time to point out the irony in that sentence
WindDemon53: i suppose you knew perfectly well you were doing so with THAT sentence
WhisperOnTheWind: I suppose youre feeling a little better now that were riffing
WindDemon53: i suppose i’m totally not
WhisperOnTheWind: Yeah you are
WindDemon53: ... i suppose
WindDemon53: okay just tell me one more thing: is he at least nerdier than me?
WhisperOnTheWind: Uh
WhisperOnTheWind: Not really
WindDemon53: how not really
WhisperOnTheWind: He plays lacrosse
WindDemon53: oh fuck right off
WindDemon53: okay i’m oficially informed
RULR: Cool. I mean, it’s not cool, but yeah.
RULR: Dude I’m sorry about all this.
WindDemon53: it’s fine, whatever
RULR: If it’s any consolation I hope her possible relationship crashes and burns before it even starts.
WindDemon53: thanks for the concern, but i doubt she’d break up with a lacrosse player
RULR: This dude plays lacrosse? Shit he could mow you down in a second.
WindDemon53: wow this reassurance session is going splendidly i feel so much better
RULR: Well to be fair that is an accurate statement.
WindDemon53: accuracy has no place in irrational melancholy
RULR: How is it irrational, your crush just got with somebody else?
WindDemon53: well, technically i should be happy for her that she found someone like that
RULR: That’s the sappiest thing I’ve heard you say since you told me you liked her.
WindDemon53: well it’s true! wanting her to myself like that is selfish, isn’t it?
RULR: Sometimes you have to BE selfish or you’ll never get what you want.
notthatkindofcool messaged WindDemon53 at 2:29pm/3:29pm
notthatkindofcool: hey Arty, did you get your phone back yet?
WindDemon53: oh crap
RULR: What?
WindDemon53: she’s messaged me
RULR: Shit. Good luck.
WindDemon53: wait do i even have to answer? maybe my phone’s still confiscated
RULR: Yeah along with your diaper and bottle, just answer her already.
WindDemon53: hey fi, yeah i got it back
notthatkindofcool: oh great! how did you even lose it?
WindDemon53: mr k saw me using it in class
notthatkindofcool: wow, the golden boy finally slips up
WindDemon53: haha yeah, about time right?
notthatkindofcool: nobody beats the law of averages Arty
notthatkindofcool: anyway guess what happened at lunch today!
WindDemon53: you befriended a squirrel?
notthatkindofcool: nope!
WindDemon53: that bitchy pe teacher got arrested
notthatkindofcool: i wish but no!
notthatkindofcool: i MET someone!
WindDemon53: you met someone?
WindDemon53: like on the street?
notthatkindofcool: lol no, i mean i met a boy!
WindDemon53: a boy?
notthatkindofcool: a boy!
WindDemon53: wow that’s great!
notthatkindofcool: i know!
notthatkindofcool: i mean technically we already knew each other but now we’ve Oficially met
notthatkindofcool: and apparently he’s wanted to talk to me for a while but never got the chance until today
WindDemon53: wow that’s a real situation, that's like a movie moment
notthatkindofcool: i know right? so yeah we talked and he asked me out and i nearly DIED it was TERRIFYING
WindDemon53: wait, he scared you?
notthatkindofcool: well not him but the situation did
notthatkindofcool: i’ve never been asked out before and then it came out of the blue and i was very not prepared
notthatkindofcool: so at first i said yes out of panic but now i’m actually getting excited!
notthatkindofcool: i’ve got a date with a boy now and it’s AMAZING.
WindDemon53: that’s great good for you fi
WindDemon53: look i’d love to talk about this but i’ve got a lot of homework to do
notthatkindofcool: aw that sucks
WindDemon53: yeah, i know.
notthatkindofcool: well i guess i’ll talk to you tomorrow?
notthatkindofcool: arty?
WindDemon53: yeah sure
notthatkindofcool: okay, sweet. bye arty!
WindDemon53: bye fi!
WindDemon53 has disconnected
WindDemon53: i hate everything.
RULR: Just let it all out, babe.
WindDemon53: what?
RULR: Nothing. Private joke.
