Could shit get any worse for me, of course it could. Mom use to say terrible things come in threes but mine seemed endless. First I was shoving an antibacterial cream up an open wound formally known as my kitten, cookie or taco. I had burned a hole in my brand new rug imported from Switzerland when the fox faux cock broke apart and still managed to torch what remaining dignity I had. I was out a couple hundred to medical bills and demoted to my bosses paper bitch until my literal fire crotch healed. All my co workers knew why little fire crotch had been demoted via a nosy employee. I was the laughing stock of my work now cut down on basic pay.
Well at least I could drink on the job. A perk of having to loosen up holes for toys. The one good thing in my life today was my lawyers news and my cat who was being oddly lovable. Mrs. Trinity the company lawyer had successfully filed a motion to sue Fox in the Hen house toys. The investigation into my crispy and smoking vag had been embarrassing but satisfying. I would see a pretty penny for my suffering and my pushing paper wages forgotten. Everything was in full motion these bitches could laugh all they wanted. I was the one going to be laughing all the way to the bank. I had told my boss and lawyer that and they had smiled. I didn’t get my usual laugh from my boss who seemed burdened.
Sadly I had missed my bosses party. Not that her husband’s brother was going to be impressed by me. Vagina smelling like smoke, wearing ice pack underwear with an antibotic and numbing cream leaking out. I was the epitome of beauty and grace wrapped in an absorbant diaper. To make matters worse I had started my period. I had been a shut in all weekend long with Bubbles.
Wednesday was a slow day for the company as I crunched numbers and took phone calls. My boss and the company lawyer Mrs. Trinity stopping at my office door that evening.
" Kaylynn we are here to discuss your case”.
" Just tell me the court day. I’ll try to show up with bells on and try not to embarrass myself”.
The lawyer shook her head. Short red hair in a bob. She was tall and lengthy with a set of perky fake breast hidden beneath a pant suit. A beauty wearing lose pant suits since her girlfriend Tera had left her for a man.
" The owner wants to settle out of court Kaylynn. He said he’ll go public if you don’t agree. Said it’ll be embarrassing for you all to go to court over a sex toy. Imagine how you’ll feel if they media gets ahold of it and your family and friends see this...and before you over react”.
Over react I was about to break shit. Standing up as she shook her desk. My dad and my one close friend knew what I did. Well my dad thought I was just a secretary for the business but still one thing remained true to our relationship. He would always love me even if I was opening my legs for money.
" That condescending prick. I’ll burn the tip of his dick with the remains of his own device”.
" I don’t think you understand. You asked for twenty five thousand in damages. He is offering you one million to keep this quiet. I guess an employee was trying to sabotage his merchandise. He wants to meet you alone”.
Her ideas never sounded so stupid and unwise. It almost had me questioning her motives. Why would I meet him alone without my lawyer present.
" Yeah sounds like a plan so he can murder me. This isn’t a romance novel. Who would anyone even sabatoge his shit. Sounds like some mafia bullshit. Where does he want to meet, a dark alley somewhere?“.
Raquel pushing her way into my office as she shooed the company lawyer away. Leaning against my desk with a smile.
" You’re over reacting. He wants to meet at a dinner place. Believe me this is what is best for the company Lynn”.
Raquel only called me Lynn when she really wanted me to say yes.
" Oh let me guess it’s an Italian front business. How about this I’ll meet him here in one of the board rooms during work hours or no deal”.
" Thank you for this. Both our companies can’t bare to take another hit or look bad in the media. I hand picked only you to test his toy. I’m partially to blame for this Lee. So thank you for agreeing to meet him quietly without a ruckus”.
What the hell was I was thinking? Couldn’t I could have just asked for the money and dropped the claim. Yet here I sat in a black dress, hair in a pony tail, makeup lightly done up. If I was going to meet him I didn’t want him laughing at me. This was embarrassing enough as nervous hands played with the Hem of the black dress. The sound of giggling outside the office making me more nervous. Here’s to hoping he is fat, ugly and preferably bald. Most of the toy makers I had met were woman. Silent prayers being said to God. Yes, I believe in God despite my past time.
His personal card The card the lawyer had sat down called my name as I lifted the black card with gold lettering. Jenner Reeves written across the top in olde English. Why the hell did his name have to sound so hot. The door opening as a jumpy body froze hands placing the card back down.
" Miss Kaylynn” he said as smooth as silk. His voice annoyed me as I stood on shaky legs like a newborn deer.
I thought I would go into this confident yet I was mistaken. Caramel eyes meeting those swirling baby blues mixed with green. Welp he was fucking breath taking as my mouth moved but nothing came out. The handsome man who resembled a walking Armani magazine add smiled as my eyes turned into tiny slits. He was amused by me, eyes never leaving mine. How fucking embarrassing was this, this was the same man who had seen all my girl parts because of fucking Bubbles in a suit. A suit that hugged him ridiculously tight and annoyed me even more. Hopefully he wouldn’t recognize me but his eyes held just the right amount of mischief. Just great, fucking perfect.
" You’re not what I expected Miss Kaylynn”.
" I could say the same about you. You’re not ugly, fat or bald like I had hoped”.
" Well you’re just as I imagined. Do I know you? I swear I have seen you before”.
God Bless he had short term memory problems or maybe he just ran into awkward situations quite alot. Maybe the sun was too bright and he couldn’t even see her when the curtains went down.
" Nope. I’m sure I’d remember a walking Abercrombie and Fitch model shaped like a teenage boy. Let’s get down to business shall we”.
Deciding to take a seat before anything got more awkward. Taking the glass of water I had poured myself earlier and taking a sip to cool down. The long table holding just the two of us as he took a seat across from me. Looking at the window behind him to avoid anymore odd eye contact with this blonde haired beauty as I sipped my water.
" I guess you didn’t enjoy my cock” he said as casual as of he was talking about the weather.
Water spraying across the table and his face as I scrambled to dab up the mess with the paperwork my Boss had laid out for me. I’m lucky I didn’t choke or this scene would of been worse. I only spat my DNA all over his face and business suit.
" Oh my, I’m sorry but you can’t just say such lewd things to me I’m a lady”.
That was a stretch but I still deserved to be respected. All the jerk did was smile even bigger.
" I’m not being lewd Miss. Can I call you miss? Are you single?“.
" That’s really none of your business Sir”.
" Don’t call me sir it makes me feel old. As you can see I’m not an old man. I can assure you I wasn’t being lewd. I guess I can call it the fox toy then”.
" The toy sucked. It was bulky, hard and charred my inside” I replied cutting him off.
" So you didn’t enjoy the size and girth?“.
He asked with such a twinkle in his eyes that it made me uncomfortable.
" It’s just too much for a toy. The size proportions are unrealistic, and the piercing at the end just too much. No girl can enjoy it”.
He laughed drumming the table with his fingers.
" I can assure you the proportions are realistic. I had it molded after my own cock and my ex wife quite enjoyed it. It’s not my fault you couldn’t enjoy it. I think the whole electrocution thing may have given you a biased opinion. “.
I swallowed nervously had he just admitted the toy was molded after him. How does one even reply to that information. Cheeks staining red as I sat up in my chair. Taking down more water then a camel in a hot desert.
" One would think so too because The thing microwaving my insides didn’t help with my opinion. My vagina is now an open wound because of your company”.
He didn’t seemed phases by my comments or attacks on him personally as he nodded his head.
" But it’ll heal up quite nicely. At least that’s what I’ve been told by your doctor. Let me pay for damages and pain and suffering. How about a little extra to make you cozy. You seem like someone who likes comfort”.
The way he said the last part made me uneasy as I shifted in my seat. Taking this guy’s money felt like getting into bed with the devil himself and I was trying to stay clear of DEVILS.
" Nothing permanent if that’s what you mean except psychological. I don’t want your money I just want my medical bills paid and pain and suffering”.
" Alright it’s a deal if you go to dinner with me and I get a second opinion of my toy when you heal up”.
There was no way I was using that toy again knowing it was molded after his junk. I also didn’t like being told what to do.
" What the hell this isn’t a show called blackmail a date after zapping her baby maker. I’ll have to pass on both and I love food so that shows you how much that idea offends me. I don’t want to be wacked off by you. Your business sounds shady, why would anyone be trying to sabatoge your sex toys”.
He stood up laughing as he towered over me.
" It’s not my job to wack anyone off. I pay people for that”.
Mouth opened as I took a step back. He was still laughing as he grabbed my glass of water and finished it off without batting an eye. Full lips touching the part where my nude lipstick stained the glass.
" Jesus I’m only kidding. It seems you enjoy your life and your job. I’ll pay you but only on my terms or the deal is off the table. Dinner with me that’s all, I promise I don’t bite too hard “.
No one bit me, my skin was delicate.
" Fine dinner, Ask Raquel for my card and text me the details. I have a checkup on aisle one I’m about to be late for” I replied with an awkward smile.
A smile that you purposely show someone that you’re not interested. Except I’m pretty sure I looked more like a kid taking a dump in their drawers. Turning to leave him behind as I silently fist bumped myself. He hadn’t remembered me as I headed for the door. Just as my hand touched the door he cleared his throat.
" You never told me how the rabbit you tested out the other day compared to my Fox. I’m sure your cat gave it rave reviews”.
I couldn’t say anything as I made a run for it. Texting Raquel she better not give that devil wrapped in the appearance of Heaven my number.