Julian my best friend was smart, as he looked at the paperwork in his hands. I had ditched work for lunch heading straight to his house. The Latin dream boy sat in his dark couch. Dark tan skin conflicted beautifully against his honey colored eyes. Popping cheek bones and those full dark pink lips. He was every girl’s wet dream but his dreams consisted of the male variety. Such a shame that someone so sexy was playing batter for the other team.
Over a drink I had spilled everything to my friend who had been Missing in action for the last few weeks. The hospital working full force as an outbreak of an advanced flu had the waiting rooms filled.
" You didn’t sign this but his ass paid you? What an Idiot Noodles”.
I was at a loss for what the hell he was talking about as his mom made carne asada tacos. Julian was a rare breed taking care of his elderly mother. She however refused to ever let her baby raise a utensil while she was living off his paycheck. Julian dressed in light blue scrubs as he was getting ready to head to work soon. Noodles was my nickname while I called him Jules or the Brain.
" What Brain?“.
" Bitch get out of the food coma. We got this bitch. Snap up my edges and call me straight. This is null and void without your signature. Girl do you even read or know what day of the week it is?“.
This is why I loved this man. Beyond his knowledge of the male anatomy he was intelligent. Of course he only really lacked in picking good men to bring home. I had of course skimmed the boring paperwork the medicine I was on making me loopy. Grown bored of the boring genre and stuffed into my desk at home.
" Shut up you’re lying. Raquel, Daniel and Jenner are too smart for that small ass over sight”.
Julian held up the paper tapping to the small line that hadn’t been sign. My name typed below it but no signature above on the VERY empty line.
“No, those two did your ass dirty with good intentions and karma got them. I bet you this Cat Jenner did this on purpose. Maybe the dirty duo got to him with good intentions but bad delivery too...but you know me I have that best friend sees green. I’ll never like anyone who calls my best friend their best friend and honorary family member. You need to be karma for them Noodle you’re only my honorary family, a born again Mexican last name Gonzales”.
I hated being karma but Julian lived for it. He always believed you got out what you put in. If you put out bad you received bad. Sometimes even being karma itself worked for him.
" Why? My mission isn’t to hurt anyone Jules. I already have enough on my plate as is”.
" I didn’t say hurt them just give them their good intentions back ten fold. What I mean is throw this contract back in their smug little faces. Ask for some vacation days, 401 K plan that they can match what you put in, a car, shoes and a matching purse. Tell them you’ll work for him if he presses charges against his ex psycho. I don’t care what anyone says that female is crazy. He’s paying her bills, raising her son and she’s trying to burn the business that’s going to pay her bills around him. She’s up to something I can feel it in my marrow”.
" I need a lawyer and there goes my small nest egg to write some silly demands. I’m not even going to use my funds to buy a car”.
Despite circumstances I had always put away an amount of money as my cushion. Always having a fall back if things fell through. I had money currently but not money I was willing to spend. I always had what I called my retirement fund since I didn’t have a 401 K or a retirement savings through my company.
" To blackmail someone? Honey that’s not how this work”.
Julian didn’t believe he was above the law but he believed in swift justice. Sometimes the punishment had to fit the crime in his eyes. I however did my best to stay above the law. Even counting to three at a stop sign before going while Julian always did a California roll. Rolling really slowly but never stopping completely.
" Blackmail is illegal Jules”.
" Shove it girl. I love you. It isn’t blackmail if that’s the terms for you to accept the job. They want you to work with them so ask for incentives. Girl I’m your ride or die, have been since day one. Let me help you bring these fools to their knees. They deserve it. Plus you could probably go after Raquel for swindling you and not giving you days off to heal. I know you won’t but remind her you’re no turn tail even if your tail is pleasantly plump. Scare them a little, it’s good for the ego”.
Julian was as big of a pervert as he was a hoe but he was perfect in my eyes.
" Stop it you like men dirty brat”.
" Thank you El Capitan Obvio
but I have eyes and your ass is a fucking satellite. I can appreciate a beautiful female. Soy claramente un hombre de nalgas sin importar si eres mujer o hombre”.
I didn’t understand what he meant but watched as his mother came over and hit his head with the spatula in her hand.
" Puerco” she said as I laughed.
He was being called a pig as she yelled at him in her native tongue before retreating to the kitchen. Her small frame wobbling to the kitchen with an apron around her. The apron had the outline of a young female in a bikini that said boobs for days. It was obvious Julian had bought her the apron. It was funny and sad at the same time since she couldn’t read or speak English.
" What did you say to be called a pig by that angel? Your mother is hard to get a reaction out of you know”.
" I said That it’s clear I like ass regardless if you’re a man or women. She tends to over reacts so ignore her. So tell me what was the toy you were testing that deep fried your cookie?“.
Julian was calm but I could tell he was changing the subject to annoy me. That smile making us both laugh. Always down to business first but details always came later.
" It was called the Fox. The motto was really stupid but memorable as hell. A fox in the hen house. It was an awful bulky and ugly toy”.
Julian instantly starting laughing before he suddenly looked serious. Eyes going wide as he set up in his couch.
" Girl I know that toy”.
That was a surprise as I hadn’t heard of the toy being tested before. Although I hadn’t really done my own research.
" No, there is no way Raquel had other test it out”.
" Girl I’m not lying. You know Marcus from your work? Gay African American dude kind of chubby?. He works in the couple section at your work and draws blood at nights at the hospital? Has an Asian boyfriend named Lee”.
I did know that Marcus but mostly by his work username of BootyeaterMarcus69 and his boyfriend Long Dong Lee. Long Dong Lee’s username for work was LoungwongSaladflipper. Marcus was a quiet man, his partner the rowdy wild one. They worked upstairs in the couple testing area for toys. The singles and couples were separated mostly except for the quarterly office party. Julian had briefly mentioned he knew Marcus at one of those parties I had him tag along to.
" Yes I know Marcus and Lee. You’re telling me they tested it? That means surely there are more ratings on the online rating system at my work. Probably all awful ratings anyway”.
" Girl they gave it rave reviews. Even recommended it to me. I’d pull up the reviews from your work because obviously there are more.“.
It was still hard to believe someone else had tested the toy beyond me. Surely the three would of mentioned that fact to me.
" There is no way they tested it. Surely Jenner or the Brady bunch would of mentioned it”.
“Not like the dirty dozen hasn’t lied to you before girl. Believe me No one forgets that motto Noodle. The tip is pierced and it’s red. Lee said the piercing on the end milked the shit out of Marcus prostrate. He came for a full minute using it on him”.
I couldn’t believe it as I shook my head. That imagery making me cringe as Julian laughed.
" I don’t need anymore visuals Jules”.
" Straight sex makes me cringe too. I get it Noddle. But listen I’m going to help you. I’m your ride or die and who are you?” He shouted the last part as I groaned.
" Your my ride or die and I’m your bad Biatch”.
Julian wasn’t happy at he shook his head. I wasn’t a fan of the saying the B word unless riled up or drunk.
" No, you can’t sugar coat that because we all know you’ll eat it. Say it like you mean it” he said doing a little jig on the couch.
" I’m your bad bitch” I yelled.
A deep laugh that was contagious leaving my best friends pouty lips.
" Yes, my baddest bitch and bad bitches don’t play games”.
So here I was now sneaking into work as reviews were private until made public by our boss. Fortunately for me I knew her password and username. As I typed in DeepThroatRaqqy and the password HunghorseDan. The search engine pulling up on her sleek computer. Typing in The Fox as several ratings were pulled up including my typed out called A big fuck you review. It had been marked for trash but not tossed out just yet. Including my review there had been ten others all with bad reviews except from Lee and Marcus.
This was going to be golden as I hit print. Stacking the reviews with my list of Demands in exchange for my help. I wasn’t going to retest his proper proportions garbage bullshit toy but I’d help him make it more user friendly for a price. Clicking on my review as I read it once more except this time I actually managed to laugh. Maybe it was time to change my work username from Pussyweepsglitter to PussySmokePufPuffPass as I embraced my odd circumstances. How would Jenner feel when I tossed this at him and his dirty mininons.
I only wore red to make a statement. Hair straightened and thrown up. A tight red dress that went to just above my knees with a black belt to enhance the curve of my hips and butt. High black heels and a ton of numbing cream so I could walk. Two stacks of papers under my arms as I smiled at the three. My fuck me sideways hooker red lipstick making all the statement I needed as I headed for their table in the back. Taking a seat across from two males who had mouths agape as Raquel cleared her throat and attempted to close Dan’s mouth.
" Damn don’t you clean up nicely” Raquel commented that it a smile. ” You look beautiful Lynn”.
Eyes scanning the length of me as I smiled back.
" I always clean up nicely when I’m going to bend my friends over a table and ride them for all their worth Raquel”.
Placing the one stack under my right arm on the table as Dan and Raquel looked at each other.
" Go on read it? Or I can give you the simple best friend backstabbing short version. Basically I’m suing you for not having my best interest at heart and for not giving me time off after I hurt myself”.
Just like that I had the flies in my web except Jenner who smiled. He didn’t seem upset at all, dressed in jeans and a black t shirt. He looked so casual in this serious situation and suddenly I felt out of place. Swallowing down my nerves as Raquel was now pleading me to forgive her. I wasn’t about to let Mr. Awkwardly calm over there unsettle me. Julian had told me to tap into my bad bitch so here I was tapping away at full speed.
" Lynn listen to me It wasn’t my intentions to hurt you. I just thought it was time for you to meet someone. I didn’t know the toy would shock you. I simply looked out for you and Jenner. I thought you all would fit well together”.
Jenner laughed leaning into the table.
Taking the stack of papers and casually skimming them before he winked at me.
" She just lost her mother Raquel I told you it was bad timing but you two do your own thing”.
I listened at least Jenner knew I wasn’t ready to date. Although it was odd he knew so much about my personal life. I would figure this stalker out another time as I explained to Raquel where she went wrong.
" Listen Raquel you went about it all wrong. I can understand where your heart was but you lied and manipulated someone you call your adopted family. Jenner’s right I wasn’t ready to date. I can barely even talk about my mother, my dad just came back to me. Life is complicated plus Jenner just got out of a marriage with an ex that tried to murder me to ruin him. I don’t think he should be dating until he can get her on a leash”.
Jenner was smiling why I wasn’t sure as he skimmed the fake legal paperwork that Julian had typed up.
Eyes coming up to meet mine as he chuckled at the leash comment.
" Do you have another offer? I see two stacks of papers”
Well wasn’t he the smart one as I smiled. Those beautiful comments about his toys right on top of my second offer. Oh I was going to have fun with this second part.
Author’s note: chapter isn’t edited. Comment and vote.