I'm Here to Fix You

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Chapter 45

I saw it, I saw her fist coming my way, I saw it colliding my nose, and I felt the blood, gushing out, I even felt the pain, but I didn’t move one inch. If literally kicking my ass will let her get past this stupid drama, then so be it.

“Feel better now?” I squinted my eyes as my sight blurred. Damnit, I knew she could kick ass, but this shit hurts. Not gonna let her see that, though. “Wanna walk over me too? I thought you didn’t condone violence.”

“That was your sweet little Liv there.” Silvia growled. “You’re lucky I can’t give Lulu a bad example.”

“Seriously, for being a translator, you don’t do much with words.” I rubbed my injured nose, which caused me to stand on a precarious balance, due to the damn crutches. Yeah, blood was definitely gushing out, but I’ve been worse.

Silvia shot furious daggers at me. “Cheaters like you deserve this and more.”

“I didn’t cheat on you. I slept with Olivia when you and I were barely even friends. How’s that cheating?”

“Once a cheater, always a cheater. What tells me you’re still not sleeping with her?”

“Uh … hello?” I raised the crutches. “I can’t do anything with this, and God knows I freaking need it.”

She crossed her arms, huffing, clearly seeing I was right, yet unable to admit it. It’s one flaw she has, she can never admit she’s wrong. “Well, who knows what you do with her in the secrecy of your penthouse …”

“Use that goddamn brain for once, woman, I spend almost all my time with you. I barely even see Olivia.”

She scoffed. “That’s bullshit.”

“Ok, maybe I do see her, but not as much as you think, and certainly not to do what you accuse me of.” I took a step closer. “See, that’s exactly what I meant before, you see me as the impenitent womanizer that one way or another is gonna cheat on you because he just can’t keep it in the pants. You’re convinced I’ll screw up because that’s what I usually do, while your oh, so perfect Saint Ryan wouldn’t.”

She glared. “Don’t bring Ryan into this. It’s your mess, not his.”

I snorted. “Yeah, as if he never cheated on you.”

“He didn’t.” Her gaze hardened while the little girl watched us confused and mildly worried. “Ryan was utterly honest with me. He didn’t wait 4 weeks to tell me he lives with his ex. When he saw his ex girlfriend, he told me. He told me everything in detail. He even told me how many times she tried to convince him to get back together. Ryan knew what being in a honest and truthful relationship meant, something you apparently don’t, Jake.”

“Ah, there we go. I knew it. I knew you’d start comparing me to him!”

“You did it yourself! You brought up Ryan!”

“It was a stupid example!”

I sighed, rubbing the bridge of my poor nose, which luckily had quit bleeding. “Alright. Let’s take a step back.” I began. “I made a mistake. I should have told you about Olivia, I’m sorry. But the thing is, I knew you’re react like this. I thought I could solve the problem without bothering you with it. But you’re right, I shouldn’t have kept the secret.”

I took a step closer, half smiling, caressing her cheek. “But you’ll realize that the situation was messed up. You’d have never believed me, like you don’t.”

Silvia slipped away from my grip, her countenance grim. “That’s where you’re wrong. I would have believed you. Had you been honest since day one, I would have believed you, Jake.” She stepped back, going inside the apartment, hand on the door. “But you decided to lie to me. You took the coward route and decided not to tell me. As if I were some unreasonable beast that couldn’t understand. Had you come to me, telling me, Silvia, Olivia is living a rough period and I want to help her so she’s staying at my place for a while, I might have been jealous at first, but I’d have understood. Instead no, you lied, and now I can’t shake off the feeling that maybe you did it for a reason. That maybe you lied because there’s still something between you two, and that you’re trying to decide whether you want me or her.”

“That’s a huge lie, and you know that. I love you, Silvia.”

“Why haven’t you told her that? Why do you keep on leading her on, letting her believe you two may go back to the old days?”

“I don’t lead her on. I just … I just don’t exactly … correct her.”

“So basically if she comes home at night, and snuggles up to you, you let her. If she slides into your bed, you-“

“She doesn’t do that.”

“If she slid into your bed, you’d let her. Possibly not to hurt her. Tell me, would you also have sex with her not to hurt her feelings?”

“You’re being unreasonable.” I grumbled. “Olivia is a dear friend. I can’t leave her stranded. And she’s suffered a lot, also for my fault, I don’t want to hurt her again. I’m just trying to figure it out.”

“We’re back to square one, Jake. You could have told me, but you chose not to trust me. That, to me, speaks louder than you imagine.”

“Oh, come on …”

“Go back to Olivia. Because apparently, you’re still not over her, and I don’t have time to waste on being a third wheel.” And bam, she slammed the door in my face. I wonder whether this relationship is cursed.

***

SILVIA’S POV

“Do you realize that, you guys have been together how long? Four weeks? And you’ve already broken up twice.” Tess grumbled, munching on her dessert.

I shrugged, playing with mine. “Maybe it’s just not meant to work.”

She sent me a dirty look, kicking my ankle beneath the table. “Don’t say such bullshit. You guys are meant to be together. You’re like … the endgame. If you and Jake can’t work it out, then there’s no chance for all of us poor mortals.”

“Yeah, then how come we can barely resist a week?”

She scoffed. “Because you’re both too stubborn for your own good.”

I arched an eyebrow at my best friend. “Are you seriously taking his defenses? He’s living with his ex!”

“Ok, first of all, he’s not living with his ex, he’s just … giving her a place to stay until she finds something. It’s called being kind-hearted. Second of all, that guy’s been dying for your for over a year, you seriously think he’d throw everything away because of some chick he dated when he was in high school?”

“First of all,” I mimicked her, raising my finger, “it’s not being kind-hearted, it’s being still involved with his ex. He himself, personally, owns three condos as part of his inheritance, he could just give her an apartment, but why doesn’t he? Why has he chosen to have her live with him?” I scoffed. “Second of all,” I counted with my fingers, “just because he loves me, doesn’t mean he’s not being a jerk. Trey loves you, yet he’s been a jerk since day one.”

She gulped at the mention of her ex. “That’s … don’t bring me into this.” I can hardly believe it, but yes, Trey confessed he’s in love with her, said he knows he’s a fixer-upper, but she can veer him towards the right direction. He even got himself a serious job. Seems he’s actually trying, and it’s really all because he loves Tess.

“Right … double standards. You can interfere with my love life, I can barely talk about yours.” I grumbled, giving up my dessert. I’m really not hungry these days. This whole conundrum with Jake has had me lost appetite and sleep, and I hate it. I keep thinking I’m being too harsh, yet every time I decide to call him, I remind myself that he still hasn’t said a word and he’s still living with his ex, so he’s basically given up already. So much for giving our relationship his best effort, huh?

“My love life isn’t as complicated as yours.” Tess grumbled.

“Said she who can’t woman up enough to tell her ex that, one, she doesn’t love him, two, she’s probably falling for a guy that barely even sees her.” I pointed out. Hey, maybe my love life is messed up, but hers isn’t any better.

Tess sent me a dirty look. “I’m not … falling for David. I just like him. He’s cute and clever and funny and-“

“And totally different from the kind of guys you usually go out with. Yes, yes, you’ve told me. Seems to me, you’re head over heels for him, which has me baffled as to why haven’t you made your move yet. Normally you’d have already gone in for the kill.”

She rolled her eyes, placing the fork on the empty plate. “Told you, he’s not like other guys. The usual approach doesn’t work.” She half smiled, a weird … dreamy smile. “You can’t conquer a guy like David with the 3Bs.” For the record: Boobs, Butt, Blowjob, aka the three infallible ways to get a man’s attention according to her.

“Right … he’s a nerd.” I half laughed. “Who would have thought, you fall for a nerd, I fall for the epitome of the bad boy. What a funny old world, huh?” We both laughed, setting aside our love dramas for a few moments, until we stopped to breathe, and everything came to weigh us down all over again.

“I think you should be yourself.” I told her. “It’s always the best policy.”

She grimaced, though. “Yeah, but myself is a busty blonde personal assistant whose last read book is 50 Shades of Grey. That may work with a guy like Trey, who looks first and foremost at the shell, but one like David? I don’t even know what to talk about.”

I rolled my eyes. “You speak as if you were a poor dumb blonde in love with the super-smart nerd. He’s just a guy, Tess. Just because he reads a lot and he’s not as shallow as your ex, doesn’t mean he won’t look at your butt when you bend over. If he doesn’t, either he’s from another century, or he’s gay.”

She chuckled. “Ok, you’ve dated mostly smart guys, tell me how it works.”

I shrugged. “No idea. I never did the wooing.”

“Ohhh …” Tess laughed. “Somebody just grew a big head, huh?”

“What? It’s true. The only guy I ever asked out was Ryan. The others all asked me first.” I bit my lips, thinking back to what it was and what it is now. Maybe the answer is easy, I just dived into this relationship too fast. I said I wanted to wait, yet I slammed head-first into it.

I ran before being able to walk, and now I pay the price. The sole fact that I keep comparing Jake to Ryan in my mind says it all. I’m not ready for a real relationship, I shouldn’t have even tried to begin with.

“Ok, then how did you conquer Ryan?” Tess wondered.

I smiled unconsciously, thinking of our old days. It was all so easy back then. When Ryan and I were just friends and we spent hours talking and laughing together, when being with him took my mind off of every other issue, when Jake Watson was just a friend, not the guy I can’t even begin to see my life without.

To be honest, my life’s never been easy, you may have realized that, but … back to when I didn’t know those two, it was somewhat less … dramatic. Ever since Jake and Ryan entered my life, I became a cliché character in a cliché book about conflicted love stories and dramatic pasts. It makes me wonder, hadn’t I ever met them, what would have happened?

Certainly I wouldn’t have had such high expectations on relationships and love. I would have settled for a relationship like the one with Matt, which lacked of passion and lust. On the long run, I’d have probably hated it, I’d have become the exact kind of woman I dislike, the one stuck in an unhappy relationship because she decided to settle just for the sake of not being alone.

Not that Matt was a poor choice for a boyfriend, he just … couldn’t have been good for me. I suppose that the fact that Jake opened up my eyes and let me see what I was missing is good. The trouble is, it also complicated my life a whole hell of a lot.

Hadn’t I been given a glimpse of a different side of things, I wouldn’t have started wanting more from my relationships, therefore I wouldn’t have sought love and I wouldn’t have found it. My life would have been a lot easier … but a lot, lot emptier.

I’m not gonna go on a mushy rant about how love conquers all and it’s the most powerful asset in the whole world and blah, blah, blah, but I’m gonna say this, hadn’t I met Jake Watson, I’m not sure I’d have come this far. I might have given up long ago, or rather, I might have kept my troubles tucked deep inside, which would have killed me on the long run.

Sure, it’s killing me now to dig it all up, and I’m not exactly much better than I was, but at least I don’t feel lonely anymore. It’s like … I feel I can do this, because he’s got my back.

Ugh, damnit, I hate when Tess is right.

***

Why am I even here? He’s in the wrong, not I. He’s the one that slept with his ex, lives with her, and lied to me about it. He’s the one that keeps on not getting why am I mad at him. What the hell am I doing in front of his door?

Taking a deep breath, I knocked. I swear, if Olivia comes to open the door all cheery and lovely, I won’t be held accountable for what happens to her pretty face. I’m not one to slut-shame women nor blame it on them, but let’s be honest, the girl has installed herself at her ex boyfriend’s place for over a month and she doesn’t seem willing to leave, she’s all sweet and mushy with him, and she openly said she’s still in love with him. Maybe Jake is too blind to see it, but I wasn’t born yesterday. The little bitch is clearly trying to get back together with him, and I’m stupid for having let her have carte blanche.

When I heard footsteps, I held in my breaths. This is going to be a huge smack to my pride, but I gotta do this. It’s worth it, Jake is worth it, remind me that next time I blow it all up out of jealousy.

Oh, believe me, I’m still mad because he lied, but I realize now it wasn’t that big of a deal. Hadn’t I been blinded by jealousy, I would have considered he couldn’t have cheated on me, considering he can’t even do anything in that sense. Believe me, I’ve considered they might have kissed or done other forms of foreplay, but … no. If he says no, I believe him. Isn’t that the whole point of a relationship? Trusting each other?

I need to seriously quit being such a paranoid nut. Just because Alex cheated on me back in the day, doesn’t mean everyone else will.

Or maybe I’m stupid for seeing good where there isn’t.

Because Serene told me Jake took off the support for the leg yesterday, and today, hear, hear, some tall skinny blonde I’ve never seen in my life opens the door to my (ex) boyfriend’s penthouse.

So much for giving him the benefit of the doubt. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

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