I'm Here to Fix You

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Chapter 48

CHAPTER 48 - THE MOMENT I DELAYED

JAKE’S POV

“Are you serious?” I wiggled my eyebrows.

“Why not?” Serene jumped up and down like a super-excited puppy, clapping her hands. “It’s a beautiful day!”

“Yeah, so?” I retorted grumpily, not moving an inch.

“Well, why not take advantage of it! Weather is beautiful outside, and it will be sunny all weekend!”

I rolled my eyes. “Then take a walk, go to the park ... don’t drag me to a stupid camp.” I’m not in the mood for being social, not today, not tomorrow, not until I figure out this whole ‘you have to make up your mind’ shit Silvia and Olivia have put me into.

What the hell do I even have to decide? Why can’t women just be like men, solve everything with a fist fight? Ah, wait, no ... Silvia would kick Olivia’s ass real bad that way. Hell, if I’m not careful, she’s gonna kick mine, too, rightfully.

My sister pursed her lips. “Shall I remind you that, for the time being, you’re in my power?”

I scoffed. “Still no.” Always that damn detail about me having to make up for all the heartbreak I made her go through these months. I’m in her power until her birthday. That’s a whole damn month, in case you were wondering.

“Come ooooon ...” Serene lightly elbowed my chest, offering me her rascal smile, “...Silvia’s gonna be there, you know ...”

I grunted, switching channel. “So what?”

“How come, don’t you want to see your girlfriend? Hasn’t it been like, a week?” Serene wiggled her eyebrows. “Is it everything alright in Paradise?”

I scoffed, preferring not to answer. No, nothing is alright in Paradise. That woman is driving me insane. First she comes to me with Olivia on tow, and together they claim I gotta pick between them, they’ll both fight for me, but it’ll be my decision. Then ... Miss Incoherent leaves me a whole week all alone with Olivia, claiming she’s got to go somewhere. Somewhere she didn’t even tell me, by the way.

She took a week off work, even. Tess won’t say a word. I bet she went to see Ryan. Tsk. Where else would she go without telling me a word? So much for having a honest relationship, huh? Damn woman.

“Still no.” I grumbled.

“I wasn’t asking about the camp ...” my sister furrowed her brows.

“If I remember right, you’ve got a boyfriend, sis. Then how come you’re here to pester me every day now? Shouldn’t you guys go somewhere do things I should break his spine for?”

She rolled her eyes. “Will you ever quit grumbling? Colin and I are happy. He makes me happy, shouldn’t you be happy?”

I scoffed, throwing the remote on the couch once I found a somewhat decent movie. “He’s a traitor.”

Serene sighed overdramatically, leaving her head against the back of the couch. “He’s the love of my life, and someday we’re gonna get married, whether you want it or not. So prepare to be his best man as well as uncle Jakey.”

I snapped to her, my brows furrowing. “Uncle? Uncle?! Are you-”

“No, no, I’m not pregnant ...” she rolled her eyes in a frustrated sigh. She is frustrated? She?! She doesn’t have to juggle her life in between two women that claim she’s got to ponder her choice thoroughly, no anticipating it.

I seriously don’t understand this shit. I don’t have to decide. With Olivia it ended long ago, hell, it never even really began. Not like it did with Silvia. With Silvia it began way before she even realized. What do I have to decide? There’s nothing to decide, I chose long ago, for fuck’s sakes.

Yet no ... I gotta ponder. Think about it, consider every angle, they said. Are you kidding me?! I care about Olivia, a lot lot lot, but ... let’s be honest here, she’s never gonna be Silvia. I don’t have to choose, my heart chose the moment I entered that fucking building and stepped on that fucking elevator.

The most I can think of is how not to break Olivia’s heart. Again.

I’m sorry for her, but that girl seriously has a horrible taste in men. She began with falling for me, then that pathetic excuse for a husband she had, and now she wants me again. What the hell is it with you women? Why do you keep on picking men that’ll never love you like you’d deserve? Is it some sort of absurd martyr wish? Are you happy to get your heart broken every freaking time?

I care for Olivia. A whole hell of a lot. It’s the main reason why I never told her anything every time she came on me ... I didn’t want to hurt her by turning her down, but ... as cheesy as that may sound, she is not Silvia.

Silvia is ... well, Silvia. You know what I feel, you’ve been here with me from the start, you know where’s my heart, where does it belong. I would be incredibly stupid to screw this all up now, after all the heartbreaks I had to endure.

“Jakeeeey!” My sister poked my arm, bursting my eardrum in the meantime.

“What?!” I snapped.

“You’re ignoring me!”

I rolled my eyes. “I was thinking.”

“About?”

“Things that don’t concern you. What are you doing still here?”

She crossed her arms over her chest, pouting. “I wanted to spend Friday with my big brother, but he either doesn’t listen or he growls and grunts ...” she stuck out her bottom lip, “...I feel left outside alone ...”

Sigh. What’s a brother gotta do not to be emotionally blackmailed every time? “Alright, fine ... what do you want to do?” And that’s how he signed his death sentence.

***

“Why am I here, again?” I grumbled, hands stuffed in my pockets.

Serene grinned, huddling closer to me. “Because you love your baby sis so so much?”

“Even though she’s a huge pain in the ass.”

She laughed, but I meant it. She can be a real pain in the ass lately, especially now that I feel this ... uh ... how do I say it gently ... frustrated.

Okay. It’s been 9 weeks, 4 days and 12 hours since I last had sex, and I am ... starting to feel just a little bit antsy. Just a little bit. I’ve got calluses on my right hand, but it still doesn’t work. I could sleep with any girl that offers, but then I could say goodbye bye bye to Silvia forever.

That damn woman will have to acknowledge the effort, at the very least. I’ve broken 22 punching bags within these weeks because I needed an outlet to my thoughts, and since sex was out of the question, and both my pestering best friend and my girlfriend prohibited me every kind of booze, out of VAS, there was only V left. The guys I fight against at the MMA matches aren’t too glad about this hyper strength I have, they always wind up worse and worse, to the point that it’s getting hard to find valuable opponents.

“Come oooon ...” Serene laughed. “Cheer up, Jakey!” She pinched my cheek, and I glared.

“Sis, I love you, but I’ll break that hand of yours if you don’t stop it.”

She retrieved it, outraged. “Jakey! That’s not the way to talk to a woman!” She slapped my shoulder, and I sighed.

“Why? You want equality, there’s your equality.” Stupid, yes, thank you.

“That’s gotta be the stupidest thing that’s ever come out of your mouth.” A familiar voice snapped from behind me. I had to hide the smile, I’ll admit. When I turned around, there she was, my girlfriend, if she still is my girlfriend, in all her breathtaking glory, standing in my living room. Damn, either she got hotter than hot in a week or I’m so horny my brain’s picturing vaginas in every corner. I didn’t even see Tess beside her.

“I wouldn’t know,” I shrugged, standing to bypass the couch. “I say quite a lot of stupid shit.”

Silvia scoffed, arms crossed over those mouthwatering breasts of hers, and came my way. I didn’t move, unsure whether she’d slap me for kissing her or not. I mean, are we even still together? This whole week she didn’t want to hear from me, said it was best if she didn’t hear from anybody, me included, and when I pointed out that I was her boyfriend, she snapped, saying that, one, being her boyfriend doesn’t give me a right to know everything, two, the decision I ought to make was still pending, so ... was I her boyfriend indeed?

I keep reminding myself she’s worth all the drama, but damn! This chick is an ongoing headache.

“That’s true.” She secretly smiled. “You do say a lot of stupid shit.” Silvia wrapped her arms around my shoulder, and pecked my lips. “Then again, I love you like this, so ...” she murmured against my lips, so I stupidly grinned as I wrapped my own arms around her waist, pulling her into me.

The sole closeness was enough for Little Bond there to stir, and she felt it, therefore laughed, but I engulfed her in a deeper kiss, just so she wouldn’t tease. Love is when you miss even her kisses, guys, I’m amazed to be the one to say it. Love is when you’re horny as fuck, for her fault even, yet even though you’d pin her up against a wall to do so many naughty things to her, the only thing you do is instead engulf her in a long, long embrace and kiss because, hear, hear, you’ve missed her too bad.

Love is when your dick and your heart point in the same direction, but ... it’s also when after exhausting and frustrating weeks without sex you feel good just with kissing her. Yes, you’d do sooo many naughty things to her that you can’t even name, but ... kisses seem enough to fill up the void she created when she left.

Shit. I’m so very fucking whipped.

“Come on, you two, there are kids here!” Tess laughed, hinting at my sister, who was childishly covering her eyes. Okay, maybe the make-out session was uh ... more intense than I thought.

Silvia pulled back from the kiss, but I held her there, refusing to let go. “Hey, nobody said to watch, you creepy stalkers. Go find a movie or something.” I said, squeezing my girlfriend into me. The fact that she actually left her arms around my torso might be a good sign, I guess.

“I’ll go help Colin load the car ...” Serene claimed in a huff, clearly annoyed. For some reason the sight of me with a woman always irks her, even if it’s one she likes, like Silvia.

“I’ll come with ...” Tess claimed, “... we’ll wait for you, guys, but if you don’t come out in 5 minutes, I’ll think you decided to make better use of your time ...” cue the meaningful smirk-wink she sent our way before following Serene out of the door.

Silvia watched them leave, but to be honest, I watched her. She was smiling, as if she were ... I don’t know, peaceful. It’s an odd sight, given what I know. When she turned to me, the smile was still unfaltering. “So ... what did I miss?” She asked with a mischievous chuckle.

I gaped at her for a long moment, dumbfounded, until I smiled, glad to see her better. These months have been really heavy for her, for us. With the anniversary and my accident, and all the worries, then the fact that we’ve begun tackling her issues ... Silvia was literally in a valley of tears. Well, ok, not literally, but you get what I mean. Yet now she seemed ... fine. Weirdly fine. But hey, I’m not gonna question her good moods, not when they seem so rare.

“Shouldn’t you get ready or something?” Silvia chuckled, squeezing me against her.

I pecked her lips. “For what I think? Oh, I’m more than ready ...”

She slapped my chest, though laughing. “Always so gross ... by the way, you do know I can feel your boner against my thigh, right?”

I laughed. “And you think I was hiding it? Fool woman. You gotta know how much you’re torturing me.”

She rolled her eyes, without stepping back, secretly smiling as her hands slipped inside my back pockets. “I suppose you’ve waited long, huh?”

“Eternity lasts less.”

“Exaggerated.”

“No, seriously ...” I pulled her better into me, enough for me to feel every inch of her skin against mine. God, I’ve missed her so fucking bad. Now I see why my friends said I was three times more of a jerk than I usually am. It wasn’t sexual frustration, it was my heart struggling because it missed its rightful owner. I was like a lost dog panting to find his home. “I’m going insane.”

Right, that and the fact that I haven’t reached such levels of masturbation since I was 12.

I know, I know, too much information, but you have no idea how hard I am-I mean, how hard the situation is for me.

“How come, Olivia wasn’t willing to help?”

And there you go, she bursts the bubble. Sigh. And here I thought I was finally gonna get laid today ... “Baby, come on ...” I sighed.

“I know, I know, I should trust you ... and I do. But ...” ugh, she pulled back, leaving me to embrace air, and that’s an awful sign, “... but she still lives under your roof, Jake. Even though you know full well now, what she’s trying to do.”

“I need to find the right words, okay?” I rubbed the bridge of my nose. “She’s ... I don’t wanna hurt her again. She’s been through a lot.”

Silvia scoffed. “Yeah, you seem to have quite a soft spot for damaged women ...”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Nothing good, definitely. In fact she turned her back to me. “You know what Olivia and I had is nothing compared to what you and I have.” I tried to mend.

“Is it?” She questioned sarcastically, turning back to me, crossing her arms over her chest. “Jake, I’m not jealous because you and Olivia have a past. I’m jealous because you’re letting her interfere with our future.”

“I’m not! I just-”

“If Ryan came to live under my roof, if he spent day by day trying to win me back, if he used every minute together to convince me to leave you and get back together with him, how would you take it?”

“That’s unfair. I-”

“You’d probably go berserk on him.” She scoffed. “You and I would fight 24/7, until, finally, you’d leave me because you can’t spend your days fighting a war you can’t win.”

Damnit. I closed my eyes, realizing. “Is that how you feel?”

“It’s how I’m trying not to feel.”

I sighed, dropping back against the wall as I rubbed the bridge of my nose. “I’m sorry. I’m just ... trying to do the right thing.”

“You’re leading her on, Jake. The right thing is to be honest with her.”

“Last time I was brutally honest with her, I broke her fucking heart, and she wound up clinging to a pathetic excuse for a man that abused her!”

Silvia remained interdicted for a moment, which was understandable. I could see her putting two and two together ... she probably realized what I don’t have the guts to admit even to myself. “You feel guilty, don’t you?” And there you go. Of course she’d see it. “You feel guilty for what she went through ... it’s not your fault, Jake, you know that.”

“No, I don’t.” I spat. “I left her stranded when she needed me the most, alright? In my conceited prick vision, a girl telling me she loved me was too much of a hassle, so I just left her. I more than broke Olivia’s heart, Silvia. I fucking ripped it out of her chest, crushed it before her eyes, and stomped over it. So don’t tell me it’s not my fault, because I was the one to break her in the first place!”

SILVIA’S POV

I see it now. There had to be a reason why he didn’t say the utter truth to her, he’s not the type to hold back anything. Hell, he can be such a savage. There had to be a reason why he didn’t turn her down right off the bat even though he’s assured me, time after time, that he’d already chosen me from the moment we’d met.

Normally I would doubt, I would question his statements, but ... there’s something Tess told me that remained engrained in my mind: “Jake Watson is and always has been at your feet, Sissy. You’ve had him wrapped around your little finger since day one, yet you keep on tugging at his leash, and we both know why. You’re a paranoid nut, Sissy. You’d doubt of your own skin if you didn’t wake up in it every day. So you keep tugging at Jake’s leash to make sure he won’t leave. You wanna make sure that, even though you put him through hell, he’ll stay. You’re a St. Thomas. You only believe with your eyes, not with your ears, so until Jake has passed your every absurd test, you won’t believe him.”

The truth is, Jake has indeed passed every test. Not because he didn’t lie to me, or because he doesn’t make me mad and all. He’s passed every test because, despite everything, he’s still there. He fights ... for me.

This whole week, I wasn’t at home, I took the week off from work, I barely used my phone and either way I told everyone not to contact me unless it was for an emergency. Jake respected that, even though I was convinced he’d simply ignore my will. He complied with my request, however ... when I came back home on my door I found 7 Post-it notes, all from Jake.

Seven. One for each day I wasn’t home. They weren’t even simple notes like call me or whatever. No ... they were messages of hope and ... love. Like a reminder that he was still there. It’s terribly cheesy, but ... it warmed my heart. Not just because it made me feel like he thought of me even while I wasn’t here, but because it served to remind me that he’s here, he’s not giving up, he’s not gonna leave.

1. You’ve made of me a stupid lovesick puppy, woman. It’s day 1 and I already miss you real fucking bad. Just come back.

2. I’m just gonna randomly pop up here to see if you’re hiding from me.

3. Lulu and I are becoming friends. She’ll help me choose your engagement ring and she’ll be your flower girl or your bridesmaid, depending on how long it takes us.

4. P.S. I love you ... nah, that bullshit’s too cheesy for me. What I wanted to say is ... don’t get mad if you find a different lock. Lulu’s mom has the key. In my defense, your fridge makes weird noses. Ah...I kinda broke that, too, so you’ll find a new one.

5. I swear, if you’re in Italy right now, I’ll search the whole fucking boot to come get you. You’re not going to get rid of me that easily, woman. And yes, it’s a threat.

6. Ok, the last note was ‘borderline criminal’, thanks to your nosy neighbor I got a nice report from the police. If they call you, say I’m not stalking you nor trying to kill you, I’m just a stupid man foolishly in love with you.

7. Where the hell are you, woman?! It’s been 7 days! Why can Tess know but I can’t? It’s unfair.

There’s not much in these notes from a merely semantic perspective, is there? Yet they reek of love.

Remember that store I casually met Jake at a couple of times? It’s exactly in the middle, between our apartments. The store is exactly 10 minutes from each place, that means that Jake’s place is 20 minutes away from mine, and the office is 40 minutes away. So he drove, every day after work hours, for 40 minutes, only to come to my door and leave these notes, only to see if I was there.

He could have simply ignored my request and bombard me with texts and calls, instead he opted for a silent way of making his presence known. That, to me, means more than he probably wanted it to. That, to me, means he’s not playing. We’re here, we’re forever.

So how can I doubt when he tells me he doesn’t need to choose, he’s chosen me since day 1, and that’s final. This is the man that went through the worst pain enduring unrequited love, yet never gave up on me. Jake broke his own heart, day by day, time after time, only to heal mine. Is there a better proof of his love? Because I can’t see it.

However, that doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy, we’re already seeing how hard it is to get through one week without anything pulling us apart.

“Jake ...” I tried to start, but he didn’t even listen. I understand your guilt, I wanted to say. I know what you mean, because I did the same to you. Over and over again. You say you broke Olivia years ago, I broke you time after time with my coldness.

“This is not the start I had in mind for us, and I’m sorry, baby, but ... I can’t just get rid of her as if she were some annoying chain tied around my neck. I know this makes you mad, but I gotta do the right thing for her.” Jake claimed, as serious as ever.

“And what will that be?” I tried to be calm, since this subject is apparently important to him. To be honest, I’d have snapped, I’d have yelled that the sweet Olivia he once knew has been replaced by this other incoherent being that on one side claims she’s not a homewrecker, but on the other side works day and night to steal my boyfriend. However, this week I had time to think, to ponder.

And I realized that, the angrier I get, the more jealous I am, the farther I go from the main goal that Jake and I have set for each other: peace of mind. Jealousy is nothing but proof of mistrust. I trust Jake, therefore I have no reason to be jealous. Even if his ex comes in between us to take him away from me.

Jake sighed heavily, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “I don’t know yet.” He looked up. “What I do know is, you’ve got nothing to worry about.”

I couldn’t help smiling as I neared him, going to stand barely an inch away from him, my body brushing his. I could feel the heat oozing off it, and it was enticing. “I’m not worried.” I said with a grin, sliding my arms around his torso.

“No?” Jake wiggled his eyebrows at me, taken off guard.

I leaned in, and pecked his lips, murmuring. “I believe in you.” And trust me, said by me, that’s worth a hundred I love yous.

Jake was puzzled, but slowly, he began smiling, and he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into him. “You’re so fucking cheesy sometimes.” He chuckled against my lips.

“Said he who left 7 Post-it notes on my door.”

“Those weren’t cheesy. Those were the result of abstinence, frustration and too much whisky.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, whatever. Just shut up and kiss me before I change my mind.” I muffled his laugh with my own kiss, eager to feel more and more of him. This week far from Jake has taught me 2 things: I have a problem with jealousy, but I can solve it; I’ve been a fool to delay the moment. You know which one.

As I pressed myself against him, Jake’s eyes opened wide while we kissed, because clearly, he realized what I was looking for. I let my hands slip to his back pockets, as an excuse to fondle his sexy ass, but I swiftly ran them back up, slipping them beneath his shirt to feel his powerful back muscles.

“Maybe we should take Tess’ advice ...” I mentioned as I eagerly trailed my hands over his chest, unbuttoning his shirt.

“I thought you wanted to wait ...” Jake wondered, befuddled, yet brimming with a desire that would remain bridled only as long as I wanted it to.

I smiled. “I’ve waited long enough.” I kissed him. “I really do hope you live up to your womanizer reputation and keep condoms in your drawer, because I’m as ready as can be, but also not at all keen on getting pregnant by chance.”

Jake laughed, predictably, but I yelped when he seized me over his shoulders and, caveman-like, he brought me to his room. “As much as I’d love to be your baby daddy someday, I’ll have to point out that if there’s one thing that’ll never run out in this house, that’s condoms.”

“You know I can walk, right?”

He smirked smugly. “Oh, believe me, baby, when I’m done with you, you won’t be able to walk at least for a week ...”

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