I'm Here to Fix You

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Chapter 49

CHAPTER 49 - MORE THAN YOU COULD POSSIBLY IMAGINE

SILVIA’S POV

The moment he walked through the door of his bedroom, I managed to wriggle out of his grip, and set feet on the ground again. I didn’t change my mind, it’s just that I realized something ... “Hold on, how about you change the sheets?” Or the mattress, but it’s too late for that now.

Jake gaped at me, dumbfounded. “What?”

“The sheets.” I pointed at his bed. “You better change them.”

“Why?” He then rolled his eyes. “I haven’t had sex in over 9 weeks, and the last time wasn’t even in this bed, so keep calm, the sheets are clean, Ana changes them every week.”

That’s not it. “It’s not about clean, it’s ...” I sighed. “Never mind. Come here.” I stretched my arms to welcome him in. I’m just an overjealous and paranoid girlfriend, that’s all. The idea that so many women slept in this bed drives me insane. The idea that possibly Olivia too slept in this bed, that Hillary slept in this bed, it’s ... gah, I can’t make it. When Jake got to a mere inch from me, I sighed, stepping back again.

“What now?” He rolled his eyes, clearly frustrated.

“I just ...” I sighed, rubbing the bridge of my nose. “It’s stupid and irrational and I’m the first one to be irked by this absurd whim I’m having, but ... can we ... I don’t know, go to my place?”

“Why?”

“It’s ... I would feel more comfortable if we went to my place.” I am a psychopathic girlfriend, therefore I will obviously secretly buy a new mattress for his bedroom without him knowing, tsk. But ... for now I gotta make do.

Jake gaped at me, perplexed and annoyed, but clearly not in the mood to argue. Hence, he sighed, fixing his belt, or rather, his boner. “Alright, whatever. Let’s go.” He strolled out of the bedroom, muttering to himself: “The things a boyfriend’s gotta do to get laid ...”

“Oh, wow, really romantic ...” I rolled my eyes, following him.

“Baby, I love you, but I’m dying of blue balls here. So let’s just get a move on.” He grumbled, hastily heading to the door. He didn’t even take his keys nor wallet nor anything.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?”

“My balls? Oh, those fell under your command the day we met.”

I wiggled my eyebrows, taking my purse. “I’m gonna assume that’s just your sexual frustration talking.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever ... let’s just go. The sooner, the better.”

“Are you serious?”

“I don’t know, are you? I mean, that bed’s perfectly fine. I don’t see why you gotta be so picky. But hey, if we argue, that’s one more week I linger in my penance, so forget I said anything, let’s just go to your place.”

I didn’t move. Instead, I crossed my arms over my chest, rooting in my spot. “Excuse me?”

“Silvia, come on ... let’s not fight again, alright? I’m saying you’re right. Can we go now?”

“No.”

Jake groaned loudly as he turned back to me. “Oh, for the love of God, woman, I am dying here! We are dying!” He pointed at his crotch. “Can you just be a little less stubborn for once? You’re spoiling the mood!”

"I am spoiling the mood?! You’re taking my first time as some troublesome affair we should get over with!” God, why are we always fighting?

“I’m not. You’re making it absurd with your nonsensical jealousy.” Jake huffed. “It’s just a stupid bed, Silvia.”

“Not for me.” I grumbled, turning to the side. And here I thought the week at the spa had helped me get over my jealousy issues. I thought I had healed. Hell, I went purposely. Normally I’m not into these things, but it sounded nice, a week off from everything and everybody, from all the drama that my life has become. I thought it’d help. Yet no ... here I am, still overly jealous, still dramatically insecure about my relationship.

Why is it? I wasn’t this insecure with Ryan. I mean, sure, it irked me when he was in Chicago and he told me about his ex hanging around, trying to convince him to get back with her, it irked me when we went out and women sometimes ogled him, but it wasn’t this bad. I didn’t feel like a rotten tomato just because some hot chick checked out my boyfriend. What’s different now? Why am I so insecure about Jake?

It can’t just be that Ryan’s whole self scream reliability while Jake is the exact opposite. I’m not that shallow to judge a book by its cover and I know Jake pretty well by now. I know he loves me. I know he’s serious about us. So what the hell is wrong with me? Why am I spoiling the one moment we’ve both been wanting since forever?

“What do you want me to do?” Jake spat. “Burn it? Would that make you feel better?”

I sighed, my shoulders slumping. “I know it’s stupid. I just ... it feels like I’m up against all the women you’ve had in the past and ... it’s frustrating.”

“But why? Why do you feel such a competition?” Jake wondered, now calmer. I shrugged, so he came closer, and gripped my shoulders, forcing me to look up at him. “I don’t understand ... I’ve given you every assurance I could. We’re not just a random couple, Silvia. You know what I feel, you know how long have I felt this way. Why would you feel insecure now? What made you feel like that? Is it about Olivia?”

“Yes and no ...” I sighed, frustrated with myself. “I don’t know, I just ... every time I think of all the women you’ve had, and ... it’s maddening. Besides, we haven’t even had a first date.”

“Is that why you keep staggering back? You feel like I’m only after sex?”

I closed my eyes, wanting to deny, but ... well ... it’s really stupid. I know Jake, I know his feelings, and yet ...

“I take that as a yes.” Jake grumbled, clearly offended, in fact he let go of my shoulders.

“Jake ...”

“Honestly, baby, this whole relationship is more tiring than being on a 24/7 rollercoaster.” He heaved a deep sigh, pacing the room. “I mean, every time we seem to be progressing, something pulls us back, and, I’m even surprised to say it, more often than not, it’s you, baby.” He turned to me. “I mean, I always knew something would screw us over, but I always thought it’d be me to fuck up.”

“Are you saying I’m willingly sabotaging us?”

Jake stopped cold, to stare straight into my eyes, in that peculiarly core-penetrating gaze of his. “I’m saying we’re not gonna go anywhere if you don’t start trusting me for real, not just with words.”

“How can I? It’s not even your past, it’s ...”

“Olivia.” He filled in for me. “It’s always Olivia. In the end it always goes back to her, doesn’t it?” Jake scoffed. “You keep trying to pretend it’s fine, yet at the end of the day, you still feel menaced.”

“It’s your ex, Jake ...”

“Yeah, so? There’s nothing between us.”

“You slept with her barely 2 months ago.”

“It was a onetime thing.”

“Yeah, but who tells me it won’t happen again?”

Jake groaned, raking a hand over his face. “Ugh, for the love of God, what have I gotta do to convince you I’m not gonna cheat on you? Why is it so hard to believe I can only see you? Good Lord, woman, do you understand the meaning of abstinence?!” His voice got louder, he clearly needed to let out all his frustrations, most of which revolved around, always, sex. “Do you have the slightest idea what’s it like for someone like me to go on over 9 weeks without sex? You can call me shallow, but that, to me, is a huge sacrifice.”

“Oh, really ...”

Jake gritted his teeth, his whole body tense. Way to kill the mood, Silvia, way to kill the mood ... “I’ll say this once, and you better carve it in that thick skull of yours.” He spat. “I love you more than I could ever possibly say, baby, but you don’t have the slightest fucking clue what’s it like in my head. You don’t have the slightest fucking clue what’s it like to wage an ongoing war against a mind like mine. Maybe I’m shallow, but I’ve got my coping mechanisms, and one of these happens to be sex, yes. So when you take it from me, it’s like me taking your dear antidepressants from you.”

I frowned. “I don’t need antidepressants that bad.”

“You’re depressed, Silvia. Face it. You are clinically depressed, and you know that. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t take those medicines.”

“Even so, it’s-”

“I’m saying this to make you understand the length of the effort I’m making.” Jake spat. “I’m saying this to make you understand why is it so hard for me to go on abstinence.”

“I-”

“My mind kills me, Silvia. Every single fucking day. And you know the irony? Maybe I could even cope, but you not only take my medications from me, but you also deprive me of the one cure that may replace them all.” He stared deeply into my eyes. “You.”

“I ... what ...”

Jake took my hand, and pulled me into his arms, to kiss me deeply, yet without any sexual tension. “I told you before, you’re the air I breathe.” He said. “You’re also the one restrain that keeps me from the abyss.” He stroked my cheek with his thumb. “You took those notes as a cheesy act of a lovesick man. But they were just the consequences of such a long abstinence from you.”

“You’ve gone on 2 months without me, I-”

“You’re not listening, Silvia. Just because I went on for 2 months, doesn’t mean I actually could.”

“It doesn’t make sense, I-”

“Matilde. How did you live without Matilde?”

My eyes widened as my heart picked up a faster place. “That’s ... that’s different. I ...” I pulled back, not seeing where was he getting at, why would he bring her up without a reason. “It’s not the same, I ... I didn’t ...”

“You merely survived.” Jake claimed. “You lived a maimed existence without her.” He grabbed my hand to pull me back into his arms. “That’s me without you, baby.” He stroked my cheek. “So when you doubt me, it hurts, because it means you’re not sure of my heart, while it only ever beats for you.” He pecked my lips. “You’re the one thing that keeps me from the brink of disaster, Silvia. You’re the one reason why those voices in my head shouting I don’t deserve this life have started relenting. You’re more than the air I breathe, baby, you’re the one glimmer of light in this dark life I lead. You’re what keeps me from giving up.”

“I ... I-I ... no, I ... Serene ...”

“Not the same thing. She’s my sister, and as such, she’s my heart. But you’re the love of my life, and as such, you’re my soul. So when I say you don’t need to worry, it’s because without you, I’m lifeless. Without you, I wander in the darkness without a way out. But with you, I see the light my life lost so long ago. It’s like I’ve been lost in a pitch dark forest all my life, then you arrive, bearing the lantern I needed to get out, and if I follow you, then maybe, just ... maybe, I can survive.”

***

Jake cupped my cheeks, pressing me against the door, as if needing to take the most he could of me. Every single touch of his seemed to scorch me inside out, every inch of skin he touched seemed to be set on fire, and when his lips moved to my neck, I inevitably moaned, feeling as if my skin would blister any minute now.

I unconsciously wrapped my arms around his neck and deepened the kiss, unable to feel anything else around me nor think about anything or anyone. It’s like Jake, just with his kisses, shut the whole world out and threw me into a whole different dimension.

His lips soon returned to mine, but I gasped when he lifted me up, hooking my legs behind his back as he pinned me against the door, kissing me like a man needing air, as if, by kissing, we were sharing the air he needed to breathe, and I guess that that resulting in me losing my own breaths was obvious.

That’s why I pulled back, gasping for air, but Jake focused on my neck, nibbling on it, hitting a very delicate spot that had my toes curl and my hands grip his hair tightly. I threw back my head, closing my eyes to better enjoy his touch, and I don’t know how we went from fighting to him saying all those things, to dashing to my place for a reason, but we did, and right now I needed nothing more but to have him. All of him.

That’s why I slipped off his grip, setting my feet back onto the ground, but not moving a single inch as he nibbled on my neck and earlobe. Now that his arms didn’t have to hold me, he was free to let his hands travel, roaming my body, so feverishly that I had to pull off the door and push him inside the apartment to keep up.

Jake slammed the door shut with a kick as we kissed, his hands roaming my body, till he found the hem of my shirt and fumbled with it a little, till he seemingly got frustrated and just tore it off me, ripping the buttons. I did the same with his. I walked backwards towards my bedroom, him following me as our lips didn’t leave each other one second, our hands busy ripping each other’s clothes off, so that by the time we reached my room, I was only in my underwear.

I kicked off my shoes and consequently lost a couple of inches on him, but nothing much, I was still enough tall to easily keep up with his scorching kisses while my hands fumbled with his belt, needing to take it off quickly, before I could explode with desire. I just needed him, I needed every single bit of Jake Watson, and I couldn’t stop, neither wanted to.

My back hit the wall beside my room and Jake pinned me up against it, making me moan at the feeling of his hard crotch against mine, pressing against me didn’t, till I just started grinding against him, making him groan in my mouth.

His face soon dipped into my cleavage, and I moaned as he nipped on my bra, as if to take it off just with his teeth, which he did, ripping it off, as swiftly as his hands ripped off my panties. I could have argued, but I was too busy moaning his name like a chant to care about the lost undergarments.

I was naked, completely naked, and pinned against the wall, Jake all over me, till he stretched a hand to twist the knob of my bedroom door, and swung it open, smirking devilishly when he came back to kiss my lips, carrying me inside the room, and throwing me onto bed, him on me.

I hastily flipped us, and straddled him. I trailed kisses down his perfectly rippled abs, till I got to the V-line that pointed straight to his crotch, and I eagerly unbuckled his jeans, getting rid of them swiftly, then doing the same with his boxers. I had no time to waste, I needed him, and I needed him now.

I took him in my mouth without so much of a fuss, going from 0 to 100 in a matter of seconds, working on him feverishly, as if my own life depended on it. The times I looked up, I would either see him shoot his head back in a blissful oblivion, or stare at me, lust clear in his hazel-green eyes.

At some point, Jake pulled up and gripped my hair, to both keep it out of the way and to press my head against his hard manhood as I blew him at a feverish pace, but because I was going so fast that even he could barely cope, he soon fell back again, moaning wildly, calling my name in between curses, especially when I squeezed his shaft between my boobs, teasing his tip with my tongue, driving him over the edge. I nearly choked when he came in my mouth, but I was careful to swallow it all and stare straight into his eyes as I did so.

I pulled up, and straddled him once more, letting my soaked labia rub against his manhood, which needed to recover, of course. I could feel his hands everywhere on my body as much as I kept roaming his keenly, as if he were the first human being I saw after centuries of no one.

Jake gripped my ass cheeks, to rub me against him as we kissed, but it was a mad pace, one moment we were kissing, the other his mouth was cupping my boobs, the other I was nibbling on his neck, the next one he was nibbling on my earlobe. We were going so fast that I don’t know how my head wasn’t spinning already, well, it was, but not physically.

Jake flipped us abruptly, making me yelp, and trailed kisses down my body, only to then push me to lay on my stomach and have his mouth cup my clit, lick my labia, eat me out ... everything all at once that I couldn’t even tell what exactly was he doing, I could only know that it was mind-blowing. He soon came up behind me, kissing me as his fingers slipped inside my core, thrusting at a mad speed. Not at all like I expected my first time to be, but, to be honest, it was a whole hell of a lot better than I could have possibly predicted.

Finally, Jake pushed himself inside me, making me gasp loudly and bite my tongue in the process. I could feel everything, and it kinda hurt even. “Jake ...” I called, whimpering the slightest. “It’s ... I ...” It’s the very first freaking time for me, could you please remember that before splitting me in two? Did he even wear a condom? Oh, God ... “Jake ...” I wiggled my butt to slow down, at least enough to remind him, and he seemed to listen.

“Relax.” He said. “You’re all tense, I can feel it.”

“Well, you could have given me a warning of some ... sort ...” I close my eyes, feeling him dig slowly and deeply. “Did you ... please, tell me you ... I ...

“Yes, yes, condom worn, now just relax. It’s lovemaking, not a business transaction.”

I rolled my eyes, but didn’t feel like arguing. He bent down, and gripped my ass with one hand while he embraced me with the other, his lips frantically moving from mine to my shoulder, neck, earlobe ... everything he could reach, while I closed my eyes, moaning restlessly as my whole being trembled, my skin burning. Was it this that I missed all this time?

My eyes nearly rolled to the back of my head when he increased his pace the slightest, squeezing my boobs as his face hid behind my neck, calling my name in such a husky tone I’d never heard from him. My body was getting all soaked in sweat, and Jake was no different, I could feel it even when I reached out for his hands, to entwine our fingers together.

When he increased his pace too hard, I whimpered, so he slowed down, until I was able to take it faster. At some point I had to hold him back, though, because with the way he pounded, not only he triggered my peak, but he was also reaching my back walls so many times and so hard that I almost felt like he was tearing me in two, I swear.

Jake kissed me hard as I rode through my orgasm, he moved slowly inside me, his arms around me, switching pace so suddenly that I was taken off guard, but it didn’t last long, because once I was over that mind-blowing experience that I bet wouldn’t be the last one, I lay on my stomach, and Jake swiftly came up to kneel behind me.

I bit my lips, closing my eyes to take in the feeling of his hard manhood as it slid between my ass cheeks, teasing me, and I gripped the sheets tightly when he finally slid inside. This time his pace was slow, though.

Slow and deep, I could feel every single inch of him as he thrust, and I gripped his arms for support, which he took as a chance to once more capture my lips in his, once more burning me up inside, but those maddening lips never stayed in the same place, he just sent them wherever they could scorch my skin.

When he picked up a faster pace, he tilted my head back, kissing me harshly, till he gripped my hips and pressed me against the bed, going harder and harder, so much that I had to grip the sheets so tightly that I nearly ripped them, screaming as loud as ever, and I bet my neighbors could hear everything, but I honestly couldn’t care less at the moment. I was already set off for another mind-blowing orgasm.

Jake trailed kisses down my back as he slowed down a little, I bet to soothe me, then, once it was over, he grabbed my hips to set me on all fours, and I gasped when his mouth came in contact with my core, licking me clean. I giddily spread my legs wide open and stuck my butt up to have him pound deep into me once more, and he didn’t disappoint me. His thrusts were so hard, but I managed to slow him down and take a bit of control as I pushed back against him, having him moan my name in pure bliss.

Just because I was a virgin, doesn’t mean I didn’t have the slightest idea what to do.

That didn’t last long either, him being the control freak he is, as much as I am, if not worse, he went back to pounding into me, so hard that not only my whole body was shaking, but also the bed, and the headboard kept knocking against the wall furiously, threatening to break, as much as my damn vagina, given how hard he was going. My eyes were probably close to taking roots to the back of my head, for how much I was rolling them in mad pleasure.

I wonder if he forgot it was my first time or he just assumed I wouldn’t feel much pain because I might have had previous experiences, despite never having performed the full act.

Jake pulled me onto him, embracing me as he feverishly pushed me onto his manhood, but then he pushed me back on my knees, slamming his balls against my skin as he went deeply deep and hard, his fingers digging in my sides. I gripped handfuls of the sheets as I called his name over and over again, a couple of times not just pleasurably, to be honest.

I closed my eyes, feeling every inch of him, and I parted my legs better when he bent me over more, so that he could get deeper. Oh, my gosh, why did I wait this long?

When I pushed back against him, Jake took that chance to embrace me like before, his hand around my waist as he kissed me savagely, and his hand came down to rub my clit, till he triggered yet another mind-blowing orgasm, our skins as sweaty as can be.

I took advantage of him catching his breaths to push him back on bed and straddle him. Told you, just because I was a virgin, doesn’t mean I know nothing. I was worn out, but I did have the strength to play my own game. And that I did, having him grip the headboard as I rode him fiercely, hands on his chest, eyes on his. When I felt myself close to my fourth peak, I bent down, and embraced him, kissing him hard, and Jake took the chance to grip my hips and regain control, obviously, pushing me hard onto him.

It soon became a race. I kept switching to my rhythm, Jake kept gripping me tighter to have it his way, till he just downright grabbed my arms and pulled them behind me, blocking me, taking advantage of my having fallen onto him to nibble on my neck as he kept pounding and pounding.

I was close to my fifth orgasm when he quit, making me whimper in pain as he pulled out. I gasped loudly when he pushed back in, because it felt different, very much different ... I felt skin, not plastic, I felt his every vein. “Jake ...” I called, mildly worried.

“I know what I’m doing.” He claimed as he bounced me onto him, cupping my face as he kissed me deeply and passionately. He left his sweaty forehead against mine, and it was odd to see him pant like that, but also so damn hot. He grabbed both my hands to entwine our fingers but also to give me the support to push onto him, until he once again pulled out, and pushed me to lie on my back.

I was tired as hell, but mesmerized by the sight of his super-hot devilish sex god digging deeper and deeper into me, sweat covering even his brow as he kept my legs parted. It felt as if he were giving it all, but not in terms of skills. In terms of heart. He was ... fucking his heart out, if that makes any sense.

Jake bent over to come capture my lips in his for a moment, and I hooked my legs to his back. He squeezed my hand, leaving his face behind my neck. I could feel his breaths hitching, and I worried about protections, because it was clear that he was close, but Jake prevented me, making me whimper as he pulled out last minute, only to stroke himself hard and finally come over my stomach.

I remained there contemplating him as he caught his breaths, pretending to be asleep just not to let him know I was staring at him, and the way his chest rose and fell with his heavy breaths had me smile inevitably, which obviously gave me away. Who cares, though. He looked so gorgeous. Even more gorgeous than the usual.

He looked as though he’d just descended Heaven or something. He was completely soaked in sweat, disheveled, tired, yet ... he looked so breathtakingly gorgeous that my heart swelled. There’s so much more to Jake Watson than his six-pack and gorgeous face, yet now I realize why are all those women enticed.

There’s just something in him, something that calls out to your deepest core. Something that makes you claw at the tiniest chance you may have of being with you. Suddenly I understand Olivia. I too would cling to the most remote hypothesis that I may keep Jake in my life. Suddenly I realize I’ve been a fool not to see the gem that’s been there all along.

Jake collapsed beside me, and swiftly grabbed the covers to tuck us in, spooning me, which made me smile. He entwined our fingers, and kissed my temple. Times like this, even I feel like being mushy and cliché. “I love you.” I must have said it like ... four times in a month?

Jake smiled, placing a small kiss on the back of my ear. ”Ti amo più di quanto tu possa immaginare.”

And there goes my heart, swooning and fluttering and swelling and flying so high it might never land. If this is what it feels like to be happy, then please, don’t wake me.

***

I said, don’t wake me. Damnit. Why does the day always come to spoil the night? Sigh.

I stretched my hand behind me to reach out for Jake, but instead I found nothing. Wait ... nothing?

I sat up abruptly, confused. I know what happened last night was borderline utopian, but I’m pretty sure it did happen, you guys can witness it. Yet ... oh, come on, did Jake seriously walk out on me?

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