I'm Here to Fix You

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Chapter 55

CHAPTER 55 - WHAT DO I DO?

JAKE’S POV

“Silvia, wait ... I’m sorry!” There goes another piece of furniture. She must have broken a dozen of those. She was a fury, and my living room was the innocent victim.

“Sorry?! You’re sorry?!! And you think that’s going to cut it?!!”

Oh, Jesus, Christ, what have I done ... there was a vein on her neck pulsing, her eyes were mere slits, and she kept charging at me, whilst I kept backing up, not to face the furious demon in her. Good thing at least Olivia had the bright idea of scuttling away the moment my girlfriend started breaking everything.

“Come back here, you coward! Fight me if you dare!” Silvia hissed, kicking my leg, but I backed up.

“Of course I’m not gonna fight you! You’re pregnant!”

She grabbed the vase I bought merely to keep the flowers I got for her and she didn’t like, and she threw it at me. Obviously, I dodged it, which caused for it to crash against the wall, water and everything. She grabbed everything she could, and threw it at me, while I circled the room, trying not to get any close to her. It’s good that I have good reflexes, otherwise she’d have already caused me a concussion five times at least.

In the end she caged me against the couch, though, and I had to cover myself with my arms when she grabbed a stack of magazines, and began hitting me with it. “Silvia, come on! Let’s talk about it!”

“I. Don’t. Want. To. Talk about it! I wanna kill you! You’re dead, Jake Watson!! Dead, dead, dead!!!” And there she goes hitting me again, until I started running around the apartment, and she started chasing me, until she just threw away the magazines, and, once found a way to grab my arm, she twisted it, and pushed me against the wall. Told you she could kick my ass, too.

“Baby, come on ... I ... I’m sorry. I just ...”

“Don’t even try it!” She kicked my leg. “Don’t you even try to justify yourself!”

The more I tried to speak, the more violent she got, and I had no other choice but to just back up. I couldn’t react, could I? She’s freaking pregnant.

“Face me, you coward!!” Silvia shouted, at the top of her lungs and fury. “Take responsibility for once in your life!”

“I do! I just don’t wanna fight you!” I tripped into the coffee table, and that gave her the go to near me again, and slap me. Fuck, I felt it, I so fucking felt that.

“You’re a stupid coward!”

“I am, yes! Because I don’t wanna hurt you!”

“You just did!” Oh, Christ, no, tears no ... anything, but not tears. Silvia’s eyes filled with those goddamn tears, not even her glasses could cover them, and I felt like each and every single one of them stabbed me right through my ribs.

“Baby, I ...”

“Why?” She spat amongst sobs. “Just ... why?”

I wish I knew. I just ... it happened. One moment I’m comforting Olivia while she tells me she broke up with the guy she was seeing, the other we’re kissing. And we stumble back against the sofa, and clothes just ... disappear, until we’re deeply immersed in it, and I don’t even know where I am anymore. Then I hear the door slam so loud that it deafens me, and when I turn around I see Silvia standing there, madly furious.

“Why did you do that?!” She punched my chest, tears streaming her cheeks, but not weakening her anger in the slightest bit. “Why did you have to do that?!”

“I don’t know ...”

She punched my shoulder. “That’s not a fucking answer, Jake!”

“I know!”

“I’m pregnant! And you just fucking cheated on me!”

“I didn’t!” Cue the red spots in her bloodshot eyes. Since she raised her knee to kick me again, and this time in a very sensitive spot, I saw to quickly slide away as well as point out: “I mean, we didn’t go further than kisses.”

“You’re naked!”

“Half naked. And really ... just kisses.”

Silvia shot daggers at me, and slapped my face so hard that it turned around on its own. “Kissing is cheating, you jerk. And don’t bullshit me, you were going further. Hadn’t I walked in, you’d have gone further!” She slapped my chest. ”Mi hai tradito! After all you promised!”

“I’m sorry! I really am!” As if that’s gonna make a fucking difference, Jake.

I saw her fist clenching, I saw it raising at level with my face, so I dodged it, but it was a bad move. Because not only that made her angrier, but it also gave her the go to come closer, and knee me, knocking out my poor family jewels. “Fuck.” I doubled over in pain while Silvia stood there, seething.

"Sei uno sporco bastardo traditore e bugiardo. Ugh, ti odio, Jake Watson, ti odio!" And there she goes, storming out while I try not to see double due to the pain to my groin. Oh, Jesus Fucking Christ, this time she really broke my dick, I think.

“Silvia, wait! Let’s talk about it!” Oh, fuck, it hurts.

She stopped at the open door, but she didn’t turn around. ”Non ho niente da dire a un pezzo di merda traditore come te.” She hissed, tightly gripping the doorknob. Then, with a broken voice, she spat out the words I wish I could delete from my memory: “We’re done, Jake. There’s no going back this time.”

***

SILVIA’S POV

“I don’t mean to pry, Silvia, but ... I can’t help noticing that you’ve come to the last appointments on your own. Where’s Jake?”

“Rotting in Hell, I hope.” I gritted through my teeth, gaining Dr. Stuart’s puzzled look. I didn’t care to explain, so I just veered the subject towards more pressing matters: “I’ve chosen the couple.”

“But-”

“Mr. and Dr. Levinson.” I read the names on the file I handed over. “They seem nice. And she’s exactly the type of great female influence I want on my-on this child.”

“But are you sure ...”

“Ugh, for the hundredth time, doctor, yes, I’m sure! I’ve already talked to the woman at the adoption agency, she guided me through the process, and she’ll arrange a meeting with the Levinsons.”

“Without Jake?”

I shot daggers at her. “If you must know, Jake and I broke up, so he’s no more in my life, therefore no more involved in this ... process.”

“Well, legally he should be ...”

I scoffed. “I don’t give a flying shit what the law or you or him or anybody says. That bastard lost every right to have a voice in the matter the moment he cheated. He’s dead to me.”

She blinked her eyes, flabbergasted. “These seem harsh words for a woman that was so in love with her boyfriend ...”

I shrugged. “We all make mistakes.”

“Maybe, but-”

“With all due respect, doctor, it’s none of your business.”

Dr. Stuart sighed, leaning back on her chair. “You’re right ...” she rubbed the bridge of her nose, clearly frustrated, but never as much as I.

I’ve spent the past 7 weeks dodging every possible contact with the bastard, and when I couldn’t avoid it, I made sure he remembered why he ought to steer clear of me. I’ve blocked his phone number to avoid his calls, I’ve blocked him on every possible social network in the universe, and last but not least, I’ve applied for a job at a rival publishing house. I have an interview with them today, actually, and I think there’s a high chance they might take me, despite my predicament.

I considered leaving Boston, but I feel good here, I’m not going to leave the one place that makes me feel good just because of a cheating bastard. To think I even boldly told off his uncle for him. I defended him, justified him, I fucking put my own safety in danger for him. And that’s how he repays me.

Well, it’s time to move on. The sooner all of this ends, the better. I have 2 more months to go, and I can’t wait.

“Alright, um ... well, everything is going pretty well.” Dr. Stuart said, eyes on her computer.

“What about preeclampsia?”

“Well ... I think I might have misread the signs.” Why did I choose her, again? My grandmother could know more about pregnancies, I swear.

“Have you?” I spat, unnerved.

“Well ... I mean, it was hard to tell. Your blood pressure was too high and there were proteins in your urine and ...”

“In short, you fucked up, doctor.” I grumbled, shooting daggers. I can’t believe I put my health in the hands of a newbie. I thought she was competent, her curriculum showed her skills ... never trust opinions on the web. I sought a competent gynecologist that would follow me through this goddamn process, yet I found nothing but a poorly skilled newbie that spent more time ogling my boyfriend other than working.

Sorry, EX boyfriend. Also bastardo, traditore, bugiardo ... and many, many other names I could say, but I don’t think learning cuss words should be your first step in learning Italian.

Dr. Stuart heaved a flustered sigh, biting her lip. “I ... well, I guess I did. Sorry. I was ... I’m sorry, I got confused by ... well, I wasn’t very professional. I’m sorry.”

Confused by the man sitting beside me? Oh, how come that’s not new? Good Lord, women, it’s just a man, not a god descended on Earth to delight us all with his blinding good looks. I bet that if they knew how he is really, they wouldn’t be so enticed.

“Mmh. You can deliver babies, though, right? Or should I find a new doctor?” I spat. Okay, maybe these days I’m snappier than usual, so what? Anything to say about it?!

Dr. Stuart gulped, frowning. “Wait a minute, I can do my job. I-”

“Well, doesn’t seem like it, doctor.” I muttered. “If your professionalism flies out of the window every time a handsome man enters your office, then maybe you should consider telling your patients to come on their own.”

She opened her mouth to argue, her eyes blinking frantically as, I bet, she pieced together everything I just said, maybe too quickly for her narrow mind.

Okay, okay, sorry, maybe when I’m pissed I get bitchy. Sorry about that. Go read Jake if you don’t like me. In fact, what are you doing still here? Shouldn’t you run off to your poor broken-hearted bad boy and see to heal his wounds?

“Man?” Dr. Stuart wondered, as if right about now realizing what I just said. “What ... oh.”

“Yeah.”

She smiled, weirdly enough. “Oh, Silvia, I think you misunderstood me ...”

“Did I? Because other than in your job, you seemed much more interested in-”

“You.”

“What?” My mouth opened agape, but she just laughed.

Dr. Stuart better sat on her chair, making herself comfortable, or rather, more uh ... interesting. She’s a nice-looking woman, I’ll give her that. “I said I was unprofessional. That I got confused, distracted, and I shouldn’t have let that happen, in fact I’m really sorry.”

“Yes, you got confused by-”

“You.” She smiled charmingly. ”You confused me.”

“What ... how ... why?”

She pursed her lips, eyeing me intently. “Well ... it’s really, really, really unprofessional, and if you prefer to see another doctor, I can direct you to a colleague, but ... you see, my sense was clouded every time you came here or called me, because ... I like you, Silvia.”

“What?” I fell from the clouds. This can’t be happening.

“I mean, I know you’re straight and all, but ... I think I might have ... developed ... feelings for you, and ... that’s what clouded my judgment.”

“But you ... I mean, every time you ogled Jake and ...”

“No ...” she laughed, leaning out on her desk, “no, I wasn’t interested in Jake, believe me. If it appeared so, it was only my attempt at covering up my crush on you.”

“Oh.”

“Yes.” Dr. Stuart smiled, though her cheeks were a little flushed. “It was all a huge mistake from my part, letting my feelings prevail ... I misdiagnosed everything. I’m sorry if I gave you such a huge scare, it wasn’t my intention. Actually, I was as much scared as you when I read those symptoms ...” she bit her lip, smiling sheepishly. “These months have been long, tiring and complicated for me. I mean, I’ve never had feelings for a pregnant woman ... falling for a straight woman? Yes. But pregnant? Uh, never. I always cared about my professionalism. You’re ... the exception.”

“Uh ... o-kay ...?” How the hell do you react to a confession like that?

Dr. Stuart’s smile faded a little, but she tried to keep it. “I’m sorry, I put you in an awkward position ...” she heaved a deep sigh, and reached for her phone. “I’ll give you the number of a colleague of mine, he’s really good.”

“No, I’d rather not.”

She frowned, although there was a glimmer of hope in her eyes. “No?”

“Well, I only have 2 months left and ... despite everything, you know me, the case and all ... I’d rather not start over when we’re almost done.”

“I see.” And there it goes, disappointment replaces hope. I’m afraid she hoped I didn’t want to change because I felt something for her.

I suppose this is how Jake feels whenever women show interest in him even though he did nothing ... mmh, probably no. The interest women show in him does nothing but boost his huge ego, while me, being told such things made me feel embarrassed and also guilty because, did I encourage her in any way? I was always quite gruff with her, I don’t see how could she develop any feelings for me, but I guess we’re all weird when it comes to these things.

“Well then,” Dr. Stuart forced a smile on her face, “I guess I’ll see you next week. Let me know how it goes with the adoptive couple.” Oh, God, I broke her heart. I could read it on her face. She morphed it as best as she could in an indifferent countenance, but it was clear that she was hurt. Now I regret being always so harsh with her. And actually now I realize why did she never tell me to fuck off whenever I was harsh with her. I mean, she’s the doctor, was I in her shoes, I’d have just told my patient to find someone else, if she didn’t like me. But she never said a word, and now I see why.

“Okay ...” I stood, needing to dash out of this office as soon as possible. I swear, I’ve never felt so out of place and awkward in my entire life. “I’ll see you next week.” I headed to the door, and she stood, following me.

When I twisted the knob, Dr. Stuart placed a hand on my shoulder, as if to accompany me out, her smile sweet and kind. If I think of how bad I was with her these months, as corrupted by jealousy as I was ... “I hope we can start over, Silvia. No awkwardness.”

You just freaking told me you’re falling for me, how can I not be awkward? Reminds me of that time I found myself in the same situation ... when my boss confessed he was in love with me. So much time has passed since then, so many things have happened, so much void has come to split my heart.

Either way, I did my best to smile sincerely at Dr. Stuart. “Of course.” In the end she’s not bad. She just chose to fall for the wrong person. Ah, how well I know what a shitty situation that is ... when you give your heart to someone you thought would cherish it, yet the moment you distract he takes the chance to backstab you. What a beautiful sensation to have your heart ripped out of your chest, yet still beating and bleeding before your eyes. Lovely.

***

JAKE’S POV

“Good morning, boss. Here’s the schedule for the day.” Tess announced, her anger seeping through. I didn’t even want to look up. “And this is the resignation letter.” She threw a paper in my face.

I frowned. “What resignation paper?”

She shot daggers at me, no, she incinerated me just with her eyes, and I don’t blame her. “You need a new girlfriend, jackass. And a new translator.”

“What?” I looked up, confused, and mildly panicking. “She ... Silvia left? Why-I mean, when?” I know full well why. She did say she would leave, I just hoped she would change her mind ... I hoped the attachment to the publishing house would be strong enough to keep her despite my presence. But I suppose that the fact that she went on early maternity leave and that she keeps on ignoring my work emails should have been a sign.

“She delivered the paper this morning.” Tess spat, furious.

“Wait, she was here? You didn’t tell me!”

Tess, aka, the best friend of the girl whose heart I broke, let me remind you, scoffed, mentally killing me in a thousand different painful ways, I bet. “As if I would even tell you such a thing.” She hissed. “I wouldn’t even speak to you if I wasn’t forced to.”

“If that’s the case, then maybe you should resign, too. Follow your friend in unemployment. Good luck with that.” I snapped.

“Actually,” she smirked triumphantly, “Silvia has already found a new job.”

“What?”

“You think someone like her wouldn’t find a line of publishers waiting?” Tess scoffed. “Please, 2 days after she put the advertisement and changed her LinkedIN status she got 5 job offers.”

“You gotta be kidding me ...”

“Not at all.” Tess grinned, spiteful. “Once she’s off maternity leave, she’ll start working for McClare & Ferguson as editor and translator. Three times the wage you gave her, jackass.”

I narrowed my eyes at her. “She can’t do that.” I ripped the resignation paper without reading it. “There’s a contract, she can’t just go and accept a job from our most direct competitor.”

“She can.” Tess handed me another paper. “She did say you would rip it, so I made copies. Just read it, jackass.”

“May I remind you I’m your employer, Ms. Doherty?”

She scoffed. “You could be the emperor of the universe, for all I care. To me you’re just the jackass that broke my best friend’s heart by cheating on her while she was pregnant with his child! You’re lucky David convinced me to go easy on you not to make a fuss.”

“Oh, and this is going easy on me? You barely even speak to me as it is, Tess.”

“Silence treatment is the least you deserve, jackass.” She slammed onto the table the cup of coffee I hadn’t seen. “And hey, how does my spit taste, boss?”

“Tess ...”

“You’re a damn asshole, Jake. And I don’t care if you fire me, I don’t want anything to do with you until you make things right.”

“I tried! But she won’t talk to me!” I snapped, standing, my headache starting to grow. It happens, when I’m frustrated and sleepless for too long, I get migraines. The fact that nightmares have restarted and are even more ferocious than before doesn’t help.

“That’s because you betrayed her, asshole! To think I even pushed her into giving you a chance! What a waste. Now I realize, she was better off with Ryan.”

“Ugh. Whatever you say, I don’t give a shit.”

She shot daggers, but I couldn’t care less. I’ve spent the past 7 weeks trying to get a hold of my girlfriend, but I keep receiving doors slammed in my face, and when I try too hard, she tells me to fuck off and reminds me we’re done. We can’t be done, it can’t end like this ... we were to build a future together, damnit.

And yes, yes, I know, I fucked up, don’t start you, too.

“You know what, I quit, too.” Tess snapped proudly.

“You can’t. Neither of you can!” I repeated, my voice raising. “There’s a fucking contract! Or do you want me to drag both your asses in court?”

She scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest just as David entered my office. “Incompatibility in the workplace. It gives me right to break off the contract even without your permission.”

I glared at my deputy-editor. “Did you put her up to this?”

David raised his hands in surrender. “Not at all.” He smiled as he glanced at Tess. “You fail to recognize her value, Jake, I can’t deny it.” Of course he would say that, he’s smitten.

“Well, I reject your resignation and hers. If Silvia wants to fix this, she’ll have to talk to me.” I’m tired of these games, she’s acting like a whiny child. I made a terrible mistake, but we should talk about it, not just ignore the elephant in the room and give up. She’s pregnant, for God’s sakes.

“Oh, she will ...” Tess scoffed, “she will talk to you ... on your death bed.”

“You-”

“You broke her heart, Jake. Betrayed her trust. If you know her one bit, you’ll know she’s never going to forgive you for that. You may as well forget about her, because Silvia is done with you, you should know.

I know that even too well. Why do you think I can’t sleep a wink? Why do you think I keep dragging myself around like a lost soul? Why do you think my heart aches like this? I fucked up. And this time begging for forgiveness won’t help. So what do I do?

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