Chapter 1: The Intellectual
I want to tell you a story about a country about the world. The worst of times and the beasts of times the times of now. I want to do magic and wave the wand and make believe and misbehave and do all manner of outstanding deeds. Do not throw the magic aside away and do not let it disappoint or disappear or despair.
The magic do not throw away? No I want the magic to stay for this world is a world of dreams and substance. Even if one has had a difficult life, yes most people do have difficult lives even the rich who dislike being criticised have someone criticising them. The life we make makes other lives impossible to live. There are the possibilities of change. I believe in change in the matter of my life and the life of others. That death comes as a end when we die it ceases to matter where we live does.
That most people I am certain have not heard about Wickham castle and did not know that a mine was built near it causing it to crumble and subside and that a great deal of maintenance work needed doing which has proven costly to the nation as well as the county. But the charities had the right money for it and a million for the paintings done in a Maudsley is that much that they cannot contain their joy. Even the Germans have that.
You see the charities have thrown aside some money for Wickham and that Pemberley was a part of Wickham’s idea. We now we believe to be true and the poor Labour party had the audacity to build a mine nearby therefore destroying poor Jane Austen in one go. The Lord Chancellor has set aside some money too being in the right budget with the right country. But let the democratic system be not abusive to minors and villains. 7000,000 are not too much for our heritage is it? No not at all heritage away.
We do not like them saying we are nothing to do with Wickham he was a bad lad who went behind Darcy’s back to pinch his adoring sister and that Darcy found out just in time was a moral to good husbandry. But Jane Austen got the name Wickham for Pemberley and done away with the right ideology. How dare she take in vain a name of a castle for poor Wickham when he a lane not far away from me? Not even East Wickham near the Bethlem is that good. No Wickham is not a lane it is a lad who marries in vain a plenty of women and frequents brothels.
The thing is behind our backs the rich have come to their own and taken away our democracy and left behind the charities that misbelieve. We love Leonardo Vinci and you are not he? The thing was they got the little painting at the National and now everyone can see how a masterpiece can work and the thugs and the question marks are these what we doing this for if not for the living but for the dead?
We love buying paintings from proven artists.
Not unproven nor underachievers.
“We are not appointed as critics but buying Leonardo is a good investment while you are not.”
“I say never. I am cheaper than Leonardo De Vinci.”
“We know you are.”
“The thing is behind you.”
“We know who you are.”
“They are behind you.”
“No they are not.”
“They are going to eat you.”
“No most definitely not because I have a hard skin.”
“That is why we are not buying you because we do not like cheap.”
We do anything but wrong and this is not behaving improperly? Not at all we are doing well out of the charities. If we go out and about we get free lunch and free clothes and even if we do suck breasts and cocks we do make ends meet.
The food is in the mouths of lions you know and we must be brave and award ourselves the bravery reward as the black man and woman with their nursing qualifications come to send us the rites of passages. Read the law and read it well this is a democratically elected parliament. Did we elect him? He was not even in the polls. No the government sacked the others because they gave the poor their pensions instead of making it into tidy sums and now we do have our money we can spend it and spend it not like the government would have liked. Building a conservatory or going on a holiday is not a good idea at all and making a deal with a car deal is not right not in this economic times. Here take another thirty pence and we will say no more about it if you work hard it is about 500 a year that is a pinch and a deal shake hands on it?
The hard working families now have five hundred more to spend but at a pinch we have taken away another thirty pounds from the disabled and the able in order to pay this princely sum.
The intellectual does want to understand what the other side of the coin is like for example how the other half lives. The pauper for the rich intellectual is a source of amusement and knowledge like the Pavlov dogs and they like to experience the pleasures of knowing such an animal. They study it in depth and the knowledge that they gain from this endeavour makes their lives all the richer their enrichments are so huge that they even cohabit with the lower classes and make them their pets and know howls. Do you know Howard? Who is Howard? He is one of them from the Big Bang Theory. Oh really, what is that about? A bit like Friends only more so.
“No most definitely it is about scientist who does not really understand the normal everyday life which is like changing a flat tyre and making a good cook.”
“Does he mean a cook?”
“No he means a cock.”
“No he means a cookery book.”
“Should we be worried?”
“Shoulder to cry on and we should be worried.”
“What is the meaning of this?”
“Sorry sir my phone is about to be recharged had a moment to spare.”
“Okay. Where is your other phone?”
“Left it somewhere.”
“Well boy find it. I paid good money for that cell net.”
“He is our man Friday. What?”
“He has been given a fortnight to be boss because he has a short time to live. The NHS thought he should have what he wants.”
“In Turkey every year they have children pretending to be prime Ministers.”
“Here we do the thing in a way more decently.”
“Nothing of the sort.”
What has that to do about anything? I really don’t know really do not know sorry for wasting your time. That is okay my phone was on the receiving end of being recharged. Oh so you did not waste your time I am so glad about that. Really I am.
“Stop sobbing woman it is no use there is nothing much one can do while we waste time while our phones are recharging.”
“It is unbearable to me.”
“Can a psychiatrist help?”
“Do we have time while the phone is recharging?”
“No they are all busy treating the demented.”
“Well what else can we do?”
“Create a baby?”!
“That is okay I have a few done like that it is not a way to conceive a child that is what experts say they should not be allowed to multiple because the extra room needed is never on time and they are not able to supply on demand.”
“Housing shortage has created a hosepipe ban?”
“We have to be timed all the time now.”
“Special meters and everything.”
“Otherwise no water they said so and we have to use smart meters.”
“What are smart meters?”
“It has something to do with where the man is in the shower and he does not have enough credit.”
“What is he doing if he does not have enough credit?”
“Because he is smarter than the smart meter.”
“So what does he do?”
“He runs for it.”
“To the bank which is a hole in the wall.”
“With his towel.”
“Did you mean trowel?”
“No he left the dragon home.”
“Is he arrested?”
“No because the policeman are all busy.”
“Saying hi have a nice day to all and sundry.”
“It is because he was doing the sundance.”
“Hi and have a nice day.”
“Hi and have a nice day means don’t have a nice day from them who knows what it is not to have a nice day.”
“But we are all having a nice day?”
“Damn rot we are not.”
“We do not know who to vote for.”
“They are all the same.”
“Well if you vote football it is the same if you vote for disco it is the same if you vote for other things it is the same.”
“Well it is the same all round.”
“Let me shower you with respect.”
“Look have a nice day.”
“Look I am not having a nice day at all.”
“I am having this nasty suspicion.”
“That you have benefited from the chaste kiss.”
“No not me sorry you got the wrong woman.”
“I have a suspicious mind.”
“Yes of course everyone leave the room.”
“Well it is over and done with I am no longer suspicious about your love. And of course I will.”
“Buy me a diamond in the store?”
“Yes of course.”
“And a buddy?”
“To drive the cab.”
“Yes I will it will bring in an income.”
“Yes of course it might also benefit the house.”
“It is worse than the chastity belts they used to have by the blacksmiths.”
“No bath time stories as well.”
“No nothing as far as I can see.”
“The smart meters are a shame.”
“Bank in the wall?”
“Look whoever thought this country is Eyptian has no idea that we don’t live in austerity for nothing.”
“We are crumbling under the weights and measures.”
“How did you measure?”
“I am not measuring how I measured.”
“How many Universities measured you?”
“They all found me wanton.”
“Austerity and deceptions and ill winds which keep on coming.”
“Hi have a nice day.”
“Because you know I might have not have a nice day is that it?”
“No sir of course not.”
“Look there is a queue here we all want our cups tea.”
“I have been here for a good ten minutes and have not been served yet.”
“There is a large queue.”
“She is behaving sluggish and is gone off the menu.”
“Yes we need something fresher and younger to look at.”
“I think she is the only worker here so you have no choice in the matter.”
“Have a nice day.”
“Don’t say that.”
“Smart meters are here again.”