Chapter 11: This Broadsheet is not for children
Children will never understand what I am saying. When Penelope was doing her sewing and her virtue was so well renowned that everyone cried for her thighs the husband left the home in order to die. What for? Because someone else was in the house with her all the time and it was her son and heir who got into her.
Well the mighty Ulysses could not do anything about this he could not kill his only child who was brought up so lovingly by the wife woman. When he had left his son he had been a babe and now look at him a grown man hulk-like himself. He and they had the shared thoughts and all that but what did he and they have in common now? They had the same interests of the throne they had the shared responsibilities towards their people.
They had the same thoughts the same akin alertness and they did have the same minds only he the more so. How can a dad be more than a son? He agitated so and he went wild with something called madness and ill reasons. He spat the words out of his soul he spat it out all the time as if it was gore.
If only he would have turned to stone he would have been so much more than now.
The love he had felt was for a vision a dream. A wife he left behind out of warfare and justice and order and all that what did him now he common with this wrench this wretched woman? She knew all the decorum all that one needed to know.
He had taught her many things in bed before he left and she now showed him what maturity meant. The talk went from the one thing to the next. He was running dry out of his stories and he did not make the mistake that she easily bored. He now a story teller to her boredoms and he went wild with jealousies.
The stores of his experience was such that he begins to detest his own truth and learning this woman is a vulture of readership and he disliked her for it. A king now a mere story teller? Like a entertainer for the likes of her and her female friends and their only child a son.
Born in wedlock and bon fide heir to the throne which he had kept safe and now near being vacant. So the wife listened and he told and evenings passed in this manner with all the mannerisms of the odd! Why should a wife not know that a husband can become jealous when he tells of the wife he had married for seven years with two children as fruit of his loins? She seemed to think it not strange at all. Not the jealous type at all.
Did she miss him at all? Of course she had and it had only become unbearable when they all tried to rape her before that it was just odd. Her sewing all day and unpicking the whole night her tapestry of the glorious things of Greece.
And he had to retell all he had spent. The time away he had spent without her and there was the reckoning to be paid. His suspicious mind grew so tall that maybe his wife did not have passions at all? That a mere child with the grown body? That she had no feelings for him?
Her resplendent garments and her tittering talks and her little lady like mannerism begins to irritate him. He does not want to be cruel but has she grown older or was it just a misunderstanding set by the Gods. What does it matter to him what she does or says when she has become this odd silly bag of bones.
And she and the son had bonded unnaturally close and he sought reasons and what for and he could not but see they had more in common than with any words. The nightmares begin to haunt his sleep and he is insane that he might kill her or become strange.
He could say he had been away twenty two years and he yearned for the wife he had left behind instead there was his queen. Civil behaviours set his tongue dry and he began to drink until so drunk his senses leave him as if this was not enough his tittering wife would not leave him never left his side at all? No doubt only to the toilet and back.
So he an old man by then went and died. The thing is strange is it not how he could have brought his other children into the realm and disowned the son but his love was broken he died broken and odd.
The thing was he was considered the lucky one of the whole army of War of Troy for the Helen of Troy. So lucky that he had survived the burning which one wife did for her husband and another had the daughter destroyed on a ship. The deeds of war and another had something else in store when the husbands go out to war the wives do not stay staid and sensible they come out for gore.
When there is nothing?
(I was in my earliest brief happiness and I was a very good child very good and clean and wholesome and had just had this and the other done to me. Mother began to put arsenic in my cordial. She did a bit at a time and there was nothing else but this pain in my stomach. I thought it was my period and dad said he could not go yet again to prison. He had been arrested that night on hot dog charges and had spent the night in jail. He just could not bear it he told her he just could not bear another sentencing.) He writhed on the floor screeching and crying. I could hear him banging his fists on the bed as she cuddled him and made him right.
They both cried that night as if the floods would not escape and they could never be repaired two people who had failed who now grown older by their doomed love. His hair went white that night and that was when she began to despair she hated growing old and he showed weakness and he weakening meant she grew stronger.
He could never be the same ones they had hoped for. That they did not have someone to answer for even if he did not become that involved. In the show he was her guardian but they could not kill her out right and he and she had not got along since her pangs had started.
(I was rescued and placed with the family who had been the one’s looking after me so the family were paid twice for doing the same job.) Somewhere there was somebody kind who paid for the things which I had need of.
The gaps between the poor and the rich are such stuffs which make the nightmares beget nightmares. The rich have what is known as time and life to speak and search round for the right things which makes their days brighter and brighter. The poor have to do a lot of searching for the right time to do the right things and their time is never wasted until at the weekends when they do something like socialise.
My painful stomach when my period began became agony. He nine years older than me had his life and his manners and all that sort of thing. His life had taken off he left me behind he left me beheaded in some showbiz tragedy.
His life had been one of goodness and strength. He was into busily living it up all the time and he did not really want to know. He was not married. So he could not keep her and she had to stay where she belonged. He thoughtless thought no harm done and nothing to do but wait while the child grew. As she was bright and good she would have no problem doing well.
You see him not the father so he could not see what he could do to help the everyday little deeds. He could not think of that he was in this huge pitfalls of evil doing. The business workload heavier by the day and he taking over many companies and doing the jobs needed and doing. This he did not need a child to tag along as well. An emotional troubled child at that.
He could not think like a female he was a busy mature male and he could not deal with this pre teen who got into all sorts of troubles could he? He had too much at stake and she was very attractive and he had his own baggage to deal with.
She had this timidity and did not tell him what was really going on and he could not understand what was going on.
This made matters worse by the language and the secretive smiles of the couple which turned him into suspecting incest and all manner of things. He was not innocent and he supposed he did not belong and wanted to get out as soon as he walked in. There was not much to answer for but human frailty and all that.
She then turned on him when she a teenager and she swept along his finer feelings and failed him somewhat and he was a failure without realising it? Yes she never told him about the arsenic and the things which went along in there. He did not only want to know but he desperately did. Not what he wanted to see this vulnerable fond woman he had left behind for Hollywood women and wives.
(The night they decide not to poison me was the night grand died so her mother writes her a letter and tells her adding this postscript to be good and all that for his sake. And they turned over a new leaf because of that? Yes but grand dad had died many years previously and her writing them that note on that January 1970 was what about? As if something was never right with her and him and grandmother knew about this? She sent me over to be cared for taken care of and this is how they did it by poisoning my cordial?)
There is human remorse and redemption one feels as if this is what it was and is. Humanity is full of pitfalls like that in one week that followed we had the happiest of times and my stomach pains went away. Psychosomatic they all said at the surgery and I was well and able now to walk about without much discomfort.
Then the man gave the money to pay for the cafe we wanted. We had to work hard to keep it. The thing was the rich and the poor seem to have different needs. Their needs are difficult to grudge okay he did pay for the cafe by giving the money but what he did not give was his time. His time meant more money than I would earn in a life time. He did not and could not be there all the time because now it was different more difficult for him. So mum when he away did a lot of hard grafting and destroying.
He cried that night and soon afterwards granddad died and ma said she now placed pa as the head of the household and that was her new pa. Her pa had died her pa had died and she placed her husband who could not kill me to the head of the place. It gradually dawned on me that it was somehow sinister.
That now in ma’s eyes dad was the target you see? No of course not because you are not a psycho and that is exactly what mother is. She begins to poison dad instead. He shouting all round that he is being poisoned and nobody believed him and they would never do. He has diabetic symptoms and he eats the whole tray of sweet syrupy pastries which her family prepare for his liking.
For they are bandits and they kill in small groups. Nobody can tell who is doing what but they have their assigned places they do their jobs and then go out and do not stay for the kill until the end when they hear the news. Not even then would they let on their part in the death of the would be murder victim.
When they come to see the whole thing. Beautiful creatures that have nothing but the thoughts of the whole clan in their mind.
My hair begins to fall because of the arsenic.
Dad brings the sweets home and it is delicate pasties and they are so sweet and juicy they melt in ones mouth.
(He brings them home with him and we eat as well because we not diabetic it does not affect us but for him it is slow madness. His whole body caves in and he is driven madder and madder by it? Of course and he is now known as this madman who breaks chairs in cafes and does fights. He also comes down naked to seek custom.)
Into the cafe as if the near time energies which he had spent in abusive behaviours now catching up on his life? Yes his life now one joke a jest he could never have behaved with anything but liking. I think he had become confused about his sexuality or something. The cafe reminding him of what he had been.
Like Jack in the box again he comes down naked and goes up again after a show and there is satisfaction in his glance that the men have seen or the wives have too.
One girl who had been recently engaged laughs outright.
Another thing happen
The man begins to distances himself from all this as if the family not to his liking and not only that they have nothing to do with his sort of people. I thought it had everything to do with us. Look if I leave them I would be leaving you he just does not understand that. And he just said leave them to it and come with me. I could not.
You see it is a difficult life with difficulties all the time and if at the first set back one leaves then it forms a pattern of behaviour. I could not become like that. I could not leave whenever there was a obstacle or trouble.
I tormented him and he was jealous but I could not explain it for his liking he disliked the thought he had been right about incest all along but there is this thing patterns of doing what is right for not just us but the entire family the whole thing the everything.
I just could never leave responsibility and he knew this and I said to him I can’t come with you not without my family being looked after too. But he did not hear he was after another wife another one who did not have anything but he on her mind.
He had just had a baby of his own. He had a new life a new wife and he had somewhere to go? He did not need me anymore he had something to hold onto and he could not have me so he left it.
I resented that so much I went mad and did not even acknowledge it. I was so sad. I grew so much sadder for decades I would not even say what he had done with that shit. His wives were bitches they were a gang and this and the other richer by marrying him. He would not marry me.
Every four years in February I would ask his hand in marriage and he would refuse. Then one year I did not ask him on that date he did not even say a word.
His wives marry him and divorce him making the settlements and all that legal and above board and he now is with me? What on earth is that about? Prenuptials he signed away contracted and signed and sealed. I’m I the only fool in this world? I take on him and his women take the golden handshakes the trophies and all that?
Is that how it is now with that and this and the other? If the sex act is good then we get along in the world if it is bad then hello and goodbye? Is that what the world is coming to when woman who do woman are the fondest things and fondly thought about and remembered. While he is now stroking someone nicer because the wife who he is fondly thinking about is fondly with someone else? They have better lawyers that is all.
“No he can’t divorce his wife because she has his house and that is where his heart used to be when he had a heart.”
Golden rings and diamond pearls and all that a wife needs mink coat and boots and all that sort of thing. Beauties on cat walk waltzing along with him and this is the living standards I get? Get along with you all.
And like a seal he is with me now taking what he should not have got in the first place. There is nothing now remaining but this thing to end. His woman is now with others but they are still singing and dancing like Fred and Ginger and they are the happiest coupled couple ever.
Look I need a lawyer too.
A divorce lawyer or even a lawyer solicitor and lawyer to state what is what. What is fair and what is an affair and what is not an affair? What is a catholic? He can’t divorce his wife. What is marriage? What is mating? What is a one night stand and where do I stand within all this? I am not going to say sorry because it was his fault.
He should have known I was being poisoned because of all that hair lost.
There is not much else to answer for when a child is being poisoned it is as if her life is not what it seems to be. One is behaving irrationally as it is when a child but when once adulthood strikes without preparation than what happiness to know one is still a child.
I a child slowly being poisoned, subdued and mellow with the attitude and the station of being low cast and still a castaway in this small shell like house shelling away the peas and all matters outstanding my man and me still at deadlock.
We know we need a lawyer to make the law great again and it is working not for humanity this obsessions with money and money making more money. But making us smaller and smaller as if we are on a ladder climbing that lentil tree. We have grown so small that even the lentil tree which is about two inches is our giant tree; climbing this giant pot of gold.
And still in the same household now a servant to them. The Charlie of the clown is standing still open mouthed as to what has happened? He has missed the whole plot of the story. The plot being he does not understand has no idea about what has taken place and he does not even want to know as it would interfere and it would mean his disgrace.
I with a Charlie attitude and one is like a little clown to the general dancing partners. He had many dancing partners, which he got for his tangos and his Sambas and all that sort of life he had to live before he dies.
You do not say
She kills Tom she killed before you can’t say I am as powerful now as she is because she kills people for doing less than that she killed before and she can kill now. I know this for a fact because she had been in jail for the murder of her husband. The attempted murder he survived the attack and there is the end of this? He was the other brother who then marries somebody else and his name was Ahmed and we all thought him a uncle but he was the former husband whom they wanted to kill and threw a punch which disfigures him.
The punch makes him angry and well maladjusted and there are many common features in his remarks and he is well disliked by his own children and he is never popular and does not go out and about. He was very young when mother got herself pregnant by him.
I was always in not too much armoured by his company thought him shy and not to the sense of the whole community his house was falling to ruins round his head and his wife had no head of make up or her head had turned to grey. The portly wife who no longer looked like anything but this sham of herself and the children losing too their self respect. That meant they no longer in the same family unit made them feel it too. Their children now man in their late twenties and early thirties but for them their children.
They were enacting Heath cliffe and all that. Cathy did not come home to them because she had never been around a wife who had seduced his brothers and a child who he disliked more than the legal children. He had begot me because of animal lusts and hatreds grew and brewed in his dark malicious soul and his soul mate had only married him for the house which now lay buried in dust. The animals he honoured as if they the ones deserving of a home and a house.
There is almost this disdain in his life. He names his daughter Fatma and he does not look at me ever. He did save my life when I nearly drowned and he did do that? Of course but it was sheep shearing and he did not could not cope with the child.
A difficult troublesome one who went about like a monster of spoilt vengefulness. Nothing like her had he ever seen a sea monster. He went to the sea and told me not to. I follow him there. In the sea almost the same height as he and I drop in to the sea. He was running out of time. I am drowning as he clips this sheep and the others too coming along as obediently as if in line at the farm.
The coral reefs were entangled a lamb goes berserk and I do not hold my breath as someone told me to do so. Eminem or was it Zekiye the child prostitute told me to hold my breath. The thing was she was very well dressed. Well than I could ever be dressed and made up her words as if she well read all the nursery books in the whole library. She behaved very well all the time and did not make fights or frighten anyone at all? Never gassed anyone never knifed anybody and did not eat the entire crop of beans at all.
“I did all that I did all that.”
She could hold her breathing much longer ever so much longer. But she had a bath tub in the house to do so she got plenty of practise in thirty seconds she said. I can hold it more than that. So I dive into the sea and make the discovery that swimming is not my strong point as I sink into the coral and the sheep do not attack me but swear by their feet as me in their way.
I was in the sea with this handsome male and did not find him so very attractive. I would have followed him everywhere. But he did not want to know at all. I did want to do this could not do it. I cried almost in frustration. As this would mean she won the game because she could hold her breathing longer than me.
“But she has a bath tub and not we.” I stamped my feet yet again.
There is a disagreeable moment when he does not look at me at all and then we both join into the sea and he does not see me fall in.
“I thought she would never do it.”
“I meant no harm at all.” He chewed on the jest and knew he had been in the wrong.
So Uncle Ahmed did the whole sheep shearing that day without noticing anything unusual had happened to his brother as well? No not when he sheep shearing.
There is an
On that farm adopted mum has married three brothers all in their own unique way the means to an end.
“She marries them one at a time??”
“I think so truly I don’t know at all.”
Sorry but she fancies this other man too and he is important but there is when she has the cousinly feelings confused with love it is her kissing second cousin. He lived within a door stop away from us and we knew his mother intimately or the town knew her very well as she gave all them high society card playing and there she is constantly having the whole of society down our dump of a neighbourhood.
House prices did neither drop nor the land prices but increased in national treasure. Until her tiara got stolen then she did scream like everyone else but it is costly at £3000 and then she got a smaller one for the princely sum of £500 and we all wondered why she could not afford to buy something more expensive so did the society ladies and they were soon led to believe she card shaping or something. Why have the whole society in there when one is not wealthy and she never paid anyone for their services told them to be there was all that they could do to bear the honour made to them. To work was to make them happiness.
“Yes just like voluntary work here.”
“You work to make yourself happiness.”
“We will be delighted to work for nothing.”
So mother was in a bit of a trouble you see she was in loving with three men all brothers and could not settle on one of them. Three husbands and all? Well she had to marry each of them in turn. After each had their turns then they could move on.
She also has three children?
“So the President or the doctor not your dad?”
“I don’t know I think not though because if he had behaved in such a ill conceits he would never have got over mother. He was too highly respectable.”
“Well of course.”
“Who is your dad my dear?”
“Your guess is as good as mine.”
“As I said the cordial relationship is over between my adopted mother and me so I can’t even ask for my birth certificate which Erturk had forged in a indecent manner and made my passport and legal entry to the UK possible.”
“Cordial is it a medicine?”
“Bottled or what?”
“No Erturk one could not take anywhere.”
“Forgeries and all that many indecent acts against minors and all the other filthy deeds.”
“Well he did get to it the bottom line was I am a compulsive talker.”
“The thing is when one has to say something one likes to know the people involved.”
“The thinking is when I do know them they are like my parents. I am so attached to them that they can become the permanent fixtures of my dentures.”
There is this couple
Intent on murder they were the couple who then came to England.
Back in Cyprus the male man who was so beautiful was no longer so and he looked like a ugly male who was asking for nothing but death and his daughter did give them meal times and he only ate sweets and he would not allow anything else in the fridge.
The males all make believe they are poets and philosophers waiting for his lands and he is forgiving in the end he gives them what they are asking for. He sees that I eat too much that my eating habits have not changed and probably they cut me out of the will.
“You ate the entire thing away.”
“He hates food and he does not like to see anyone eat at all.”
“He is older than wise.”
“He is an odd man.”
“Who is he?”
“I think he might be one of the optional father.”
“You do not know?”
“No not at all I had many offers saying I was their daughter.”
“I had more fathers then a father if you know what that means?”
“I had to sit on laps and behave like a twit.”
“Cuddly nice and sweet child.”
“Such a nice sweet child.”
“Such a good nice child.”
“Such a nasty brat.”
“Why what she done?”
“Has put out the fires that was burning in me.”
“Party time than.”
I was quite a popular girl back than with the wives who loved their husbands but not with the husbands then they thought I was a lesbian. They all said quite plainly I was what is known as a child who did not take too many when I did was loyal and obedient.
I am disobedient now. Look when is always not saying the truth? I don’t know the true meaning of everything. No writer does and should not be saying so that is what Proust said he was searching for the truth. He did not know it or find it unless it was on his mattress.
Ahmed uncle’s house crumbled to dust and so his wife dyes her hair when he dies and she begins to live before she has not been able to. His life was the only thing taken and he did leave them all comfortable and not bickering like our household manager.
The man in the manger here was not so able he left us in disarray left us in debt left bills and all that to be done the work on that cafe cost much money. There was all that to be made strong with the wall to be built with the upstairs to be secured and the paint work and the everything to be cleaned and dried. The cleaning of the fan took six sodas and I nearly vomited the whole thing out.
This work madden me when they said they had employment status and sent to me R who saw me cleaning six fridges and freezers but did a light took him the whole day to do this work? We spent hours discussing the lands back home which he indeed robbed me of.
This made to work but they the children of the fucked up bitch thought that it did not make sense to them at all. They do not understand all this stress did cause me to fall ill for when the things upstairs nearly toppled downstairs with a two year old in danger of death and the water spilling from the flats downstairs. The upstairs did the thing they fried some rats and chicken together and the smell so awful we nearly choked to death.
“How many slabs did you use for the walls?”
“I think about hundred.”
“It is a massive wall and you carried it by yourself?”
“Yes I had the jobber for a number of weeks two to be exact after that he said he had to leave.”
“The family were busy and they could not leave their station in life as this would impair their respectability.”
“In two weeks we did the wall and the painting and the roof. The wiring and the toilet and the other things.”
“The chickens and the rats came afterwards.”
“Yes when we had rented the place.”
“They kept on pouring water onto the little thing and we had to redo the ceiling.”
“Yes the ceiling was just not passable any longer.”
“That took I think a number of days.”
“We were quite quick. Did not stop for tea breaks.”
“Not at all.”
Now they are free to rent the property and this has made them richer and now they think they are lords of their domains.
Uncles many uncles and who is the father?
The house they owned crumbled into dust and then there was more dust about them. Until the wife and the whole family are covered in dust and ashes and all that.
Yes there is too many goings on and who is the father who is the shag and who is everyone? I want more information and there is no more information. I went to the cafe looking for the right reasons? Why they got my house which was mine and then got ripped off by mummy’s husband number two.
The new owner agreeably smiles and states this fact you work here and I will give you the whole pot a day and not come again. If there is nothing but my word of honour and my friends will not eat any of it and save it for you? Is that a deal? A deal.
He made me work the entire afternoon then gave me a bowl of soup after promising me a whole pot. I flew into a rage stamped my feet and went away never to return again.
Then they try to do this for years and years just to see if they can outwit me for real. This time not a child this time an adult. There is nothing in them but craftiness and deceits and this bloodbath this bloody war against women. Women with brains do not exist women with brains are conceited and vulgar vain and tarnished they are the jades and that is all they are the jades who do anything with anyone and they are not pure they are the Jezebels they are the fiends which nobody can live with or lay or be with. They are the bent the worms the things which do not move at all. They are what is considered the last in the straw they are what the men do to practise and practise and they are never the ones one likes the most.
“Is that me?”
“That is you.”
“I broke his wrist I broke his wrist.”
“I am so very sorry.”
“Mummy. Ah mummy there is a girl who breaks wrists and they told me to go and fuck her.”
“Well whatever next?”
“I hate you.”
“Look no go and tell teacher that is a girl.”
“I will. No one will look?”
“Nobody can see anything there.”
“I put my knickers on tighter and leave.”
So you think you are brilliant how come you can’t do maths? Who do you think you are speaking to? You who think they are brilliant or clever they are charlatans. They must bring me down they must because it is what they must do to make their manhood secure.
The thing was Mum’s husband number one was better. He so handsome and more handsome than ever. But he said to me I ate too much would eat him from house and home and what did it matter to them that I had to eat?
Then husband number three came along the scene looked like rotten husband. But he rode the horses well. He came from the Arabs and he melted mother like melons. Husband number one had to leave the scene after her baby was born and then they beat her nearly to death. She was carted to her family when they all got into some haggish numb jumbo and cursed the whole lot of them.
Uncle Ahmed is my dad?
No way he is not my dad he is never my dad? For he died before he told me he never told me anything of the sort. He never told me nobody tells me anything at all. It is as if they want to wound and wounded me they have.
All the brothers now dead and gone? Left this mortal coils to their own. They nearly made me homeless. That uncle Ahmed my only dad? He was my dad was he not? Bloody do not know. I do not care at all is he my dad or is he not? Who cares? It might be money in there or something’s? Things?
Not In Fashion
It is not fashionable in England to think about anyone or anybody but the one the selfhood which must be at all times the more important than anyone or anything. One is the more important as we live in the dangerous times and the thinkers go and come but the one is the more important. For example take Brexit because of off shore accounts gone to light there was a general election. Where all the electors went to the polls and then voted wrong.
They never meant to vote us out of the economy and sense they just went to the voting polls and voted for the migrants to end the situation of waiting at the door and taking what is theirs. Their money and work prospects and the prospects of looking white and beautiful and having the perfect common figure of size 12. Migrants tend to be a little overweight and this means they have not the perfect size and can become a obstacle to beauty and all that? Well of course this makes them an eye sore and means that there is no joy left to behold.
I mean now the Brits have no trade deals at all. So they cannot sell their wares for love or money because they have no market to deal with. Well with the common market out of the way they have nowhere to go and sell? None whatsoever. They think India is a possibility and were overjoyed by some remarks made by the Chinese. Australia must be the next option but New Zealand has had an earthquake so there is nothing doing until their troubles are over.
Now on the other side of the continent the Donald’s have paid millions of dollars in order to have a tea with the Queen. I mean to take tea with the majesties is a must for anyone and for the Donald’s it is a must according to his butler he has thirty mirrors and the queen must have some as well so the tea drinking would be amazing if they had it with mirrors. The tea cuddy is placed on top of a silver tea pot which has seen many a cleaning and all that. It is in a silver tray with some cucumber sandwiches and they are thin wafer sandwiches with some cake.
Where the Donald’s can have a mirror image of how perfect life can be. But as he is not the president yet but only in waiting he has to be a president before he can go into there. You see one can’t be too careful about the situation.
Because this is the ultimate thing to have the Presidential elect cannot wait to go there and have something to eat with the elegant lady in question.
But we on the other hand are in a bit of a stew and must do some deals before the Brexit and our pride is over the hill. There is not much else we can do about it as this is the healthiest economies and going downhill might take some time.
But everyone does not know what to do about it or how to bear it and there is nothing much but to thank the Murrays for winning the tennis tournaments. If it was not for them this country would be depressed to such an extent that we would have to be hospitalised. But we have the comfort to know that it is nearing Christmas and we can stay at home and enjoy the lights there.
“We will make the world great again.”
But as if this was a good time we did forget to stop the flooding as this never happens all the time? You see the floods do happen now and then and we just have to be prepared. But if we did not have sand and saw dust we would not have a home.
On the news it has a small map without anybody sharing the information and they don’t have the time to go over the mapping area so if there is a flood the neighbours have to be kind to the unfortunates who do not have a television or a licence or anybody at all? That is the old and the disabled and the....... Sorry what is everybody doing?
In our time computers are a necessity. Some school girl on the bus stop said it was her phone because she took it to the shower with her in a shower net and it is quite safe I mean it was quite safe. Computers as well because due to the facts we do have minds to think.
The thing was they spent all that money something in the regions and the flooding keeps on coming. I mean they spend more on building works then they must because it is the apple of their eyes and then they don’t spend money to save the city from flooding?
I am sorry I got emotional.
Not know if we are a flood risk unless we do have a computer so this is what it is? If one did not have a computer one does not have to know?
Why is not for me to question it just happens because we are too happy to think anymore and being happy we don’t like to think bad thoughts. As it would bring a crease to our brows and make us older. That would be a tragedy and all that to think I mean.
So the greatest land of the world the empire is gone because we dislike thinking? Well we did save our rich from taxes. Yes we did and but what did we do with the economy? Well there is not much we can do about this because we did the taxes and saved the rich from paying them? Of course because there might have been a can of worms and everything coming from the closets and that is all that matters.
To save the rich is our main concern because if they put down their lands elsewhere and they went away we would be left high and dry. Instead we are flooded.
Manufacturing is trade and nothing is less useful than that done by vulgar persons who do rough work and should be done by computers not by hands decent and white. That is why we are making the adjustments towards robotics where we can train computer robots to do the work thereby saving the economy and making ends meet and having a clean house at the same time. But one must wait for another hundred years in order to do this scientific work worthy of our cause.
We have the best airports in the world and we are in the centre where everybody has to stop.
Does it mean that building all them run ways is that we are all now going into open prostitutions? What we do not deal with that?
But look this England did not have anything but that in Deptford it began and now it is widespread like the spreadsheets like bunking the PR and the assistants assisting with the blow jobs.
Having the numbers game where everyone can do the mathematics. Look we do not have a trade agreement with and have gone cold with the sweat sheets. I mean it could have been far worse we could have lost the rich who spend a lot of time drinking our water and saving the water broad. We now are flooded I mean literally flooded.
The clubs have re opened in consequence of this.
No doubt they have and there is nothing to do with them if everyone in the club dies as long as they get their licence done proper and are not shut down. Licence fee has gone up to 145 pounds and we only watch the news bulletin. The rest comes from America which we watch with interest otherwise we must watch tennis and the Country file and then there might be something else to watch like the Zombies and there is not enough to watch after a time because the things in America are very nice I like the one where they are murdering each other the police cops are so dishy. Reminds me of this and the other.
The Endeavours of the detectives of Morse does not impress me and the Poirot has not written any other novel. I mean Christie being dead for a long time. We now become exhausted with facts. Agatha Christie is dead is she? Yes she died you know. About the 1980’s and news they say does travel fast. But do you know that Shakespeare is still writing? Which Shakespeare? The one who died in the 1550. And that Picasso is still painting is sure sure. Well what about you have you died yet? Not yet but I am trying.
For long this club is the club foot of our doom and there are not much to think the night life is the sure life and off shores is the main source of our incomes.
That is why we can afford to die in clubs instead of at home.
No wonder the poor will have to wait another fifty years to take an income approaching not the jam but the jam jar and then there might be the jam for the likes of us just barely making ends meet.
This is the source of the demented and the hospitals are beginning to be impolite about doing so much work. That they have been given warnings about rudeness and impoliteness and some are even fleeing to Spain in consequences.
That is why we need more nurses to put us to bed and all that with good night kiss and all medications inclusive.
This rudeness and impoliteness means that we now have to behave with decorum and with respect and take our qs and our up’s from the Queen’s English who is never rude and never impolite and does all that is expected of her.
“Thereby we give her the rights to rule Britain and a fee of 369,000,000 to repair her domains home and country file and all that in one go.”
“But we have a trillion deficit when there is rebuilding the nation.”
“Yes it makes us think.”
“What does it make you think about?”
“This and that.”
“For all the worthy causes she has given her head piece over and the many good country houses she has saved for the national pot.”
“When only the rich and the titled can live in and sit by and watch the army pass by the army of worthy souls who do the gallops and the jigs and say hello smarter than anybody.”
“The aristocrats who do have the money the rest do not have table manners at all.”
“For they have no table.”
On the other hand to be rude means one does not take home pay and one has to shag everyone in consequences? No never.
How We Got Style
How elegantly we fuck in Regent’s park naked as the day we were born. How distressing that the man in our park should then marry us and sign the prenuptials as well. How persuaded he had been to behave in such a manner his animal lusts the very thing to melt us in our infancy of love making when we at 39 and she at 30 mated and mated over and over again.
Then we show the Hollywood how it is done and the odd males do it for the likes of us again and again. We are high society and we live well on the demands of this dependency we are beautiful wives. We do things elegantly. We mature no end and we mature well and doing it all is what we do best.
We can string together sentences and make the living daylights but home cooked food somebody leave it out there is too many far more important commitments and how are your friends is more important than what and where are the children and make no mistake no child of theirs want to have any children at all. It will mean giving up to this and the other and making us feel we are asking for it.
“No we prefer to fuck in Regent’s Park instead.”
We had to have the artificial ceremonies before we went to do the reality and the thing is and the thing was we had to do it right. So we practised until we got it right. The very feelings which they had when they tried it on that day without a stitch on as they said come to our house and live like a king bee. The thing is when we are noble of birth we do not have to consider what the riff raff might feel as they look at our bodies.
How did it feel?
The thing was lovely to look at but the play in the Park was over shadowed by the whole thing the fucking thing was thought the thing was too long. Being Midsummer night’s dream dreaded the ending but knew the ending and disliked the fact of it too? The thing was what did it mean and should never have got here and was not found out? No the thing was beautiful stage sets and the brilliant reviews but the thinking was no morals in the Regent’s Park at all. None so went home did not stay till there was this wrenching sign at the heart of me as I looked at the banking system and broke the ties that bound me there.
Fucking banking system went dead after that?
No not until several years. For they had paid for that play and the players and the actors were the same as the flesh and blood as if this was never enough for the likes of their sort they had to steal my heart as well? We are so good because we are noble of birth.
“We are rich.”
“Bitches and bastards.”
When the King Bee leaves the nest the queen bee actually kills him it happens all the time because of the disputes between them.
“No divorce in our clan?”
“Who cares but me?”
I said no way because I know what happens to King Bees. But he disliked the thought and she like him was very beautiful seemed to be very alike and they slept together in that house with each other in Reading? Yes they were united in their lusts and how I got in there and out did not know.
Some good natured soul took me there in her car supposed wanted me to know and I did now know very well that he had not behaved well. They were living in sin for a decade or so and this did not actually endear them to me as they showed me faked wedding photos. I did not reason correctly how it might harm and hurt.
She in her white gown and he almost naked and they said words and worse they said I might join them.
“Have a cup of tea and I will bring it up to you.” Said she and winked at him.
I was not very good so I obligingly said no. I panicked and said open Seseam when there was no need because the door was easily opening anyway there was a vulgar Buddha in the way and I thought indecent what a statue to have when they obviously not very nice at all. Seedy and gone to seed and they recently married as if not husband and wife but brother and sister did not know it was him and her did not know it back there. I wanted to die for some reason it was completely irrational as if the weeping never would stop as if he would never stop hurting me.
Went outside to wait for the coach and came back because waited too long and missed the coach.
The night before was excited because met a nice boy he said he twenty and very likable.
I had been Reading then there is nothing to share except kissed somebody else and he said literature does not matter nurses do. We need nursing staff so why not join the huge crew of nurses and become a worthwhile person?
“But I am a worthwhile person.”
“Unemployed you are.”
“I want to write.”
After a few we were sat on the seat of iffy virtue and then I said ceased to fancy you can I be excused because sick is coming.
“Yes I think I am about to throw up you should not have pressed my stomach next to you.”
“Are you from gentry because I want to be labour or liberal?”
But did not say a word as the crowd were humming something and got upset.
“Yes the thing is I am going to be sick.”
We got again into dancing this town is nothing but a ghost town and this town is nothing but a ghost town. It is a hit song and we danced it again.
Then he went and was. He had eighteen women that day or was it night?
He had the same colouring as our Triumph but he is not known as that he is now known as somebody else.
“We will make the world great again.”
We meant no harm to you at all and then we chastely killed you thoughts thinkers are not wanted here. Actions are what mankind are made of and we are about acts of this sort. How we did fuck in Regents Park naked was that we felt hot desires for one another and then we showed off to you what we did in order to show our love for the whole of you so that we could marry and be happy.
That our happiness depended on you dying meant that we had to kill you. We had to fuck in Regent’s Park to tie the knot meant that we had to kill you as well? Otherwise it would not mean have been bloody wedding day. Because he had got my virtue years before.
In our happiness we left out the ghosts which we had in our towns in our cities the creatures called normal’s who behave as if mouse and they do not count the costs of our desires and happiness. To melt our wiles they are the extravagant nothings which while away our costly signs. The signs on the table say eat what you like and pay nothing at all. The signs of the times say the same things too. Eat as much as you like with no extra costs.
In my mind I threw all the shopping he ever got me and thrown it into his face as if the shopping was a disgrace. The mental image of him and her would never go away. I went over to there and here and wretched like did not become meaningless but with no manners.
My soul has been taken from me and B laughs out with glee. She has done the tricks and done it very well that her envy and mortification have passed away.
I can see it in her face a maid I am going to make you into a maid.
“You are too much into perfectionism.” She said.
“Life is no bed of roses B.” I answered her.
“Where is all this going for me as well as you?”
“How do you mean go away.”
“A servant that is what you are. I made something of myself.” She said in sheer domineering mood.
“And I haven’t?”
“Well look at you?”
“I do not matter anymore my life is meaningless and where do you come in?”
“I can make it better if not right?”
“There is nothing left to say your friend R wants to see you he is over there.”
“He wants you to do you want him?”
“Well why do all them people want you that is what I don’t understand what you selling?”
“I am not selling anything.”
“You look exactly like me.”
“Now go and behave.”
“I can sell you dear.”
And set me into this path of madness and ill health. I over stayed my welcome I thought and left the scene of the crime. That the Midsummer Night’s Dream could have killed me in one blow I would not have known that the exchange of partners like birds doing the wrong things? One mates for life no more.
The battle of the war and left it I hoped for good it is no place for a person of such low wages as me.
My remains in that Park I thought the paintings came out later and that is that.