Chapter 3: Everyone is born
As they swear in divided dividends that all man are born equal but some are more equal than others. We all read Animal Farm for those who have not then it is a must read and before the thing goes any further there is nothing I swear I would not do for Orwell he was the master of his genre and he went to the Moscow and found them things the man did not say the beast must have found these things out from the Buckingham’s.
“And they have death as a conclusion?”
“Obviously before that they give birth to others.”
“They get along in the world.”
“They form partnerships.”
“They give themselves to the service of others.”
“Then they get laid.”
“Then they give to that person.”
“Then they divorce reform and re-mate.”
“There is too much of this?”
“It is the bustle of life.”
There is the distance of this and the other the have not’s and the haves the had’s.
“I have been had too.”
“So did I.”
“Were you robbed too?”
“Of course I gave it freely because one must not grumble.”
“What to do?”
“I don’t know what to make of it.”
“Well it is obvious you can sell anything these days.,”
“Not my phone.”
“Not your cell phone but your own self?”
“Is there such a person?”
“He is itching because he does not know he is a person.”
“What is he then?”
“What is he that for?”
“Why do it to me?”
“What is it about?”
“This is a sales pitch.”
“This is the last sale of the lot.”
“Is there a sell on?”
“This sale is a black Friday sell.”
“Everything is cut down to size.”
“Including the garments only suited to a two year old or a midget.”
“Or if you don’t have a front?”
“They did not place the front of the thigh or the bodice?”
“It looks good on the rack.”
“Well the bum vagina might show?”
“If I wore something underneath?”
“What nothing doing do you know how to find one?”
“Marks and Sparks.”
“Sorry why are clothes important?”
“Well to dress is to behave like a lady.”
“I go to this shop and feel haphazard’s.”
“It is very hazardous might come out with anything and often do.”
“Being a thing is useless.”
“A thing with anything.”
“Dingle thing or giggle thing?”
“The thing on the brow is never the thing on the mind but they are the same.”
“How do you mean?”
“I can’t remember.”
“I will hypnotise you so you can remember.”
“That is not true I have never been hypnotised.”
“What year is this?”
“I am twenty eight.”
“Wrong nearing sixty.”
“For your own good.”
“What use I’m I?”
“One born every minute.”
Was he Raped by them Indians?
Orwell on the other hand, George Orwell was a writer who wrote 1984 and Animal Farms and other animals.
That he went to some distant parts called India and was ravaged by an elephant and did not recover for he was not the same but the thing was most people did not believe he had been you know and thought he had been raped by a gang of Indians. Well I swear to you that are not true as he a married man.
After the let down of his marriage to Lizzie the Darcy legend gets to be extremely good and wise because now we are all living this. The legends of the pop scene when the same singles appear but in many formats. But because they make a lot of literary endeavours and have pots out of it does it matter? Well the questions are does one shame the songs for money or live the shame in public? Because as they do there is nothing like music on their minds and most of them sing most convincingly about money.
I am talking about money- Money. Money talks and all that it is papa money and they do say the diamonds are in the sky and then the list goes on. So the children listlessly listening to these wise words can be forgiven for thinking that it is all about money. The thing is when and where does one get it quickly so one can spend it? There is nothing more alluring for a youngster than to spend all his money in one go. That is a fact of life there is nothing doing the pop scenes say a little bit goes a long way the other side of the coin is social security homework and the other things like a father who is a not a father a mother who has been around and the small rooms which are so crowded because the mother is out to work all day.
She is seen mostly on the phone phoning this invisible personality who will pay the phone bill.
Another thing is there is nothing to do but to understand that this is the merest statement her bank manager is in the forcibly future about to foreclose the account and there is not much interest to pay from her over draft. The failed things in life are the thighs which are now portly or too slim and the things which used to matter no longer love me do.
The other thing is there are not enough heroes about and she lived for a day in the land of the heroes. That her failed single the thing which she did a demo did not produce a hit and hurt her emotionally but what mattered she did the whole thing and did not take it further because she had a baby. Him who dislikes school work and is the image of a rock a roller but not the real thing as the man does not exist except when he is singing. Sorry but he was the real one was he not? The real what? The singer who has had my baby? What madam he was never there someone took advantage of your good nature. Really who gave me the baby than? Well it was not him.
I can’t understand what poets do but there is nothing poetic in doing such a thing and they are mostly off their rocker that is why DNA was invented to remind them not to sleep walk. But where did he come from? The stork must have brought him in.
Sorry I did not mean to intrude on this tasteless senseless supper. The death of being a woman did not happen overnight the death of good sense did not happen overnight. The death of the red death did not happen to appear until this over the moon things happen when money is the object when humanity is over the hill when the rich is the rich and the poor has to have to eat dirt and become dirt because we are the great unwashed.
“The great unwashed?”
“Yes that is what we are known as.”
“As the great unwashed.”
“The thing is not the same is it?”
“What is not the same?”
“We are all on benefits you can trust me.”
“Yes of course but I am not on only benefits?”
“Oh you are la da la then?”
“I am what?”
“Ladylike benefits cheat?”
“What are you then I must put you in a category otherwise there will be no point in knowing who you are.”
“Well are you mad insane or disabled or physically disabled or just plain dumb and out of work?”
“Look I am just unlucky.”
“There is no such category.”
“Unlucky is there nothing doing?”
“Nothing there looks it up on the computer and there is no such category.”
“That says it all.”
“That explains why I am never found.”
“How do you mean?”
“Never found out.”
“I use aliases.”
“And they never found you?”
“Good I am glad you are under arrest of the fraudulent claimant of the Mrs Crawford and Miss Bennett you will be in court where you will be sent to prison.”
“I am running away.”
“CBS got you on camera.”
“I have a wig.”
“What is that?”
“The chief whip.”
“Where is parliament WHAT is parliamentary procedure?”
“When they have a erection they cannot do it in there.”
“Did someone have one?”
“Actually he did.”
“The chief thing is?”
“The election never happened?”
“The prime Minster was not elected.”
“But she was by her peers.”
“Yes she was.”
“And they were elected by the people.”
“How many hands?”
“How many tails?”
“How many girls on the prowl.”
“Whatever happened to democracy?”
“It does not exist here in England.”
“Oh you rogue.”
“How roguish you look.”
“We have built ships to counter attack the Russians?”
“The Russians are not rushing to get here they are already here.”
“Yes all them billionaire Russians bought the whole of England.”
“For how much?”
“How would I know I am not good at maths?”
“Are you on the make?”
“No I am not I am into take.”
“Everyone here in England is a rogue?”
“I voted for Brexit.”
“He did he was the only one.”
“One man vote.”
“His vote counts as the final remark.”
“Loath to think if we had all voted what would have come out of it?”
“Yes the hairy things would have showed with their boyfriends and they would have had a fit in front of us.”
“The thing is?”
“A married man behaving like that and thinking it a good show?”
“Well they are the snobs.”
“With the knobs.”
“They can do anything they like to do.”
“And nobody else can do it better.”
“Look it is when I go out on the prowl I come and come.”
“Well teenagers listening to this talk what would it do to that kid?”
“He would want to copy as his feelings at the time states.”
“If he is into thinking and fantasising about art and the chief artist has that on the agenda?”
“An artist is never a example.”
“Then why has he set himself as a example for that?”
“This is me?”
“Well keep it to yourself honey.”
“Because it is not about your animal instincts we are not animals.”
“These days a man is a animal.”
“There are too many animals in the wolf pack and we do not need more of them.”
“When I go on the prowl I am an animal.”
“His wife is the psychiatrist who might be treating what the husband is doing.”
“One treats and the other heals.”
“That is a good idea.”
The deserving rich.
“We deserve everything we have because we work hard for this.”
“We deserve things we do because we worked all our lives for the things we do have.”
Money- Money it is all about money.
“Big cider bucks.”
“Have a cigar.”
Ten to one
My mother was a belly dancer she danced as if she did not have feet my mother was a swell dancer and she did it alright and she was okay and she married a German male. She said she danced before she could talk.
Mother did not talk much because she could not pronounce words in properly she just got confused when she did talk as if talking meant stresses went out of context. Mother got the worst of it. The thing was when she wanted a child she would say all the children’s names before she went to the one she wanted. They would all line up before her asking if they were the one she needed and she would send that one away and then it would be the next child. As she had nine children it became a joke to see which one she really wanted to speak to.
“Is it me mother that you want to speak to?”
“No it is not you don’t know about that needle and thread thing and there is no use asking you about it now go and take in the washing.”
“Then it must be the other sister?”
“No not her I want a mathematical equation and she has no head for it.”
“Well really mother I do not know which one it is because you know we don’t do maths.”
“Look she does not know she is doing it and so don’t tell her.”
“Okay mother. I will not tell a soul if you give me the pitcher to fetch.”
“Are you mad your father would kill you and me. Now be off with you rascal.”
Then she would forget and begin the names again.
“Mother you called again?”
“Well we did have a laugh while she did stammer in some haste then we took the line in mother whom do you need?”
“Oh you are all in line this one thank you.”
“That is okay.”
“Well mother can I have a dress made just like that film star?”
“What dress like which film star you into movies now?”
“No I just want to bawl over a boy who said I looked fat.”
“He only meant puppy fat.”
“He called me fat.”
“Look no need to turn his head with your airs.”
“I am also going to have a corset and then he will not know what hit him then I am going to walk out on him. Leaving him standing there all erect and manly.”
“That is not true you never do.”
“Are you here you skimp.”
“Me I am never here according to everyone I don’t exist.”
“Fuck you now go out of our room we are having a discussion with mother in here.”
“This is the yard sister.”
“Look boxing gloves on today?”
“I don’t discuss boxing with amateurs.”
“Who taught you table manners?”
“Okay now be off.”
“Okay but they are too polite in there.”
“Well then you might learn polite manners from them.”
Boxing gloves on and I am able to box all day.
My mother would never talk out like that she had the perfect manners and men desired her all the time.
“What one gives freely man want.”
“What is that about ma?”
“You shall see but now have some more of that.”
“Yes go ahead have some more.”
“No more sick now.”
“Good now good as gold are you not?”
“Ma off to the belly dancing now?”
“Must practise .”
“Yes this is it for me I am past that age now must haggle.”
“What does that mean?”
“Down you mean?”
“I meant what?”
“Settle down and sit down.”
“Something like that now honey behave with your step dad he is not a ogre?”
“Left her to me have you?”
“Well it is one of my best cliental honey.”
“Well don’t be long because we have to buy a set.”
“Set of what?”
“Set to settle you in?”
“I don’t want to be a belly dancer?”
“No I have better plans for you.”
“Oh thank you do you think I can become the next president?”
“Of course you may.”
“That is far nicer I will be able to sit all day long and make speeches.”
“Yes of course.”
“When is mummy coming?”
“I am retired what do I want with another child? Do you want to go to your Nan’s?”
“There she is?”
“Where is her bottle?”
“Go and fetch it won’t you and be near the well while you are about it.”
“No it is obvious that child and you do not take to each other.”
“Whatever gave you the idea?”
“Mummy won’t be long?”
“She is staying the bloody night.”
“Well the thing is step pa I want to work as well.”
“I might deliver speeches.”
“How can you deliver speeches?”
“Well they are always delivering speeches don’t they on the radio.”
“Well it is no use you delivering them who do you charge when they can’t pay you see there is no obvious thing speeches.”
“Well that is that you see all them politicians deliver speeches and they are taken note of and get money and me I do not even get noticed that is what is that about?”
“That is called life.”
“When little people are gassed and they are tormented and nobody cares a damn.”
“Did they bring their own food?”
“No they did not have any food at all they skeletal.”
“Oh thank God we now do have food to bring to them parties.”
“Charity parties which we only have once a year.”
“They are fighting for survival?”
“They don’t have to do any parties at all.”
“Yes they have us do nothing but dance.”
“We even have to make the charity workloads.”
“No they have to do everything themselves.”
“Yes of course because they don’t trust the mad man to do it?”
“But they give us cars to drive and then they say we are unable to drive to and back to each others houses why?”
“Because they are protecting you.”
“And who is everyone?”
“Who is the madman who is the sane?”
“We are the sane and you are the mad.”
“Who says so?”
“Because we are running this country.”
“Of course sorry.”
“So bring the food to the party.”
“I am not allowed to eat I have diabetic.”
“I don’t believe that they are cared for and noticed and it is all our fault if they are not.”
“There that is for answering back.”
“You slapped me.” I am crying and calling all the time “ Grandma.”
“No don’t do that that is a dear I will buy you a chocolate.”
“I want to put that kid behind bars that is what I want to do.”
“What is it Mr?”
“Have another bar of chocolate.”
“I fancy that one there.”
“I want to be different.”
“Different from whom?”
“You looking down your nose at us?”
“No I just want to be somebody else than you are with different concerns and all that.”
“I will wallop you and show you now be off with you.”
“But I WANT to be different from you.”
“She is behaving with difficulties.”
“She will bring disgrace on us.”
“The thing hit her with a shoe then she will be unable to harm or hurt us.”
“She will eat us all alive.”
“Stop your screaming there is she is screaming you have set her off.”
“She said she wants to be different from us you and me.”
“We are all different are we not?”
“No we are the same.”
“Who we are does not concern her she wants to be different from us she does not want to be like us.”
“I don’t understand what you have against every word I say.”
“Wallop you on the mouth Missie.”
“I am not a Missie I want to be my own boss and not to listen to you.”
“Now no more.”
“The thing is she has no respect for me Meseret no respect at all. I have tried everything with her and she shows me no respect at all.”
“What kind of respect do you want?”
“I am not speaking to you wait until you have been approached at least.”
“Now no more there it is our healthy appetites have left us and we have become shadows of ourselves now no more our healthy way of life might be behind us because of this constant fighting we must all behave amicably.”
“I don’t think she is that bad now no more.”
“She has been telling stories about us again.”
“Stories of who and what you did when on that tour.”
“No way did you find that out.”
“Who told you about that kind of thing?”
“Well auntie Em.”
“She had no right to be telling such stories to you.”
“Well is it true?”
“Of course not.”
“Mother I can tell when you lying.”
“Your noise twitching.”
“I have no idea what you talking about.”
“Now eat your dinner.”
“I can’t eat a thing.”
“I had three bars of chocolate the height of a mountain.”
“Who gave it to you?”
“She made me Mes.”
“Look I wish nothing more than her health you know that much?”
“But Mes she is a stupid girl.”
“Look there is nothing the matter with my girl.”
“She won’t make any money for us Mes.”
“I will make the money in her place. Do you hear me?”
He goes behind mummy’s back and says to the two women in that store where the humans can be trafficked and lost forever when they say the word.
“The thing is aunties the marriage is not working while that kid is there.”
“What not working and she will be back with all her kids let us deal with it.”
The women in the shop also dealt with the post and they did legal documents as well their whole selfish lives went on weeding out this and the other. They had no compunction in not showing unwanted documents deeds or letters to the undiscerning. They discriminated between the poor and the rich and they did the workloads of the mafia in seconds. They did it without any conscience act of cruelties for what you don’t know will never hurt you. If there had been in the post something called good news well what about it?
That is the two rough elderly genteel aunts who brought the mum up called the soft touches for being exactly the opposite.
“We will deal with it shan’t we?”
“Yes we have contacts.”
“We have deals.”
“We know people.”
“We are the people.”
“Swear and sew on it.”
“Yes let us sew on it.”
“Let us embroider a tale.”
“A proud whore.”
“Let us do it right.”
This son of theirs whom Meseret had married was a joy to behold a man a son in law right after their own good hearts and to lose his kind would mean tragic consequences for them. They would have to re-house the whole lot and make the right noises in the right squares. Their whole lives would be lost and turned upside down and worse they would have to bear the costs. The costs of everything that they had to bear was already astronomically inclined towards the higher end of the wage bracket and who and whatever did it mean a child telling them what to think and spreading rumours about everyone and everything and antagonising such a man as her step dad?
They had nothing to offer the unkind Meseret but bad words and worse she knew everything about them and they did not want to be tortured by her.
Her husband had come from far and nobody knew what he had been before he had come from mystery. His background was checked but what he had been nobody realised until he had become well settled. His liking for knifes and knifing, burning and all that did not mean anything because by than everyone had somebody like him in the house.
“Our husbands are very alike.”
“They can be exact like brothers.”
He had become this other male the male who had been a secret and a man who did not much discuss anything but violence. He enjoyed the violence round the town and there was nothing but that then everyone had a nice easy word to say to him. He no longer an outsider. He belonged because he had a job a pension a wife and children. If they knew if only they had knowledge they would never have allowed him near the town let alone the thinking crowd. The surrounding area. He enjoyed and employed violence and watched as the women screamed as a treat.
They would skewer the chicken and made sure that it had been plucked by the woman and they would kebab it while the screams carried. Sometimes the chicken had been plucked by the would be victim and this made it all the more enjoyments for the men.
That was who my step dad was. Mum said he had changed when older but never got to find out about the new decent man he had become only saw him once and he did walk with no limp which said a lot about it when did he get the new leg and was it really him because he sat so quiet and calm and did not utter a word and then he went to his white car and drove off without a care in the world.
After the screams died down they went to see what had happened which they had already done so and truths are told by them to themselves that it was a sorry affair when a man does that he cannot defend his own family members.
“True very true my good son in law.” Said the woman called grandmother and whatever next was next she had ceased to be surprised by what he said or did. She could only die and that would be without meaning for anybody.
“Bless this hand I am sure.”
“Certainly you are sure now be off with you son in law.”
“Now constable I think we should have a light nearby just in case anymore homicidal maniacs come near.”
“He can see me when he comes home to his mother I think there is nothing broken nor serious he can do the stitches when he comes. He lives next door to me.”
“Oh dear God the blood cousin did he do it again?”
“No he is nothing doing do not say such things.”
“What must a wife do who does not have a man who can protect her?”
“Well the husband has asthma now and what is he supposed to be doing hack the killer or something they are going to kill me so he cannot interfere.”
“Well it is a sorry state of affairs is it not? You did not do anything and they are trying to murder you because of your son.”
“My boy is now safe.”
“He should not have tried to run away with the bankers wife.”
“He had been young.”
“He should have known better.”
“Causing you such a disaster as not to be able to live in the secure environment of your home a old mother like you.”
“But I think I can die happier knowing he is now safely in London.”
“Well I am here mother.”
“Whatever next.” She drops down in a faint.
“My son do you realise with your rational self with your good wife and a child of your own that this match will work?”
“I can’t bear her. I can’t bear it at all. I am not a man without her ma. I am not a man without her.”
“Yes sticks it is.”
“Look son don’t say there is too many women out there for you?”
“But they are not this one mother I am asking for the this thing which you can give me your blessing.”
“I cannot. You will be murdered my son.”
“Then let me die.”
“I shan’t allow it husband.”
“What you doing here?”
“I have come to collect you home.”
First knifing was great grandmother and they slit her from side to side and then the second and the third was great grandmother Em as well. Her daughter then took over when they settled to knifing her only twice and severing her hand. Which luckily was placed in a frozen bucket and carted off to the hospital where it was re-sewed. A perfect job well done the first of its kind in Cyprus.
The husband was a good provider he did provide and he did well in industry and thrift he had in the end a good pension and his house was still standing while the other house was not it had crumbled to dust and was a beaver for snakes and rats which had seen the whole town dump its rubbish to it. The whole thing was a rat warren of despicable desolate desertions and the owner had died without a heir who could make it better.
He was something to do with chickens because after knifing he went and drunk with his good mate his drinking partner. They were almost certainly seen eating while the women were screaming their heads off and the whole neighbourhood had began to associate that when the son in law was out with his mate drinking there had to be a killing in the house or something of the sort.
The land that used to be so usefully occupied had become occupied a public offence and they thought the whole town would go up in smoke if someone had the thought of making a match a tinder match.
So I paid the three hundred and fifty pounds and repaired it much to the detest of the adopted mum whose hatred for that land is not equal to anybody’s.
Nobody seemed at all pleased with what I had done. In fact the reverse.
I don’t know the reason for this thought she was losing it. Might have been the mafia who kept on burning the damn place up, the whole of that area was nearly burnt the taxing question was nobody had seen nor heard anything at all.
So mother lost it.
Mother said she always hated the place. When she was losing it and all that grandmother was still living there so she could not have sold the place without going into a homeless destitution. What her daughter wanted from her was just that she would roam like a gypsy and become nothing.
“That is what I wanted for you as well.” She said very unpleasantly much to my surprise after all that I had done for her as well.
“I can see parallels between you and my mother.” Said my adoption papers. Oh that is never the case it had been the person who had signed the adoption papers saying the words. The thing was the adopted mother is just as responsible as the real mother who is able to say unable to take or look after that bastard so let some other person do the deeds and the things.
“But the adopted mother never said the words never admitted defeat at all.”
“She said she would remain undefeated right till the end.”
“You all will look like dogs dinner unlike me.”
“I am the right person to do the job.”
“Where is the person?” asked dad and she just stopped dead.
“What you say that for?” she snarled.
“Where is the person?”
“I am in disguise.” She told him and he jumped as if hit and hurt.
“You said you never bring that out in the open.”
“You said the same thing or I mistake the meaning.”!
The land is not true to its keeper she does not want it she won’t sell it. She is with it till this day where is the mother or the daughter. In that her attitudes are never kind. The unkind cuts and jibes and they are the words. The worthless lies and the things which they covered and then coveted to such a high degree that it sent them both mad.
They are the worst things. She has no ideas but to make the softly spoken thoughts to usefully become other than that she is no more to do with anybody’s life but this giant talker of trivia.
Small talk how are you and how do you do and what did you eat today. My son visited my daughter has given me a ride they all came with their roast dinners and gave us lunch we were so thrilled. How are you what did you have what you having is there something wrong is she okay what did you do what is it like to be left high and dry after all them years of trying?
What not broke yet and what else did you do today did not go out and they are delivering the shopping to your house and you are well fed and okay. There is not much but this cold weather we are having and there is too much coldness is there not and what is the use of trying?
Remember how it was back then remember how it was back then? And what is the use of behaving so oddly and being boring and not entertaining we must show tolerable composure and be good socially at least pretend otherwise we are all naked raging and we cannot have that sorry thing going on and it is no use behaving in a random manner as if hoodlum.
What is the use of making scenes out in the open and behaving wildly when the whole thing is going to end shortly when the whole thing is about to end one you will die soon and sooner than you might think and it will end and there will be only you lot weeping at the grave and thinking if only there had been more tolerance and showmanship the thing might have not ended so unkindly in a mess. What is there to make one tremble it is only money after all it is only money.
What did you not eat today and we are just going out and there are too much to think about there is not much to feel and there is too much to fear as the world is going up in smoke.
Then the door shuts tight and there is a lull in the course of the discourse into nightmares of the old and the new. This is odd is it not to be constantly in the keeping of the child who I was back then and to fear not much but the grace of God? The thoughts run through me as if the disasters did happen to somebody else.
The things which matter to me never mattered to anybody else there is too much to think as again she says who does it feel to bring them into the world for them to behave as if you are a stranger a villain a mean person and she had only did something so bad the other year and she does not think it bad to take from you everything even the good wits God has given you and try to take your possession your house as well? She had seen me knock her dwelling which was half over and done with into the ground and seeing this she thought she could now take my home as if she owned it forever a house for a house a doom for a doom as she had she thinks doomed herself when she had adopted me.
Done as a experiment because the woman had nothing to lose and might gain a hand and it is his first cousin on his mother’s side. A woman who had fallen on hard times after marrying a musician who she had married despite being 11 years old and this had made the whole family go off her as if:
She had spoilt something beautiful and beneficial to the entire clan.
She got Spoilt
She had spoilt everything and was shop soiled it never entered anybody’s head that she might have been raped as under age. For in that part of the world everyone married at 12.
Grandmother had been carrying the burial money for her father’s funeral and she had closed her hand to protect her face being slashed so her hand got severed in consequence. In fact it was that burial money always that got taken.
I think because great grand dad did not want to die and resented the fact that the money was there in the wife’s or daughter’s pockets so he destroyed the women in order to make his point he did not believe in banks but he had been the first banker he had sort grown odd since he had discovered the facts of life.
His wife being in bed with the undertaker and his wife had not helped. This is all not mere conjecture it is told with the facts and the dates left out by the adopted mother. Who I had been temporarily placed with and this turned out to be a life time occupation during which most of my adulthood was in the care and the service of what is known as the family.
He had come from a far distance from a boat which they needed for the mines which the mines back then had flourished and labour was in short supply no questions asked in Lefka they would hire anybody and often did. The women who lost their ill reputes or youthful good looks were then made into this banter between the man and they and they would go into their homes and flourish. As the male who did the work and the pay check in exchange for something they wanted immunity from being found out.
The wives of ex cons and the wives of the other were the frequent supply where there is a demand depend on it there is a supply. This is the amusing facts in the late 1940’s when everything had to be built and built because mankind had destroyed it and there was not enough time to build and pay decent wages because man is a greedy animal and has no time to pay a decent wage. So whoever had a secret went and worked practically for these amenities. They got it into their heads that they were luckier than some and some even behaved as if this was what it was. What the war they had fought was what it had been about.
Step dad who had fled the beasts of Nazism. He had also by accidently gassed twenty thousand Jews. He had to because if he had not he would have been dead he said be dead or dying did not accord with his philosophy of surviving as a holocaust survivor himself he deserved his new position of being in there with the victims as he had done nothing wrong nothing at all he did not know them he had no objections to them being gassed he was neutral. Being placed neutral he did what he had been told obeyed orders.
He said to his loving wife that if he had not he would have been dead himself and somebody had lip read. Me lip reading after many tries at the crucial moment when he thought I could never was a thing he did not understand.
This he never got over and we never took to each other.
“He and she did not see eye to eye.”
I am acting out this actions of this man who is known as the father and there is nothing but unkindness in my eyes and there is nothing but glee as the whole neighbourhood comes to see me act this thing of my own choosing out. The unkind joke is lost on the victims of my crime the unkindness acts are like there is nothing to say but that to stop it but there are no adults in this game there is only children behaving as if cornered rats.
“Something to hide we have nothing to hide something to hide we have nothing to hide.”
“Look she will have me behind bars.”
There is almost this parody of a husband father a family man a male and he almost certainly played to this act. His actions did not lie he never liked any of us thought us locals and this because he had behaved well? He behaved so well gave mum his pension after many years. That was the only family income that came out of the marriage the rest he swindled and did away with.
There is almost this intense passionate resentment between them because he can see the child is bright but wants her brightness to be eliminated as this would make an ass of him. He was not going to leave her anything at all he was going to brave and leave it to the others who were like their mums.
He was not disenchanted with this changeling she was a whores daughter with the airs and the graces of a whores daughter. But her mind was such a cesspit of inquiry that she was amusing as they came and came to hear what she had to say next and it was taking away his business.
What is the child saying and asking about was this constancy in his life and a gas went through his veins that again that day he had not made any money and it went onwards and grew into this solid hatred of the designs of the man who had become a pimp to his women. He was thwarted by this child who seemed so amusing to others but not to him.
“Can’t you do anything but talk?”
I was recounting what mummy had been and why she was dancing.
“She had lost her reputation and danced again and again but now having a name she danced and got pregnant. My mother was a beautiful woman and a wife so obedient it accorded to desires and humiliations did not happen to her but constantly it had to. They all said she had got away with murder and she got away with it alright.”
“She attacked those poor women in their shop she attacked them the frail elderly creatures as they were doing their daily routines. She is a bad woman to be always doing the dancing when she has left her own daughter to be brought up by them who had she said raped her.”
“She is now what is she a liar.”
“ I would not leave my only child to be brought up by the criminals who did that to me. A child is a flower and has nothing but that in case you are all wondering there is no point in her saying staidly that she had been raped and her behaviour is this kind because she is a whore.”
“ When all is said and done she is misbehaving with our husbands and fathers and anyone else who can pay.”
“Go to your room.”
Segregations meant the whole thing was a show I was being tormented by being separated by them made isolated and spent the better part of my time trying to escape trouble. Apart as a child means in Cyprus that you are not special but that they have the right to kill you.
Like saying in this country out in the open which means they can kick you and set fire to you. Then they can use their phone to photograph the whole thing.
The whole neighbourhood thought this a beastly baseline to their new behaviour theirs was a better life in the making because they not that whore and they all out there as if the child had been stalking them and making points of reference and remembering and now sharing it out the world and misbehaving and telling them stories as if the whole thing was crushing to Meseret’s and her families ears.
“Then to send her daughter to school and make the poor women in the shop pay for it.”
“Schools as we found out are very expensive. But the thing is it has sort of done the trick for the son.”
“Well my daughter now has a chance of meeting eligible people.”
“Eh does she?”
“Well she went out with an accountant the other week and a lawyer the last.”
“What is she going out with this week?” there is a laugh.
“You might laugh but if she strikes it lucky.”
They are all in the shop doing their weekly shopping the tick is done into the left ledger and there is the paid ones in the right ledger. Then there is the small scales always done so it weighed into the left. A far heavier thing than that they did not always remember which ledger went where and confused the whole thing but it was always almost to the left.
“You doing it correctly?” asked her sister.
“Of course I am.” And that was true the left always gained.
The group of women went on to talk about schools and what impact it had done on their lives and what behaviours of dress codes was not there and they almost got it right.
The less bright has to stay and look after the business or the farm because we now old. They almost certainly retired at 40. It is a fact that they did in the days back then.
The expense is killing us as well because we have to keep up with what she is doing. The expensive schools and all that we are working so hard now and we do have to make sacrifices in order that the brighter one can go to college and the other one to stay home and work for his sibling.
“They kill each other.”
Sibling rivals are the only thing common to them all they all share this thing of hatred between siblings because the work has to be done by someone left behind and almost certainly treated as a misfit a misdemeanour someone nobody likes or loves anymore.
Human sacrifices: Childhood remains.
We all want a better life but to see what one has worked for in order for the sibling to enjoy is nothing short of abuse.
I adopted her for revenge because of my daddy dying like he did. I adopted her for the vengeance I would reap on her head for behaving so improper that my father thought he could be inside her. She must have behaved in a improper fashion because daddy was so well modest man he would never harm anybody at all would not even harm a flea he was so innocent and well behaved always he would cover himself and make about it as if he had things he did not have because he did not want me to fear him or my sexuality. He was that well behaved he looked out for me and said I had behaved decent and proper even when I was not well behaved.
It was the girl she must have behaved not well she must have behaved not modest like for dad would never harm someone innocent nor honest. He loved integrity and decency honesty and stole not even a grass from a farmer he was so well decent well honest honourable and he would never have harmed a child unless that child did something wrong.
So I adopted her to see if she was well behaved and decent and honourable and found to my liking she did everything told except where she was men would become creeps which was what must have happened to my daddy. My other two did not have such a effect on the men but she did. I am not going to say this again but my daddy was a honourable man he would not harm a flea and this bitch of a child made him do that sorry thing when he attacks her and says pull your knickers down and she hardly out of diapers and what manner of a girl was she? That he would behave so improperly towards her?
My other two went to a mixed school no problems there they got on with everyone except at first when they did not speak the language but they soon learnt to do so. The thing was they had each other’s companionship and did not need anybody. But the school thought they should mix with the other children and they did. They learnt the English and they did everything properly and they behave now to this day with proper care and attention when behaving in a crooked manner they learnt it from me.
I taught them everything about care to detail. I am encouraging them to save on the money nobody needs to pay anybody that way. Whatever for when the thing to do is to say you might pay another day and save the expense.
But this adopted daughter? She pays the first thing she does is pay. She says she does not like debtors and bills and payment over time and thinking about the monies owed. The thing was daddy had debtors all round and he did not bother much and he did not come to any harm. We did not lose by that we gained by buying luxuries and this and the other we were like everyone else and this made us the more comely and we behaved like everyone else except better. I would dress myself in my finery and go out and everyone would point at me there she goes there she goes the apple of her dad’s eye.
And I knew this and they all knew how much love there was in our home and the house was a happy place except when we had to pay the bills. The bills had accumulated over the years and we had to go to the bank manager or the little doctor and collect on monies due.
The little doctor was the child’s father her paternal dad and this he would rather die than acknowledge and there is nothing to lose now. He was the father of us all he told me as well as every child who had no father. To ask for the lord’s forgiveness that he did not know she was like him as a pea. I was so happy that he now my dad he the doctor and he said he now the father and did not treat me as I got unwell? The thought did not matter maybe because he now my daddy that he did not want to treat me when I got sick and not well.
My feverish self had awoken early to lusts and I could not contain them for the likes of me now were known as hell cats.
Auntie rubbed my fingers and my brow and she grew heated and cooled as my colour drained and I grew up.
Mummy mummy where is mummy?
Mummy had disappointed left me and I had left her and they called this other mummy whom auntie said now my only mummy and had to make sure she taken care of and made well as same as I had to be taken and made well. Because she not a mummy? She not well child and needs you to behave well and show her the way and make her well behaved? Yes.
And auntie never cried?
And auntie never cried at all.
I still thought about the love interest my intense preoccupations were one of him.
“I a whore I a whore now?”
“NO. Still a child you are not with child but are a child.”
But I thought he should have had me rather my older sister and he did not say words of love to me. He would rather with his wit and sense say he married and stay clear he did not want me? Of course he did but I was child had the look of a Shirley bearing by then and he did not like woman he liked them sweet and innocent and he would rather have them whores like her than me.
No my sister not a mother too? Not she a mother all year round yet men would go to her as if to nectar and ask how she was and she would tell them.
Feverish: I do not understand it they are all alike what about me? They have other things thinking on their minds when I am near they call me a dwarf with the high heels they dismay me they put fleas into my head lice and all manner of things. They did not like me at all. That is when I marry and marry well. I am thirteen years old and this is not considered odd not where I come from then we do not like each other and I am carted off home. Then I marry the brother who is a piles better and he beats the daylight out of me. By the time I am eighteen I have been married three times.
I am not that kind of a girl but the thing was I could become one so I have to settle into a permanent relationship otherwise the neighbours would continuously talk mother said so. I had to do something kind to make up for the sins I had committed.
This would make me well liked again. Against the odds this is something to think about there is no other option my options are limited by that very thinking that when daddy died in such a manner it made me decide that something better had become mine.
A revenge that is kind of remorselessness now inside me would not be eclipsed by anything that I would remember for I would have a reminder every day so that I can carry it through. I know my kind nature would not have let me pursue her.
Pursuits of the pastimes are the many things which are the deserts after the storms and the things which matter to you and me are the same to earn money and to mend our towns and cities so everybody can live in them.
“Everyone needs to feed themselves and their families.”
“Two olives and a bread.”
For that matter I would have forgotten and forgiven her. I have a naturally garrulous and forgiving nature. I would have been happily forgetful. In such of much of the pursuits of happiness and all that: money men and pleasures.
But having her in the house in my shelter would remind me and this would make me that a woman who has a reminder to do away with that slut for having caused the death of dad.
Adoption means that one is doing and behaving well and it is a respectable thing to do well behave matronly ladies do such deeds. There is nothing wrong about this at all it is a well liked deed and society says we will go to heaven for doing the little orphan a favour.
“Nobody can harm an orphan without going to hell.”
“Except if the orphan is bad.”
“I am a very good orphan child.”
“You are not an orphan.”
“Was not brought up in an orphanage.”
“I wonder if that was better or worse?”
“I have not been hungry I have not had shoes that is all.”
But nobody asks if the orphan in there is happy there is nothing to answer for but to the authorities and the orphan has no means to fight back. There is no law to answer to when someone adopts somebody they are never asked if they want to be returned to sender. For the adopted is never realised as anything but permanent. Others would call it defeat of motherhood if the adoption did not succeed. Sometimes the child does not know or even realise that she is adopted because it is as if the whole thing is a blank.
“Bad things happen to women who adopt children. The mother I knew as mother and she would say that and shake her head. “Luckily you are not adopted.” she would swear to me in some heat.
“Bad deeds. The adopted child is a curse.” She would roll the sampler over and startle me by doing the sewing in one long drowned sound. I would soundlessly whistle. The others would whisper.
“Yes I am.”
And that would give me the advantage at the same time of being well liked and agreeable to all and sundry. Society does look kindly on a matron who does and is doing what I am doing and about to do.
And I behaving well and adopting that made me a saint in everyone’s eye. A kind of redemption atonement for my sins.
“What sins mother?”
“Ah.” She would laugh and glare at the machine. “I know I have none but the sins that society say I have and they make me pay.”
“With never mind?”
“Go and wash your eyes there is too much soot in them.”
“I am going to see sooty.”
I behaved well she nods and there is too much Sooty in this world and then Blue Peter whatever next there is the films to see look see something next? Mickey Mouse and there is this and the other even the children are hooked on the stupidity of that kind of things.
“Don’t you want to understand about me your own mother?”
“After the mouse is captured mother.”
“But there is no capturing the mouse.”
“The thing is only five minutes mum.”
“Oh but I will forget the flow will go.”
“Oh it has wrecked the hole?”
“No it will never reach it.”
“Yes it will.”
“Loath that kid.”
The thing is that the revenge never happened?
I used the hospital to do the deed and they now have her under section that it that. How did I do it? I married a mad man and he got her used to the psychiatrist and then trusted them and they placed her under observation which made me easy and then they got her into pills injections and after a great many years she became unwell. It is a good thing to have the services working for one is it not?
After my leg got amputated because I gave birth to her that is the reality of my situation. The reality of giving birth to something like that. That is my problem the reality of the reality is that I gave birth to that. Got my leg amputated and became a amputee. There the end of the thing there is the birth I have no birth certificate to prove that I did give birth to that the hospital burnt down the building too where they kept the birth certificate. There is nothing to prove that she is mine the passport I did a great deal of net working to get.
“Mr so and so was a very good forger.”
“He did the best forgeries ever.”
“Now legally with a passport and now not even the reality of there.”
“I gave birth to her.”
“She did indeed.”
“She is my own mother.”
“There there mother I am sorry to have made you into a amputee.”
“Yes I gave her life my leg she took from me by giving birth to that.”
“The others did not even create a stir in me by giving birth to them they made me well better able to deal with life.”
“The others were so good to my soul.”
“But this one by her very existence has cost me dear.”
“Yes she did.”
“Yes very indeed.”
“Bad over there.”
“Not on your Nelly would I be able to adopt a poor woman without any means of support suffering from abuse and being a battered wife into the bargain?”
“That there is mine own child.”
“Bad deed of mine.”
“Not liked at all any friends at all?”
“Nobody likes her?”
“No one at all.”
“She will not be missed.”