Madam Fiddle and her son Mr Abdul has moved down the lane into the big house and they are having a ball. The thing was all the girls at the Fats were so fed up because they had to smarten up and make believe that their life depended on being agreeable. When the Fats were in such a turmoil rumours began to circulate that they did not have any sense nor the clothes in their wardrobes as they had sold their clothes in order to pay off the mortgage repayments.
The heir Mr Fiddle had asked to see the statements and accounts and there was no accountability for the life that they had lived before.
“Most definitely they had not degraded themselves by defrauding the Fiddle’s.”
Their property due to unforeseen circumstances was entitled to Mr Fiddle as he now only the one with the IOU’s which someone called their father had signed away but the whole house was in that person’s name which Mr Fiddle soon realised. His daddy was a far superior gentleman and had made off with the lot.
Mr Fiddle seeming to be relentless in the pursuit of wealth and unhappy thoughts for the future of his fortune he knew to the last dime where it was and how to make more of it. He knew to be agreeable too so he thought and thought how to make amends to them girls who his father had robbed and seeing himself as the fortunate man whom everyone must marry he did not see his nose and his thinning hair all he saw was his good nature.
The girls were too young but Mr Fiddle too was in his beastly year of forty and the girls were in their twenties so Mr Fiddle had the right age gap. His mother wanted an heir as soon as possible seeing that Mr Fiddle was fast approaching decline and that meant nothing to do but to give to her nephew which she detested more than anybody could being her half sister’s and the nephew was mad to boot.
Mr Fiddle now harassed to produce the proper heir did as he was told when his mother called to do her bidding he did.
Very obedient too but it did not always work as they both would have wished it to.
Mrs Fiddle had become recently a widow and that meant she now must have the right attitude to her deceased husband who had been a man a womaniser and a cheat drunk to boot but that was nothing when she heard he had also set up house with some woman whom he had children by she was so enraged that she split her corset. She never acknowledged his prior engagements or commitments.
She was that angry? So much so that they did not even go to the funeral and the other woman had she been well would have done so but she had been not well so they had to fork out the bill. And they did they told the funeral directors where to send the bill when the other woman got up and re stamped the bill and sent it back to them that is how ill she was. Said Mrs Fiddle in a huff.
“Highly unused to such a thing going on.”
“The goings on is sure to bring them to heel.”
“Mr Fiddle now wants to marry one of the girls as a bad will gesture.”
“Nobody wants to.”
They prefer to work.
“Work it work and more of it.”
“What is in it for the parents?”
“They get free views and have a suppers on the house.”
“We don’t know.”
“You don’t know anything at all.”
Mr Fiddle had turned a corner when he had made money and he had no intention of letting go of his fortunes and most definitely his former friends were so fired by his lack of spending that they left him.
“He is a miser my dear.” Said Mrs Hasan sadly, “Otherwise we would have owned up to the relationship and the obligations which his suit would have made.”
“Mr Fiddle my dear is a..”
“A what husband?”
“He is a millionaire.”
“We know that but if he is not spending what does it matter to us?”
“They are all living in a run down shack.”
“You are right but what if one of the girls could undo the purse strings?”
“It is a gamble but I am not betting on it.” Said Fat who prided herself on her virtue and good sense and deportment, as she was sewing her dress she was in some annoyance. Her hair looked like she had fizzed it and had been at the curlers too long and her pale skin was looking even more pale.
“The girls would have to be crazy to marry or even think about him in such a manner he has no table manners and he only thinks about himself.”
“Self centred to the point of obscenity.”
“So he made money and his father gave him all his money?”
“Yes unfortunately money goes to money it is as if gold follows gold like a magnet.”
Mr H said one fine day while they were settling in with their council house and had behaved abominably to the former landlady by not paying her a cent that they had done their duty and that the girls must contribute. One of them was washing her tights the others were trying to come to grips with the cooker and washer at the same time. Mrs H had behaved well she let them get on with it. After all they were younger than she was and they could manage the whole thing.
“My dearest we must get jobs for the girls for they have no inheritance and that won’t keep them in style. First we must marry off poor F as she is submissive and beautiful. After that we might run mad marry them off immediately for jobs as of husband’s are hard to find a man with money is like searching in a haystack for a needle so hurry husband hurry.”
“Not me I am trying to earn my own living.”
“If you had behaved well and had not ruined your reputation.”
“But I did not so there and I am not ashamed to be known as hoyden.”
“Who will look after us?” said the husband and wife.
“We have to have one of them caring for us?”
“Toss a coin.”
“But be quiet about it if the girls get a wind of it they will leave us in the lurch.”
“Fats are out.”
“How about the other girls have they got good lays?”
“Don’t it is not a race.”
“No need to be a sexiest.”
“I am not a racist.”
By the greatest of chances there was someone with the knowhow on the door trying to take on the job of love. Mr Fiddle came prompt and able with the amiability and good sense we know him for. First he chooses F then choice me.
He just towered over them giving them the eye and making them feel insecure.
“Why is he here?”
She was more than obligated and oblivious to his real intent and purposes because Mr Fiddle did not have a purpose. In the middle of book keeping his eyes met hers. She turned away as if frightened.
“We must scale down.”
“Like the Japanese?”
“Something so true.”
“Scale even more than this Mr Fiddle you would be a genius if you can see how to outsource anything we have not.”
“So that their ever increasing numbers can live in a space of a bus stop which is a great city housing over 39,000 that is Tokyo.”
“In a shoe box and the money on a shoe string?”
“There is nothing to make smaller than it is.” Said Fats.
“How many in a bedroom?”
“The girls have one too many rooms, yes my dear we must rent a room out.”
“A lady does not need too many rooms.”
“Why should she when she is single?”
“Do get to the point.”
“There is nothing to it girls night out.” One of the girls left the room and never came back.
“For pities sakes woman keep your mouth shut you are upsetting them all. For all the girls had began to cry out in protests it was such a sound as a whimper or something similar they were indeed crying.
“I am not a woman and good food is hard to come by.” Sadly Fats thought only of her stomach.
“Unless one is a servant.” She asked something else, “Can I become your servant?”
“No of course not you are a lady friend.”
The thing was Fats had other needs besides friendship and he did not understand.
“We might give them to the city council to feed?”
“Like in the second war.”
“We must have just missed having a 3rd world war by an inch.”
“Our daughters are proper ladies and do not part without their clothes.”
“Fats was still sewing hers.”
“They are dispossessed.” The television had come on and they had wandered into that then they clicked to talking again about the girls.
“Homeless jobless and without anywhere to go?”
“Like our girls?” said Mrs Zeks unkindly.
“Our girls have a home.”
“Look tell them that they should marry immediately then I won’t have to think about their future.” Said Mrs Zeks.
“Their future but they are still young.”
“I am to blame.”
“I blame the Bush and the drums which went on and on the nights so hot and nasty. She took off and there was no stopping them. But that means you know it means nothing but that a man is a man and his snobbery is complex these days he does not even acknowledge that he has that side to his character. But he does Mr H. a man needs a woman who is accomplished and sensitive and sensible. Able to handle herself in combat and mend any fuse box at will”
“Why a fuse box Mrs Zeks?”
“An electrician costs so much money. He will be saving a mountain of debt related illnesses too.”
“Nothing doing if she burns the house down.”
“I thought of that Mr H. he will be insured.”
“No I cannot Mrs H. it is improbable.”
“But think ok we will make them mend the plumbing?”
“Plumbing yes I accept that.”
“What we cannot do is cause a flood,”
“Why not who will know it came from our house?”
He said some words and the Iraqi’s retaliated by having taken the nation from them they now given us plenty to think about. I feel them children wandering lost and alone out in the world what will become of them? You see the television does broaden the horizons and makes one believe that the people on the screen matter to one but the H’s were simple and they did not want to think too deeply so they concerned themselves with the rich man who had been once a relative and now was just an important man.
“When our daughters at home we worry will be eaten by the wolves they outside in their thin bare bodies what will happen to them?”
“Nobody will dare to eat anyone of our daughters they are beasts themselves beware of their sort.”
“You feeling out of sorts love.” Said his wife who wanted nothing but to get rid of them all.
“My dear sir what do you mean?”
“Most monstrosities happen indoors don’t they?”
“That he said he was getting America big so that we can enjoy them more.”
“Not on your fright night self.”
“Look Mr H. fright night is the dearest wishes of our lives because it is our mind set but what matters is not to be caught out.”
“Most of these people are charity workers aid workers and they smell of us.”
“We are the more kindliness itself because we wear our hearts on our sleeve.”
“I sniff to that.”
“Everyone is cheating the world has become a madness.”
“My dear it is the true meaning of the word we are the aid working party.”
“But who are we aiding and abetting?”
“When the war breaks out with a rush which side do you think Mr H. we should choose?”
“The winning side my dear.”
“How do you know which will be the winning side?”
“Toss a coin?”
“In the political climate there will be no winning side?”
“No the bombs will explode and the end of the world will be neigh.”
Mr Fiddle meanwhile was assessing the furniture and said that most of it was too good for a council flat and should be where he lived.
“Oh take it away take it away.” Said Mr H.
“Would that help things?” asked Fats.
“At least you will not blame me when we are in prison for insolvency? For none payment for doing this and the other?”
“My credit is good.” Said Mr Fiddle in some dismay if his credit had not been good he would never have inherited such a lovely house.”
“It is a shell of what it used to be we had to close most of the rooms.”
“Madam that is an outright lie.” Said Mrs Fiddle.
“What has happened to honesty?”
“I have been led me on to misappropriate the funds. I will swear till I die you led me astray Mr H stop doing that stupid thing.”
“I did no such thing anyone can be wrong.”
“Yes to be caught on the wrong side is worse than anything major embarrassment.”
“At all costs to be avoided.”
“I want to blog bigger.”
“Why else can he want them bigger?”
“Who wants to blog bigger Mr H.?”
“I am certain he did not mean it like that?”
“He is no longer my friend.”
“It is the company we keep.”
“It is unwise to ask him to make a peace treaty.”
There was too many conversations going on at the same time the television was distracting them when they thought about the hundred days and then when they thought about their precious possessions. In this house which they had stolen to keep what one does to enjoy the house.
“We got on the housing ladder because Mr H did a lot of accounting and auditing.”
“We led our girls in the same folly now most of them have the same wit as we do.”
“It is useless teaching them IT.”
“Look this is our home.”
“When you scream blue murder nobody comes to your aid as it is your responsibility to see to it that nothing bad happens in the home.”
“Why let Mr Fiddle in then?”
“He will own the house when we die.”
“It is a mess.”
“A massive one?”
“We can go to a solicitor and have our say?”
“Too costly to us because it is a waste of time he won fair and square.”
“The thing was we know all about the whole thing.”
“We will inherit nothing.”
When they felt their hearts on a sleeve it was all too much for them all. For hidden away they had hid stuff which really had belonged to Mr Fiddle. Mr Fiddle did not know of this and if he found out he would be mad. Now he was submissive and subdued and making the right sounds of sympathy.
“He almost apologised for being there for having that black task to do. I might come back then.”
“No let us get things done Mr Fiddle let us be done for.” Said Mr H.
“I do know it for a fact my dear his back is still intact.”
“Why are you behaving oddly Mr H. jumping on that chair do not break the chair it costs us a fortune to repair it.”
“It is the poor who need serving not the rich.” Said Mr H.
“They must have not thought about you then.” Mr Fiddle sneered at him.
“Sorry for that.”
“I am not thinking straight let us marry off poor F. to Mr Mercy.”
“Pity the world has gone mad is it not?”
“Who does a girl marry when she is Turkish and has to?”
“World gone mad it is the whole thing artificial intelligence can now copy the way we look soon they will copy the way we think and the humans will have not only to out smart each other but them aliens called the self mad computers.
But now they have what is known as the ability to copy the way we look?
The genetic make up must be the same is it not?
“What if the IA can copy and clone itself?”
“A nightmare film?”
“Brought further into now.”
“Not now we in the middle ages discussing the fortunes of this unfortunate family.”
“Oh their fortunes will never mend they have a hole in their pocket.”
It is linked to our status symbol to have a family we belong in this world and have a family this is a story about the family and what one does to keep the little odds and ends one does have.
“Look if Fats or J marries then they might have children?”
“Of course what is then the purpose of marriage the whole purpose is to marry and beget children.”
“Insanity is ruinous to the healthy.”
“That is what Mr Donald said.”
“We can make more gas attacks?”
“It makes one think does it not”?
“This is a small world you know.”
“Well it was now it is huge.”
Another thing when we are all so likable as to make our sisters the rival and the rival at that where upon because he a male and he got the wrappers. The singing and the dancing did not stop until the courtship was done for.
The light went on and off. It went hot and cold the light went on and off the lit room was a disaster of housewife pride. The romance went out of the world there is no more time but to ask the jerks what they are doing. When life is such a sham of would be psychotics let loose on the world called scientists.
“Artificial Intelligence which can mimic humans are good?”
“Well imagine if one is living with a schizophrenic or another sick personality disorder that computer will have all the makeup of behaving in such a manner. As it can copy and mutate.”
“It was in the show case of an offering the end of the discussion on television.”
“The discussion ended because the news and weather was on and it is still the same.”
“Mostly we are a country of good time keepers.”
“But that is not fair?”
“Well who was listening?”
Accordingly Mrs H did not have a clue neither did anyone else so there.
“My husband said nothing to me about the house being in your name. I know nothing about the whole thing that is when I went and sold all the furniture.”
“Ignorance is bliss.” Said Mr Fiddle.
Because she not woman enough for her husband and he and she and they made him a wrap together which then they sold to Mac Donald’s a victim to their higher IQ. His mother not woman and he was. He had no wife and then found out he had no use for one. The wrap went on show and then they took to the stage and had a stool made. Of course he had a mother who was not woman and he was wrapped in cotton wool because of that.
The woman was a larger than lager lout shouted migrants on buses and made her own child cry like a baby and then had strangers comfort the child. Who would have been amused to find themselves not well liked by Miss Fats seeking the governess post which she would have had had she the qualities which did not make her smarter than most.
His mother a intellectual unattractive woman who did work day and night did not do nothing but work and made her husband wary of her. He run off with the cat that was how badly he felt.
She did the Oxford crossword in under ten minutes and this made her disliked most cordially.
“Don’t do the crossword at all is my motto why do it at all when you space yourself?”
If she had been female and watched her figure and her speech and make good and all that with tact sense and did not shout and bark at them at dinner. He might have stayed and do the dishes. But he had to go.
This is another place a kitchen to cry over nothing. She did not bring cheer. The saucepan went on the boil and there is not much effort involved one thing leads to another and then out of the frying pan into the fire. She cried after the crossword because it was just too easy for and very difficult for her. It does not make anyone happy to be superior in intelligence to everyone else. When the food taken away she washed the dishes and behaved like a servant just to feel able to eat with everyone else. But this only brought general concerns.
A woman of her intellectual abilities throwing herself away on the dishes when she could do crosswords in ten minutes such a waste it was. She did not do crosswords in ten minutes she was a non starter but they jeered at her. Such a stupid woman to think she was that good and behave in such a high handed fashion towards a man.
Mrs Zeks did not know the authors would be mother in law so disliked nothing about her in fact she did not design to know about her at all being a genteel superior woman. She had nothing but wiles to while away her time and she knitted poisons to melt the heart into.
All this is nonsense of course not.
“All the world wants to come to our country.”
“Indeed they do.”
“It is the best in the world.”
They had the money they had the means they had everything wealth no problem. So why she dressed in them clothes? She not a female walking in her boots making life so unhappy.
Misbehaviours of his dad reached the head of the church. Mrs Zeks heard about the whole thing and it got on her nervous system. It gave her the hiccups as if she was taking a present from someone and had to give returns.
She had nothing but gruel for the next fortnight. Which made her so bad tempered that everyone of her staff was sacked.
“We have to make the world a safer place to live in.”
“Did it hurt?”
Mrs Fiddle she did not say anything just behaved as if that would never happen. That her husband would not be defrocked at all that all their jobs are safe as houses. His job was to do what he was doing. He had the good sense the reasons as she believed his job safe. Mr Fiddle was formerly the suitor of Fats and Fiddle are her best friend so they had the shared things.
“Take his blanket for him to take a nap. He sweaty with something.”
“Donkey kicks me again I will kill you. You made the donkey kick me.” That was Fats or something they would call her the donkey because she had a occasional kick.
“I did no such thing.”
“I know you made that donkey kick me. Bring it to heal.”
“You mean heel?”
“You know me thinking you worn your welcome out we need to do another documents.”
“No not anyone.”
“Yes covenant including respect.”
“Respect your husband?”
“You my husband whom I should respect?”
“Go to hell.”
“Whistle for it.”
“Why is it time for us to become smarter?” asked Fats in something called desolation.
A maid is there serving throughout centuries because that is what maids do they take the beatings and serve their masters and mistresses.
job as could not control the class. Miss must have spent a night out too?
“Children are angels maids in particular.”
“Wicked I am wicked for wanting intellect as well.” Said Fats to herself she lost everything because of that.
“Ambition killed our love.” He said to her before he went to his wife.
“I am weak.”
“We together are strong.”
“We are stronger than ever before because she does everything for me.” His wife did everything for him? “She lacks ambition.”
“This is weird what do mental patients do when they do nothing?”
“They have days when they have off days.”
" Due to mental illness?”
“Love is like a mental disease one only sees what one wants to.”
“He does not see anything at all at the moment it is clear blue skies.”
“Yes just whistle. I am going to take what you value the most in the world.” Said Jane to me and the gang her gang are going to help her.
“What else can you take from me?”
“I have a double.” Said Jane.
“We are now playing doubles.”
Nobody behaved so badly as she had.
“She wants her husband back but she has him doesn’t she?”
What else does she want?
All his phones are disconnected at home in case her many lovers phone?
“But what right when so many things have happened in her life so many lovers and sexual conquests.”
“It is still her husband.”
“I am not holding him he can go any time he likes to.”
Dear Jane your husband is not involved with you anymore he only is using you for sex and making all that nice things like work with you. So now fuck off. But is that true?
Mr Fiddle at the door saying rude things to the girls, the girls are busking in the unconventional way he is talking and eventually one of them must marry him to shut him down. Dear Jane knows her husband is interrupting her holidays and wants him back.
“It is okay is it not?”
Jane said £25 should do it for my work for my efforts.
“For what for you this is for you from us.”
He does not want to love me.
“He is not looking at you any longer.”
He is looking at Jane.
“What for ?”
“Yes come to the chicken coop and me show you what them cocks do?”
“Oh me know already?”
“But no repeats?”
“You needed good speeches?”
“In the morning good morning at night good evening.”
“And more respect.”
“How much money did I deserve for writing a love poem?”
“£25 exactly that is what it is worth.”
“Exactly the respect you are getting.”
“He needed speech.“?
“He in need of rhetoric.”
“To feed his oratory so that he can pay you on demand?”
“Depends on what he wants.”
“But I do have a head on my shoulders. So it does not come into it does it?”
“Well it would never occur to him would it?”
“Well spoken child.”
No more speaking that is ok. Now silence is golden that is ok?
And he had been around the world in something like eighteen days he did not need to think anymore he knew all the answers.
“We don’t seek the speaking parts because we get shut downs.
“That will cost you?”
“What will it cost me?”
“That will cost you?”
“It will be more than money something like emotional upheaval.”
“Of course can we now do it right”?
“I do not have any rights or privileges there is no right of way.”
“Why still here?”
“I am going to scream.”
“I can have you anytime so why rape you?”
“Arrested for a crime did not do?”
“Yes I got done for having sex with a woman who I could have done without.”
“You see my sperm around and about? Yes sperm everywhere so lesser crime.”
“Now I am going to be quit of you.”
“Sweetheart I don’t care.”
“I will come for you?”
“Please do. I will be waiting.”
“Wait forever bitch.”
“I am wasted on you.”
“Immigrations did not have the right controls. They let her leave Cyprus.”
Said Jane to her people.
Mostly people do not want to see desperate people round them they want niceties and manners at all times. Even if one is not desperate one is trying to behave better that is what is known as society and being in and round people.
“Not like me?”
“Now on the buses there are quarrels rows about migration and what it is to be English living in England. Men touching man and that is what it means to be in England on the buses the man had to get off the bus because this bustling woman with three children thought that is what it is to be English.
Two drunks with it they drunk and did the rows and then the upheaval as they nearly destroyed the entire ride. A child startled starts to cry. Bitch bonkers and all that said by a mother who is holding a can of something in her hand.
That is the spiritual development of behaving like a mother these days. We worked nine hours and now this someone said no conductors on the buses and there is lacking in respect for other passengers.”
“We have failed ourselves.”
In this country man touches a man and if the man does not respond he is told to leave the bus by the others who side with the mother of three children because they want to please that woman.
“So what is this happening to this country?”
“A woman is in league to have a stir at all sorts of pots and she does not care what she does or says because she is someone important.”
“Yes she is.”
No one has heard her say anything at all she silent she silent as the day doomsday came upon the books. Look that is her standing and she is not silent in fact we were speechless she still talking.
No a man has not been arrested. A husband whose wife is not producing the fruits of hard labour?
When a man needs money his wife is doing it with the rich and titled woman and he gets money. He is so thrilled by that he now spends it on their growing family that is how they pay their bills? Well he not working is he?
I mean? A woman a husband as they mate they create? Beastly population they are always conceiving. No need to think anything less of a man? His wife is productive. In that way.
“Look at the H’s all they had were five kids.”
“That is without birth control.”
“She did wink at you?”
“Yes she did I don’t know why maybe she thought she in a film.”
“She did she thought she in the termination film.”
“Look my ma had the best production line.”
“Not sure ma’s eggs not as grand as theirs.”
“But we know that don’t we?”
“No you couldn’t have.”
“I made a mistake.”
“The imbecile wife is not the freshest production line and now we must throw in the towel.”
“She did not conceive?”
“She has indeed she has had ten.”
“You know kids.”
“They are expensive?”
“I thought when we had kids it would get better they could do the chores they do not.”
“Romance yes we are romantic. Marriage okay, it is fantastic. I swear the same for you all too? Being married makes one beneficent. Benevolent like a nurse to the highest degree mummy said it was made her feel one moment a nurse the next into someone else. I swear that being married is the way forward to humanity everyone should be married. Said mummy it is so good.”
I go to any amount of weddings it has not made me benefit at all.
It is the best thing that ever happens to find out what the marriage partner is on the wedding night beats the most frightening experiences ever.
“Whose experiences are we talking about?”
“It is Zeks her wedding night was not happy.”
“She disliked her husband.”
Children safe as houses, she went to the road. The pram just sagged with the two kids in there waving. Yelling or not? I can’t remember.
The car came just then.
I did not know how fast it was so quick as if as in a flash it did not stop the car did not stop dreadful business.
“We picked the children up.” Mother was quicker than that. She picked the kid up without haste she nearly left the small thin one on the road. Bloody hell heaven’s sake mum pick her up.
“You do so. I have done my bit.” Labour disputes then popular.
“I am holding the pram so it won’t get into the road. I nearly topple with the pram I am not strong enough that pram was too much for us but then there is nothing the matter with me. I was about eight years old.
There might be another car on the way. We need to reuse the pram in order to get home.
The kids are heavier than she thought? Damn heavy. Oh sure the kids picked up. We got the pram okay. Yes she knew the very thing to do. Then when we almost at home it began to be tricky. The pram was escalating and did not have the right body weight.
“We have not done the shopping?”
“The shops near us.” Said mother out of the blue she seemed to be making the right sounds money and more money. I am in the low caste position of not having money which makes me powerless.
“He said no more credit. ”
“It was all your fault.” said Z. The moment my sister can speak she says to me it is my own fault. I think that day were her first words. I can’t remember her saying anything else before.
“You brought us bad luck all your doing all your fault.”
Seeing things is she?
“No my dear?”
“It was your own fault. Be polite that is all they want from you but you have to go ahead and be rude.”
“The thing is I am too tired to argue.”
The reality is our family the females nitpicking all the time they can do it better why don’t they? Her family that is what we behaved like the family who lost out.
“You are common a commoner.”
Z breaks the china and mother says pick it up.
Abdul the other dad startled us by laughing it away and then went to the bedroom when mother followed.
“Passed through the thought my dear passed through.”
We hear Abdul and mother mating then I presume they are sleeping when the other dad comes asking for toast and tea. But dad you already had some I want some more. Fiddle insisted on this and I assumed he just hungry because of energetic love making.
The giraffe has the statements of a neck longer than usual but that means it is a camel too
They all look alike. If you seen one of us seen us all.
Hear me water. Otherwise off me. The man or the sire comes down and says sorry forgot.
“Fiddle is here mummy.”
“Oh Fiddle I am resting.”
The man knows he might lose he has to make exception to his male pride and tenderly coax the camel.
“It is flash light?”
“The door is pushed in.”
“You should have shouted something.”Mother said.
Now they are avoiding me.
Excerpts in the novel the novel which Z grandmother had written mattered to me more and more but this did not happen. What happened was in this novel a little thing happened. Grandmother does not have any electricity but I insisted that she wrote a novel and she accepted that fact. You see Grandmother was what is known as amiable and if someone said she knew who you wanted her to be she was.
“She allowed her children to starve?”
“No never that.” Her children always well fed and nourished.
“Stupid to be hanging onto that shit of a husband when you could be earning.” Said her son his lack of respect she took good humouredly. Why she did so is because she had carried him on her back and she thought he was still leaning on her and needed her strength to become a man.
“She was so hasty to share her things.” Mother said because she disliked her giving things out to strangers.
“I agree that was her only fault.”
Look there is madness in the family who would want to make more babies knowing that? It is a mad world to get more madness one has to spread the disease it is like cholera and all that. It is about stopping the tap making it stop so that we will not infect others with the gene. No it is the right gene we make so many people happiest when they give us children and we have learnt to conceal ourselves so that we can beget in private in the privileged positions of the damned.
“Why the hell does it end so abruptly?”
“You mean life?”
“Yes it always ends in death.”
“What matters is that now we are here.”
Like vampires we cling onto the life force.
We are nearing the end of our life and this is what grandmother had said she had done her jest and made off with the rightful mad crown and nobody saw it but the few. And they were the men not the women but the men.
“Look I loathed her too.”
“I did not could not forgive her did not want her to live on any money of ours.”
Hostility towards a mad woman?
There was a lot of hostility towards grandmother but why I had no idea but now realise she played huge pranks on people.
This is about behaving in a slapstick manner.
“What reasonable excuse when the house is gone the land should be sold as well?”
The child goes to school and takes time off and has the sickness. Her body not well and asks the teacher is she not receiving her right amount of food. That could mean attention to her and the whole village would know she has not been born. But when the child is told she is poor and her classmates annoy her what happens to that child? Is poverty the new disaster? Is the working mother going to cook on holidays and never let herself out? Is it going to be like Roman times when the state did the cooking and there was no kitchens at home? What would be this leading too?
“I am never born.” She sits brightly and shrieks just like a cat-on-boat.
“I am not been born and this makes you special?”
“What she ask that for? Tell her to shut up.”
“Do not say that again,”
“Why the anger?”
“How can she say such a thing and they to all agree?”
“That toilets are not working that is why the foreigners came here to work not live on the dole.”
“I am sorry.”
“Do not touch her so.”
“She should not have been allowed in the library.”
“She is poisonous?”
“Why is she here with us when she should be somewhere else?”
“You are useless.”
“For the sake of myself I must leave this place.”
“You are trapped here.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Somewhere drugged induced?”
“Like a zombie?”
“What happiness to know that for someone I loved this has happened.”
“We are all going to be so happy.”
“But she is a very important woman.” The wife is having a party the husband is meaningless now to her.
“Yes we know she is.”
“From a important family.”
“May you rot in hell.” Said his father to him and threw him out cast him aside no son of mine.
“He is no son of mine.”
“I know your story. That means you had no mum.” She just said it out loud does she know how it hurts?
“When we marry and mate what happens?”
“Happily ever after.”
“What if we made a mistake.”
“I am not into that.”
“No one is making a mistake.”
“Your mother died?”
“My mother is still here.”
“She is still with Abdul?”
“You still with that woman?”
“But why son?”
“We are aware that there is a joke and we missed the entertainments.”
“I am going to kill her.” She said so and she startles us by starting to cry.
“I made a mistake I made a mistake I acknowledge it.”
“I made one too.”
“And is that me?”
“I gave you too much rope and you bloody hang yourself.”
“Man touching man and woman touching woman is this the Britain they are saying is the normal?”
“They are saying a child does not have an interest when someone touches her breasts.”
“Look out of the kitchen now.”
“I am the master here.”
“I can hear him.”
“Look she has said something?”
“This is Britain that we want and it is what we own to.”
“Why what is that about?”
“Forced gayness the psychiatrists are forcing some to become gay.”
It is inhuman to do such a deed is it not and they are having us on by getting not qualified doctors to sit on the sessions and to give us nothing just nod and laugh at us.
That is what psychiatrist do is it not just listen to the patient and nod? We are all into that sort of behaviour and nobody is harmed because it is adult party time.
But then the banks start to lose their reason the banks became mad because they spend too much time in hospitals and have all become unwell.
I thought of marrying J but did not think the doctor would approve did not realise he was suggesting the whole damn thing. Forced I was being forced and this led to more ill health. Grownups not behaving well authority not behaving well either? No one behaving at all.
“Do you mean they are forcing you to become gay?”
“Have you found out yet what sexuality you are?”
The kid always hungry. She is feeding on me the hunger is reality the only reality to feed her and make her feel valued. To feel a child looking at me constantly and asking food and can it be kindly and not into that dish?
“My mother is a secret.”
“My mother is a secret she a just a ghost.”
“I know all my relations.” She smiled pleasantly. She implied I did not know mother or anybody else.
“To survive in this world you have to be humble,” Said the psychiatrist nurse when I was in the hospital trying to get out.
“Not nice to say that.”
I was drawing and drawing not my pension but people in my head faces and more of them.
“I am procuring the goods when there is nothing else we can make a good produce like the factory line.”
“We are mass producing what?”
“There is no love anywhere except on how to do up your home.”
This is a closure is it not?
“Go back to your enclosure.”
“The enclosure laws have been out dated almost two hundred years.”
“I want my family.”
“I want them now.”
“You are not my family you are a man who has Knightsbridge on his mind.”
“So you married her?”
“Yes he had to.”
“Why did he marry her?”
“Oh get a life she fell pregnant with his child.”
“Is he sure it was his?”
“Of course who else would want her?”
“Important persona and then her background just right and then what is right about the whole thing is she knows and is gifted too.”
“She is gifted?”
“He said she a flower girl.” He lied to me to us belittled me.
It is no laughing matter.
“I am sick of her.”
“She keeps on following me.”
“It is a gang of would be female rapists.”
“They are fox hunting my dears.”
“Oh how the aristocracy love to fox hunt.”
“Don’t repeat yourself.”
“This is another repetition.”
“She is doing it with my man and he is an animal caught.”
“He has surrendered to her.”
“He has given it to her his name his pre nuptial agreement everything.”
“How much does it take for him to understand she is not in love with him?”
“He is calling for help?”
“From me well he is wasting his time I am up to my ears in debt.”
“How much does it take for you to understand he is sorry?”
“I am still angry.”
In my other parallel universe it is so.
“In the chain gang to make sure you are never well.”
“We deal with prostitutes a lot of their affairs.”
“I am a family woman a woman.”
“That is it dear to lick your pussy dry.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Shall we make you understand?”
The bell rang and she called out away.
She has not been the midwife said because she so sickly that it is not worth registering the birth. There is a twin parallel universe I am in charge and in the other she is. This parallel personality my ultra ego, somehow she gave me meaning but no life. There was she trying to speak to me and then words would come and then leap at me with such force. Somehow in this trio we complete all his aspects of his mind.
“Akin to genius.”
“She would get to the heart of it all.”
“To place an ad in your paper means we sell everything in sight to place an ad in mine nothing is sold forever.”
“Just as well he is a single male is it not he would have been raped dozens of times if his wife had his wallet.”
“My wife is not into my wallet. She loves me too much.”
Here is a idiot of a wife than. That is when I become mad with rage he is lying.
“I made a cake of myself.” He said.
Yes he had the wedding cake with their photos in there they were eating each other.
“One for me and one for you. I made the cake drop. It just toppled down and down and would never be recovered from the floor. I could not help myself how could I see into their wedding? I was being knifed just then but I had seen them wed.
The jollity of a wedding was spoilt it was spoilt rotten there was the honeymoon to look forward to but I could have died.
“My wedding was spoilt.”
“My best day was spoilt.” Jane said it over and over again but her family? Not intentionally spoilt her day or she did it herself did not realise how it would affect her did not realise how personal murder is.
“Don’t think about it at all.” You see these creatures have to be humoured otherwise they are like herds they come and give you pain.
“You are a pain.”
The rich aristocratic the best brains in the world. To not to see what is there why because if someone is dying you fool you don’t give the man hell for not taking you on a cruise on a honeymoon you had only to wait a couple more months and then you could have been cruising all your lives.
“On this lonely sea journey you could have eaten each other’s cake till eternity.”
“Not worth the thought is it? Because I think he and she then would have been for each other their own very reality.”
“How they can look alike like brother and sister?”
“How sexually attractive he looks with her.”
“As if they on demoniac on fire.”
“It must have been gas.”
“She would have walked eighty miles to be with him.”
“Misdirect your thoughts I am a disabled woman.”
“Look dearest you can’t say that.”
“Look here is Mrs H. proof of that.”
“Mr H. has married off five daughters and they are all expensive.”
“Mary did not marry.”
“Look it is not her fault. She is not employable.”
“A marriage is an employment?”
“Of course it is big business.”
“But the bride is a star for a while.”
“Marriage is worst expense more difficult to stomach than a mortgage.”
Prince Charming placed her in the kitchen and left her there forgotten.
“But once one says that one is married one is not hounded by the job centre.”
“Of course you are they say the child has to go to the nursery and you must do the job elsewhere.”
“There are no nursery places for children like us.”
“What are you talking about?”
“We are grown up before we can walk, able to care for everybody.”
“We all have two jobs.”
“My that is very fine.”
“I have three jobs.”
“Congratulations on that.”
“I have no paid job.”
“We are all supporting you then?”
“I thought I was supporting you as none of you cooks or cleans or looks after anyone.”
“Do we know her?”
“No not at all.”
Ignoring me they closet amongst themselves and startle me by laughing at some joke.
The calling was not in her letters it was in her deeds. By deed poll she could have changed her name but she did not she opted for the more fun version. A word got out she had a young man in her garden so she must be blessed with a further wedding or happiness. This made me reasonable certain it could never be. I had the same thing happen to me but the pigeon in the garden had the same idea and I run out of the garden and back in the kitchen. Someone said I could earn a lot more on the pole not touched but seen. How interesting what Abdul would say that would not he? It healed his clouded deluded mind.
“Send her out of the room she upset her.”
“Why what has happened?”asked everyone, “out of favour out of favour that is a fact.”
“Go now.” Said Mess. I did as I was told, “Is it immediately like right now?”
“ Yes it is.”
“But why what had happened said myself at sixteen?”
She was not well? Well her heart had begun to enlarge. So her heart began to get bigger and swell so she was not writing letters we had word she okay. She was okay alright. She did not could not read and write yet she writing them letters and then she stopped writing. Some people just fade away as if they did not do harm did not affect anyone at all that is why grandmother such a rotten woman.
I leapt towards her to find out how she really was. It did not matter to me what had to become of me. Then there was this check I Found someone unexpected did not reason correctly did not find her did not know her did not feel so who was it. I did not know her she was older than expected and drab quite drab to look at clean but drab as if her clothes were woven by someone from the former centuries and it did not make her look odd she was as if dressed for the covering and not for fashion or pleasure.
That was my ex partners impression of me he told me so.
I did not ask to find her like that she was a waste why did I come yet she beckoned me. I who she said had been brought to some sort of elevation by her honouring me with herself. I had brought me to safety and I who sang you lullabies made me ok and fought to keep me?
“My little angel my little girl.” I redden as if she had been someone nicer than me. I thought that all the time I sat in to some state I was thinking there is nothing here for me.
“You see my girl knows she came.”
“She is all grown old?”
“Of course she is Mess she is all grown up what do you think about her Zeks?”
“I try not to.”
Who did I expect her to be? I had no idea at all. But I felt such a shame I felt this doubt in myself why did I think about her as if a lost cause some sort of causal event which had been and like a meteorite passed me by? That she had behaved in some sort of honour towards me and now I was rejecting her as if she was not and never was.
“What is she thinking?”
“Her lover more like.”
I was distressed by this.
“What is wrong with you all?”
There is no truth but I looked not well worn out body stretching for miles and miles.
“Not true. Don’t trust that.”
“Her sisters okay?”
“They are Mostly right and dandy.”
“The thing was Fats lived her life caring for other people.”
“A good woman?”
“Mother said she bad.”
“What made her say that?”
“Why is she so jealous and vindictive for?”
“Because she mad as well.”
I could never find her because I refused to seek the reality. I was told that Fats was a whore a prostitute and behaved so stupidly and rudely to everyone. She had been the one all along and I rejected her made off with will a wisp. I thought she would harm me. Probably neglected her made her feel unwanted. I went to her went to see how she was. After not seeing her for a century what had become of my former friend my heart my soul my own very own.
“Here I am chose me.”
“So what is up?” Sorry what was up was that everything was not right within my world.
“I have aged?”
“No not really.”
“I hear you getting engagements and marriages. Have you got rich?” I asked he jokingly.
“Well I do not think so.” She said pleased. Fats is not vain about her looks maybe because she looked normal a old woman. But she still thought and Zeks agreed with her that she had pink cheeks and had a dimple. I did not see the dimple in her chin. Her deportment was sloppy. She was long and bony as if her lack of riches meant she had everything to eat. She only did not drink coffee and she did not like to make the coffee. On her chin she had no smile and there was something pale about her grey and aloof as if she did not belong to this world or any other world.
When she did not reply they all got very agitated and brought her around all the time she would say I am here. I am here no need to be so agitated I am not going anywhere. I did not realise what all that meant for a time I thought that was special. And indeed she is very special said not much she is the more special because she just is. That she had special powers or something I said and both the women smiled that I still was a man who believed in that sort of thing.
I did not realise she had madness in her that she was indeed mad. I looked at her as if she was the same as everybody else. But more so than anyone else as if her mind was full of something more than anyone else’s as if she saw things further out and she knew things which was impossible to know. She was too fat for my tastes. But she had this charming walk a graceful assured talk which set her apart. She did not appear mad at all.
“Well what has happened?” she was simpering. That woman never simpered that woman who brought me round and made sure I was in the best of health’s to face the world.
I wanted to know what had happened to her swung her over to her side wanting to know. There she was again nowhere to be found.
A family knows what to do with its children.
“From our circles we dine now alone?” She was very much in the hero worship stage I thought the sounds and the fury of the world was such as myself was out to investigate what had happened in that time long time ago. When it was that bloody howl when blood had split when there was somehow something done which would never be right again. Could never be right this wrong could not be settled out of court settled into anon when the times past caved my heart and mattered to me. That this is the would be mother this is the sounds of stirrings of someone digging into her past to mend the future.
Because of it not being a good past I had no future. I could not bring kids into the world. This made me an imbecile and the whole fiends watched amused and this mattered to me this matters to me because how did it happen? I ceased to matter for being honest.
“Genetics do matter you know.”
“Yes. It did not matter then kids coming and having their genes in them makes for the world a safer place to live in.”
“Mad people must too have the blessings of children.”
Resuming the complimentary tones of today and tomorrow and the next day what is it about?
“I am seeking shelter from the rains. Let us go under the tree.”
“No let us go to someplace else.”
“Why don’t you own your house?”
Grandmother is embarrassed to speak about it for some reason.
“Because she is honest does not have a brain,” Said mother very viciously.
I walk slowly behind her. I had been rush. I contained my curiosity. I do not even make the waves anymore. I try to keep in step with them. There is a generous space between us.
I do not know my way round. The place has somehow began to irritate me by her being here that is Fats has let herself out and then rented her mind to someone who appeared out of the blue ten times a day to see we did not think anything but orange. The thing was which was the ones we were supposed to do and which are the things we enjoy are never the best things for one. Did Fats sell something for a fiver? It belongs to me then I went inside her house and knew the answer. Her Mother left the olive tub open and a rat floated in it. Fats was distraught but her mother only smiled. She said I did not mean to leave it open Fats and the mother said I see or that is what I assumed she said. What is the reality behind that scene? Why did her mother seem more mad than Fats at that moment?
The children begin to have a game how not to be caught and they want to earn without much work. The men come Fats kicks them away and makes them marry the girls. She bargains and they agree.
“What is the matter here?”
" Why do such a thing you could have asked us.”
“She has not changed has she?”
“We will have bath then we can relax.” said she to her daughters.
“Oh I have not been inside.”
“It was hot.”
“No it won’t be that hot I did not light it fully.”
“Okay we did not have a proper funeral for her. It is just not right.”
“I can’t see a thing.”
“Oh get away.”
“What is wrong with these people?”
“Look fuck the heck.”
“Look I am throwing the water over the damnations.”
“I leave the women to do to each other what they needed to. In fact it is always nice to do so.”
They stay over another half an hour or so and I am sat in my prim chair being in a way relaxed. It is so nice and cool in there with the breeze coming in and making this cool air.
There are several women in the herd. I am always calling the women the herd as they always in some sort of sheltered enclosure never apart always discussing about their sons university or degrees. They then smirk and smile and they often have a look into the TV as someone is dancing a girl and they drink their coffee and smile.
Fats smiled lights a cigarette and there is this smile in her entire being.
Her mother does not say a word. Fats she smiles again. Mother asks coming very fast where are the fires?
“Your house has embarrassed us.” I answer, “The taxi driver did not like the looks of the worn out shed.”
Fats has a moment of pain.
The thing is not easy.
“What is it?”
“She has mortgaged all the children.” ” said Fats.
“Oh she has mortgaged the children?”
“After she has done the work.” laughs Fats.
“Oh she is in need of food?”
“We give her food.”
“Has mummy enough money?” asks Z. “Here take this.” mother gives her twenty five pounds.
“Can you spare it?”
“Of course we have thousands in the bag.”
“I do not want to take it from your children’s mouth?”
“In a argument which is earth shattering the twenty five pounds mummy takes back from Fats. I am overcome by something I give her forty pounds.
And say, “I can’t give you more. Now take this and forgive me that I do not have any more to give.” Being married is expensive.
“If I tell them they will miss the money so I will not say a word.”
“If only it were that simple.”
That was the last time I felt anything for Fats until the day we left her stranded in the middle of something somehow not sorted somehow not digested.