Locked away from her own heart. Alone in the darkness of her own deeds (at least that was the way she convinced herself). Her hands now as cold as ice, fell lifelessly by her legs. Living in the fear of herself more than the people around her. From childhood there was one thing she had learned to follow ‘Trust NOONE’. These were her mother’s last words to her before she walked away from her life. No, she didn’t die. And she hated it when people assumed that her mother had died. More than anything, she was angry, she hated her mother for never trying to meet her even after knowing of her existence. Her father was another story altogether. She loved him with all her heart, only to find out he was just a sperm donor. He was never around. She never had a mother or father in the true sense. Her father went away from her life just like her mother did, he left that little confused four year old with his sister, you would have expected them to treat her like a princess after what she had gone through at such a young age, but they had no mercy. They treated her like their slave made her do work, a lot of work, work which was way too risky for a four year old to do. They had fourteen sons (which according to the relationship were her cousins). Not one was her age, all of them were older than her..
When she turned nine her so-called-cousins didn’t have clemency for her either. They started sexually molesting her. Not all of them but the three of them. Scared of the consequences she kept her mouth shut. This is not where its all ends, perhaps its the very beginning. After living for the harrowing five years in that house full of demons (not that it was going change much in the future). Her father finally decided to contact her. He had a horrifying not-so-life changing surprise for her. She fiddled with her mothers last memory: a necklace, whilst summoning up all the anger that had built over years and wailed at her father. True, she was still a kid, but she surely was not dumb. Before she was done with her outburst her father slapped her, that was the last thing she would have expected out of that hideous beast known as a father. The slap left a huge red handprint and had her cheek sore. Just as she was going to respond to the slap, she felt a piercing pain on her right forearm, and just as the belt made its way towards her again, she broke down. After a couple of beatings and yelling she was left sore, with no energy to move. She lay down on the floor gasping for air shaking and trembling and sobbing, tears rolled down her cheek she didn’t want to cry she didn’t want to show them she was weak, but she was not in control of her tears. She made an attempt to stand up but fell down again, she grumbled in pain, she finally mustered up all the energy she had and stood up only to go and wash the dishes. No-one once bothered to come and check on her, in fact they just decided to give her icy glares instead of medicines for the pain.
This was not the end of her misery, yet. The next week her father took her to her stepmother. Surprisingly enough her stepmother was completely unaware of her stepdaughter. What he told them had left the girl in utter shock, his exact words to them were “This is my friends daughter, this poor souls parents died in a car accident, and now I’m going to be taking care of her until someone decides to adopt her”. They blindly believed his words. Its difficult to not believe the words of someone you love. Exactly after one year she was gifted (not exactly) with a younger sister. She hoped that things must have changed after the birth of the angelic-demon. Her father being that sick bastard he was, left that family after the child’s birth. No, he did not take his ten year old daughter a long with him. It didn’t, take them long to find out i was his daughter and not his friends. As soon as they found this out, they started blaming it on the girl and beat her up every time they got a chance. One time she was so close to death because of the beatings. They had to get a divorce and they did. She was left in a prison with her stepmother(and her family), and her half sister. The stepmother and her family had a hatred towards her because
’she was not their blood’. Things hadn’t changed a bit, She had gotten used to her everyday routine: go to school coming back home just to get the drubbings, for no reason at all.She would lying is she said she didn’t try one bit to come on their good side. As the time. flew by she got used to it but started doing harmful things: smoking, drinking and cutting. Now her stepmother is married, she now lives with her stepparents. Her father still comes around sometimes, but not to meet her, he comes here to take the money from her stepfather. Her stepfather and father don’t care what she is doing or how she is doing. But she had learned to live with that too. She had been strong for her entire life, but she couldn’t take it anymore.
Today she is standing in front of the mirror gaping at her intense black eyes, and the reflection stared right back. Cicatrices covered her body in a beautiful pattern. Some she got from the beatings and some elegantly carved by her own hands. She knew she wouldn’t make a difference to the world, maybe in fact they would be happier. Nothing would change, until she was what she was on the inside:Dead.
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