Mother Mary

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Chapter 13

I have received your letter concerning your desire to be excommunicated from the Roman Catholic Church. I am sorry we have not been able to speak by phone or in person, yet I can see you are determined in your efforts to be removed from the Body of the Church.Furthermore, there are Canonical reasons for your expulsion and the excommunication should be formalized.Your letter of July 13 lists a number of violations of the Code of Canon law and in particular Canon 1258 which imposes an automatic excommunication (latae senteniae).

Therefore, at your request, I excommunicate you ferendae sententiae from the Catholic Church. I hope this will give you the peace of soul that you request and I know that you are acting in sincere good faith that this is what Our Lord wants from you.

This act of excommunication does not, however, make me or anyone else within the Body of the Church any less wary for the state of your Eternal Soul. In fact, it will make us all the more vigilant concerning your spiritual state.

Sincerely Yours in the Risen Lord,

The Journals



I really hate you right

Now L & am breaking

Free of your codependency bond/

The rings are off & I’m

Looking for a place to live

Ask Coleman bt. Fri.

And he will say what do

You hope to accomplish –

Frustration/lying ??

I’m buying something anyway.

Had to take a stand with Liam – what an

immature pain he can be.

exciting to see Ashley.

felt trapped part of day


Felt sorry for L and

a little angered by his

attitude.It was

very stressful.

Took it real slow.

Glad I did.

Mouse gone.

Took a stand with Ron. Ugh.

Mother Mary

… pop



christy and lonnie are out back on the deck shooting cats again they’re using that old rifle lonnie stole from his father that grumpy old bastard who used to live downstairslonnie stole the rifle one day when he saw his father was sawing the stocks in half and bending the barrels with vices in the basement so the kids couldn’t get to him so lonnie stole the .22 caliber long rifle

to hell with that damned thing that damned rifle




it gets on my damned nerves i try to stay still but it just keeps popping off and popping off

you missed that one lonnie says to christy you missed him god damn it all

i got him christy says see he’s just on the other side of the wall i can see him splashing around down there

that’s the problem lonnie says you hit him but didn’t kill him if you’re gonna kill something you gotta kill it rightnow this poor thing is flopping around in the water with a broken hipit’s gonna try to drag itself off into the woods so it can die alone before something tries to eat it but it probably won’t make itshitnow we have to go down there and finish it off


you have to finish it off lonnie says and i hear the steps of the wooden deck on the back of the house creaking as they walk down i can hear everything from the kitcheni can hear them talkingthe gun shoots low and to the lefti told you that a hundred timesthe gun shoots low and to the leftand when you shoot you don’t pull the trigger you squeeze the whole handleyou jerked the barrelnow that poor thing is floundering around in that swamp down there

the swamp is dark can see it from the window in the kitchenthe water is a dark mirror that reflects the treeshere’s an old stone wall from back when this land was farm land that and young trees with bright green leavesthe leaves are dark green on the water’s surface

christy has the gun over his shoulder in a sling and they’re standing there looking into the black swamp. lonnie has his whisky in his handhe’s pointing to the other side of the wall

let’s walk around christy says and he points to the woods full of young trees with green leaves

don’t be a wimp lonnie says and walks into the black swamp water the sun stretching his shadow back behind him on the surface come on damn it

there’s snakes in there christy says that’s gross down there

don’t be a wimp lonnie says and the ripples on the water’s surface bend his stretching shadow christy’s shadow follows behind him as he steps off the green grass into the black waterthey walk over toward the wall where the cats prance across because they hate waterwater drowns things and they know itwater sucks things in and they know itrivers wash things away and you’ll never see them again so they stay on the gray stone wall that crosses the black waters on little tip toes while christy and lonnie go pop pop pop and one of them falls

lonnie stops at the wall here it is he says come here and see what you did

christy trudges through the black water and causes waves in circles all around his legs he stops next to lonnie and they look at something on the other side of the wall the catit must be the cat christy messed up but didn’t killit must be the cat flopping around in the water

well go ahead and do it i hear lonnie say to christy

go ahead and do what christy asks

end it

end it

you started it you end it but do it right this timeright between the eyes

i turn away from the window when i see christy take the rifle off of his shoulder and put the butt against his shoulder i hear the popjust one poppop and it was quiet againthen all i hear were the feet sloshing through the water then creaking up the deck steps and the sliding glass door opening

is that mrs. robb’s calico i ask

was is all Lonnie says and kicks off his wet boots the dirty water bleeding all over the gray rug his old army boots the black ones with the broken archesthe left one has the hole in the top he had sewn up down in the village and the sole he had filled up with rubberthat’s his bad footwith his boots off i see where the bullet went throughright between two bones in the middle of the footthe skin isn’t pink like scarsit’s smooth and twisted jagged where the doctors sewed together but you can see where the bones broke and healed from the bullet

lonnie takes a step and says damned foot should’ve known better than to walk in that damned waterit always gets my foot stiffens it up

christy takes off his boots and looks down at the water running off the legs of his jeans the water gathering at his feet and running out along the water until it soaks in and leaves a gray stain

christy i say be careful I’ll never get that damned stain out

sorry christy says and he throws his boots out on the old wooden deck he looks sadi know he missed that cat on purposei know he didn’t want to go into that black water and shoot that cathe wanted it to drag itself off into the bushes and have a shot at making it healing up and making it but thatlonniemade him do ithe thinks he’s a killerhe wants to be a killer

and put that damned gun down too don’t bring that damned thing into the housethat thing’s nothing but a curse around herei don’t know why you even saved it all the trouble it’s caused i say

it’s just for plinking Lonnie says just for having a little fun

like shooting mrs. robb’s calico i think or the other one you caught in the garage that night the tiger striped one that wandered into the garage to sniff that garbage and you and the boys cornered it and shot at it with the bb gun until christy hit him in the left eye and paralyzed his brain and he started going in circles to the right trying to get away and then you got that god damned rifle out and shot the damned thing ended the damned thing’s misery

just for having a little fun i think like when you came home drunk from the office that day when liam and christy were just babies and you went out of your mind and grabbed that god damned rifle and swore you were gonna shoot your father right through the floorboards right there you said i know the bastard is sitting right there and i’m gonna end his miserable life once and for all you said but i pulled the gun away and you just got off one shot through the windowliam cried all night

just for having a little fun i think like the night the old house in the city was still when i came home there was no musicnone of his beethoven or wagnerthe tv wasn’t onthe boys were still quietthe windows were tightthere was no light except for a big blue moon and that made the floorboards shine gray

lonnie i said and i didn’t hear anything

lonnie i said again where are the boys where are you there was an empty bottle of john begg’s on the kitchen table and one just openedthe boys were sleeping

i walked into our bedroom and lonnie was sitting on the bed his charcoal silhouette sketched against the blue relief of the moon the glass full of john begg’s in one hand and the god damned rifle in the other

lonnie i said put the gun down i don’t wanna go through this againput the damned thing downhe was stock still so i went over and took the gun out of his hand the glass out of his other hand and put him down on his side in bed and he put his hands over his face and moaned like a little boy

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