You obviously don’t want to speak to me, even though we have to finish up business. OK, I’ll deal in faxes.In a way, it is to my advantage: MY words are in black and white, and no one can twist them or accuse me of shouting.

House: Got the email about no showings for a few days and the house having to be perfect.Mary, you are just delaying things – and I think deliberately.If you’d told me you’d be away the whole weekend, I would have gotten everything done.Instead I blew the weekend waiting for your go-ahead; then you came back and told me no showings.

I don’t care if we have to lower the price. I am working like a mule on this, that, and the other things you have me doing.This is wearing me out to the point that I am not getting things done at work.If you stay in touch with me, tell me when I can get there, I will finish things up.But I guarantee the house will never be perfect.

If I don’t hear otherwise from you by tomorrow (Tuesday), I will lower the price to 392,000, buy an ad in Home Buyer’s Guide and put it up on the Internet as that price. I had not done this to this point because I wanted to see the reaction to the price, and now I have seen it: it’s too high.

Mediation:Should I assume that we are not going back to mediation?You’ve not mentioned having the numbers Ron requested and show no signs of getting them.If you’ve made up your mind to pursue another avenue, please have the courtesy to be honest with me.(I am copying him this fax.)

One last thing: Please, don’t have other people call me. Leeanne’s a very nice person and I know she’s doing you a favor.But having someone make the call is insulting to me and doesn’t reflect well on you.I won’t deal that way.If you can’t talk with me directly, please don’t send a go-between.

L

Bernard’s been trying to get

thru to you, called the office

just now.Please call him right

away

Mother Mary

… one says the family said we should just keep her comfortable if there’s nothing else we can do

one sayswell what else can we dohave you seen this historycatatonic stupors dating back to childhoodshock trauma both physical and mental early adolescent fixationson the father figurelibriumanti-psychoticsanti-anxietiestherapy going back three decades

one says now look at herjust full of infections

one says backyeah yeast pulmonary inflammation of the glands lesions on the skinlook at this blotchinessdefinitely candida

one sayslook at the teethsevere malnutritionjust complete neglect

one askshow did the labs come back

badthe kidneys are way upso’s the liver countwhite blood cells are through the roofmassive dehydration total neglect

that could be anything one says back and then says nurse just make sure she’s comfortable and let us know if anything changeslet us know if she flat lineswe’re backed upwe need the bedwe have fifteen people sleeping in the emergency room

one’s head moves out of the light hanging over me and then the other moves away and there is only the whiteness of the light there are no shadows and no voices from the shadows

one asks as his voice disappears from the room where’s the family

one says back in a voice trailing down the hallway the family is scattered around scattered all over the place

no one around now here at the end

beep beep beep goes the machine next to the bed

drip drip drip goes the medicine water into the tube that runs down from where the thin iron bar crosses the metal stand drip drip drip beep beep beepthe tube runs into my handinto a vein and into my blood

i am still

one looks at his clipboard darkened and says well this is it this is how she came inthe paramedics say she fell in someone’s house a trailer in a place called putnam parkssomeone named leeannethat’s the one who dropped her off at the hospital and left her therethe insurance is out

i know says another one it’s christychristycame to see meI guess she’s beenon social services for a while now

what happened one asks

we don’t know christy says

she started falling apart a few years ago she had a breakdown in the backyardwe brought her inshe seemed all right until the drugs wore off and then she just got worse and worse christy saysshe started getting into trouble in the neighborhoodhanging around all these weird peopletaking all kinds of drugs from doctors and well all kinds of placessometimes you’d swear she was two different peopletwo different voices on the phonetwo different demeanors

could be one says she was a real wreck when she got herethe hip does have a minor fracture in it from the fall but that’s easy with someone this malnourishedbut there were just lesions cuts bruises infections everywherewe probably haven’t found everything yet

you never will christy says you never will how long do you think she has

we can keep her alive and pretty comfortable for quite a while one says and he flips over some papers on his clipboard but that’s just breathing there’s not much left going on in thereshe’s basically all but deadthe systems will fail one at a time and then the heart will collapse

right now christy asks

everything is being forced into her one says food water airsee all these tubes

yeah I see

how do you want to do it one asks christy

just let it happen

what exactly do you mean

i mean just take her off all this crap and let it happen let it happen naturallythis is a wasteshe’ll come back together

you’re sure

completely

okay there are some papers that will need your signature

okay

alright then i’ll leave you alone then for a few minutes

i hear one’s shoes clicking on the tile floor that smells like bleach

i won’t be long doc christy says and then when i can’t hear the shoe heels clicking on the floor anymore christy put his hand on my forehead and i do not hear him say anything until he says goodnight mom and pulls his hand away

beep beep beep

drip drip drip

click click click

christy’s shoes walk away down the hall with the ones on the tile that smells like bleach

Lonnie

Guys …

Liam really has his hands full. Mary got her stuff into storage and her “caregiver” has all the documents, property, car.Says Mary gave her the car but acc. to DMV it’s still registered in Mary’s name … ?

Doctor was pushing for autopsy, but the family nixed that.

Looks like the [family] will be transporting her to No. NJ for a wake there. Fine with me and less work for Liam.

Liam will be up tomorrow so we can collect things and arrange for disposal.

I’ll call with the arrangements once they’re made.

Christy, do you plan on coming up? You’d be welcomed.I ask because I don’t want you to make the kind of mistakes I’ve made in the past and not had the chance to rectify it.You could stay with us (no hotel charge)and I’ll get you to/from the airport.

Think about it.

Love to you all …

Lonnie/Grandpa/Dad

Lonnie

Liam is going nuts trying to clean up the mess up here. I’m trying to help. She ended her life as she lived it, irresponsibly and without a care for anyone but herself.The hardest part is dealing with people who treat Liam and me as if we were inhuman to our wife/mother.We’ve had a couple of interesting talks about this … how completely duped she had everyone.Glad I’m on the other side of the river – a nice dividing line between old and new, hell and heaven, evil and good.

We were at the wake (Liam attended the burial too). The only overwhelming part of it was the ubiquity of dry eyes in the place.Maybe the burial was moister …

The Journals

Tues. 3:15 am – 20 mg

Elena

It will work out –

They say one thing and mean another

________________ ________________

e-mailed L Mon –

-no show this week

- new mediator

tues. –

3:15 am – 20 mg. Bank + Cat

-- REST NO Rod

5 Perry – yes

____________ _________

5:15 am

slowly

today

No phone calls

Later maybe Matty re: $$$

___________________

No showings!

It’s all temporary!

It’s all temporary!

It’s all temporary!

Mother Mary