Day 14: Perfect Bars
I woke up when I felt a warm touch on my cheeks. I opened my eyes and see Samuel’s bare face with towel around his neck. Little did I know that he’s topless and he just came from the bath because I can still smell the soap and shampoo. I closed my eyes again and cover myself with blanket.
“Okay, continue your sleep. It’s too early anyway.” I heard his footsteps probably walking away. I pull the blanket off and take a seat. He’s still topless and only wearing jogger pants. “It’s raining hard outside. I don’t think I can drive you home.”
I noticed there are curtains on the glass wall that’s why it still looks like it’s still nighttime. He pressed something that beeps and the curtains starts opening. That’s cool. I watched how the rain struck the laminated glass and worried what if lightning struck this place. But before I could ask Samuel spoke.
“Nothing can attract lightning here and no worries, I got batteries and emergency lights in case the power goes off. Typhoon really loves to visit this season.” He’s eating pancakes and having coffee at the mini counter. I looked at my watch and it’s 8 in the morning.
“Aren’t you going to work?”
“I already called last night I won’t. And the weather is in favor. Come here. Let’s eat.”
“I don’t eat breakfast.”
“What? How about coffee?”
I hopped towards the table and taste the coffee he probably made for me.
“So, are you still going home today?”
“I’ll call the orphanage that I’ll be staying out or you want to me to go home?”
“Hmm no. I need a company here too.” Samuel smiled while he raised his hand with his coffee. I once again saw the serpent tattoo on that part. Still cool. “So, since we’re friends and both suicidal. Do you wanna get matching tattoos?”
I never heard any good idea until now.
The night came and the storm is still on outside. We’re like stuck on an isolated town but it doesn’t feel scary. It feels good and comforting. We spend the hours talking about his suicidal attempts and to give back the thought that I’m the first person to go here and know his password, I showed him the notebook where I made a lot of my sketches too.
The thing is, we’re still different. The reason why we’re both suicidal is different.
I am suicidal because I have no family and just woke up without any reason to live. I was raped, bullied and no one likes me. I had no motivation in life and things just don’t go on my way. And Samuel, even though he has everything he could wish for, he has family, he finished school and doing something to live his life, he just doesn’t feel alive. Everything is pointless for him. It’s just one day, he woke up feeling like just a tool for his family’s richness. He got family that doesn’t feel like a family. He completely just felt depressed at that moment.
Probably because depression does not only come from a sad point in life that affect one’s mood and view on his or her way forward, but it just happens; it is not predictable. And in any level, depression is still depression. Any reason why, it is not less and more.
We’re just some of the few who are in the point where we can’t find a way to overcome things but instead, we let time do it. On the way, we just move normally but still thinking about taking our lives, slowly.
“Hey, that looks good on you.” Samuel teased because he saw me wearing his clothes. It is a green hoodie and a pajama that looks oversized for me. “You’re like a swag rapper who loves wearing baggy things.” Then he laughed his ass out. I reach for the lightest thing around me and throw it to him. Unfortunately, he caught it. He moved out of the way and started lying down in the carpet where I sleep always.
“Are you sleeping there?”
“Of course. Where could it be?”
Frankly, I don’t know if he’s been sleeping beside me for the last two nights I slept here. I always fell asleep earlier than him and he wakes up earlier than I do.
I take my place and grabbed my phone to see Chris’s message that the diner closes tomorrow because of the typhoon. Mother Cleo also sent me a text not to take any ride to avoid road accidents. Meanwhile, Samuel’s phone is ringing and he just ignored the one who’s calling.
“She’s probably getting tired dialing your number you know.” I said still facing my phone.
“She’s talented. She can do it all day without getting tired.” He shut his phone off and threw it behind the couch where it landed soundly. “I just love this kind of weather. No work, more sleep. Will you go to work tomorrow?”
“Nope. Chris texted me that the weather can’t do good.”
“Nice. I still got company tomorrow! I wish it’s like this forever!” He raised both of his arms in the air and I am once again stuck on his scars.
“Can you stop cutting yourself?” I asked. I feel sad about his wrist.
“Why? Can you stop planning your deaths?”