Scarlett's Death Wish

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Night 22: Paranoia

It has been two weeks since Shiela showed up in the diners. I am a bit disappointed that I haven’t heard anything from her yet but at least Samuel had the freedom to visit me at the diners every other day. Just like tonight, he’s here enjoying a beer with Chris right at the counter. It’s also a good thing that he respects my working schedule (most of the time); he just stayed aside while I do my work. It’s also a good thing that he’s closed with Chris.

Finally, when no customers are coming in since it’s already 7AM and they we’re probably getting to work or sleeping. I went to the counter and sit across him. We were just talking about random things until the door once again opened and revealed a girl in a pink sequenced dress. Shiela always wears pink which is a pain in the sight for me. As soon as she saw us, I knew she tried her best to contain her anger and smiled at us instead.

“There you are, baby. You’ve been busy for the past few days so, I did the whole thing instead.” She gave Samuel a white envelope which left him dumbfounded at the moment.

“What is the meaning of this, Shiela?”

“Well, I just thought you’d be busy with other matters so I planned the whole event. Motif is pure white even though Daddy wants royal-ish colors. I also chose everything so you just have to be present.”

Okay, Shiela just planned the wedding all by herself and it means, with the invitation, it already has a date. She turned to me and gave me one, too.

“Oh, you’re there. I am inviting you too.” She linked her arms to Samuel who is not moving right now. I can see on his face even though he is glued to the invitation, he’s thinking what we shall do now.

“This is crazy, Shiela.” He sighed still not believing that he got an invitation for his own wedding.

“I am crazy in love with you too.”

No one spoke for that moment. The customers are just eating their foods and here am I, feeling worried for Samuel. Even though we’re only pretending to be in a relationship, I still, somehow want to be part of his life not knowing if he feels the same too. I want to help him with this problem but I can’t think of anything.

“Fine. Can we talk?” Samuel finally said something but it’s for Shiela. He looked at me before dragging Shiela out of the diners. I heard a car started and I know everything is really serious.


I am not expecting anything to happen this fast but Shiela just handed me an invitation with the date of our wedding. I don’t know how much ruckus this will cause if I don’t do something. I dragged her out of the diners and brought her to somewhere decent. This is the last thing I can do for her. I mean, we can’t just marry and live together knowing that I am not in love with her. I feel bad about her but I am also doing something for the common good.

“So, is this a date?” Shiela might sound insane right now but I know, I know she’s all grown up to understand. She just can’t find it in her heart. I sat immediately and waited for her to do the same. “Do you want to see the wedding dress? It’s so pretty! Oh, how about the church? I already called Carlo to arrange the whole venue as well as the reception place! It will be just as perfect as I imagined. Of course, you don’t have to worry about anything. I also bought your suit, I hope it suits you!” She’s telling me things she is so excited about but even though I feel really bad and sad about everything.

“Okay, Shiela.”

“Don’t say a word.” She stopped me quickly. I can see in her eyes the worry, the sadness and what she feels that she is only doing this for herself. She knows, for a long time ago, that I don’t love her anymore. I did not listen to her and continue.

“Shiela… Wear that wedding dress, walk down the aisle prettily just like how you told me when we were still together, but don’t wait for me in the end of it... Call me selfish, but it will be unfair for you to marry someone who stopped loving you. It is not the same anymore, so do yourself a favor. Live a better life without me.”

A tear fell down from her eyes. “But, I can’t live without you, Samuel.”

“You can’t live with me either... You are a good person, Shiela. Don’t waste yourself with someone like me. And don’t worry, you can still wear that wedding dress, you can still walk down the aisle... It’s just that, I will not be the groom you’ll see in the end of the aisle.”

With all of my heart, for the first time, I gathered my courage to say those things. And for the first time, this is the first decision I made my own. Shiela walked away without saying anything. I still see those tears in her eyes but how much more if I don’t show up in the wedding day.

I hope one day, she’ll realize what is good for her.

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