I am mad you know it is endless duties and being chased by cars and things and thinking of cars have I ever told anybody about why we became landlords? Well it was a step from our dull existence for you know Rising Damp the derelict building makes for good rental about this impossible situation is nobody complains. Who lets rooms to several different individuals who are all well dressed but in that house because they have nowhere else to go. It looks most depressing but they are all happily trying to screw. Mum liked the idea after seeing this programme I must say it was a step up for all of us.
I do not like it now it reminds me of days when there was even less than now. I am happily going round and round from the past into the future and off again to the past. I don’t seem to care if several cars are trying to run me over one after the other only Susie seems to mind. The poor dear I told her off because she was scared.
Going back to the past in the past there seemed no cars only dad with his bull like ways trying to screw everybody but the wife. She seemed too sexy for him he said. He wanted words and deeds to show she loved him. But she couldn’t or wouldn’t demonstrate or say the words that would have given them peace. She didn’t want peace. All he wanted was a kind word so that they could settle into a relationship. She did the very thing thought, the very thought made her all spinsterish to say that to a strange man.
“Words words he would say just that word say it like you mean it not when we are bonking but calmly that I know you care?”
“No I want passion I want the man of my dreams, like in the movies.”
“Can’t it is them or me their lives I want to live their lives.”
“But mum they are dolls they aren’t real.”
“Who cares if they are they act real and that’s all that matters.” Said Mum with passion.
I saw a film once about a rock star and a fan Mum was like those fans. The fan died and poor fan was lost forever and the rock star did not even notice. I went over it in my mind she was such a fool.
“Say you love me?”
Bang-bang again I guessed it was their problem not mine. They went over and over the same ground every bloody night without fail. Dad was getting ill, when he did that he would take over the blues left by mum. He would start to drink, he would drink until he did not hurt anymore and he would wallop his hands and bite himself and tear everything to pieces.
“Say those words?”
Mum was engrossed with the TV she was not listening to him she wanted to know what to do in a given situation and she was not listening to the pleading man. It was not on with him he was getting annoyed. He went round and round the bend and came back again I could see he was annoyed she was pretending to be calm but she did not care the only thought on her silly brain was the TV. She did not want to think that she was in a mess that the bully she married wanted those words like she wanted to be in those films. He went in front of the TV. She began to tell him off. He stayed in front of the TV she began to rage. They then went into their room and wavered. Then the screams she was screaming in pain. We were resigned. Did it have to begin again-his tablets what had happened had he taken them had she forgotten to put it in his tea? She usually did it like clockwork had she forgotten that day if she had he would be violent even break something even do nothing but allow her to cry while he had her. What had she married what had they done?
Sister was begging me to go I wanted all of us to go and see what had happened we went in the end because the screams were getting more urgent. There they were he trying to strangle her. Arms wrapped on her neck trying to strangle her breathing down very hard with her fingernails at his hair trying to get at his hair.
“Now now dad off you go and toddle along that is not the way to behave.”
“It is not on. Come now let us get you down the stairs and have a nice cup of tea and shut up.”
“He was trying to strangle me!”
“Yes mum we know he was not really were you dad?”
“Not true at all it was a misunderstanding.”
“That’s right. Now we can all have a nice cup of tea and the decent thing is we can all relax. We are all over worked and very much in the dark as to what will happen we are all worried. Isn’t that so dear mum?”
“He is a bastard.”
“Don’t dad she doesn’t mean it.”
“But I do.”
“Now we are all against this kind of a chat aren’t we?”
“Why are you supporting him?”
“Look dad go downstairs and make yourself a nice cup of tea sis will help you and I’ll speak to this woman.”
“But it is his fault.”
“Now mum if you don’t want to be strangled you’ll go along with it otherwise you’ll be dead or worse in a hospital.”
“Yes everybody ok?”
“Where’s the party?” Sister was in a black mood.
“Look every bloody night.”
“Go and draw something.”
“Like what there is no inspiration. It is a bloody hovel. Even worse than Rising Damp” Said Sis.
“That’s right everybody air their grievances get it off your chests and have a bloody good time will you? Look after all he is mentally ill I did not know that you all had the same condition?”
“Nobody at our school has a dad like ours.”
“That makes you unique doesn’t it?”
“So it does. We are all unique it is good I am going to tell everybody what a unique family we are.”
“All stark staring mad the lot of you.” Says Mum still whimpering, “And you Miss Boss boots you are worse than all of them. Encourage this comedy.”
“Yes mum it is indeed a high tragedy and we are all going to cry but not today. Come we must all behave as if we are living even if we can’t be happy we must all behave as if this is normal for the sake of them the children?”
“I wouldn’t do it for you but I will do so for their sakes; my ill fortune to be with such a man.”
“Yes mum you threw yourself to the wolves and you are much put upon but for the sake of the kids you must put up with it all.”
“It is worse than anything!”
“What is it mum are you in pain?”
“No I missed the end of the film. You know he has no consideration to miss the end of that film there will be I anxiously going over it in my mind what has happened next?”
“It is bound to be repeated.”
“Will it how many months?”
“It could be a couple but there will be other films you can watch in the paper there was mention of Hudson being on.”
“You mean Rock Hudson?”
“Yes that is the one with the handsome eyes!”
“Oh wouldn’t it be awful if he came now and I missed it again.”
“No I will go and make him another cup of tea and you can watch it.”
“Tell him I am dying so that he won’t come.”
“I’ll tell him you have a headache.”
“Yes anything you like but go hurry he might be coming upstairs.”
“Oh good it is a cowboy it is one of his best.”
Emine thought Rock Hudson did not make cowboys did he? There must have been misunderstanding about who it was. Anyway they all looked happy. Downstairs Sis was trying to understand something so Emine sent her off to do her homework while she made a cup of tea to her dear father as he sat in state mulling over the corruptibility of woman and how his wife did not understand him.
Emine wondered if the world would be like this forever it was as if the violence had not happened. It was as if the parents did not figure all the time. They were childish and unhappy. Why she had no idea. Why they thought about all this and made this made us unhappy she had no clue all she could think about was keeping the family together. They just had to grow up with an education they just had too. Emine was at the time 15 she was still at school she wondered as her father talked what was happening in reality of our situation which we found ourselves in which was unpleasant. She had no clue she was wandering when she could decently leave her father and go to bed she was tired.
No thoughts about getting a doctor crossed anyone’s mind. No thoughts of police came into her thoughts the innocence of childhood.
That one does not realise what is in store when childhood ends and misery of what used to be childhood folly becomes the domed hall of decay. When bit by bit the doll house becomes the entombed.