Chapter 4 | To Confide or To Not Confide
“Hello ladies, how did you all sleep?” Connor asked while passing Mark the syrup.
We were all out at our normal Saturday morning breakfast at iHop.
Mark smirked at me for a second and then proceeded to eat his eggs.
“I slept fine.” I replied with a tired smile.
“I don’t see how, you kept us up all night with your weird noises.” Callie stated while pouring creamer into her small cup of coffee.
Connor looked at me funny and I froze. Leave it to my friends to not keep their mouths shut. Mark spared me a worried glance and I didn’t know what to say. Was this it? Is this the day that all of my dirty laundry will finally be aired out?
“Oh my gosh, Callie! Way to put Naveah’s nighttime hobby’s out in the open. I, for one, am all for masturbation. It’s perfectly normal and healthy.” Lucy smiled followed by a wink in my direction.
“Wait, but I...” I stuttered.
Lucy covered my own lie and she didn’t even realize it. Man, I love her, which also makes me feel that much more horrible about the entire situation.
My best friend was lying for me and she didn’t even know what she was lying for me about. If she knew it was to cover up phone sex with Mark, there was no way in hell she would have spoken up.
Before I knew it, the entire table erupted in a chain of laughter and my face turned beet red. I quickly held my head down and placed my cold hands around my warm cup of coffee. Even Mark was laughing, but I knew the real reason behind his smug face. He knows I wasn’t masturbating last night. He knows the truth, which makes me want to leap across this table and smack him across the face.
However, I can’t. It would cause suspicion. Why is my life like a soap opera?
“Babe... it’s alright. No one is judging you.” Connor smirked while reaching across the table to hold my hand. “I actually think that’s really hot... though I wish you would’ve called me.” He winked.
Mark laughed even harder and the entire table was staring at him.
“What’s so funny?” Lucy asked.
“She’s so pathetic that she has to masturbate when she’s got a perfectly good boyfriend right here willing to do whatever she wants him to. Connor, bro, what does that say about you?” He laughed some more.
I could not believe he would be so mean to Connor. His smug face said it all, though no one knew the meaning behind it except for me. Connor’s face hardened as he clenched his jaw.
“Mark, for once in your life can you shut the fuck up?” Connor warned.
“Alright fine. Damn why is everyone so caught up in their feelings today?” He sighed, taking another bite of his eggs.
“As I said, masturbation is perfectly healthy and normal and to answer your question Mark, Naveah couldn’t have had Connor over because A. her parents would have killed her if they found out, and B. she had us sleeping over and that would be rude.” Lucy stated proudly while giving Mark an icy stare.
“Yeah. Sure.” Mark waved off.
When did breakfast turn into a heated discussion about masturbation? About my possible masturbation? I think this happened the moment I decided to fool around with the most vile and inconsiderate male in the entire universe.
It all comes back to me. I did this. I did all of this.
After breakfast, Connor decided he wanted some alone time with me so he offered to take me to a movie.
We went to see Dirty Grandpa and honestly, I needed the laugh. I needed the laugh with Connor. It’s been far too long since we’ve been on a little date together, and even though it’s just to the movies, it feels really good.
“That was hilarious!” Connor laughed as we walked out of the theater.
“It really was! I love Robert De Niro.” I giggled.
Before we reached Connor’s car, my phone rang.
“Hey sexy.” Mark whispered.
“Um, this isn’t a good time.” I warned.
“It’s always a good time for you though.” He laughed.
“Seriously, I gotta go.” I demanded then I hung up the phone and stuck it back into my purse.
“Who was that?” Connor asked as he pulled out of the parking lot.
“Oh just Callie wanting me to come over to her place and help her with her geometry homework.” I shrugged my shoulders.
“I thought Callie was at the bowling alley with Lucy?” He questioned with furrowed eyebrows.
“Right, they are. She uh, wanted me to go over to her place after they finished with bowling.” I stated, surprised at how well I’ve become at lying.
“Oh, okay. Well let’s go meet up with them and Callie can just give you a ride back to her place with her afterwards.” He smiled.
“Okay, sure!” I smiled back, mentally slapping myself because now Connor may mention the geometry to Callie when we arrive at the bowling alley.
Ten minutes later, we made it.
Connor intertwined his fingers with mine as we walked inside and I honestly felt terrible.
“Connor! Naveah! Hey!” Lucy cheered after she let go of her bowling ball and turned around.
“Yes! Strike!” She cheered again before running over to me and hugging me.
“Congrats.” I laughed hugging her back. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Mark sitting beside Callie.
“You invited Mark, I see.” I smirked.
“Shut up... I’m just trying to spend more time with him. Maybe if I do he will realize how amazing I am.” She laughed while sticking her tongue out at me.
Connor sat down and started eating some of Mark’s cheesy fries.
“Hey Callie, you can just give Naveah a ride back to your place after we leave here, right?” He asked unware that Callie had absolutely no idea what he was talking about.
“Um... I didn’t plan on it, but sure.” She replied.
“Really? Why? It makes sense since she’s going to be helping you wi-” I instantly cut Connor off.
“Hey! Connor I added your name to the board. You’re up!” I cheered pulling Connor up from his seat.
“Oh, sweet!” He forgot all about what he was going to say and went to take his turn.
Callie looked at me questioningly, but didn’t say a word. I knew she was going to ask me about that later. I hope that by then I can come up with a perfectly good explanation. If not, I just may be toast.
I past a glance at Mark who was grinning at me like a mad man. He knew exactly what I was doing. Lying to cover up more lies. He was all too familiar with the story that is my life. He was the only one. I hated that.
After two hours of bowling and three victories from both Lucy and Connor, Callie and I were in her jeep heading over to her place. Mark offered to take Lucy home much to the excitement of Lucy, and Connor went home by himself after giving me a sweet kiss to the lips on our way out of the bowling alley.
“So, you gonna tell me about what happened earlier?” Callie smirked as she kept her eyes on the road.
I inwardly sighed and kept my glance out of the window. “It was nothing, Cal.”
“Bullshit. There is a reason you told Connor you were coming over to my house. Now spill.” She urged while looking over at me for a split second before placing her light eyes back on the road.
“I um, got a call from someone and didn’t want Connor to know who it was. So I told him it was you and that you asked me to come over to help you with geometry.” I confessed.
“Oh. Well that’s not so bad.” She shrugged.
Yes! I hope that she doesn’t press me further.
“So, who was on the call?” She smirked.
I knew it.
“Um, I’d rather not say.” I replied now fidgeting with my fingers in my lap.
“Oh come on Naveah. It’s me. I’m not going to rat you out.” She stated.
Could I trust her with this? Could I trust that once she finds out the truth she won’t immediately hate me and run off to tell Lucy and Connor? Can I trust that she will keep my secret a secret of her own?
I battled with this for what seemed like an eternity before I spoke up again.
“I... I just can’t. I’m sorry Cal, but I can’t tell you anything more.” I sighed leaning back against my chair.
“You do realize that I will eventually figure it out, whatever it is.” She urged.
“One can only pray that you don’t.” I whispered to myself.
“What?” She asked.
“Nothing, Callie. Everything is fine. Hopefully one day everything will all make sense.” I smiled at her, though she couldn’t see it as her focus was on the road ahead of us.
“I’m just upset that you think you can’t confide in me. I would never pass judgement on you.” She frowned as we pulled into her driveway.
We both took off our seatbelts and got out of the car. Once we got inside and in her bedroom, I laid down on her bed.
“You say that now Callie, but to be honest, I’m one hundred percent certain that you would pass every single judgement you could imagine.”
“Wow, thanks for having little to no faith in our friendship.” Her tone was angry and her face spoke of everything she was trying to say.
“I have faith in our friendship. I just don’t have faith in myself.” I confessed while opening Callie’s geometry textbook.
Callie came and sat beside me and pulled out her worksheet from class.
“Well, when you’re ready to explain. I’m here. But since you’re here, I suppose it wouldn’t hurt for you to help me with my homework.” She smiled.
I laughed and gave her a side-hug before we got to work.
I felt really bad. Even though Callie was technically my friend first, I knew how close her and Lucy have become and I just knew that the second she found out about Mark and I, she would want nothing to do with me. None of them would. Lucy would disown ever knowing me at all and Connor would ring me out to dry in front of everyone. It’s only natural that Callie would take Lucy’s side if this secret were to ever escape. In fact, I would completely understand if Callie took Lucy’s side. Everyone knows how much Lucy likes Mark. If she found out that I was sleeping with him all this time, she would never forgive me. Not in a million years. Not in an entire lifetime.
The only way to keep all my friends was to lie. Lie like there was no tomorrow. Lie like it’s a second nature.
After I helped Callie with her homework, she gave me a ride home. She tried to ask me once more about the reason behind my lying to Connor, but I shrugged her off again.
Maybe in time I will confide in her, but I just can’t right now. It’s too soon and I have no way of knowing what will happen after I do. It’s too risky.
I told Connor to meet me at my place around nine because we were going to spend the night together. When I got home, I went upstairs but hesitated outside of my bedroom door because I heard noises coming from the other side.
Knowing that no one else was home, I got scared. My mom and dad were out on a date night and since I was an only child, I knew I had no siblings to worry about.
I slowly opened my bedroom door and walked inside. Before I could turn the light switch on, I felt two arms enclosed around my waist and I screamed bloody murder.
The arms instantly released me and jumped back against the door at my scream.
“Shit Naveah, I wanted to make you scream but not like that.”
I instantly turned my light on and glared at him.
“What the fuck are you doing here? Why are you sneaking around in my bedroom? More importantly, how did you get in my bedroom?” I yelled.
“Calm down, woman. I climbed up the tree outside of your window and climbed onto the balcony. Someone left their balcony door unlocked. Naughty naughty.” He smirked while waving his finger at me.
I rolled my eyes and sighed as I sat down on the edge of my king sized bed.
“You can’t be here Mark. Connor is going to be here any minute. If he sees you, that’s it.”
“So what. Let him see me. We can say we were studying.” He wink while walking over to me slowly.
“He won’t believe that for a second. You never do school work.” I glared.
“Exactly. What better way to start school work than with a little Naveah.” He sat down beside me and leaned forward kissing my shoulder.
“Mark no. Not tonight. Connor is on his way and I don’t want him to-” Before I could finish the doorbell rang throughout the house, filling the wrongful silence.
“Dammit! Mark you have to leave now!” I whisper-yelled.
“Alright fine, let’s go.” He grabbed me by the hand and pulled me out of my room and towards the stairs. I planted my feet to the floor and yanked Mark back away from the start of the stairs.
“No! You have to go back down the tree and leave through the backyard!” I urged, pushing him towards my room.
“Why, the front door works perfectly fine?” He smiled while putting all his weight on me so I couldn’t move him.
“Seriously Mark! Fucking go!” I yelled a little too loud.
Mark’s face grew annoyed and he huffed before turning around and stomping to my room, slamming the door behind him.
I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly as I made my way downstairs.
I opened the door and Connor was standing there with two bags of gummy bears and a box of Domino’s pizza.
“Ready for a night of fun?” He smirked as he stepped forward and planted a kiss on my cheek.
I nodded and looked past him in time to see Mark walking across my front lawn, making his way down to the sidewalk. He looked up at me and gave me a look that I couldn’t read and put his head back down as he continued walking.
“What are you looking at?” Connor asked as he placed his hands in the exact same spot around my waist as Mark’s hands just were moments ago.
“Nothing, the sky looks pretty tonight.” I lied stepping back and closing the front door.
“Not as pretty as you.” He chuckled.
“Cheesy, so cheesy.” I smiled as we walked to the living room with his arms still wrapped around me, me placing my hands against his for support.
“It ain’t easy being che-” I stopped him with a kiss.
“No Connor, just no.” I laughed.
“Right. So, movie time?” He smiled while plopping down on the couch.
“Movie time.” I repeated, popping in one of my famous Rom-Com’s: Fifty first dates.
“Ugh, this again?” He sighed.
“Shut up.” I urged while opening the pizza box.
As the movie started, and Adam Sandler’s one nightstands were describing how amazing he was... I couldn’t help but feel sad. All of those girls had no idea that he was just using them as tools.
Kind of how I was using Connor.
I then got angry. I got angry at the fact that I can’t even simply watch a movie with Connor without feeling regret and sadness. That I couldn’t enjoy a simple date with my boyfriend, because all I thought about was Mark’s hands exploring my body in that filthy janitor’s closet. That the one person I promised to love has absolutely no idea that I am doing him incredibly wrong.
I need to tell him. I need to tell someone, anyone. I can’t keep this huge secret inside of me for much longer. I will eventually explode and all of my lies and scandals will come out into the light and everything that I have ever known will be gone in the blink of an eye.
Maybe I will take Callie up on her offer after all. Maybe-
My phone vibrating interrupted my thoughts and I picked it up seeing an unknown number displayed on the screen.
“Are you going to answer it?” Connor asked, looking over my shoulder.
“I guess.” I shrugged my shoulders, tapping accept and placing the phone to my ear.
“Hello?” I questioned.
“Hi, is this Naveah?” An unknown woman’s voice spoke.
Connor was listening to my conversation from right beside me. He could hear the person on the other end of the phone call.
“Y-Yes.” I furrowed my eyebrows. “Who is this?”
“This is Nurse Susan. I am calling from memorial hospital. A young man who held the I.D. of a Mark Chase has been in an accident. I found your name in his phone, seems he’s called you a lot. Thought I would start with you.” She spoke clearly.
Connor furrowed his eyebrows as well. “Why has Mark been calling you?” He asked, not caring at all about the fact that Mark has just been in an accident.
“Babe, not now.” I stated while holding my hand over the speaker.
“Nurse Susan. How is he?” I asked, concern laced in my words.
“We’re not sure yet. You should get his parents and come down here right away. Thank you.” After that, she hung up.
“Connor, Mark’s been-” He cut me off.
“I know he’s been in an accident. Now, why is your name in his phone so often Do you and Mark talk a lot? Is it something I should be concerned about?” He pressed, his voice growing loud with anger and jealousy.
I felt my lungs deflate of all the air they held and my stomach drop. Was this it?
I took a deep breath and did the one thing that I have been training myself to do in sticky situations like these. I lied.
I lied like there was no tomorrow, which there probably won’t be if this doesn’t work.