Her & Only Her
I stayed in bed the rest of the day as soon as I got back from school. I asked Maxie and Adam to pick Candace up for me because I just couldn't take seeing Jocelyn. Izzy told Victoria that I was sick and somehow, the two of us ended up in my bed together…fully clothed, just resting if I have to add.
"How are you feeling?" she asked. I rolled over and wrapped my arms around her waist, snuggling closer to her. "Like my heart just got picked apart by a vulture, ran over by a car, and cleaned up off the highway," I replied. "Wow, that sounds pretty malicious," she said, turning to face me.
"It is. I just wish there was a better way of finding this out, you know?" Izzy nodded and I leaned up to rest my head on my pillow. "Thank you for coming back with me" I said honestly. "You seemed like you needed a friend and that's what I'm here for" she said smiling.
Izzy laid her head on my shoulder and sighed. "You're going to find that girl, Tori. If not Jocelyn or Vicki then it will be somebody else. I'm sure they're tons of girls who are in the closet at this school that want to be with you" she said. "You know, maybe I should just come out the closet. Everything would be so much easier" I huffed.
"No it would not. You would be miserable and you would hate to tell your father. You shouldn't come out until you're ready".
"What about Vicki? Everybody knows about her".
"Everybody knows about her because she makes it so obvious that she wants you".
"I think it's time"
"Do you really think you're ready or are you just doing this because you're upset with Jocelyn?"
I grew quiet and stared up at the ceiling. Izzy looked at me before climbing on top of me and making me look at her. "Jocelyn is going to go through shit with Jeremy again and then she will turn back to you. The question is, are you going to let her play you again?" she asked.
"…I love her".
"But to what extend?"
I glanced around the room and quickly sat up, holding Izzy in my lap and leaning my head on her shoulder. "Enough to know that I don't want her to be with Jeremy" I growled in frustration.
"It's not your choice"
"And why isn't it?"
"Because it's Jocelyn's! She decides who she wants to be with, not you! And maybe she does see you as just a friend, that's fine. Just be there for her and let her make her own mistakes and maybe one day she'll realize it's you that she actually wants"
"You talk like you know?"
"Because I do. I've been dealing with it for almost as love as you have, Tori"
Izzy shied away and climbed out of my lap. "Does it matter? I've just experienced it" she replied, not looking at me. I arched my eyebrows in confusion and then took her hand.
"Is it someone I know? Is it Maxie because if so I have to tell you that Candace is crazy about her"?
"No Tori, it's not Maxie"
"No! Stop guessing because it doesn't matter. She doesn't want me. She's in love with someone else"
"Well, if she can't see how amazing, cute, funny, adventurous, trustworthy, compassionate, and lovable you are…then she doesn't deserve you".
Izzy looked up at me and I smiled and pushed some of her hair behind her ear before gently kissing her forehead. "And that's a statement I can take to the bank" I added.
Izzy laughed and shook her head, leaning towards me putting her arms around my waist. "I love you Tori Bear".
"Ha. I know. You say it all the time and I'm not surprised that everyone thinks we're together because of that"
"Can you blame me? You're sexy"
"No, you really are. You're supportive, adorable, honest, real, and oh so stubborn"
"I think that last one was an insult"
"Not exactly. You just go after what you want and you're confident about it"
"You are a tall, strong, confident, sexy 16-year-old girl that Jocelyn is missing out on!"
"Sexy. Sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy, se-"That's it!"
I pulled Izzy towards me with her feet flailing and she squealed when I attacked her stomach, tickling her and grabbed her wrist to stop her from stopping me. Izzy laughed and wrapped her legs around my waist. I laughed with her and held her down from struggling.
"Now's when I wish we had those Neff guns" I joked. Izzy laughed harder and I pulled away to look at her. She looked beautiful to me and I…I felt the same way I had at Carly's sleepover and…I couldn't stop it.
Izzy must have noticed the change in atmosphere as I let her go and grabbed the sheets next to her head. I slowly ran my hand down her stomach as she arched into my touch. I looked back at her and was surprised when she nodded her head, urging me on.
I leaned down and kissed around her warm neck, feeling her left hand gently grab my neck as she sharply inhaled. My movements started slow and I grabbed her waist, pulling her closer to me. Izzy moved her body against mine and I groaned before she pulled me back towards her and our lips met.
I held her against me in desperation as she did the same, neither of us wanting to pull away as she slowly pulled up her shirt. As soon as I saw her skin I lost control. I dived towards her stomach and planted kisses all around it, holding her shirt in my grasp as I heard her panting above me.
She bit her lower lip before grabbing me and flipping us over. She lay on top of me, kissing me harshly and grinding herself against me. I leaned up and held her as she moved faster and I felt myself soon moving with her.
It occurred to me at that moment that Izzy and I had crossed a line between friendship and lovers. Despite what my mind was telling me about Izzy, my body was telling me something completely different.
I wanted Izzy.
I wanted all of her and I wanted it now.
"…Don't you dare stop"
Izzy moaned and nodded her head and I cupped her face, deepening the kiss and leaning over top of her. Izzy grabbed the blankets and I reached for her belt, not caring about the world outside my room. Not caring about Jocelyn or Victoria or Jeremy. Not caring about anything but Izzy.
"…I love you!"
I stopped kissing her neck and slowly leaned away from Izzy as she panted, covering her mouth when she realized what she just said and shaking her head as tears began to fall from her eyes.
"Wh-What?" I said, arching my eyebrows at her. "Tori! Are you home?"
I looked up at the sound of my sister's voice. "Candace?" I yelled. Izzy quickly pushed me away and jumped off of my bed, running out the door. "Izzy" I called, going after her.
I saw Izzy walk past Candace as she left the house. "Tori? What's going o-"Not now!" I interrupted, reaching for Izzy but she turned and pushed me away again. I stumbled back a bit and Izzy got into her car and locked the doors. I ran towards her window and leaned down.
"Izzy, please just talk to me! Don't run away! Don't leave me!" I yelled, trying to open her door. Izzy just shook her head and broke down in the safety of her car. I put my hands on her window and sighed, leaning my head against the cold glass.
"…Izzy" I whispered to myself. I looked back at her and saw that she was still crying. "Unlock the door, Izzy," I added. She shook her head again. "Please open the door," I repeated.
She didn't do anything but I felt the window coming down and I quickly pulled away and looked at her. She wiped her face and I smiled at her. "Forget it," she whispered. My smile dropped and I stared at her. "What?"
"You love Jocelyn, right? Just…forget I said anything. For me" she replied, not even looking at me. Before I could say anything back, Izzy pulled out of the driveway and took off down the street.
"Izzy! Izzy! Damn it, Izzy!" I yelled after her. I groaned and sat down on the hard black concrete. Candace walked over towards me and sat down. "Can I ask what just happened?" she said, looking at me.
"…Izzy and I…are the same," I said, picking up a blade of grass and throwing it out in the street. "So you both have love people who love you back?" "No, Jocelyn doesn't love me. Izzy does," I corrected.
"Wait! Izzy loves you! What did I just miss?" she exclaimed. "What I met by saying Izzy and I are the same is simple. I'm Izzy's firestarter…and Izzy is mine," I said.
"So what are you going to do?"
"…I'm going to show her how much I love her. How long I've been waiting for her. And how she's the only one for me"
"You realized all of this in one afternoon?"
"Actually, I think I knew it all the time I just didn't pay anything to it until now. I've been chasing Jocelyn for so long that I didn't notice how I felt for other people. I didn't see the way I was using Victoria and I didn't see how much I love Izzy"
"I'm glad you just had an epiphany but how are you going to do all of this?"
I stood up from the ground and shrugged. "I don't really know but I have to find a way to convince Izzy that it's her and only her. I feel like such an idiot! Why couldn't I have noticed this sooner?" I groaned.
Candace nodded but then she smirked at me. "What?" I asked. "I think I know a way you can convince Izzy that it's "her and only her" she replied.
"Let's just say you will forever be in debt to me and the cheerleading team".