Tocelyn, Jori, Joci & Torilyn
Jocelyn didn't know what she had coming as I ran my fingers up and down her legs. She didn't know that I was slowly leaning in towards her lips and that I was trying so hard, praying practically that she wouldn't realize what I was doing and try and stop me. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to know if you would feel sparks from my lips against hers and if that would be all the recognition she needed that we were meant to b; that I was her firestarter, that I would always be the one that she needed and trusted in. I cupped her face in my hands and before she could stop me or say anything, gently placed my lips over hers and prepared myself for what I knew would happen next.
The big bang.
The universe aligning itself to prepare for what was in store for us.
"Are you having another 'Tocelyn' dream?"
I rolled over in my bed and groaned before glancing over at Candace, whom was arching her eyebrows at me with her hands on her hips.
"Is it a dream if it's destined to happen?" I asked gruffly. "On what planet? Cause if I remembered, Jocelyn doesn't have eyes for you" she replied.
I leaned up on my arm and yawned. "Oh really? Just like Maxie doesn't have eyes for you?" I shot back, smirking at her. She gasped and quickly shook her head.
"That's something totally different" she exclaimed. "Right. Because Maxie doesn't even notice you exist half the time unless she's calling you my baby sister," I said, still teasing her.
"Shut up. Don't you think I know that? Don't you think I know that I have absolutely no chance with her and that your chances of being with Jocelyn are even bigger than my chances of being with Maxie? I realize I'm a fool, you don't have to point it out!" she yelled.
Tears began to well in her eyes and I quickly jumped out of my bed and walked towards her. "Candy, I'm sorry. I took that one too far and I didn't mean to hurt you. I sometimes forget that we are both dealing with unrequited love, not just me. I'm sorry," I said, rubbing her back as she cried against my shoulder.
It was hard being the big sister sometimes. I often forget that, as much as we tease each other, Candace and I are in the same boat. Both of us are in love with people that we never may have a chance of being with and when it came to Jocelyn and I versus Maxie and she; well, I had more of a winning chance than she did.
"We have to get ready for school. I'm gonna take a shower" she said, pulling away from me and walking down the hall. I sighed once I heard the door close and leaned my head in my hands. I was in her place once before too. Candace was just accepting that she was gay at the young age of 14, the same exact age where I accepted it too.
It was a rough year for me and I for one should not be teasing her right now.
I decided to give Candace her space and got dressed, pulling on a red, gray, and black flannel shirt and gray skinny jeans before putting on my red converses and grabbing my backpack.
I walked downstairs and found a note from our father on the kitchen table:
Called in early because Tony missed his shift. Breakfast on the oven if you want any. Be home by 6.
I throw the note in the trash and made a mental note of telling Candace once she came out the shower. In the mean time, I heated up the left over breakfast and ate it while watching TV in the kitchen.
Candace came down the steps dressed in her cheerleading outfit and I arched my eyebrows. "Game tonight?" I asked. She nodded her head and I laughed.
"Who against?" I added. "Westville North High School" she replied before sitting down next to me and stealing a piece of bacon off my plate.
"We're going to get demolished," I said, laughing harder. She gasped and hit my shoulder. "No we're not! Have faith in our football team!" she shot back.
"Whatever. We fucking suck and you know it. The only reasons I go to the game is because Carly makes us go to see her boyfriend play and because Jocelyn just looks great out on that field. That's about it. And by the time I actually get into the game, we're always losing by like 15 points" I said, shaking my head.
"We won when we played against Sergeant Pepper High School," she pointed out. "Yeah, only because they suck worse than us. They haven't won a game since 73'. That's pretty sad" I shot back.
Candace rolled her eyes at me and grabbed my car keys before jingling them. "Can we leave now? I have early practice and I know you don't wanna miss Jocelyn shaking her ass at 7:20 in the morning" she said sarcastically.
I chuckled and tossing my paper plate in the trash before taking my keys from her and locking the door as we walked out to my car.
"You know what I love best about our football team though, Candy?" I said once we were in the car. "What?" she asked. "It gives me an excuse to see the girl I love everyday…so I guess that makes them pretty alright" I replied.
She smiled before rolling her eyes at me once more and I started the car and pulled off, driving towards prison, I mean, school.
I ran down the parking lot with Izzy chasing me and tried desperately to get my keys out of my pocket so that I could get back in the comfort of my car before she tackled me from behind and began kissing around my neck.
"Izzy! This is why people think we're together!" I groaned as she jumped in my arms and wrapped her legs around my waist. I sighed and just leaned my head back so that she could kiss me some more.
"You didn't call me last night. Why?" she whined as she pulled at the end of my hair. "Ow. Easy. Because I had to go to the Gymnastics' center to pick up Candy and I forgot," I replied.
"Don't lie to me Tori Bear. I know you were with that girl. Are you cheating on me again?" she asked, almost seriously. "Izzy. Stop before people get the wrong idea" I replied, trying to get her off of me.
Izzy giggled and bit down on my neck. "Ow! If you give me a hickey, I'm gonna be pissed. Why are you here so early anyway?" I groaned.
Izzy just ignored me and continued to run her mouth over my neck and collarbone. "Geez, you are the weirdest friend," I said to myself, since I knew she wasn't listening to me.
"Am I interrupting something?"
I quickly pushed Izzy off of me and she groaned from the lost of contact but I was too busy looking over at Jocelyn. She had this smug look on her face and her hands were on her hips like she had caught me doing something I shouldn't be doing.
"You don't understand. Izzy is just a friend, she's just a tad bit weird and overly affectionate," I said, using my shirt collar to wipe at my neck.
Izzy gasped and pointing a dramatic finger at herself. "I am not overly affectionate! I just like to claim what's mine" she purred, running her finger over my stomach.
I grabbed her hand and she burst out laughing at the blush on my face. "Relax Patchett. If I wanted you, I would have you by now" she said giggling.
I frowned at her games and she looked between Jocelyn and I. "I'll talk to you later Tori Bear" she said, before walking up towards the school.
I watched her leave and Jocelyn laughed at me. "So the rumors are true than?" she asked. "What rumors? The rumors of us being together? I just told you that that was not what it looked like" I replied.
"No, the rumors about Izzy being 'overly affectionate'. I've heard that she likes to kiss her friends but I never thought it was true," she said, walking over to me and hugging me.
I sighed as I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her closer to me. She held onto my shirt tightly and leaned her head on my shoulder as I laid mine on the top of her head.
"She doesn't kiss all her friends. Just for some reason, Adam, Maxie, and me. She doesn't kiss Carly at all," I mumbled against her sweet smelling hair.
"You're warm," she said, rolling her hands up and down my back. I laughed and did the same for her. "Aren't I always?" I asked.
"It depends. Sometimes, when I'm really cold, you feel like a little furnace but at other times, when I have a fever, you feel like you're just the right temperature. You're always either really hot or just…warm. I've never felt you when you're cold" she replied.
I arched my eyebrows at her and realized we've been hugging for quite awhile. "What are you trying to say? I'm more warm blooded than the average human?" I said laughing.
She shook her head and put her head underneath my chin. "I always feel comfortable in your embrace. No matter what. It's kind of upsetting knowing that Victoria got to feel your embrace all the time and the warmth that you give" she said, smiling up at me.
My heart stopped for a moment and my dream came back ten fold. Could this mean what I think it means? Does Jocelyn Viemore want to be with me the way Victoria was?
I gripped her uniform tightly in my hand before I heard Gabriella calling her over towards the squad.
Jocelyn pulled away from me and I let her go, pulling my hand away. "I'll be over in a sec!" she yelled back.
Gabriella and the others walked inside the gym and I saw Candace looking over at me before talking with another girl on the team.
"She's coming to school today. Just so you know," Jocelyn said. "Who?" I asked. "Victoria. She's coming to school today. One of the girls on the team told me. I just want you to be prepared" she replied.
I nodded my head before she leaned up and kissed my cheek. "I love you," she said. I smiled and kissed her forehead. "I love you too". She jogged over towards Gabriella and I watched them all go before walking up front where Maxie, Adam, Carly, and Izzy were waiting for me.
"So, how'd it go? Did you tell her?" Maxie asked. I nodded my head and Adam smiled before hugging me. "What she say?" Carly asked. "She was just upset that I didn't tell her sooner" I replied.
"Typical Jocelyn. Doesn't like being left out of the loop. By the way, Vicki is on the prowl. She's looking for you" Izzy said. I sighed and pulled my backpack closer around me.
"I know. Jocelyn told me. Is Jeremy back too?" I asked. Adam nodded his head and I groaned. "Fuck! I thought today was going to be an easy day but I guess not" I replied.
"I don't know Tori Bear. Adam said she was acting like a totally different person yesterday" Izzy said. Adam nodded at her statement and I arched my eyebrows.
"Different bad or different good?" I asked. "Good. Almost like she's mellower. I know it's hard to believe that a pregnant teenager would be calmer than a non-pregnant one, but she actually was. The only thing that hasn't changed is that she still talks about you. Non-stop" he replied.
Maxie laughed and nodded in agreement. "It was all, 'Have you seen Tori?' 'I haven't heard from her in awhile' 'Is she still avoiding me?' 'Did you tell her I was pregnant?' 'Does she even want to see me?' 'How is she?' 'Is she still at school?' 'Does her dad know about us?' 'Did she get any taller?' It got to the point where I just wanted her to stop talking. Period" she said, shaking her head.
I smiled and ran my hands through my hair. Yes, I cared about Victoria. She was very dear to my heart…but I did not love her, at least not as much as I loved Jocelyn. I never even told her about my feelings for Jocelyn just to protect her from getting hurt. I felt like I would be betraying her if I told her how much I loved Jocelyn and then slept with her at the very same time.
The bell for school rang and I headed towards my locker with Izzy on my tail. "So, was Jocelyn jealous about the little show I put on for her? Did she tell you to stop flirting with me?" she asked, smirking at me.
"No, Iz. She didn't. And you gotta stop doing that or someone is really going to think that you and I are a couple. It's bad enough that half of the school thinks we are. I would love it if the rumors could be put to rest" I replied, opening my locker door.
"Victoria doesn't mind" she whined. "Yeah, well I'm not dating Victoria so she shouldn't mind. I'm not dating anyone at all," I said, putting my backpack in my locker and closing it shut.
"Fine. I'll stop being so 'overly affectionate' around you. The least you could do for me is tell me more of the juicy gossip that is 'Tocelyn" she said smiling.
I stopped in my tracks and looked over at her. "Who told you about Tocelyn?" I whispered, walking over to her. "Your sister. I think it's quite cute that you've molded your names together. I came up with a couple myself actually. There's 'Jori', 'Torcelyn', 'Torilyn', 'Joci', and 'JT'. I like 'JT' the best because it's your initials but 'Jori' is cute too" she said giggling.
I shook my head and walked down the hall with her naming all the other blended names that we could use before I saw her.
She looked over at me. Her brown curly hair flowing down her back and her bright green eyes staring into my hazel colored ones. She was wearing a long purple maternity shirt and dark blue jeans with purple flats. Her gold earrings were shinning in the light and I could clearly tell that she was indeed pregnant.
My breath caught in my throat as she walked over to me and I noticed that even Izzy had stopped talking for this moment in time. Victoria smiled softly at me before gently taking my hand and placing it over her stomach.
I almost wanted to pull away but I knew what she was trying to tell me. This baby growing inside of her didn't change things. It didn't change the way she felt for me. That fact alone…made me feel like total shit.
"Y-Y-You're pregnant," I said almost in a whisper. Victoria laughed and her smile brightened. "Yeah. Yeah, I am".
I ran my thumb over the soft material of her shirt before placing my other hand on her stomach. Victoria gasped a bit when I pulled away and I stared down at the ground.
"So, you and Jeremy huh?" I said, not wanting to look in her eyes. She bit her lower lip and nodded her head. "It was an accident. It never should have happened and I would never hurt you like this, Tori. You know I wouldn't," she whispered.
"I'm just thinking, of all the people it could have been, how did you wind up pregnant with Jeremy's baby?" I asked. We both looked around as people began to look at us and I took Victoria's hand in mine before leading her into an empty classroom and closing the door.
"What happened?" I asked, sitting down on a desk. Victoria fiddled with her hands, a common nervous quirk she had and I quickly took my hand in hers to stop her.
"You were in Jamaica…and I started missing you and one of my friends, Janice, told me about this party that was going down at Martin Chester's house. And at first, I didn't want to go. But she told me that I couldn't just sit around the house and mope because you weren't there. So, I went. And there were so many people there that I lost Janice like 10 minutes into the party."
"I was sitting on a couch, when some guy, Jeremy, asks me if I wanna dance. At first, I say no, but then I though, 'oh what's the worst that could happen?' So we danced…and dancing turned into grinding…and grinding turned into dry humping…and dry humping turned into his tongue practically down my throat. I was so desperate for some type of skin on skin action. I missed you so much Tori that I…I just craved it."
"So we went upstairs and Jeremy kept saying, "My girls been holding out on me. I hope you'll make this entertaining" and that's when I realized he was drunk. At first, I said 'no'. I didn't want to sleep with him once I realized this was Jeremy, the Jeremy, Jocelyn Viemore's Jeremy. But the way he was kissing me…and touching me…I just couldn't say no."
"Before I know it, he's inside of me and I'm loving every minute of it until he comes. It took 5 seconds for me to realize that sex with Jeremy was not like sex with you. It was nothing like sex with you. He was sloppy and uncoordinated and tasted like beer and cheap cigarettes. You always know what you're doing. It's like my body's a map and you know exactly what you're looking. You always taste like cinnamon for some unknown reason."
"Jeremy was quick where with you it seems like forever. Jeremy was rough where you're always gentle. Jeremy could get me pregnant where you…you can't. I had forgotten to ask him to put a condom on and I've never taken the pill, for obvious reasons. It all just happened so fast that when I saw these two little red lines pop up all I could do was blame myself."
"Tori, I've made a terrible mistake and I realize that. When Jocelyn found out about Jeremy and I sleeping together, she was livid. She was so angry but when I told her I was pregnant with his baby, she just felt sorry for me. I was getting pity from the girlfriend of my baby's father. Do you know how humiliating that is?"
"No matter what, I just didn't have the heart to get rid of it. I couldn't. I wouldn't. And Jeremy…I haven't spoken to him since I uttered the words, "I'm pregnant" to him over the phone. I've made a mistake and I'm going to live with it. I just hope that this doesn't effect us and Tori, I'm so sor-".
I slammed my lips against hers in a heated kiss and Victoria moaned against my lips before cupping my face in her hands. I put my hands on her hips and felt her tears run down my cheeks.
I couldn't stand to watch her cry. I don't care what happened with Jeremy or Jocelyn; I just didn't want to watch Victoria cry when I knew how much she had went through this summer.
"I love you," she whispered before pulling me in another kiss. As much as I wished I could make her feel better, I just couldn't say those very same words back to her without lying to myself.
"So did you and Victoria talk things out? Or have you been avoiding her?" Jocelyn asked as we sat together in class. She had taking off her cheerleading outfit and was now dressed in a white Aeropostale jacket and tight fitting blue jeans with white sandals.
I was trying to concentrate on my chemistry work but I couldn't stop thinking about Victoria. "Yeah, we talked. She told me everything and I forgave her" I replied, putting down my pencil and putting my head on the table.
Jocelyn frowned and run her fingers through my hair. "Hey…I'm sure things will work out" she said, leaning down and kissing the top of my head. I sighed and slowly leaned up.
"I wish you were right Viemore but I don't feel that way," I groaned. "Well, try to think on the bright side. Does she know what she's having?" she asked, smiling brightly at me.
I smiled back and laughed. "You make it sound like she's ordering something at a restaurant," I said. She slapped my arm and I pulled away from her when she tried to reach for me again. "Seriously Tori! What is it?" she repeated.
"It's a boy, Jocelyn. Little Jeremy Jr." I said. She rolled her eyes and sighed. "I really hope that's not what she names him. Her son does not deserve to be named after a douche bag like him…she should name him Torey" she said, smirking at me.
I choked on air a little and she laughed. "No she should not! Don't tell her that either cause she will start getting some ideas and next thing I know; I'm holding Torey Camden in my arms. Unh unh! No way that's happening" I said gruffly, crossing my arms over my chest.
"Awww, but you have to admit. Torey Camden does sound cute" she shot back, batting her eyes at me. I frowned and shook my head. "It does not. She should just name him Vince. I've always liked the name Vince," I said softly.
Jocelyn looked at me in surprise for a minute before looking down at her paper. "Are…you going to help her? With the baby, I mean" she asked. I glanced over at her and put my chin in my hand.
"I don't know. I feel as though I should"
"But it's not your responsibility"
"I feel like it is though for some strange reason"
"He's not your son"
"I realize that. I obviously know that and I'm not talking about reading the kid bed time stories and picking him up from day care. I mean like, picking her up diapers or something like that"
"That's not for you to do, if anything, Jeremy should be the one doing that. It's his son"
"Oh come on Jocelyn! Jeremy is not going to do shit for this baby and you know that"
"But that doesn't mean you should"
"I want to!"
"Why? Because you feel guilty? Because you want to be with her now?"
"Because it's the right thing to do!"
Jocelyn jumped a little at my outburst and Mrs. Parker cleared her throat before continuing what she was doing before hand. I sighed and reached out for her hand.
"Jocelyn…If Victoria asks me to do anything for her and the baby, I'm going to do it, because it's what I want to do. I know the baby is not mine. I don't want the baby to be mine at all…but Vicki…is very important to me and ways that you don't know, Ok?" I said.
Jocelyn looked at me for a brief moment before her gaze turned into a glare. "Fuck you" she hissed, sliding back in her seat and walking over to the other side of the room to sit with someone else.
My jaw dropped in surprise and I glanced at where she was originally sitting and then to where she was sitting now. What the hell? I didn't even do anything!
I collapsed back in my chair and groaned. Great. Today couldn't get any worse.
"Jeremy? What are you doing here?"
I looked up and sure enough, walking into our chemistry class was Jeremy Myers.
"I'm in this class. Don't act too surprise Jocelyn, damn" he mumbled before taking a side in the back next to one of his friends. We made eye contact for a minute before he sent me a smirk. The kind of smirk that clearly says, "Yes Tori, I fucked Victoria and got her pregnant and yes, she'd probably let me do it again if I asked".
I glared at him in anger and quickly got out my seat and walked out of class. I didn't care if Mrs. Parker wrote me up, I just didn't want to be there with him there. I walked around the halls to cool off before noticing Victoria sitting on a bench. I smiled and walked over to sit next to her.
"I just spoke to Jeremy," she said, already knowing it was me before I even sat down.
"And he said?" I asked. "Guess" she replied, looking over at me with tears in her eyes. I pulled her into my arms and felt her immediately take her usual place on my body. Her head on my shoulder, right hand wrapped around my waist and her body turned in towards mine.
Being with Victoria would be as easy as breathing…but I would always be living a lie if I took that route; the easy route.
"You don't need Jeremy. I'm here for you and so is everybody else," I whispered in her ear as I rubbed her back.
She leaned her head up and our lips met once again. She pulled at my bottom lip and I decided to indulge in her. It had been such a long time since either of us had kissed each other. Too long in my book.
"I missed you so much Tori," she moaned before deepened the kiss. And that was one thing we could both agree on.