Grieving, a journey!!

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Summary

Grieving and learning and opening my eye's. Hope. Helpful. Intuitive.

Genre:
Drama / Poetry
Author:
Christine Levander
Status:
Ongoing
Chapters:
1
Rating:
n/a
Age Rating:
18+

Grieving and learning.

Let’s get down to earth. Let’s be frank. Let’s stay grounded. Let’s have a heart. Let’s live life with meaning. Let’s be true. Let’s be sincere. Let’s be honest. Let’s be ourselves. Let’s get down to earth. Believe in each other. Be faithful. Let’s have faith. Have faith in everyone. Remember the good times and be grateful. Remind ourselves that we have our bad days but we are still amazing. Eat the fruit. Eat the fine things in life, for we may never have that chance again. Believe in ourselves to do what is on our to-do lists and conquer the world. Climb that terrifying tower and be free. Learn to live again with our hearts and souls. Breathe freely without doubt and regret. Have faith. Triumph and sail those seas. Fly like a bird that you see flying so freely in the beautiful height and skies. We can do this. We can break those chains and love again. Hate is a horrible word. I find it very hard to say or think. Live with our hearts and forget the past. For we are in the present and what we do right in our present ripples through tomorrow, the future. What we do today makes tomorrow. We can make tomorrow brighter and safer. Let’s try. We can and we will. Start the day with a positive thought and end it with a positive thought and during the day keep those positive thoughts flowing freely with no effort at all. Our hearts drive out the darkness. We are all in control. Bless us all. The light is here. The light never fades. Learn to relax. We are all spiritual energy. We all have souls. Bad things in our lives can and does change us, for the better or the worse. Pray, Love, Pray, Love. Never give up for you have so much good and great things to look forward to. Death, Is dark, for a while. Grieving is painful. Some effected more than others. I have known death all too much. It never gets easier. Death of a loved one or someone you know or a friend or family member or the person you met down the street is hard on us all. It hurts. We try to understand it. The fact is we just have to forget that and just accept it. We can’t stop it. There is a heaven. Heaven is all around us. We are still here with you even when you don’t feel us here or think we are not here. Our love is always with you. We are souls in a body. The body may die but the spirit does not. Just know you are not alone. You are never alone. It’s ok to cry. It helps and I have learned that when grief hits there is no way to stop it until you get it out of your system. Of course we grieve because we loved them so. And they know that. You are never alone in your grief your loved ones are near. In the next realm and they are here for you because you need them and you need reassurance. Bless your heart. Bless your journey. Fortunate people don’t understand pain and suffering as others do. Some lucky few have never had to feel the way we do. It hurts like no pain ever felt or imagined. The death of a loved one is unimaginable and breaks ones heart into many pieces. Maybe this has happened to me so I can write this book. I hope I can help others with what I do. That is my mission to be here for others. To use what pain and suffering I have endured to evolve and make a difference. I decided to turn to the light not the dark. I hope more people do it. What I do is pleasurable in the sense that I help others. I turn my journey into hope and goodness for myself and others. I have had so many here for me even the spirits of my loved ones and guides and archangels. Encouraging me and being positive for me to continue and get strength to help people I care about. We all have to care. Togetherness and inspiration is what make s us stronger and makes us fighters. I listen to what I get told. My grandmother always and I quote, ‘’Christine you are being selfish wanting to think about suicide’’!

Bless you, Frances May Sirrell. Her battle with cancer still burned in my mind and heart and sadly missed and she knows it. She was the world to me and I will always love her. Thank you my beautiful grounded and strong grandmother. I love you for eternity and forever. I still feel you here. Always will.

In times of grief and pain and suffering

Remember me

Remember us

We are here

We are with you

We are the light

The light at night

Never forget me

Believe my dear

Have no fear

For we are near

Right beside you

My happy fellow

We made it home safe

From this splendid place

In times of trouble and pain

Remember us

For we held you close

Tickled your toes

Keep us tucked inside your special place

Your heart my dear

So much in store

So many open doors

You are the light

We were there for that dreadful night

You are heaven sent

No need for repent

Troubles are over

Bad times forgotten

Take your time

Have faith

No doubt

I love you so much

Longing for your touch

We wipe your tears

We will never forget you

In safe hands

With god

Family

Bless your heart

Take your time

We rest with god

Never letting go

Till tomorrow

We meet again

From the, mouth’s of angels!

Do you ever wonder and think how it could’ve been or imagining or intrigued or curious or dreaming of better things and better circumstances. That is what I was like and with grief this is common. We wonder and reflect on the memories and the events that unfolded in our lives and try to understand ourselves of the times that happened before the death or heart break. What and should I have done better or what I should not have done. Sometimes blaming ourselves for things that were out of our control, don’t blame yourself these things happen. Life and death is unsettling. Trying to come to grips that our loved one has departed us without our permission is a part of it. I was always like, ’you didn’t ask me if you could die ’. How dare you leave us how dare you leave me! You had no permission from me. You didn’t even say goodbye first. Death mostly is out of our control and I have come to learn it is just there time. There will come a day when you will pass on without asking anyone’s permission or acceptance or approval. Your loved ones will feel the same way. It’s the circle of life. We live and we die and reincarnation. It’s evolution unfortunately. We can’t stop it. It will get better and you will become a stronger person from it. You just must never give up on yourself because your loved ones here and passed on do not or ever will give up on you. You have the will you have the way. Grief is and can be a very lonely road for us because we all have our own special times and memories of a loved one. This is our own piece of heaven. This keeps us all tied together. Don’t take any memory for granted because it makes us who we are. We all have our life line our journey. We are very lucky to have something like that that sort of separates us all and makes us unique. This is our gift to be cherished so that we all have different stories to tell which is so enlightening. Try not to judge because we all have our own life path try to think before speaking because words can be so harmful and destructive and damaging. Consider other peoples feeling before doing or saying something that can alter a person life so drastically and long term and may even force a fragile person to the edge where they would or could end their life. Say sorry often. Love with your being. Help others and be compassionate and have an open mind. Always, be there for our fellow others. As they say, one small act of kindness can change a life. Well that’s what I say. Make a difference cause a ripple effect. Be kind. Forgive really quickly. Resolve issues with compassion. Understand one another. Live with your heart in mind, not with your mind. It will get better. Manifest a greater tomorrow with your vision. Do your best because that is all that matters at the end of the day. You have tried and that is more than good enough. You are making a difference. Not everything is your fault or doing. Heaven is a place thought of often, written about and in the media. It’s an absolutely beautiful thought. Heaven for me is a nice place to think of when feeling down or not loved. We feel love from heaven for as I am assured by what I do is closer than some think or realize. Heaven is real and heaven is here. Some people have connections with heaven for it is a realm to be contacted when doing readings with a medium or psychic. The sole purpose for this is to bring comfort to those still here on the physical plane, for people that have not transcended as yet. For those needing comfort and closure mostly when someone they love passes away. Some people want that extra love and support from their loved ones in heaven. Some want to get information to help their situations. People come to me for guidance and clarity and honesty. I am really very blessed to help these people that appreciate me and my work. Do you notice some people live in the past and hold grudges for mostly nonsense and mistakes. This is because these people are not happy with their own lives and want to bring others down to their level. Stay strong and just let them be naive and don’t let them bring you down. They want to be disrespectful or insecure that’s their problem. A lot of people are living in the darkness and want others to live there with them so they are not all alone. All you can do is your best and continue on your journey. You are doing very well. Some people have issues and no respect and one day these people will have no choice but to do better and be the best version of themselves and nothing less. When parents have kids they are supposed to set a good example. All you have to do is, try and do your best not what they are doing. ‘’Haters going to hate right’’! They are seriously just stuck in their own darkness and the hell in their minds. That’s their problem not yours.

Love, one word the answer to all life’s adversities and troubles love is the heart and mind and spirit. The answer to peace is love and only love. We are born loved. We are here to love. To love ourselves and one another, Love is togetherness and faith. With love we can conquer fears hate and all the dark stuff that is around. Put your hands on your chest for one moment and feel your heart the centre of life and all there is. Faith and love is sowed into all of us we are born loving. Don’t forget that. Love is the life force, the energy and the air. Love is our spirits. Our hearts speak one language and the only language. Love is the language. We can have hard times but you know what we all do have hard times. Reach out for one another. Pain is a thing of the past. Life is a gift we have to cherish and appreciate. We all have a light inside of us bright and sparkly and the light is love. Believe in one another and yourself. Love is what we need to believe in. If you die today that is not the end we continue to live in spirit and that is what we all have a spirit. We all have strength and courage and determination. We are all patient. Have faith that you are not alone you have loved ones and you have god. God is and always will be here. God is the light and love is the light. The light is god’s love for us and that is what we have inside of us. “God”! Death is not easy. I loved my brother and mother so much. As my father says to me with all the love for me in his heart and voice, Christine you can’t save every soul on the planet. I want to because I love so much and so deeply and I love people. Believe me if I have intuition or visions about the people I love and care about I will do my best to prevent them from dying or suffering or being in pain. I am here for the people and my family. I believe that what I have is for the sake of the people in my life and the world. Why don’t people listen to me! I am just trying to prevent bad things happening to people. I wish people would listen to me and stop being so egotistical and self involved and realise that they have people that do not want to live without them. If you do reckless things or things that are illegal it’s not worth the pain and heartbreak or the carelessness of destroying your life and the people that love you. Do you sometimes get upset when you hear about people dying or getting hurt even if you don’t know them, it’s because you care and sometimes can understand the pain because you are empathic and have a heart. You are human with a spirit. We all come from heaven but some people get lost along the way. If you knew what others go through after your dead you wouldn’t do some things. It’s not just about you. People love you more than you realize. Reach out in hard times and just relax and stay grounded and don’t give up on you or your loved ones. You are loved. We are all connected by spirit and the heart. The spirit and heart are the cores of our being and structure. You are worth saving because you’re loved. We are angels and have god. Sure we often wonder about our past about things and circumstances that have happened and we have done and want so much to do better and for the memories to just disappear, because often we are traumatised or a different person because of these things. Some things are out of our control and all we can do is learn from the events. There are some terrible things that happen to a person or persons. Crime and hurt are the worst. Being belittled and suffering from something that was out of our control. Trying to deal with what happened and getting help are big steps and the best to do is to acknowledge what happened in your mind and heart. Some people have no one to turn to. Some people do have support. You just got to be strong because you are worth saving. It is and can be a long road to recovery and finding yourself again. But you are still in there amongst all the hurt and pain in your heart. You know of intuition and gut feelings as they say. But fear can stand in the way of listening to your instincts. You have just got to trust yourself and your gut feeling about places and people and situations. For you! I know that there can be a feeling of no way out. That you feel that you have lost everything and there is no other way except to endure and suffer more. There are people who love you and want you to be safe and where the love is. There is hope inside of you. I believe there are angels watching over you and around you protecting you. For many years I had no idea what a gift was or is and I suffered because of the lack of knowledge about what I have and what many countless others have. I grew up seeing ghosts and having ghostly dreams and often heard voices that I had no comprehension of what was happening to me. I thought there was something wrong with me. Crazy! Until my mother died and I was hearing her talk to me very loudly and was telling me about Alison Dubois and that was when my mother in law bought me her books and everything changed for me. I was enlightened about what I am and what I have. That was when I began to heal and heal through helping others. I owned my ability. I became stronger. I often think that I have been cursed because there has been a lot of bad luck when it comes to me and my family. I just feel stuck and heading nowhere, like being stuck in a grey hole of nothingness. A storm that I am stuck in the middle of and the storm won’t end. It really breaks my heart. There is always trouble. Trouble around me that, I can’t control because the trouble is other people and what they should not be doing. Love, 4 letters so much meaning. Love is the heart and mind. Love is a beautiful feeling that is always around. Love is euphoria and bliss and heaven and enlightening. We are lost without love and the feeling we get when there is love. To love others that need love from us, we need to learn to love ourselves, inside and out. We need to love everything about ourselves. The good and the bad, Love is what we are here for. Our spirits are love. We are one with love. Love can and does change all things for the better. Love conquers the population and humanity. Love moves us forward forgiving all troubles. We are heaven. Heaven is here. Our loved ones that have passed on to heaven are here right beside us. They are not just with us in good times but also in bad times, they are always with us weather you Believe or not, but you will believe, because without believing, nothing is possible. Believing won’t hurt anyone or you. Heaven is inside of us, each and everyone one of us. Don’t give up just open your mind’s eye because the light you will see. We all have a mind’s eye, a third eye if you like. Awaken yourself and be enlightened. There is always the light and we all have a purpose for the good on our planet and in our galaxy. We were born to make a difference. Not just for ourselves but for all here. There is more to us than our bodies we have energy, spirits, souls. We are all reincarnated. We always come back to where the love is. You are loved.

Blessing’s, Count them as many times a day that you can. To be alive is a blessing. No matter what you have been through, to be here is a blessing. They may do wrong and do you wrong but you are worth saving. Be here, live and love. You have got to love yourself first. Love your heart, your mind, your body and your spirit.

In my world there is a snake that sheds her skin constantly. This snake is pure evil. No conscience no heart. Basically, no soul and no care for the law. The devil in disguise and does hurt everyone and anyone to do the wrong things by others with no remorse. Only feeling sorry for herself that she is so lonely being so evil all alone in her game of betrayal towards god and satin for he would not do these things. Sinning is her game and a snake is her name. Incest, lies, steals, deceives, hates, crime, abuses, betrayal, unfaithful, takes, sins relentlessly, shames, ridicules, bullies, manipulates, under the radar, pretends. A slithery snake whom is cold hearted and merciless. She is at war with the pure of heart infecting the goodness in others. Who takes the purity from the good people and twists and turns the values and manipulates them to think that doing the wrong things is the only way which in turn is her way. She gets in your mind and spreads through your body entirely like an infection and this in turn works to her favour in her battle with screwing up the balance. Only darkness is what she strives for this is her mission set by, ‘herself,’ the snake. Take your blind folds off. Don’t allow the darkness to mesmerise you, see the light inside of you and don’t be a victim to pure evil. Don’t make her happy. She is happy with your losses and not your gains. She is happy that you suffer and hurt. She is your enemy. Let the light guide you for you are good and pure and faithful. Love is the light.

Intuition or feelings or gut feelings when it comes to yourself or your loved ones or friends and so on. We know when something isn’t quite right, right. I have felt and thought that I was sick physically for many years. That there was something wrong with my health. You know when you are unwell and been unwell for a long time for most years, days or months. Then we go to the doctor and we get told there is nothing wrong with us and in my case they were always like, no you have a mental illness. I have been told I have got Schizophrenia, borderline schizophrenia, schizo-effective, bi-polar, depression, severe depressive disorder and the list goes on. No doctors would listen to me instead telling me I am a psycho pretty much. Then I found a doctor who was genuine. He sent me for blood tests and an Mri and that’s when we found out that all my feelings and intuition and terrible health was because I have a Rathkes Cleft cyst in my brain and possibly polycystic as well. I suffered terrible migraines and headaches for most of my child hood and teenage years and adult hood. I didn’t develop normally and had disgusting acne. I also had and have still vomiting and nausea and problems with my weight. I have rapid hair growth, I shave in the morning and by the end of the same day my hair on my legs has already grown millimetres. Sure I agree that I may have depression but come on I deserved to be treated properly. That’s what they are there for right, to help us and make us feel assured that we are being treated appropriately and most of all they are there to treat and manage our health conditions. It’s absolutely flawed. We all are still being victimised. You know what I am talking about, when you go through or have been through a horrific traumatising event and no one cares or listens and when you reach out to the people that are meant to help you, they don’t. We get victimised further more. These supposed professionals who are getting paid to help us actually don’t help us and only a handful actually do help us. The rest tell us we are crazy and traumatise us further more. I have spoken to many people men and women who have been through this. I have found out that a lot of us aren’t being treated legally and ethically. Stay strong my friends, stay strong. We know the truth and they will do what they do. You’re not crazy. You are real and great. You are worthy and beautiful and whole. Some people care and some people don’t. There is still hope for these people and hopefully one day they will see the light. Pray. Pray hard and don’t let them get the better of you. Blessed! The scariest of dreams, a nightmare in real life, the brother and sister who are sinning with each other and the fat man father who has no conscience and raised these two to be evil for his own pleasure. The brother and sister forced to be with one another intimately and as they tell me doing it under the radar apparently living their evil lives, acting as if no one knows. But as much as your sick lives and minds and your sadistic father and mother are aware of more people know than your denial permits. No she’s crazy isn’t she and you guys aren’t sick right. Keeping it in the family, keeping it all in the family for the fat mans sadistic pleasure. The fat man grandfather hates on his grandchild. The grandchild is honest and asks him why he is so fat and so unrelenting and so uncompassionate and inharmonious and hateful and vengeful, the guilty pleasure of an evil, evil father that is unsociable and gauges himself and hates on the faithful ones. He slept with her and then told her he lost his virginity to his sister when he was 12 and it continued and continues to this day. He loved her and swept her off her feet while keeping his secrets until she fell madly in love with him and he made passionate love to her and then told her his secret. Broke her heart and broke her to the point where she was having serious panic attacks for many years after. He turned her family against her and slept with her step mother and put her in a wheel chair. Slept with her supposed friends and in the mean time turned everyone against her with his secrets tucked tightly inside his mind for all to hear. Ladies man hey. A sick demented family it seems, living one life and living another for their satisfaction. The brother and sister and mother and father do this whether known to the victim partners or not, every single relationship they seek and control and torture giving them pleasure and it gives them pleasure entirely and gets them off every time. Will you be next or are you the next now? Denial is heavenly it seems. Denial keeps us feeling safe. Believing the one who is lying and damaging the truth speaker for your pleasure as well! Does it make you happy doing the wrong thing by others? It gives them pleasure hurting others and they feel no remorse. They feel remorse for themselves. The remorse is that they didn’t hurt them enough. Sweeping it under the rug, it’s easier right. You can’t love someone that doesn’t love you. In this case the love was real then he told her what he does. Made her sick and scared and she lost so much. Spreading their darkness and damaging the light. Will you be the fool, or will you be smart and protect your heart and your mind. No shades of grey, shades of black. No light only darkness. So she gets pregnant and all of sudden their lives change once again. She shuns him and makes him sleep alone in the lounge room on a mattress while she has a comfortable bed. The poor guy, my heart absolutely bleeds for him. Just one poor unfortunate guy after another, she seems innocent on the first meeting and then traps them and dominates them and makes them feel worthless and makes their lives a living nightmare. Because even in her own family and her extra little family of her own it’s her way or look out. I pray that you’re stronger than she is and that you bring her and her games to her knees real, quick before she puts darkness into your life. Don’t give into it. Devil incarnate, evil within She needs holy water and an awakening to spirituality. Your pain gives her pleasure. She thrives on doing the wrong thing by others and manipulation. The dark horse and the black sheep and the lying vindictive muse. The father and mother of these pair have always allowed and encouraged them to be a pair, since they were children. Mind you the father was a horrible alcoholic and drank alcohol and was intoxicated at work constantly. The law has always meant nothing to this family. They wear masks and make people think they are the victims. They have got acting down to a fine art and have a lot of people convinced that they are being abused. This has been her living nightmare for many years. Knowing that in her light there are very dark beings that mean her constant harm. Mind you they whine and complain constantly about anyone and everyone. This talk of theirs in incredibly toxic and damaging to others and it’s like a disease that changes people’s emotions on many levels. Meanwhile, conjuring a plan that is very destructive and harmful to innocent people. The father says that getting his son and daughter to sleep together is that he breaks the drought apparently. I have been warned about this man from other psychics. Stay away from the fat man. He is dangerous. He lies about what she was like to children and others in her previous lives. He is so sick that he does not know how sick he is. His words are poison and his wife poisons her. Do you want a coffee and also would you like some poison in that. She poisons him too, has done for many years. They are always comparing other beautiful women to their daughter. Oh my god, please help them. God they have treated people horribly over the years. What is wrong with this world, how many more people have to be hurt by them? Please heavenly father spread your light on them and save them from themselves please. He says only they can save themselves. We want a life of light and love not darkness and pain and hate. Stop hurting us. We have come here to spread love and evolve. The enlightened ones are the light. We enlighten and love and give hope and harmony. Librans are supposed to bring balance, so be the balance and get the balance corrected. Protect yourselves with light and harmony and peace. Peace comes from within and from your heart. Our hearts are the only things that are real in this world. Our hearts are love and peace and harmony. Let your love light shine and radiate your beauty and heavenliness. Be an angel. Show the dark ones that there is hope for them make them believe that they are the light as well, light and harmony. Here to heal. Here to help and shine our light.

The rain was falling today, the little rain elves and fairies were falling and smiling as usual. The rain elves and fairies are light blue. The elves are male and translucent light blue with their little smurf, hats and the rain fairies are light blue and translucent with their little wings and glasses on for seeing with dresses and stockings underneath, both being invisible to the naked eye but seen by the mind’s eye when your awaken. The grey clouds are the grandfathers with their frowns and pipes smoking tobacco. The grandfathers are smiling once the grandmother white clouds come along. The blue skies are the smiling children and the rainbow is the unicorn. The sun is god and the moon is the god’s child. Little boy blue I call him. The stars are the wishes of the sky family and the shooting stars are the wishes coming true. The lightning and thunder are best mates, working one after another playing their song. The hail is the sister of snow, snow is the queen hails sibling, mesmerising look at them glow. You can hear them all talk their own language either fast or slow depending on the glow of the moon at day’s end and during the day for we see the moon night and day. Shadows of the day and shadows of the night are exactly the same thing. Why we scare of shadows at night rather than day is the matter of the darkness of night. Fear drives fear. When I was a child a sleep in my bed about 13 years old I was woken in what I can explain as an out of mind and body experience that I have never forgotten. I felt a presence that I could not explain and still can’t for I didn’t see what it was. I was frozen still and could not speak or scream for my parents to come save me. Until the whatever it was went away, freed me and I could suddenly move and scream for my parents. My dad later told me that the same thing happened to him when he was my age. I also and shouldn’t have done a stupid ass ouji board when I was 12 years old and since then up until a few years back believe I was cursed and followed from a terrible presence. You shouldn’t mess with the afterlife if you don’t know what you’re doing. That’s my advice. No black magic either. No one should be cursing others. It causes more harm that you would’ve thought initially. When we are kids we are a little bit dumb if you ask me and don’t really think of the future or the consequences of our actions when we are stupid little kids. I am very unhappy and angry and mad at my younger self. But that was then and unfortunately we can’t change what stupid things we done when we were kids. I have a grandfather that I love very much. It breaks my heart every day that he won’t live forever. The last time I spent with him I broke down in tears, because I love him so much and know that he won’t live forever. All I can think about when I am with him are the beautiful memories we have made at his property with his late wife, my deceased grandmother. I owe so much of my life at least I mean I thank them so very much for being the best grandparents I could have ever asked for besides my dad’s mother Doreen whom I still dream of to this day. I never got to spend enough time with them because of my sickness after what happened to me. After what happened to me I suffered severe panic attacks for many years and they stopped me from spending time with the people I loved and love most. I swear half the crap I write is shit but that’s just my opinion. I always find some insignificant fault with everything I do because I have this unrealistic vision of myself being some supreme goddess that never does anything wrong by me and especially to the family I love so much. I feel powerless sometimes with family say when partners in the family are having troubles and I cannot do anything to help them just supporting them is mostly all I can do. I feel so hurt when my family members are fighting and having hard times. I just want to help them. My heart hurts because they are hurting and I don’t want for them to be hurting. It breaks my heart. I have pain in my heart constantly when I think of the struggles that my beautiful family have to endure in this cruel and unstable world we have to fight to live in, it seems. When love isn’t enough, I just want to make everyone feel better. Because I love them, I feel sometimes that I am responsible for the happiness of what I call, my people, my loved and precious souls. I love you all so god damn much, you heart breakers, unintentional heart breakers. My kids, my nephews and nieces and my children I love you dearly and your smiles and friendship and chatter light up my world. Children are great, blessings to earth and this galaxy. What do you think about aliens, huh?? Do you think they are real or you know they are? I think of them as our friends. They mean no harm I am sure and 100% positive about that. Here to make a difference to change the world for the better for all of us. We are not alone. How many times have you heard that, hey? Are we in this together or are we enemies at war with one another. I have awoken one morning and had a voice saying go outside at 3am in the morning only to look up and see orange lights in the sky that suddenly moved and shot up into the sky and then heard on the radio cause I put the radio on a song that goes, I saw a ufo and nobody believes me. Interesting stuff only something one can witness and tell the story later for the wonder of the listener weather they believe you or not are other thing’s entirely but that don’t matter, you saw what you saw and that’s that. You, seen the proof to your amazement and surprise. It’s all about the details. You would be surprised as to how many others in our world have seen things other people have not seen. Some people speak about their encounters openly and for others there is that fear of being bullies. But honestly I don’t give a shit what others say. I am just telling you what I saw it’s up to you how you handle my truth.

When it comes to the snakes beloved he’s an asshole. They all wear masks and unfortunately I see through them. They mean harm and abuse. But they get away with it. Apparently it’s very funny except I am not laughing. Bullied from an early age I was told that they are all very jealous because I am someone they are not and that I have something they are not good enough to have. Bullies thrive on attention and being abusive to another is what they have friends for. A lot of people around our world are bullied/abused It’s the dark ones that do the bullying/abuse and we are all very hurt and traumatised by them doing what they do. And it doesn’t stop there. The bullying extends to out of the school environment with the public but you know what is, worse that the families of these individuals join in even if they are actually the bullied/victim’s family. In my case this is and what was happening. Cyber bullying is more prevalent these days where the bullies bully the bullied online and in private messages and shame and ridicule the victim online sometimes not directly but aimed at the bullied. All we can do is fight back and give them what they give us. To be strong and stay strong and belittle them! They say it’s because we are going to successful and that we shine so much brighter. It’s all jealousy and sadistic fun for them. Psychopaths and sociopaths, Most of the time even if they are getting great marks at school and are doing well in the school environment they actually have not much sense at all obviously because of what they are doing which is quite stupid and juvenile. Small things amuse small minds. Apparently it’s because of what I have. This is their reason apparently for treating me the way that they do. So much for family hey, And apparently they say I am to keep quiet and say nothing. Onto the night before my 21st birthday 2001 the snake in all her glory decided she would seduce and have sex with my brother in the next room at her parent’s home after her mother had asked him if he wanted to stay the night, mind you she was engaged and tied her fiancé up to the bed after she made him get himself drunk while I was in the next room listening to the fiancé calling out for her while she was banging my brother making him think it was me. All this time she manipulated and played mind games with all who knew her making them believe that it was her fiancé who was the bad egg in the relationship. Fool you for believing her crap. Denial is safer it seems. She had her mother taking sides because the snake has her mother believing that everything that went wrong in the snake’s life was the work of her mothers. She also led one of her exes to slice his wrists. She was apparently molested when she was younger and blames her mother for it. But this is just part of the snake’s game to get away with what she does to people. Mind you she laughs about it even in front of them. Never taking the blame for her flaws and crimes instead making the ones that love her feel guilty and blamed, It’s always someone else’s fault what you do isn’t it snake. The fat father plays along with it and believes every single lie and deceit that comes from her mouth for he even has said that he could write a 3 page letter how to lie about something he lied about. He could write the book on how to lie. For you see that is how he got through life was to never be honest and gaslight as many people because he is a narcissist and a hypocrite. I can tell you how to lie he says and he thinks he should be respected for that. I lie so I expect my kids to do the same thing. He says and lives his life by teaching his children how not to do the right thing unless it’s to his benefit like with the legal system but that’s never happened because they handle everything before a court matter needs to arise. Sweeping everything under the rug and making people believe that they are innocent. Where’s your evidence they say. So all I am trying to say here is be careful who you trust and protect yourself and your mind, because it’s your mind that they will fuck up.

So the mother tells friends and family that her beloved daughter does not drink when she is pregnant. Well this is not true she does drink alcohol and I seen it with my very own eye’s. But as usual the mother turns a blind eye to whatever wrong, her daughter and son does instead lying to ‘’herself’’ and others about the things they do. Pretending that they do everything right but instead doing everything they shouldn’t. No but when someone else does something wrong they are quick on the mark to point them out like they are maters. But they are perfect aren’t they. I mean what is wrong with them. They! When they ask you to do something or even sales people for example and I say no they still keep asking until they get a yes out of you. This is harassment. Just like when he used to ask me for sex he still had sex with me even though I said no. Why is no meaning yes to these people? No I am not a yes person that is what they say because it keeps asking until it gets what it wants, a yes which is no but it won’t take no for an answer. When it comes to sex and you say no to the person wanting it then, your no is the answer and that should be enough not for them to force you into saying yes to please them. NO means NO. End of story.

The business venture for my children, bought a store for our beautiful children. For their future so I could provide for them and give them whatever goodness they deserve. He decided he would have an affair again with a younger woman who he said to me reminded him of me apparently. I was having a quick smoko break when he sat next to me and told me we wouldn’t want this to get out would we. Now he says it’s his mental illness and he doesn’t know what he does. Told me he had an affair and then tells me he didn’t because he doesn’t remember apparently. He say’s this every time he gets caught out. Blames me for what he shouldn’t be doing. Then says it’s not me it’s him. Bought her a dozen red roses and asked her for an answer in the afternoon right in front of me like I was a ghost and don’t exist. He does this and so do they they do whatever wrong their doing right in front of me like I am invisible. Until I confront them then it’s GAME OVER. They abuse me lie to me and play me like I am some dumb fool that doesn’t care they say so they can try to get away with what they’re doing to me. Apparently I have no heart I am a ghost to them. Apparently I don’t care. My heart is constantly shattered and my views of these people are blurred. I give and give and support and love so much and do my best to help these people who they say have severe mental illnesses for them to stab me in the back when they think I am not looking. I counsel build them up and try to make them see their potential and empower them because I know that’s what we all should be doing. I love them why do they constantly treat me like garbage when I care about them so and would never give up on them. So there was the woman much younger at his old workplace which he told me he was worried about “his ex”, mean while we were always married not that mattered at all to him or the other women. And then he turns around and said it was sexual harassment apparently again like at his workplace back then. But he comes to me and tells me he loves me apparently. This person does not know what love is. So there has’ been 3 so far that I and a lot of other people know about but I am sure there are more. So he broke his dick when he was younger being incest with his much loved sissy he told me. And he doesn’t know why I have stayed with him. Cause I love you idiot. I wouldn’t have had your children if I didn’t love you. He says that I am the reason he changed his old ways. Make your mind up devil you are either good or bad. He gets pleasure from this. Doesn’t take good advice on board from people that believe in him and want to help because he says he needs help. But that’s alright I suppose because I am strong. I have learnt to be strong and be true. To never give up and to love and be loved and care with every bone in my body, I believe. I am faithful and kind and honest. I love you never ending. So now I may be pregnant been feeling very nauseas and vomiting at times. I have been on the contraceptive pill though. He told my dad that he will stop seeing her and dad’s like well you just told me you weren’t seeing her. He does this to all of us, them. Has relationship’s just to do wrong by them and do the dirty on them. My dad is done with him. The lying and the trouble he causes. The pain he puts me through. He is always very animated like he stars in his own movie. Except this is, life and your playing games with real people honey. I cared so much. You’re a hero hey for the dark deceptive ones hey honey. I wish you would all stop and be good. Stop playing with good people that care about you. They enjoy it apparently. BE GOOD!!!!!!!!!

We get married right because we both promise to be faithful not just one of us BOTH. As I say, if it were to be me doing this it wouldn’t be acceptable would it. NO?? But you think you can for some reason. You tell me you do it and then you tell me you don’t. You have turned people against me because of your ways apparently because they all do it??? All I know is good people don’t do that. Say they love you and then do wrong to you and then still say they love us. You don’t do that to people that love you and would never give up on you. A promise is a promise that doesn’t give you the right to play mind games with us. But the comeback always is I have a mental illness and so do they and we don’t know what we are doing apparently??? When you’re always there for them and then they treat you terribly. Children, they say they never grow up these people, will always be little boys and little girls playing their games. They apparently use me as a target but I see it and see straight through them. I am always either too kind or too generous or too loving anything to say to make me seem weak. As excuses apparently for them to look like they haven’t taken advantage of my kind nature. If your too mentally ill and have no idea what you’re doing then you should be in hospital but no you refuse that help don’t you. Been there done that and had your fun. The thing about helping yourself is acknowledge and then be open to receive the help you need and deserve to be a better human being. I did it years ago when I knew I was unwell and you know what I braved it and years later I am still and always be open to bettering myself. Why?? Because there is more in this life then you to think about!!! It all starts with you. What you put out is what you will receive. We are in charge of this journey and we are in charge of who and what we are. Honestly I just put all those loving blessings out there into the universe to put positivity out there because there is already way too much negativity in this world. I will put it this way would you rather love this world this human this body this spirit and the future of all and make everything existent thrive and be a positive loving healthy beautiful thing we have and take good care of it all or be destructive to yourself with what you do and how you treat others and this world and your body and spirit being completely naive and sending out to the universe your dark and negative minds thoughts and energies. All you have to do is ground yourself acknowledge your faults and love and be conscious and mindful.

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