The reunion of my uncle's passing went by like a strange wave of turmoil. I hadn't cried in a long time over my uncle or my grandpa, for about three months, I believe.
But all of it was ruined on the eve of Heath's passing.
I miss them so much, my uncle and grandfather. I wish, I wish, I wish...
But we all know how far wishes go in the real world.
But again, my views have changed since that last time and I'm a phoenix. I've burned myself to ashes missing and wishing and hoping and crying and dreaming and longing and NO. MORE.
I'm a phoenix rising from the ashes of my past and I'm not going to let the life be strangled from me anymore!
I'm going to live.
Once, when I was a shy little girl, I stood behind my uncle and my grandfather and I stood in their shadows, letting myself stay in the comfort of their male dominance and their love of me. But now that their shadows are forever gone into the unknown, I am taking my rise and casting my own shadow.
I will not lie on my back and submit to the rules of my family. I will rise and travel and experience life as it should be. I'll eat more food, I'll drink more water, I'll travel long distances by myself with a half tank of gas, and I'll try to get the most out of my education and make something that I love of myself because I now life is to short to not live it the way I want to.
I know that now more than ever.
I'm coming to my senses and I'm going to do something about it. People laugh at me for wanting to be an author and an Art Major.
This is for Heath and Craig, my beloved male figures. I'm going to be bold and do what I want, just like them. And no one is going to stop me.
I'm a phoenix and my woes are patched.
Lets see what Junior year has in store, because this year I'm ready to take on the world and paint with all the colors of the wind, baby.
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