Chapter 29 | The Gym
“I told you, I’m fine.” I say for the tenth time today. After I passed out yesterday, Judge Shepherd moved the rest of the trial to finish up on Monday. It’s Saturday morning now and I’m lying on the couch looking up into the eyes of Shane and my dad.
My mom is still at the hospital with Jacob, since he still isn’t doing very well.
They were able to give him enough medicine to counteract the poison, but the toll it took on his little body wasn’t good. He’s still recovering and has barley been able to eat anything. The doctors say if he doesn’t start eating soon, he may be in even more danger. They are trying to feed him via liquids, and his IV is keeping him hydrated, but that can only go on for so long.
The doctor told my dad that I passed out due to lack of nutrition. My sodium levels and electrolytes were way off. I told him that I just haven’t been eating as much due to stress of the trial, and he bought it. I couldn’t possibly tell him that I haven’t had a decent meal in a little over a week.
The doctor gave me quite a bit of different foods for the night that I ate at the hospital, and I couldn’t dispose of it because my dad wouldn’t leave my side the entire night.
I know I probably gained five pounds just from the night alone.
Stop it, Addilyn. Out of everything going on right now, your weight cannot be at the front of your mind.
“Well, if you need me, I’ll be downstairs.” My dad says while heading towards my bedroom door.
He opens the door wide and looks back over at me, so I give him a small smile.
He eyes Shane and me both before opening the door as wide as it’ll go and then walking down the stairs.
He purposely didn’t close the door. Typical dad.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there yesterday.” Shane says.
“Don’t be sorry. You have school.” I smile.
“Well, I took off Monday so I can be there with you. Angie and Jax called off too. We’ll all be there for you.” He smiles.
“Thank you. Hopefully we can get the final verdict.” I lean back against my pillow and Shane lays beside me.
“Hey Add, can I ask you something?” Shane suddenly says after a few seconds of silence.
“Why have you really stopped eating?”
I look over at him and the seriousness to his face tells me he must suspect something.
“It’s just the trial, Shane. That’s all.” I shrug. “I’m fine now and I will continue to eat properly.”
He eyes me as if debating whether to take my word for it.
Eventually he nods and leans back against the pillow himself.
“Besides, I’ll feel much better once I know that Jared is behind bars.” I say.
“You and me both.” Shane replies.
I slowly turn to face him and he looks over at me. He turns his body so we are facing each other and he reaches his arms out and open. I slowly move over and into his arms as he wraps them around my body. I rest my head against his chest and sigh with content.
“I like this.” I say.
“Me too.” Shane mumbles against the top of my head.
I remove my head from his chest and look up into his brown eyes. We share a moment of peace as we look into each other’s eyes, and before I know it, Shane is on top of me.
“I like this too.” He mumbles against my ear. I slightly shiver at the way his voice sounds, but smile at the goosebumps making their way onto my skin.
Before I can say anything, Shane has lowered himself on top of me just as he connects his lips with my own.
I slightly deepen the kiss, just as I wrap my hands around his neck. We move our lips in sync for a couple of minutes before we pull apart to catch our breaths.
I bring my eyes up and smile at him as he smirks.
“You’re beautiful, Addilyn.” He murmurs against my lips.
I don’t reply, I only continue to smile.
“Don’t you think so?” He questions.
“Um, yeah.” I say with a slight nod.
Shane doesn’t say anything after that, he only leans down again to continue kissing me.
I allow it to happen, but when he suddenly reaches for my shirt, my body goes stiff.
He slowly begins to pull it upward as he deepens the kiss, once more. I allow him to kiss me, but my mind is only focused on his hand gripping my shirt.
He stops kissing me and leans upward a bit, so he has access to pull my shirt up even more. Once my stomach is in full view, I immediately grab my shirt and yank it back down.
“What’s wrong?” Shane asks with a slight frown.
“I just, I don’t want this to move too fast.” I lie.
“I wasn’t going to try anything Add.” He says while moving from being on top of me. He lays down beside me and looks over at me again. “I know you’re not comfortable with yourself, but I at least thought you trusted me.”
“I do trust you, Shane.” I sigh. “I just... I don’t necessarily like how I look right now, but I’m working on it.” I confess, though I soon regret it.
Shane nods and his eyes go neutral.
“And working on it, you mean not eating.” He abruptly states.
What he says catches me off guard, so instead of defending myself, I just lay there in silence while looking up at the ceiling.
“I eat plenty.” I finally find the courage to say. “Like I said, I haven’t been eating the way I should lately because of the trial.”
“Okay, I understand. Can we talk about something else now?” He asks, though I don’t think he fully believes me.
“Actually, I’m really tired. I’ll see you tomorrow?” I raise an eyebrow as I pull my covers up to my chin.
“Okay, sure.” Shane says. He leans over and kisses my forehead before getting up off the bed. “See you.”
He walks out of my room and leaves, and I finally let out a sigh of relief. I feel terrible for lying to Shane, but I can’t tell him what I’ve really been doing. He already seems as though he will judge me for not eating, I can’t tell him that I sometimes throw up my food as well. He’ll think I’m crazy and probably break up with me.
I have very strong feelings for Shane so I can’t let that happen.
I decide I can’t lay here for the rest of the day, so I make the decision to go to the gym.
I slowly walk down the stairs after putting on some shorts and a T-shirt.
“Dad?” I slowly say while entering the living room.
“What’s up sweetie?”
“I think I need to get out of the house. I think I just need some exercise, a way to clear my head from everything. Do you think we can go to the gym by the park?” I warily ask, afraid that he might say no.
“Do you think you’re up for that after yesterday?” He asks.
“Yeah, I feel as good as new.” I smile.
“Well, okay. Let me go change.” He smiles while standing up. “Be right down.”
He leaves me in the living room and I walk over to the kitchen to grab a few water bottles for the both of us. I also grab my headphones from the kitchen counter and wrap them around my cellphone.
This is exactly what I need. It’s not enough to watch what you eat, but you need to exercise if you want to see any real results. I should have thought about this a long time ago.
When dad and I enter the gym, I notice a lot of people are here. I try not to think about them all watching me as I exercise, because let’s face it, I’m not exactly as fit as everyone else here.
My dad ushers me toward the treadmills, and I smile as I step onto one of the machines. My dad sets the machine up for me, something simple. A fast paced walk.
I thank him and watch as he walks over to a different machine, one that I don’t know the name of. He’s sitting down and working his arms, so I just shrug and focus on myself.
I plug in my headphones and turn on some music before beginning my walk. I decide after ten minutes that it isn’t enough, so I turn the speed up slowly, until I’m jogging.
A few songs play through, and I realize I need to push harder. I turn the speed up even further and begin actually running. I let the sound of the music soothe me as I push my legs to work harder. I can feel sweat beginning to form along my forehead, and I smile to myself.
Sweat means progress.
Progress means results.
I push myself harder and faster and before I know it, I have turned the speed up all the way on the machine. I’m actually straining to keep up as I push my legs as hard as they’ll go. Sweat is pouring from my face and body as I reach forward to take a drink from my water bottle.
I drink while running and as I do, I slowly start to feel the machine begin to slow down.
Confused, I put my water bottle down and open my eyes to meet my dad’s.
“What are you doing kid, training for the Olympics?” My dad jokes.
“No.” I laugh while trying to catch my breath. “Just really wanted to feel it.”
“I’m sure your entire body felt that. You were going pretty fast. You about ready to head out?” He asks while wiping some sweat from his own forehead. I didn’t even realize I had been running for almost an hour.
“We can’t stay?” I ask.
“Your mom should be home in a little bit to eat some dinner and change her clothes. I’d like for us to be there so we can eat with her.” My dad states while motioning toward the doors of the gym. “Let’s go.”
I nod and follow him out. My legs feel like jello now, and I sigh as I sit down in the car.
“You’ll definitely be sore tomorrow kiddo.” My dad chuckles while driving down the road towards our street.
“It’ll be worth it.” I shrug.
“Since when are you interested in fitness? It’s never been something you worried about before.” My dad asks.
“Is it wrong for me to want to exercise?” I challenge.
“Not at all, just seems a bit, out of character.” My dad replies.
“Well, it’s okay to be a bit out of character every now and then. Happens to everyone.” I say while looking out of the window. I feel my dad’s eyes on me for a split second before he turns them back to the road.
He doesn’t say anything the rest of the way home, and when we pull into the driveway, I see mom’s car parked in her normal spot.
I walk inside and see her sitting at the kitchen table.
“Hey sweetie! I just got out of the shower, and with good timing too. It looks like you could use one.” She warmly smiles as she pulls me in for a light hug.
“Yeah, I’m about to head up. I’ll be down for dinner.” I smile back, taking another water bottle from the fridge.
I feel something shift in the pit of my stomach at the thought of dinner. Due to my incident yesterday, I’m going to have to make sure people see me eating from now on. This means eating more, and having to get rid of it just as much.
I sigh at the thought, because purposely making yourself throw up can really drain you of energy and take a toll on your overall well-being.
Once I reach my bedroom, I close the door and lock it.
I go inside of my bathroom and lock that door as well, purely out of habit.
I walk over to my sink and open up the drawer that holds my diet journal. I write about what happened yesterday and I write down what all I have been eating.
I add in that I’ll be eating dinner tonight, but that I don’t plan on getting rid of it. After the large amount of running I did today, I feel like I deserve to have a decent meal and actually keep it down.
After my diet journal is all up to date, I place it back into the secret compartment inside of the drawer and close it shut.
I peel the sweat-soaked clothes from my body and get into the shower after turning the water on and adjusting the temperature.
I smile as the hot water relaxes my sore muscles, and I slowly begin to wash myself off.
Once I’m done, I get out and get dressed into fresh clothes. I put on a simple pair of sweatpants with a T-shirt and throw my wet hair into a ponytail. I grab my glasses and push them on, and then I place my phone on its charger before heading downstairs.
“Dinner smells great, what is it?” I ask upon entering the kitchen.
I scrunch my nose up in disgust as I see my dad and my mom sucking face against the counter.
“EW, we eat in here ya know!” I shudder while walking over to the dining room table.
Both my parents laugh before joining me at the table. My mom passes the chicken around and I frown while looking at Jacob’s empty chair. I really miss him, and him not being here is making everything that much more hard.
My mom must have noticed my frown, because she is the first to speak up.
“He’s slowly doing better. The doctor says he should be out of the ICU in a day or so.” She sadly smiles.
I smile too because that is the best news that I’ve heard since Jacob ended up in the hospital.
Suddenly, without any warning, I begin crying.
I drop my fork onto my plate and both my parents quickly come to either side of me.
“I’m so sorry. All of this wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t go to that party.” I sob against my hand as I use it to cover my face.
“Sweetie, this isn’t your fault. Nobody could have seen any of this happening.” My dad tries to comfort me. My mom is hugging my side and I swear I hear some quiet sobs coming from her as well.
“I can’t believe I caused all of this to happen.” I cry.
“You didn’t, Addie. That Jared Winston did. He is the one who did all of this. Not you.” My mom says after pulling herself together.
“We don’t blame you honey. Not at all.” My dad says while kissing my forehead.
“I just... hate all of this.” I say, finally removing my hands from my face.
My parents give me one last hug each, before returning to their seats.
“We all do, but we’ll get through it. I know we will.” My mom smiles, wiping some mascara from under her eyes.
I smile back at her, and slowly begin eating.
“This tastes amazing mom. Thank you.” I smile warmly at her, and she returns it.
“Don’t worry sweetie, after Monday all of this will be over.” My dad smiles while taking a bite of his chicken.
“I hope you’re right.” I reply, pouring some gravy over my mashed potatoes.
I really hope you’re right.