27th day of September 2013
Should I tell him? Should I do it? I need to. But I don't want him to feel lonely again. Still, what I'm about to is for his, no, for our own good. It's decided then. There is no turning back.
"Chloe, you're spacing out again. Is there something wrong?" He knows that I often space out, even so, he always ask me that. He thinks that it's his fault. Well, usually yes, it's his fault but I never blame him. Oh, what are you going to do if I told you, Miles? He wouldn't kill himself, will he? Now, I'm just being too dramatic. Still, I shouldn't have said it knowing that I'm potentially going to hurt him by doing it.
"Listen, Miles," The tone of my voice caught his full attention as he sat up straight. I might have laughed if the situation wasn't serious. The look on his face told me that he's worried that he had done something to upset me.
I continued. "Miles, let's cool things off." Oh stop it Miles. No! I won't fell for it. I won't let his face stop me from doing this. He thinks he'll get anything he want from me knowing that I like those innocent orbs staring at me, this time with the hurt that I inflicted on him. I tried to not lose my will. I waited for response from him while I raised an eyebrow.
"Cool things off? Oh, you feel hot? So, you want me to go get a drink?" he asked me, putting that smile of his like an idiot he is. My right palm tempted to hit my face. He genuinely thought of it that way. I did manage to stop myself from facepalming. I had to stop myself from laughing too. Well that last statement failed.
I laughed while he stood there with his usual quizzical look. His face was making an expression in such a way that it demanded 'What did I say? What's so funny?' I stopped my laughing midway, coughing to clear my throat, and get his attention. I put on my serious front again.
"Look, Miles. I meant that let's cool things off between us. You know for a boy, you're really clingy. I don't want you to become dependent of me. That goes for me too. I'm going to lose my friends if this keeps up. Okay? It's just one Sunday." I saw the look of terror in his face. This is going to be hard.
"You're breaking up with me?" Oh Miles. It hurts me to see him this way but this is for our own good.
"No! Not necessarily,"
"Not necessarily?" he repeated.
"No, no, listen. I just need some space you know. Just this Sunday, I just need to hang out with my friends and-," I had to stop… he doesn't have any friends, not counting me and Mel. This made me a lot guiltier than I already am.
We've been only dating for four Sundays. A month. My friends know that I am dating someone but they don't even know that it's Miles. Not counting Mel of course. Well, she did tell my friends that I was dating 'Miles' but they didn't know who he was. Miles is known in the school as freak, evil spawn, or less viciously Vera.
"But- but- I don't bug you. I only talk with you at weekends. We almost never talk at weekdays. I read it in some book about being a good boyfriend. I should be annoying you to get your attention and I know that I'm doing it right… You – you just don't like me anymore." His voice is cracking. Well he did have a point.
"That's not true Miles." He's been reading too much of those articles, "Of course I still like you. It'd just that I know that it'll be good for us. Come on, just this Sunday."
"You can always hang out with your friends and I don't have-," He wavered and I looked away. I was torn between comforting him and my stand about wanting a day for me and my peers. I need to be strong. I have to resist his charms.
"Sorry, Miles… No! Listen, I'm going to have that Sunday. That's final." That stern statement came out more natural than I anticipated. Well, it's harsh. Did I overdo it?
"Fine." Ouch, he sounded cold. Well I deserved some of it. "I'm going now, have a nice day with your friends." Wow, he's mad at me. Well it only sounded that he's mad at me but I realized that his really hurting. It sounded like that time I caught him on the playground in a middle of a heavy rain. He's frustrated, well anyone would be. He's giving a lot of effort about being a boyfriend. He even read those silly tips on how not to anger your girlfriend and stuff. That's sweet of him. What have I done? Wait, I have the right to do this.
28th day of September 2013
So, I haven't seen Miles since he left on that Friday afternoon. It's Saturday. Sheesh, it's only been less than a day but I miss him now. This is my fault for wanting to hang out with the friends I'm seemingly neglecting.
It was Mel and I who was first to arrive at our usual time of volleyball practice. Mel smiled spotting me on one of the benches. Mel looked around focusing on the usual spot on the bleachers where Miles is usually seated to watch me.
"Where's Miles? He's usually seated there by now." I relayed to Mel everything that had happened yesterday.
"Poor guy- You didn't have to call a cool off, you know. You should've just told him you have a busy schedule this Sunday, or something less harsh." Mel had a point there.
"Yeah but he didn't even know what a cool off is." I know it's insensitive to laugh but I can't help but remember Miles' cluelessness. This made Mel glare at me.
"You shouldn't make fun of him. You know, I can see he's really trying very hard to please you. You know he's a very decent guy, despite his awful reputation. Be nicer to him." Stop it Mel… I feel bad enough already.
"I hate you! Fine, I don't deserve him! Thanks for making me realize that! And you know that I'm only doing this so I could have some time with you girls." Wait, I didn't say that! Oh well.
Mel just laughed at me.