Bullets of Love and War

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Chapter 43

I decide to crack open my old history notebook again and write in it. I had started a story drabble the day Mr. Hanson gave me a declaration about finding a passion, and I never finished it. Oh well. I tear it out of the notebook and write my feelings out. Time skips on thin air and the world seems to stop when I’m in this safe place called my imagination...

~

Ron’s Story Drabble #2

Colton Berkely.

You were the greatest boy a 10-year-old could ask for, as I secretly admired you from afar. You were the quiet type; wore black glasses on the bridge of your nose. Your eyes were the color of melted gold and your smile was as bright as seven suns.

I had a feeling you were like me. Interested in boys just like me. Your laugh said it all. The way you gushed and smiled and blushed when I noticed you said more about your feelings than you ever could. Colton. Oh my God Colton. I think you were the first boy I fell in love with. I had no idea that you didn’t feel the same way, even though you could’ve just told me instead of humiliating me in front of the entire fifth-grade league. You could’ve just told me you were young and pressured to be straight and I promise I would’ve understood. But you hurt me instead. You lied instead. Made me look like a fool instead. And for that, I think I hate you more than anything else.

You were the first one Colton Berkely.

But you’re a sad story for another day.

~

I finished that random writing of mine around six o’clock. It was already almost Friday again.

And this rich kid from The Pine Hills is gonna be pissed about having no drugs for his party.

I just didn’t understand. From the two days that I started selling drugs along with the other members, we made good money. Blake was proud of us and put it all in the inventory. He even bought new things for the house. And from what I’m processing, Blake has dipped his hand in the inventory again taking a noticeably large amount and from his words, “...can’t afford to buy a huge supply from TJ again.”

Barbara was super angry. I didn’t think Barbara had that type of energy in her, especially being bold enough to use it against Blake. But then Blake retaliated hard and put her in her place. The waterworks came. I was just sitting there like a sore thumb.

Recently, my whole being’s been feeling like a sore thumb. I don’t really know who I am or what I’m trying to accomplish anymore. I think it’s because I’m tired. “Mentally drained,” as I wrote in my paper about depression.

That’s when more depression hits me. I receive a quick text from Antonio.

If you’re not busy, let’s take a walk together. Meet me by Auburn Street.

I stare at the text much longer than I should have. He knows I’m never busy and that’s why he tells me where to meet him anyway. Great.

But I could use a walk. It’s a little past six and the sky is beginning to settle. On top of it being fall, I know it will be cool outside, and I really enjoy breezy weather.

I gather myself, freshen up, then text Antonio that I’m on my way. He responds with a smiling emoji.

I throw on my soft green hoodie before I leave the house and that’s when I see my sister glaring at me from the window reflection. I turn around and catch her walking up to me with sass that could kill.

“Where are you going and it’s almost sundown?” she asks, voice peculiar and steady. I only look at her and force a smile. I can never get around Emily no matter how hard I try.

“I’m going for a walk. Ever since I’ve become friends with my study group we’ve been going out a lot lately. I’m stepping out of my comfort zone,”

“And by ‘study group,’ you mean that handsome black guy that I always see popping up at our door? Because I have yet to see anyone else from your little study group,”

My eyes enlarge, gawking at how saucy my sister is being. She sighs and runs her hands through her hair like she’s tired of something.

“Big brother, look at me,”

I do, and she softly grabs my hand, holding it firmly in hers.

“I know you’re gay, okay? You’re just too afraid to tell mom and dad and you lie to them all the time about this study group of yours when you’re really just sneaking off to go kiss your boyfriend in a tree or something,”

“Wha-”

“I still love you Ronald, and I always will. I wouldn’t care if you were into aliens for crying out loud. You’re my only brother and I love you and you don’t have to keep this a secret from me,”

Words cannot express how confused but appreciated I feel at the same time. But this is Emily, and the fact that she even knows what gay is at only eight years old assures me that she is very mature for her age and I know that I’m alright with her around. Besides, as long as she doesn’t know that I’m involved in gang activities with my gang members who are about to lose their shit at any given moment, then I’m all good and willing to play along.

I hug my little sister. I hug her as she is the most precious thing in the world.

“Thank you Em. I love you too,”

“Can you tell your boyfriend about me? You know, maybe we can all hang out one day and he can become apart of our family?”

This is when her underdeveloped brain kicks in. She is blinded by the fact that our parents will never accept Blake for how he is. They barely accept me for how I am. Given my predicament, I play along though.

“I’ll let him know about you. And hey, maybe if I can get a kiss out of him one of these days then he can come around and get to know the Mitchell’s,”

“You haven’t even kissed him yet?! Well gee Ron what are you waiting for?”

The perfect moment. I wish Blake was my boyfriend and I wish I could kiss him anytime I want.

A boy can dream though.

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