That whole night I couldn't sleep. Who would blame me though? The thoughts of why me? What did I do to deserve such treatment? Kept repeating in my mind as I tried to sleep through out the night. The smell of that rapist semen was still present, making me want to throw up in disgust. I was filthy. Dirty. Not pure any more as I was contaminated with someone else's fluids inside of me. But most of all, I felt disgusted with my own gender. How could another male do this to another but younger male? Or to the opposite sex? I felt sure that some women also thought this as well about my gender after they got raped by one of us as well as I also thought about this about my own. Eventually during the night, the ruckus finally died down, everyone was either passed out or have left during the early morning or late night. Either way, I didn't care because all those people where horrible people to begin with. Did they know that what they were doing was both harmful to themselves and to others? Or did they enjoy it like that sick man did when he wounded me?
What would my father think? I thought to myself as I continued to wither in my self pity of hell. I had no doubt in my mind that the man would disown me stating that he couldn't believe that he reproduced a pansy ass of a son. However it would have been a different story if my mom was alive and I told her what happened to me. She would at first tried to calm me down by stoking my hair and tell me everything would be alright like she would always do when I was upset and then would proceed to go and file a police report soon after. After that, she would practically follow me every where I would go and would station herself outside my door every night just like every mother bear would do for her cub. If that did happen, my father would possibly degrade me but not as harsh as he was doing now. He would probably say to my mom that she was 'over reacting' or that I was going be a 'mama's boy' and that I needed to toughen up a little bit. But my mother wouldn't take that and would just continued on what she was doing by protecting me as best as she knew how before feeling comfortable enough to loosen my leash a little bit.
Just thinking about my mother again made me tear up even more. I missed her so dang much. As I tried to stifle my sobs I heard heavy footsteps coming up the stairs, I froze in panic thinking that it was the perverted man coming for second rounds but soon let out a breath of relief when I heard my fathers gruff voice speaking on what I presumably think was on his cell phone.
“No, I can't make it in today. Not feeling well boss..” His voice trailed sickly in the hallway.
I heard the familiar click of his door being closed, as his voice was finally muffled somewhere inside of his room. I glanced out at the clock which read six p.m on the dot. The urge of not wanting to be here any longer filled my whole body as I sat slowly up from still being in pain and eventually making my way out of the room, I peered from both side of the door way, making sure the coast was clear before rushing into the bathroom and taking a nice warm shower. I scrubbed furiously at my body, especially around my private parts til it was raw pink. I wanted to get rid of this filth off of me as best as I could before jumping out of the shower and changing into cleaner clothes. With that done, I rushed out the bathroom and went down the stairs and out into the world not knowing where I was going but just wanting to run away from this house as far as I could.
The air was still chilly but that was probably because I just got out of the shower not so long ago. Hardly anyone was out during this time which suited me just fine considering that I didn't want to talk to anyone at the moment. The more and more I get away from that retched place that was considered my “home” the better and better I feel about myself. The intense pain that the man inflicted on me was now dull as I continued to walk briskly down the streets. I eventually stopped at the park that was not so far from the Moon in the cup restaurant. It was another place that my mother would bring me if I was especially good boy. I don't know why I stopped here though considering that what happened to me wasn't exactly “Good boy material” but I later conclude that maybe I just wanted some more forms of comfort from the past.
The park was small, not exactly extraordinary about it only that I loved to swing on the swings that they had or play in the small little sand box once in a while. I sat on the swing, and lightly pushed myself back and forth on it while in deep concentration as I thought about other things that will help me get my mind off of the whole rape situation.
“Well hey there stranger!” a very familiar deep voice spoke right next to me. I looked up only to see a very familiar pair of silver gray eyes looked down upon me. I smiled a little bit before catching myself, what was I doing? I guess my sudden change of facial expressions must have upsetted Axel a little bit but he immediately covered up his tracks by giving me his trade mark smirks. “so what are you doing here early in the morning? I never took you as the early riser sort.” he asked as he sat down on the swing set besides mine. I shrugged my shoulders lightly and said, “To be honest I never pegged you as the early riser as well. You seem more of a nocturnal sort.” I said, it surprised me how much comfortable I have been to talking to him down. Normally I would just keep my head down and not talk to them at all but the more and more Axel greeted me or defended me as a human being, the more and more I opened up to the man. Which I probably shouldn't because some where deep inside of me doubted that he would be friends with me without some sort prank being involved.
Axel laughed. A genuine face breaking kind of laugh that looked so painful on a persons face that it made another person winced in pain as well. After his laughter started to die down, he looked at me and said “Who knew that the quiet boy got some comebacks? Well to answer those, I had no choice but to wake up early in the morning because I work at the book store not so far from here. And yes, I am a nocturnal person.” he said to me while still grinning. I finally cracked a small smile at him, all worries about what happened last night vanished. “You work at a book store as well? Jee, you are a big surprise.” I said to him.
Axel nodded while still having a grin on his face as well.
“Want to know a secret about me?” He asked suddenly serious. Feeling a little bit nervous, I nodded.
He leaned in closer to me, and closer to me and whispered in a very serious voice of his; “sometimes, I even read those books.” I gave out a theatrical gasp at that and looked at him with fake wide eyes. Before long, the both of us started to laugh so hard I thought our lungs would burst out.
After that gut killing laughter died out from the both of us, I peered at Axel who seemed more a peace with himself as he swung gently back and forth on the swing set, looking at something that I couldn't seem to see. It was then that I felt something deep in my chest but I didn't know what it was only that is felt... good and warm. After awhile of me gawking at him, he suddenly turned his focus on me. Blushing, I automatically turned my head the other direction, feeling a bit embarrassed that I was staring at him. “Well since I explained why I am here, what are you doing up and about early this morning?” he asked me. Still not looking at him, I said; “I don't know, I just wanted to get out of the house I suppose.” that part was at least true but I couldn't exactly give him the full details just yet. I mean, I just got to know the guy a bit more. Besides, what if he would shun me out too? Or worse?
“oh, okay then.” he said, he sounded doubtful but he didn't persist any further on that subject, thank god.
“So did you do anything for the project?” I asked suddenly, feeling the need to break the uncomfortable silence once more.
Axel sighed which caused me to look at him once more before he replied with a tired voice that no longer had that life inside of it.
“No,” he said, “Work is kicking me in the ass right now. So I barely have anytime for myself. What about you? Did you start it?” he asked.
I shook my head.
“No.” I said simply.
That surprised him. “You haven't started? Funny, I pegged you as the overachiever kind of guy.” he said jokingly at me. Even though it was suppose to be a joke, I winced slightly. The dude had no freaking idea how close he was to labeling me right. I am indeed an overachiever. In fact if anybody looked into the dictionary and looked up that word, you would see my face printed right next to that word. Okay maybe not, but still.
“Hey whats wrong? You went all dark all of a sudden.” He said to me in a worried tone.
Axel Knight? Worried about little old me? No way. I shook my head slightly to myself, he must be pitying me. Why else would he... doubt soon flooded my mind once more as I continued this charade all over again. I hated what I was doing to myself. I hated it. But then I remembered that Axel asked me something but before I could say anything else, Axel jumped out of the swing set all of a sudden and turned around to me. He seemed flustered all of a sudden and I wanted to know why. I soon got my answer.
“Sorry to bail on you but I just checked the time and if I don't make it there in time I might be late... so see ya!” he said before he ran off toward the opposite direction before I could mutter out any sort of departure back at him.