Narrowly missed life you know narrowly did not make it. I am right I’m I not having slept with a consumptive granddad that I might have caught it? That he did sleep within the same room is true but he was not contagious. What matters is that they thought that having me around would prolong life. His life not mine. The thing was an old wisdom when a child is innocent the old gain in health and life. It did not work.
I was the death of granddad it did not work the worthy wisdom down the ages was that this would happen if it did not happen then I was a filthy child and would produce filth. I am sorry to see that unkind look the glance away the look of disdain. Where is everyone well they left. The house now barren from his presence his absence felt like the tick tock of designs on my life. That he left his family not provided for and he had to make an excuse to prove for them. I was the new provider. I am the new meal ticket. Why what is the matter mummy? She still wants to wear my shoes she said it was the shoes the shoes which had done her in. What did it matter I did not want to know what had happened to us would never bring us happiness again. Mummy what had he done wrong and then she glared it was not him who had done wrong it was I.
I bowed my head as if to seek reassurance on the floor the concrete floor which I wanted to bang my head on. What had happened? He died.
What had happened he died.
Mother is so upset he died and you fool could have saved his life.
“I was not going to put my dress into his mouth mummy.”
“You could have given an old man his last wish.”
Her voice rose to such a high pitch that I felt the blow raining on my head my skull was cracking from crying the pain was so tense.
“That baby will not now have a granddad because of you.”
“Come give me your shoes I want to wear them.”
“Give them and you wear mine.” She insisted.
I did as I was told.
We exchanged shoes that day and I became the mummy and she became the child.
Having accepted the situation we went merrily along.
“You’ll hurt your delicate feet my dear daughter.” said her mother my aunt.
I hated them both the spoiling that grand aunt was capable of and she disliked having me over there was nowhere for me to go. I was hated everywhere did not belong an outsider did not belong anywhere in that terrible house as well as the terrible world.
I was doubtful had found something to do the grand child which was crawling came towards me and stood or tried to stand and then put out her arm to offer me a leaf. I sat down and tried to take it off her then she ate the whole thing. There that is her I thought but smiled at the baby what a delight she will be when she grows and does not do such a thing.