Elias was tormented since his talk on the train with Aria when she admitted her peculiar ‘knowings’. How could a child know about his secret, or did she? She had called him out, and though it may have been just a coincidence, it had been enough to open the door to a festering lie. It had been easy to live within his denial, free of any plans for resolution. He understood how close he came to betraying H-C’s trust with his obsession, maybe addiction, or a lie. If he called it an addiction then it wouldn’t be his fault, wasn’t what he truly was. He could work on himself with help, it would go away and be something in his past. He could be the man he knew he could be, true to H-C and their life together. She was the perfect woman. However, he couldn’t stop. Just once more, to fulfill this wild need. What was it about this gross act that fueled him? This couldn’t be right. Half the time he gave in and half the time his guilt caused him to call or visit H-C. During the times that he indulged, his longing for what was considered taboo increased.
Since her talk with Eloisa, H-C’s need to understand grew exponentially. Suspicions caused her to keep detailed mental notes from Elias’ explanations of his day and evening activities. She compared to see if all were congruent. Frustration came when branching logic neither confirmed nor denied his activities, especially regarding the internet. She began “showing up” unannounced at Elias’ place until he adamantly conveyed his distaste for surprise. She never received a key in the six years that they had been together but she knew where the spare was kept. Due to her moral integrity she only fantasized about going and snooping. One evening she even drove over on a night Elias said he was home for the night, alone. She parked a couple of blocks away and spied on him through a window. He was at his computer with his research books working on his script. Disappointed, but relieved, that this scenario did not validate her intuition, and that she didn’t have to face the truth tonight. Perhaps she was wrong.
Once when she and Elias were going to the theater, he forgot to print the tickets from his computer. He used H-C’s laptop to sign into account. Elias mistakenly checked the toggle for the computer to remember the password. She noticed it, but did not mention it. She wrestled her conscience for several weeks. It was the same as going into the house. But six years? So many times she had voiced what she wanted in a relationship. The answer to what the obstacle was might be lying a couple clicks away.