Get Free Copy

100 free copies left

This novel is limited to 100 free copies due to its part in Inkitt’s Novel Contest.

0
Free copy left
You can read our best books
Peterrification would love your feedback! Got a few minutes to write a review?
Write a Review

An Honest Letter

By Peterrification All Rights Reserved ©

Other / Drama

Dear You,

I wonder what it must have been like for you. You who found me slumped against my bathroom wall; arms limp with lines of blood flowing slowly down into the tiles. I wonder what it must have been like for you to scream and stumble backwards, taking in the sight of my blue lips and drooped head, my pants soaked with my own life, a knife in a pool of red. Did you expect it? Did you think any thoughts as you cradled my head and scream for someone to help? Help do what, exactly?

I wonder what it must have been like for you. Seeing me laying in my coffin in the living room; the dead pale covered in layers of make up to make me look like I was sleeping. I wonder what it must have been like for you to take in the fact that no Christian burial would be given to me because I took my own life. Your own friends, men of the holy cloth telling you that I will burn in hell forever – I hope you see why I was so afraid of church now. Do you see it? Do you see the hatred I faced? Did you feel their words lick your face? How did you feel, exactly?

I wonder what it must have been like for you. Choosing flowers and songs that you think I would like; choosing a gravestone for me because somewhere inside, you somehow hope that if you visited a body instead of an urn, it would keep me alive. I wonder how it must have been like for you to pick out my coffin, remember the one that I said I would like the most? I hope you did. I hope you picked out bluebells and lilies. I hope you picked out AC/DC and Andre Bocelli. I hope you picked out the white coffin with crème linings, the one with four angels on the side. And I hope you remember the quote I loved so much: “to thine own self, be true.”

I wonder if you knew that I was true to myself. Even when I was not myself, even when I sliced myself up; I was true. I lived, but I couldn’t survive. I survived, but I couldn’t live. I lived because I was true, I survived because I loved. But I was hated and I was invisible, I was counted out and overlooked. I was told that I was alright when I was screaming for help, my voice was spoken over so I learnt silence. And now I remain silent.

I wonder if you know what it feels like to be closed up in a box, silent as my voice had been when I breathed. To feel the coolness of the ice keeping my body together, to hear the muffled cries of a ceremony, non-religious, attended by few and forgotten by many. I wonder if you know how it feels like to be lowered into darkness, to hear the rain of encasement, to feel quiet press down as the earth compacts itself around your box.

I wonder if you know what it feels like to be free, finally. Of the sneers that people give you as you walk down the street, of the impossible standards that society set, of the constant throng of the majority telling you that you are denied the very right to live because God accessorized you with the wrong genitals, with a beard, with masculine stereotypes. To be free of the fear of being yourself, of always walking down the street with one eye behind you, just in case. To be free of having to let go of people that you love because they will never love you, of having to learn how to defend yourself against the blows of people because they know no better.

I wonder if you know that you are privileged, more that I am, even if we come from the same family, from the same circle of friends, from the same social class. Because I will never be like you, I will never have a biological family the way the bible says I should, I will never date the same way you do, I will never walk down a street the way you do and I will never watch movies without feeling left out. I wonder if you know that you are in so many ways the reason I cried at night, when the day was so hard because you saw someone you know hold hands with their lover in public, saw them share a quick kiss without a second glance from anyone else, saw them give each other flowers without others telling them their going to hell.

So I wonder now, if you know why I did it, if you know why I am now laying in the ground, compressed by the earth and the silence, slowly giving my body up to those that live beneath the surface? I wonder if you know why I took that kitchen knife up to my room that night and locked myself in the bathroom, leaving you no note of explanation.

Because I wanted to be free. And now I am. 

Write a Review Did you enjoy my story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, Peterrification
Continue Reading
Further Recommendations

Shubh Guru: when i'm reading this novel, I remember all my school days, all i feel like i m back to my old days, all the misery come to "bay" and how she come back like a shinning star are so good...this is my first book and i love this because it contains all the thing, love ,betrayl,losing some one who lo...

Alkira Joan: Great story, I found it hard to read especially the dialogue. You just need to fix up some spelling errors and the gramma .I enjoyed this book. was a little hard to get though.,.,..,.,.,,..,.,.,, , , , ,.,, , , , , , , ,., , ,.,,,,,

sujitha nair: What's so distinct about this story was that it could easily be real. Praveena can be your classmate, neighbor or that girl you saw at the coffee shop today. The important decisions she makes and the dilemmas she faces, remind us of our own twisted lives.

jessiehs: This was absolutely amazing. I loved how it went back and forth between perspectives. I actually cried at the end I was so happy. This was amazing. I can't even think of another word to describe it. Thank you for writing his.

christylynnr5: This was beyond amazing! I loved this book. The characters seemed so real. It was amazing how the author let Zak and Kaylees personalities slowly change. This story was very sad and eye opening. It could teach some people a very worthy lesson. It was a great combination of romance, mystery, and a...

romboili000: As I read this book it made me realize the importance of trusting big God. And believing that you can love even when it feels impossible. This story definitely has made me what to become a better person in Christ and just life. So thank you that's all I have to say because you wrote this story so...

Alkira Joan: I love this book. this is the only book I have actually cried reading on here and I cry over everything. this book is a great intriguing short read.I would so but this if it was in hard cover.thanks for the great story xoxcan you write a sequel?

Cassie Jacobson: So many twists and turns. Keeps you wanting to read to see what happens next. The main character is detailed well. The struggles and growth of Joby makes you admire her. It gives you a proud satisfied feeling while reading it. A refreshing difference then most books out there today, and in a w...

ArgyrisMetaxas: Thrilling story which builds layer ontop of layer. A few mis spellings every few chapters. What I found special was that it took a modern day problem and took it to its logical conclusion and plays this realism with gritting precision. I'm always on edge ready to shout from adrenaline. This is gr...

More Recommendations

annie08c: I really like this story, I can relate to it a lot and with how she feels, the boyfriend and the events that happened but I'm a little bit younger. It was really good plot, really liked how you stuck to the topic and you had a new title for every chapter making me guess what's going to happen. Ma...

zoheusher20: What more can I say? The writing style and little details drew me into the book and for the entirety of the story I was Juliet. I felt her turmoil and emotions and every trouble or triumph as they arrived. This story was very different and had quite a few little but unexpected twists that made it...

Dessie Williams: loved the book. the plot the characters all just great.I think it's a must read. once you start this book it's hard to put down. hope it gets published....I think this book is a must read.great job!!!!

indragonmaster123: This was amazing. The plot was incredible, the characters rememberable, and fantastic description and emotion. The story flowed nicely, and it had me holding on to each and every word written in each chapter. I felt like I myself was part of Todd and David's adventure, and enjoyed the ride. I'm s...

OpheliaJones: This story took a different kind of spin on the "normal girl lives with definitely not normal guy" plot. The plot points of Frey's father, Liam's family, and Frey's view of Liam's world were good to read. She did not fall in love with him in the first couple weeks. Their lives were not smooth in ...