Journey of the broken

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When I woke up, it was to a harsh pain filling me, making me cringe. I noticed almost immediately however, that I still couldn’t feel my legs, and I wondered exactly what had happened. Hearing the steady beeping of the machines that surrounded me, I wondered what had happened to land me in the hospital. The last thing I remembered was going to school, and talking with Sophia.

I wondered what the Mead’s where doing, since it was apparent that I had been here for a while. I knew they couldn’t care about me, or the condition I was in. they probably hadn’t even bothered to check in with the hospital. How was it possible for such heartless people to become Foster Parents? A person would think you would at least have to have a heart to invite an unknown child to live with you in your home.

If it was one thing I understood, the Mead’s didn’t care about anything except the money they made. They didn’t care about the children in the home; they were just another mouth to feed. If it was possible to get paid without having to take care of us, I’m sure that’s exactly what they would be doing.

I wondered if my current situation would result in me getting moved yet again. I couldn’t see them making any changes for me if I was paralyzed. They were much too selfish to do anything that was required. Not unlike I hadn’t before but I wished for the first time in a long time, that my own parents were still alive so that I didn’t have to keep living in the hell that was currently my life.

“I see you’re finally awake” A kind voice said from the doorway, I turn my head to see a light haired nurse in the doorway.

“How long have I been asleep?” I asked still unclear of the details that had landed me here.

“You’ve been sedated for about a week” the nurse replied entering the room. “You were brought in pretty severely injured, so the doc thought it best to keep you sedated until you were a little more stable.”

“What happened to me?” I rasped my throat feeling dry.

“There was a shooting at Rose County High School, and you were injured.” Mary said as she began checking my vital stats. I frowned school shooting? I swallowed hard as my best friends face swam through my mind.

“Do you know anything about Sophia Thomas?” I ask fear filling me. I don’t know what I would do if something happened to her. She was the only I could talk to about the hell I was living through with the Mead’s. She was the one who was there for me, when her brother started treating me like crap. She knew how I felt about him but she didn’t judge. She spent many nights comforting me after he’d said something hurtful. He’d once accused me of being a baby killer, and that he couldn’t stand the sight of me, and said it should have been me who died instead of an innocent baby. I wondered then why he had thought that about me, I would never in my lifetime have had an abortion, but apparently that’s what he believed. It also made sense why’d he’d turned his nose up to me at the pool party the last time I’d seen him. I could tell he’d been disgusted at the sight of me, and that had hurt more than anything, of course later I found out what he had really thought of me.

“I’m afraid not” Mary said “But that doesn’t mean she isn’t okay, she could be just fine and home with her family.” That didn’t mean that she was okay either, she could be dead for all I knew.

“How many were killed?” I asked remembering how joyful Tommy and Rodney had been. It had been like a game to them, kill as many bullies as possible within a short amount of time. However, not everyone who’d been killed had been a bully.

“I’m pretty sure the number was around 15 or 16 with more injured with nonlife threatening injuries.” Mary replied as she finished checking me over.

“Is my injury permanent?” I don’t think I’d be able to stand it if I had to go back to the Mead’s unable to walk, and to do the things they demanded of me. In fact I’m sure they’d have me moved if I couldn’t do anything for them.

Sighing, I can’t help but worry about Sophia; I didn’t think Gaelyn would care enough to tell me about Sophia. I can’t stand the thought of Sophia being hurt and me not being able to help her out.

“I’ll have to let the doctor talk to you about that” Mary said softly and I knew the answer by the tone of her voice. Tears filled my eyes as I wondered how I was supposed to live a half-life. I wondered how I was supposed to move out on my own and take care of myself. I didn’t want to remain in the state’s care. For the first time since I’d woken up, I felt like I hated Tommy and Rodney for everything they’d taken from me without even thinking about it. They destroyed my life because they were hurt over how the other kids treated them. While I felt bad that they had been treated badly, that didn’t give them the right to destroy other people’s lives.

I watched as the nurse wrote something down on the clipboard she was carrying and then head for the door. I was glad to be alone again; I didn’t want anyone to see my weakness. I was willing myself to go back to sleep when I heard someone else enter the room. Hoping it was the doctor to talk to me about my injuries; I open my eyes and look towards the door.
I was surprised to see Gaelyn standing there. I frowned, if he was here it couldn’t be for anything good.

“You missed Sophia’s funeral” he commented drunkenly and a sharp pain rips through my heart. I had hoped she’d be okay but of course considering my luck she wasn’t.

“It’s not like I was awake at the time” I muttered brokenly turning away from him. I knew how he felt about me, and I’m sure it wouldn’t change anytime soon.

“I hear you probably won’t walk again, it’s a shame how will you be able to proposition the foster fathers?” he smiled and it wasn’t a friendly smile. It was creepy and I knew he was either high or drunk, considering the way he was acting probably both.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” I snap “I’ve never done any of the things you’ve accused me of. And as for never walking again, I was supposed to talk to my doctor about that but I guess you beat me to it.” what was I supposed to do now; I knew for sure I was going to be moved.

“That’s it” Gaelyn coaxed “Deny being a whore!” I wince at the tone of his voice and I wonder why he came. Did making me feel bad make him feel better? “You do know you’re no longer in the Mead’s custody right?” I had already figured as much, and I didn’t really need him to say anything.

“Nobody wants the orphan” Gaelyn sneered and I closed my eyes as tears welled in my eyes. What had I ever done to be treated so cruelly? Nothing to him, except for maybe having a crush on him, one thing was certain however, he’d cleared that up. He wasn’t worthy of having a crush on. I wonder if Sophia’s death was the only thing that had truly pushed him so far. He wasn’t the Gaelyn I had once known that was for sure.

“I never thought you were a cruel man” I say turning away from him “Guess that goes to show what I know.”

“You got that right baby” he sneered again “Nobody wants a broken little girl who looks like a tomboy and dressed to match!” pain shot through me at his words, and I struggle to turn away from him, feeling frustrated when I am unable too.

“Get out!” I say glaring at my pillow “I didn’t have to allow him to treat me like dirt” but there was no denying the truth I was broken and no one would ever want me.

“My pleasure, I just wanted to let you know about Sophia, whose probably better off without you!” I didn’t think anything he’d told me could have hurt any worse than that had. I kept my eyes closed until I’d heard him walk out of the room. Why wasn’t it that I couldn’t find a nice guy, why did I have to be crazy about my best friend’s brother. I needed to move on before Gaelyn could do any more damage to my heart, that much was certain. I wonder where I’d end up once I was released from the hospital, I was kind of glad not to be going back to the Mead’s, I was tired of being miserable, I hoped I could finally find some sort of happiness in my miserable existence. I knew one thing to be true, fairy tales did not exist, at least not for the girls who’d just found out they were permanently paralyzed from the waist down.

“Kill her!” a cold hard voice proclaims “foster kids don’t mean much to people, we should end her existence, especially since she’s paralyzed, and no one wants somebody who is broken.”Tommy places the barrel of the gun to my forehead. Fear pours out of me as I realize I am about to die, and nothing could stop it. I look up into Tommy’s eyes, and all I see is pure evil. He doesn’t care who he’s hurting with his rampage through the school. I can practically feel his happiness at the destruction he has wrought. I don’t understand how someone who had previously always been friendly towards me had this much evil hidden within.

“Please” I beg looking into Tommy’s cold eyes “I’ve never been mean to you or made fun of you. You don’t have to do this!”

“Yes, I do, you’re the scum of the earth and you don’t deserve to live.” I watch in horror as Tommy’s cold eyes and hard face morphed into Gaelyn’s blue eyes, and strong face. As I thought about pleading for mercy again, Gaelyn pulled the trigger.

I awoke with a start, gasping for air. It was no surprise that I was already having nightmares about what happened, but seeing Gaelyn’s face at the end, that had been surprising. Although with the words he’d spoken to me, he might as well have been the one to pull the trigger and put me here in the hospital. I lay awake staring at the ceiling and contemplating my nightmare when the doctor walked in. turning toward him, I noticed he seemed to be in his early to mid-forties with green eyes. I found him to be not bad looking for an older man.

“I’m Dr. Mather” he says as he crosses the room to sit on the stool beside my bed. “How are you feeling Ms. Robertson?”

“I’ve been better.” I answered glumly, as my mind went back to the fact that my best friend in the entire world was dead and gone.

“I’m sure you want to know about your injury, am I correct.” No, I’ve already had the bad news broken to me but go on and explain why I will not walk again. I thought but instead I nodded.

“The bullet did some damage to your spine.” Dr. Mather began and I tried to drown him out. I didn’t really need the scientific reasoning behind my paralysis, I only needed to know if it was permanent or not.

As he continued to explain how the bullet had more or less severed my spine, I wondered how Gaelyn had come across this information, it wasn’t like he was family so the doctor couldn’t have given it to him, and after all there was such a thing as patient confidentiality.

“Do you understand what I told you?” he asks catching my attention and I nod mutely. I understood enough to know my life had just changed for the worst. I didn’t know what would happen to me now; I wasn’t that far from turning 18, meaning the state would just dump me somewhere. Then again they might just put me in a state run institute with other girls who were paralyzed. I didn’t want that, I wanted to be out on my own but I didn’t see how that would be able to happen. I would need to get on disability as soon as possible. That process would be a difficult one to be sure, but considering the fact that I cannot work, I was one hundred percent sure to get it.

“I’ll let you get some rest now” Dr. Mather said and I nod and lay my head back against my pillow. I wasn’t exactly sure that I could go to sleep without having nightmares, but I was kind of afraid to say anything.

After Dr. Mather left, my mind drifted back to Gaelyn. I was pretty sure he’d been high when he’d come to visit me. That in itself kind of depressed me, why couldn’t the guy I’d been head over heels for, not be stone cold sober. Of course, Gaelyn was right when he’d said no one would want a broken girl in a wheelchair, that couldn’t do anything for myself. Sighing, I decide feeling sorry for myself wasn’t going to help my situation any, I needed to get better so I can get out of here, and grieve for Sophia in peace, without nurses interrupting me every five seconds to make sure I was okay.

Why would I be okay, when I’d been shot up in a school shooting, and my very best friend was killed? And said best friend’s brother hated my guts and blamed me for the world’s problems. Yeah, I didn’t have any issues right now, I was practically one hospital room away from being homeless, and had no idea how to change that situation. And not to mention I couldn’t go to sleep without having nightmares of the situation that had put me in this place to begin with. I wondered as I lay there how one was supposed to go from a broken mess to someone whole and worthy of love. I didn’t suppose I would ever have the opportunity to figure it out.

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