Thoughts of an Introvert

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I want to share a song with you guys. A song that to me, describes my entire life.

I came across this song on Pandora, and ever since, I can’t seem to stop playing it.

The song is about finding someone to be your stone, so to speak. To keep you grounded, and to keep you focused on the bigger picture in life. It’s about coming from a difficult past and learning to move forward with your life.

I found my stone, his name is Eric. My fiancé is my stone, and he keeps me sane.

I think it’s a beautiful representation of my life, and maybe some of you can relate to it.

It doesn’t necessarily need to be a boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife that’s your stone. A friend or relative can be your stone as well. Anyone who makes you feel safe, who helps to keep you on track, and to focus on the bigger picture in life, can be your stone. You just have to let them.

I’ve gone through my entire life, feeling unimportant. I felt as though I were a spec that everyone just overlooked. But at the same time, I also liked it. I hate being the center of attention, but I love feeling important to the right people.

If I’m in a crowded room, I don’t want anyone coming up to me. Unless I know you personally and I enjoy your company. If I’m uncomfortable, which happens often, you’ll know it solely on my facial expressions. I try my best to hide them, but usually I just let them go free.

People always ask me, “Why are you so quiet? Why are you so shy? Are you mad, upset, angry?” Etc… and every time I give the same generic responses, “I’m fine.” “I’m just tired.” “I didn’t get much sleep last night, sorry.”

Normally people will nod and go on about their day, but sometimes people will press me for details, and that’s when I get overwhelmed. I always feel on edge around people I don’t know, thanks to my lovely social anxiety.

I’ve gotten a lot better at it, in my adult age, but as a child and teen, it was the worst.

School sucked for me. I had my small clique of friends that I hung out with, but sometimes I would find myself alone. Typically I liked my alone time, as it gave me quiet time to gather myself and de-stress. I get anxious is stressful situations, one of those being school. I used to skip class whenever I had a project due, simply because I physically could not present to the class.

I would take zeros for projects that I would work really hard on, just so I didn’t have to present them. It’s stupid really, now that I look back on it, which is why I barely graduated. I graduated with a 2.3 or 2.4, which isn’t exactly Harvard material.

If none of my friends were at lunch with me, sometimes I would go into the bathroom and sit in a stall until lunch was over, just so I didn’t have to sit out in the cafeteria by myself. I always felt as though people were looking at me, and judging me. I constantly worried about everyone else, and always forgot to worry about myself and my own well-being.

It was brutal, but I managed to make it through. I did graduate, and I did move on from that part of my life. I look back and laugh at myself, because how could I have been so stupid to the simple fact that high school “popularity” doesn’t matter in the slightest. In the real world, nobody cares if you were the prom queen, or if you wore the best clothes or had the best hair style. In the real world, you work to pay your bills, you work to eat, and you work to survive. You see all kinds of different people on a regular basis, and you’re so caught up on trying to survive that you don’t even notice what anyone is wearing or what kind of hair they have.

High school drama is insignificant, because all of those standards and the hierarchy, doesn’t matter once you graduate. It’s all over the day you receive your diploma.

To the few of you that are older and graduated, how many of you actually worry about being “popular” or “cool”? How many of you obsess over what to wear or how to wear your hair? How many of you rank yourselves above others and act as if you’re better than everyone else?

I’m sure majority of you, don’t even think about any of that anymore.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, at the end of the day, when all of the drama is over, it’s nice to know that you still have those few people around you that you can count on no matter what. That doesn’t care what you look like, or how you dress, or how “popular” you are.

The people that keep you grounded, and focused, those are the people to reply on.

If you don’t have a stone, I’ll be your stone.

I will be your friend, someone to listen to your problems and to help you try to solve them.

Finding solutions is tough, but it’s a little bit easier when you have a second set of ears and eyes.

Take a look at your life, and figure out who your stone is, or who you want it to be.

Make it happen. Live your life for you, and the right people will be there every day, cheering you on.

Your life may seem as though it’s under construction constantly, but once you find the right stone, everything else will fall into place.

Let your stone, keep the peace.

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