Thoughts of an Introvert

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When I was a little girl, life was simple.

I had a mom, a dad, and two annoying brothers.

As time flew by, we’ve grown further and further apart.

My dad lives God knows where, with God knows who. My older brother lives in Miami, while my younger brother lives in Orlando. My mom lives close by, close enough to where I could see her anytime I wanted, but yet, we usually only see each other on weekends, sometimes not even then.

My mom and I have a close, yet strained relationship. We’ve had our ups and downs, we’ve had our fights, we’ve seen each other at our lowest points, but in the end, we still pick the phone if the other calls. That’s my mom, and I’d take a bullet for her.

My brothers, one about to be 28, the other having turned 21 this past March, have a closer relationship to each other, than they do with me. I suppose it’s natural, being that they’re both boys, but it still kind of sucks to know that I’m not included as much. It isn’t their fault, they’re grown adults now, and living their lives, as I’m trying to live mine.

Still, I can’t help but constantly reminisce about the time when the three of us lived under the same roof, and saw each other every single day. The amount of fights that would happen, never seemed to amaze me, but underneath all of the teasing and wrestling, was a lot of love.

I suppose I’m just sad that my family is so divided.

Do you feel that way too? Do you have a family that’s broken?

I hope not.

My grandmother on my mom’s side, lives in North Carolina. She moved there when I was little, because she couldn’t handle the Florida heat. We went to visit with her at least once a year, but it just wasn’t enough for me.

My family is small to begin with, my mom being an only child. But with everyone living so far apart, it just makes it seem almost nonexistent.

I don’t want to sound as if I’m throwing a pity-party, but these are just constant thoughts/emotions that course through my mind at least once a day, sometimes every other day.

I just wish things could go back to being simple. I wish we were kids again without a single care in the world.

Broken families aren’t fun, and they definitely take a lot of understanding and patience. I try to keep in touch with everyone as best as I can, but I have my own life too, and sometimes we just forget to make time for other people.

Before you know it, a year has gone by and you haven’t uttered a single word to someone that you used to be so close to.

It’s hard to feel as though everything is slowly slipping away, because when the world decides you’re no longer a child, when the world decides you’re ready to become an adult, it becomes that much harder to hold onto the things that we’ve taken for granted. We’re so used to having certain people around every day, that when they finally aren’t there anymore, we don’t know how to cope. We say we’ll call, or text, or FaceTime, but when?

I think, that after dealing with the struggles that I’ve dealt with, that it’s important to always make time for your family. To be there if someone needs it, or vice versa.

You only get one life, and one family. Don’t waste time by not communicating, or living separately and making no time to reach out or visit each other. And if you do live with your family, or see them regularly, don’t take that time spent for granted, because one day you’ll wake up and look around and they may not be there. At least not like they were before.

My family has been broken for a long time, but I think we’re still strong. I think if someone really needed something, we wouldn’t turn our backs. We would be there, the best way we could or knew how, depending on the situation.

I just also think that we could be doing a lot better. We could be communicating a lot more, making time to visit each other a lot more, anything really.

I don’t want to wake up one morning and see that the only person beside me is my fiancé. I want to have my family as well, especially if I ever do become pregnant. I want them around to be a part of the baby’s life, as much as I want them to be a part of my own.

Times haven’t been easy lately, but it just makes it that much more sad to know how divided we all are.

If any of you are going through something similar, please reach out to your family members. Even if it’s just to say hello, and that you love them. It truly makes all the difference in the world. Life is too short, and too unpredictable, to go weeks, months, even years without simple communication.

Anything can happen, at any moment. One minute everything is fine, the next, chaos.

Wouldn’t you want to have your family there as support while you’re dealing with chaos? I know I would.

I wish my family wasn’t so broken, but maybe, slowly with time, we can try to put those pieces back together.

All we need is a little glue.

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