Dysmorphia

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The Journey

“Are you sure you’re alright love?”

“I know you said you had cramps but it seems strange that you’d want to miss school on the first day back”

“I’m fine” Florence snapped back.

She needed her mother to stop asking her questions before she burst into tears all over again. There was a fine line between her composed expression and the blubbering mess She was sure She would become if the questions persisted.

She was about as not fine as it would ever be possible to be.

She pulled out her mobile, there were no messages but around 200 notifications from people she had never spoken to, even though she knew she shouldn’t she clicked on her Facebook app, there on the official List Page was a picture of her, running down the school corridor, arms flailing.

‘Florence Clarke, the new FBPG’

Underneath were around 470 comments, it would have been almost bearable had she just been put on the List by some miserable loner whose only aspiration was to make people upset, but her classmates gave the title power. They made it mean something, and they thought it was funny to comment laughing emojis because they were just glad that they had been saved this year.

The alternative to that thought was far worse to bear, that they hadn’t laughed at her expense due to relief but instead because they agreed with the author, they agreed that she was a fat girl with a pretty enough face.

They continued home in stony silence, Florence was barely keeping up her fight not to let her tears spill over, as soon as they reached the front door she ran upstairs to her room, where she let it all out, all the pain, all the anger, all the sadness and all the hurt.

She sobbed into her cushion, before realising it was the ‘Best Friends Forever’ cushion that Cooper had given her four years ago, she chucked it across the room, where was Cooper now?

Oh yes, not giving a damn about her.

She locked her door and went and sat back down on her bed, she caught sight of her reflection and cringed, looking back at her was a puffy red-faced girl with a floppy bun and chubby cheeks, no wonder she had been made the FBPG, she was an absolute state.

Sitting on her desk was a diary, a diary her mother had given her.

“When I was a teenager if things got a bit too much it was always nice to just spill my thoughts” she’d said at the time.

Florence had never thought she’d need a diary, not when her best friends were a call away, but maybe she did now.

Almost frantically she grabbed the diary and a black pen.

5th September 2016

Today has possibly been the worst day of my life, I’m the fat girl now, but I’m not going to be anymore, not if I can help it because I, Florence Clarke will do anything to not be the fat girl anymore...

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