FAIR WARNING MAY CAUSE TRIGGERS
Most of you have your own stories my story is complicated and some days I don't want to be here anymore. According to my mother before I was born my biological father tried making her miscarry me before I could even be born. I was born premature on January 21st, 1991 in small town in Iowa.
My mother has a previous daughter before me. My sister was about three years older than I was. I was the size of a barbie doll and came home in a cabbage patch outfit since no clothes fit me. At the age of four a few years had passed and I had gotten a younger full blooded brother. My father beat him and my mother decided to leave him finally and divorce him. We ended up moving in with my grandparents.
A new months later my mother met my step father and decided to marry him but she didn't know he would be like her first husband.
He abused my brother first I remember them picking us up from the babysitter and living in the car for months on the way out to Las Vegas. In Vegas my step father was cruel to my brother this was the first sign. My brother had on a rugrats tshirt and his favorite toy was a fairy from his mc donalds happy meal toy it was the only toy we owned really. My step dad pulled my brother up to him and ripped off his shirt and took his toy pretending he had ate it.
Next months passed and he started throwing us against the wall if we made him mad. One time he scared me I peed myself. So after i started listening to everything he said because I didnt want to get hit or thrown. He called my brother a fairy boy and a faggot my brother was only three years old.
Time passed abuse became normal to us. I turned five and I had gotten birthday presents finally not grand ones but I remember this pochahontas box made of wood it was the only thing i treasured. A few months pass and we started going to a new baby sitter while they were at work. Our baby sitter had a teenage son he was sixteen or seventeen. He invited us into his room so we could watch cartoons his mom was fine with it. What I didnt know that would be the last day of my innocence.
My brother and I walked into his room he had a black bunk bed a red beanbag chair my brother took to sit in and a white small TV on top of his dresser which was brown room wasnt very big. Anyway he told me i could lay on the bottom bunk with him. So I did I didnt think anything wrong with it.
He waited until my brother fell asleep and then proceeded to do things to me a five year old shouldnt have to experience. Touched places he shouldnt have touched. I asked him to stop and he said it was ok and not to cry.
A couple months passed and the boy kept doing things when he'd get home from school. He had brown hair and eyes, was on the heavier side and he was white. One day my mom and her husband wanted to go out so he offered to come to our house and baby sit us. I asked my mom not to go but she insisted. The boy came and put cartoons on for my brother I excused myself to the restroom and locked the door. The door had a turn lock so it was easy for him to unlock the door he walked in while on was using the restroom. He sat down on the floor next to me and started to touch me again.
The next day I told my mother what happend and she didnt believe me. She took me to the doctor he was blond and young. He said there wasnt anything to worry about. Just like that my mother didnt believe me. The only thing she did was tell the baby sitter to not let me be in the room with that boy.
More months passed my sister finally came to live with us. But my stepfather hurt my sister as well and treated her poorly I kept to myself to avoid being hurt.
More months pass and we move back to Iowa, then Wisconsin, and then back to Iowa. At that time I was twelve in the fourth grade I had to repeat a grade due to being taught in spanish rather than english.
We moved into a house that had bats in the attic. My sister and I had to move up there. No electricity and real cold up there during the winter time. The only thing we had was a light with a bulb in it for comfort unless our mother shut off the electric to the upstairs.
This house was the house of hell. My brother and sister got beaten here. Emotionally abused and I didnt do anything because I was terrified. Terrified what he would do to me. To him I was daddys little girl that did everything he wanted me to do atleast thats what everyone thought be reality was I did it because I was fighting for survival.
I joined sports and anything I could after school to get away from it all. I went and spent the night at friends houses to learn what it was like to have a normal family. I wanted that so much I wished this to god for years and it never came true.
One night I was scared my mother wanted me to go to bed and I refused because there were bats up in my room. She pushed the door open pushed me in and locked the door I screamed and cried on the top of my lungs and all she could do is tell me to go to bed. My mother hated me. I played this good girl card so I could get things out of it instead of dealing with the situation.
I begged God to help me and my siblings. I prayed that I wanted a new mommy and daddy. I just wanted to be normal and have someone, anyone love me. Thats all I've ever wanted.
But it never came. My brother ended up having mental issues due to the abuse and was sent to group homes or foster care, my sister well he made my mother get rid of her too. The only mother figure I had was my sister and he took her away from me too. He made my mother emancipate her. I was thirteen and was sixteen. After that it was just my mom and I. We moved alot about every year I had a new school, new town, and so on. I became depressed everyone had left me and the person I had left didnt want anything to do with me. She put me in counseling and meds but they didnt help they only made me worse.
I gave up. I quit doing my homework, sports, and even eating. I started cooking at the age of ten by myself after my mother refused to cook for us after everyone wanted something different. I grew up on chicken ramen, mac and cheese, and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Besides what school gave us for hot lunch.
My mother left me home alone alot. I took solace in my room being away from everyone including her. I hated her she got rid of everyone that I had loved all for him. Not more than after my sister left we found out he had gotten some chick pregnant and became engaged to her and decided to leave my mother after ten years of marriage.
We ended up moving again and another school I got to go to again. At that age you want friends I didn't have many friends just one friend I got to call once in awhile from my hometown. My mother decided to give up on life and laid on the couch for weeks that turned into months. She gave up despite having me. I still got up and went to school got food from the local pantry I could walk to a block away. Got clothes from there too.
Then came summer. I ended going with my stepfather back to where him and his gf lived. Stayed with her for weeks. She treated me like a slave. She made me go to a pool with no sunscreen. That night I came back I had blisters all over my shoulders, face, and body. I begged my mother to come get me. I never went back there again.
My grandpa passed away that summer as well my mother got a new bf and we ended up moving again. This would be my freshman year of high school. At first it was ok until he treated me like I was a piece of garbage. Threatened me that I would be sent away and for what because I wanted to be normal? I baked a cake with his mothers permission and got grounded for an entire year I was unable to go spend time with friends, or go to required events for school.
Then came summer and I was told by my own mother that I needed to go find a job and to not come home without one because I should have to help out financially according to my new step father. I needed to earn my keep if I wanted to live under his roof even though we ended up moving back into the house of hell where we lived with my siblings and previous step father. That was a fucking nightmare.
Before we moved though we had gotten two puppies. One we ended up selling and the other was a female named Pepper she was an Australian Shepard. She chased a chicken once instead of selling her he put a bullet through her skull and told me it was my fault. My mother once again did nothing didnt leave him didnt say anything and did not comfort me in any way. They had wanted to adopt another girl and basically replace me with her since she had no family and I was to be shipped to girlstown for simply baking a cake which i also had to eat the entire thing as punishment even though i had permission to make it.
After the move they were gone most weekends due to him having holes in his feet I stayed home and went to work and school. That day my mother said that to me I found a job within an hour and she was pissed that I actually found one.
After I got good grade in school my sophmore year and I started dating someone I did my chores and everything to keep everyone happy he was my escape. Then came my nephew being born and my boyfriend broke up with me that day. My mother had boughten me a car finally after I had saved up a little bit of money to help with it and she gave it to my sister. Didnt even get to drive it once my sister wanted it and after she gave it back made sure I wouldn't be able to drive the damn car when I did get it back. I was crushed.
Junior year my mother finally left the guy who treated me like crap after talking to her convincing her it wasnt me. We moved in with my grandma again. I got another job right away and started my year. I made friends my first day however I had met some of the kids previously in seventh grade going to that school so I knew them still kind of. Anyway my first was ok. I met a guy and a girl at gym and got reacquainted with old friends. The guy I talked to during gym who I made friends with after talking about life, music, and futures.. I found out him and a previous friend had drowned that weekend and i was devastated. I felt like the world was telling me I wasnt allowed to have friends or family anymore.
I became depressed again and eventually met someone who i fell madly in love with, have a baby with and even be the worst thing that would happen to me. Cheated, lied to, left for a girl who looked just like me, and now wants nothing to do with me or our kid.
Then I had my baby, before I had her my mother was telling everyone this was her baby not mine basically I started believing it. She convinced me after dealing with stress, emotional abandonment from her father to let her have my new born baby and I did it. She talked to her ex who she left saying it was their baby. I didnt even get comfort from my mother while having an emergancy csection she was too busy watching the doctors cut my body open. I felt like a vessel for her own entertainment.
After my daughter came home I couldnt lift her due to her being over ten pounds she never stopped crying. I was broken and didnt know how I could love this baby. Her father hated me, my mother hated me, my sister grew and had her own family she didnt care. Every thing I did was wrong according to my mother. Holding her, feeding her, burping her, and ect.
I gave up. I was too emotionally depleted and I wanted out. So I gave up my newborn to my mother. I wanted my freedom and a family that loved me. I didnt want to be stuck my mother longer. I took off. I didnt party I dated guys to have a place to live. After six months I went back. I wanted my baby. I was told I couldnt leave with her from DHS even though I hadnt legally signed anything giving my mother custody.
I gave up. Until one day I got into a program that let me finish high school and get a job. I made honor roll my senior year at twenty years old I graduated with honors homeless legally. After I moved in with my mother again planned to go to college still and help take care of my child. I worked fulltime and paid my mother a monthly check to help with my daughter she told me that everything I pay would go towards her. For years I went in and out of relationships with guys and I hated my life. But i stayed for my kid helping with money whenever my mother needed it. I lived with her, watched her, bathed her, fed her, and ect. But I was still told I wasnt allowed to do certain things with my daughter. Everytime I would get close my mother would kick me out of the house.
She wanted to play mommy to my little girl and if anyone got in the way there would be hell to pay. Eventually I got sick of it. I moved out spent one day a week with my kid and moved in with my best friend at the time and slept on her futon in her living room. Then we fought over something stupid I moved again in with what I thought was another friend and that ended up me getting raped again... I moved back in with my best friend and met my now husband who I live with.
Are you enjoying my ongoing story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, J. MyersWrite a Review