I sat there with a foolish smile on my face as I watched her. She was completely immersed in the animated movie on the screen, a childlike glow overtaking her. It was movie she’d seen hundreds of times and always forced me to watch with her. It had two of her favorite things, mermaids and adventure.
Something about Iridessa was magical in itself and she was none the wiser to it. Everything about her swept me in and held me there. Her eyes were filled with an innocent childlike wonder, a wide smile was plastered over her face. Her poster screamed excitement as she watched the movie barely blinking.
It was almost like the events of last night never happened. Almost like an hour ago never happened. I almost felt bad about breaking her out of the trance she was in, but things needed to be said. They needed to be talked about. We had to break the pattern.
“Hey, Iris?” I called “Do you realize that nothing is ever slow with us? The animosity between us just builds until we break. When we break we just shout at each other and hope the other knows what we mean… and then we have sex. Why do you think that us?”
“That’s how we’ve always been Jackson.” she laughed rolling her eyes at me. “Everything about us has been fast. Has happened so fast we barely had the time to think it over. Like when I first met you, I was too shy to utter a single word to you. Then we got to talking and it was like I couldn’t stop. I felt so comfortable around, it was like I had known you forever.”
“You don’t think that maybe we moved to fast and that’s why things are the way they are now?”
“Time is a manmade concept Jackson. No amount of time can approve or disapprove of love. I know what I feel and how I felt. Yeah sometimes I don’t like you at all, but I will always have love for you. As for yelling at each other, I think that’s how we communicate what we’re too afraid to say. Like now, we can sit here and have a conversation and it doesn’t affect us one bit; but when emotions start getting involved we revert back to that day. It’s like it takes over and the only way we feel like we can get through to each other is if we yell it.”
“We’ve done everything backwards.We dated before we became friends. Had sex before we fully trusted. Kissed before even thinking about a commitment. Everyone says we started off the wrong way and that’s why we wouldn’t make it.”
“That’s not for everyone to decide though. However we start off is for us and us only to deal with.” she sighed. “Is that why you ended up cheating? You couldn’t let go of what everyone else was thinking?” I could hear the hurt in her voice. My eyes widen as I pulled her closer to me placing her on my lap. Trust was a two way thing, if I wanted her to talk and open up then I’d have to do the same.
“I never cheated Iris. I swear. It’s just...when everything went down you believed it and wouldn’t do anything saying otherwise. It hurt to know that you didn’t trust me. That you would think so low of me. I didn’t bother clearing it up. It wasn’t a purpose, you wouldn’t have believed it either way. I knew you were too good for me and I always knew I’d be the one to mess it up. So, I just walked away believing you were better off without me. I never wanted to hurt you, but I failed.” my breathing had gone ragged as I tried to calm myself down.
It was out there now.
The ball was in her court. All that was left was for her to determine what she’d do about it. From the look on her face, she was still struggling to determine if she believed me or not.
Then she did it. She did the last thing I expected for her to do.
She got off my lap and stomped out of the room slamming her door behind her. I placed my head in my hands as my shoulders slumped a little. Maybe I really was forgettable to her and this was something I couldn’t come back from.
She officially hated me.