2.Night and Day
I can't sleep. I just can't. The other me has gone away. Time to let the ugly truth settle in the fact that I really am not wanted.
I find comfort in the cozy hoodies from Jonathan. Sometimes I cry a little sometimes I cry a lot. I sometimes I want to claw out of the other me and scream.
I want people to look at me to really look at me.
Then I remember how it felt to be alone. I can't, I really can't live with out the other me.
I lie in bed staring at the ceiling in the dark. My eyes start to water. It really is stupid how I don't even know sometimes why I'm crying. My heart just aches sometimes, even when I curl up in a ball trying to stop it from aching so much.
It seems like I can't sleep without crying. So I get up, sneak out and walk. I just walk, I feel the cool air of night around me and just focus on walking and breathing. Lately I've been going on walks a lot more often. Which is bad because I really need to get sleep. As I've only gotten some three hours of sleep this week.
It doesn't help that tomorrow I have to present my history project. I take the what now is the usually route. Walk two blocks down to the convenience store and walk back.
Usually the ache of my legs gets me tired enough for a few hours of sleep. I get to my house and see a moving truck two houses over.
I hope and pray that these new neighbors aren't the nosy type. I haven't been caught yet sneaking out of the house. Definitely don't want to get caught now.
As soon as I get to my room I am washed back up to reality. To me, the girl that lies underneath the mask of well being. I walk to my bed and go to sleep or at least try to.
"Ugggghhhhhh" I get up to the sound of my alarm. I think back to recollect the fact that I only got two hours of sleep last night. Great just great.
Heading to the bathroom I look up at the mirror. I see my eye bags and sigh. Another reason to use the makeup I never wore before.
I walk downstairs after I finish up changing and my other basic needs. I see breakfast laid out on the table and a note from Mom.
I'm going to be a little late from work today, there are leftovers in the fridge once you get back home. Also say hi to the new neighbors. ~Love Mom
P.S. The neighbors have kids your age, help them adjust to the new school please.
I read the note and suddenly I want to stay home and sleep. I am constantly reminded of the other me. I hate it. But I really can't live without the other me.
The overwhelming sadness that envelopes me is then pushed down into a shredder and hid in the deepest corners of my heart. I know though that by the end of the day that sadness will bounce right back. Leaving me with just the anxiety until it returns.
I only truly come out in the dark.
I head to my locker first thing to meet up with Tasha. I don't see her anywhere so I suspect she is somewhere with Jake.
I am suddenly pulled into a hug from behind. I immediately know its Jonathan and melt into his hug.
"Are you coming to my game tomorrow?"
"Hmmmm.. let me think about it."
Jonathan then fake pouts.
I look up at him and give him a quick peck on the cheek.
"Definitely." I say to him.
I then see Tasha who is to my surprise not with Jake. I instead I see her ogling a really tall, lean, boy. He is attractive I can tell, he must be really popular for someone new.
Tasha would never start a new conquest without some thing to back up her recent switch.
"I see Tasha over there, bye Jonathan." He pouts and then smiles.
"See you later."
Sometimes all I need are his cozy hugs.
Tasha then spots me and walks towards me. I can already see her ecstatic face as she links her arm with mine.
"Omg, did you see the new kid he was super hot! Sooo much better than Jake."
At that moment I pity Jake I really do, he lasted less then most of Tasha's catches.
"He is alright. You and him would look great together for sure." I say the last bit quickly as I realize my mistake in saying that he's alright.
"Of course he belongs with me. Who else would he be with?" Another tactic, as she says this a bit louder because she sees other girls also ogling him. Saying this loudly shes basically telling every girl to back off.
I follow her as she makes her way through the hallway to the new kid. I already know shes thinking of stratagies to get him hooked.
I see how she casually bumps into him specifically how her breasts graze his arm. I then look around and see Jake I know exactly what she is going to do next.
"Oh, I'm sorry." She says sweetly. She then proceeds to walk towards Jake. While swaying her hips in a very suggestive way.
I pity Jake even more. Jake really is just Tasha's tool.
Tasha's playing the 'hard to get and unavailable' trick. I look over to the new boy he hasn't even taken notice to Tasha. Tasha is going to try even harder on this one.
I follow her and we walk together until we reach her class. I then continue to head to my own class. Just another day as me.