I cannot imagine living a life that doesn’t have any aspects of mine. I love everything about my life, I feel I prosper everyday regardless the events. You see, I feel as if everyone in the entire world should feel the same. Nothing is worth empathizing constantly about in my opinion.
You know you’re at your lowest point when you are found in the hallway of your apartment, covered in vomit, getting asked questions about the amount of drugs you’ve used by physicians, and all you can think about is if your bestfriend really got all your drugs out the apartment. All you can really do is hope. Next thing you know you’re being hauled out into an ambulance, and you feel the world is crashing so hardly around you. How did this happen to me? Is the only question in my mind.Is the only question in my mind. I didn't even notice the cocaine still on my nose until one of the paramedics mentioned it.
I'm feeling emotionally numb, I only feel like the most biggest whale in the entire universe is sitting on my chest. And I still cannot stop thinking about the question of, did Jade get everything out of my apartment? I'm getting chills from everything, I don't want anyone to touch me. "Get off of me" I attempt to yell at all of the EMT's, but I don't even have the energy to argue with anyone. They rush me into the ambulance , I briefly see some police officers and wonder why they're there, but all I want to do is stare at the clouds thinking about everything else besides the fact that I'm going into an ambulance. It's a brief ride, as the nearest hospital is only a couple blocks away.
They explain the medications they're giving me but I couldn't care less. They also explain how my body temperature is very inconsistent and rises and falls, but they seem to fail to see how I already know that. I feel it. I can already feel the numbness in my body, thanks to all the medications that have been administered to me. How when I overdose on drugs, they give me more drugs? I can't ever understand that.
We finally arrive to the hospital and they immediately start asking so many more questions, I understand they want to help me and shit, but oh my god you can just leave me alone a tiny bit, shit. But at least I can feel my body coming to terms with a cool temperature, so I don't feel ice cold & burning hot so inconsistently. All is well and they administer some more calming sedatives so I can stop feeling off of my shit. Many moments pass and two police officers show up. I feel a semi-drop in my stomach but I know I'm going to be fine deep down.
They give simple questions, mostly regarding how much cocaine I used and my source.
"Maybe about two or three lines, I don't know the proper measurements" I say blankly.
"Okay. How about your symptoms, before paramedics were called?"
"Nothing much until I slipped out of consciousness, well, I felt a heavy chest obviously. And just extreme temperatures, just many things you could imagine."
The officers look at each other and explain to me that my cocaine might have been laced with something stronger then what I am used too.
You know what's crazy, I don't even doubt it.
The officers leave after our short conversation telling me to be cautious with my lifestyle. It makes no influence on me, goes in one ear and out the other.
I rest for a while, take a quick nap. But I wake up to the face of Benny. I think to myself holy shit.
"Hey dude, how you feeling? Jade told me you were here. I just wanted to say I'm so-"
"Save it, it's okay Benny. I understand why you said what you said. I'm feeling better. You wanna do me a favor and get me more of this Jell-O It's fucking delicious."
He laughs at what I say, I can see him realizing that no matter what happens to me I'll always be the same.
"Okay, stay put."
While I lay down I start to think about everything. And how much Benny and Jade really seem to care for me. They might be one of the only people I really love in this world.
Benny comes back with my Jell-O, and we say bye. He apologizes once more and so do I, we both were in the wrong.
I feel at ease, until I see my mom and dad. I immediately feel irritated and they haven't even spoken. I know they're my parents and I know they love me but fuck them! I already sense the bullshit they're going to say to me.
"Hello Jordan. I heard the news. Are you feeling fine son?" My dad says so blankly. I know they only came because they felt they had to.
"I'm fine." I say expressionless
"Well, I just wanted to let you know that your sisters wedding is coming up soon, and if you would like to go you're welcome too." My mom says hopeful for a reaction out of me.
"Great, I'll be there."
"Okay, see you soon. Also I want to let you know that, you can always make a change in your life son, I'm tired of seeing you in this goddamn hospital Jordan." My dad damn near yells at me.
I have far from enough energy to argue so I just say "Okay, understood, goodbye." and they leave my room.
I'm truly relieved that that's all the conversation was. But I love my siblings, I don't know about my sister's wedding though. That's so much stress, I don't know if I could be around all those people honestly.
I cannot believe what has happened in these past 24 hours. At least I feel remotely better.
More and more hours go on and I can't really do much be eat and sleep. This sucks I want to go out and like travel around, or some shit. Or like get fucked up at a party or playing Just Dance at 3 am off of multiple lines.
This is so obnoxious. I cannot wait to get home
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