How I Really Feel
Aunt Emma never did come back to supper. There was an odd and out of place silence over the table for the rest of the meal. Before most of us were finished but things were wrapping up Uncle Johnny walked away too. Mary looked down at her hands for the rest of the meal and didn’t finish her food. I hadn’t expected Mary telling her mother would go well, but I didn’t think she would be stupid enough to do so during supper. I love Mary to death but she really can be a Dumb Dora.
After the meal I secluded myself in my room. I wasted my time reading although I knew everyone was still downstairs. Sam was at supper and I’m sure he wanted to talk to me but I ran away before he could. I somewhat ignored him that day. He is a nice man but I didn’t feel like talking to him. I feel bad for him because I’m sure it was hard to move to a city where you knew no one. That is a lot to go through just to get away from a boring life; something I would never do. Granted I was blessed with a more exciting life than Sam’s.
But I didn’t feel like talking to him because he clings to me somewhat. Like I said, I’m sure it’s hard to move, but I feel that one doesn’t make friends by sticking to the same person soley. I am no one to talk about making friends as I have none, but I don’t want any. Sam does want friends though. But in the beginning of our relationship he never left me or the twins. Also when I say relationship I do not mean something romantic, I mean something similar to the one I have with Ada. I have no interest in men right now. Maybe that will change, but for this story it will not.
After reading for a while there was a knock on my door. It was Mary who didn’t even wait for me to open the door or say that she could come in. Personally it seems contradictory to knock on a door but not wait to be let in. What is the purpose? To say ‘Hello, I am telling you that I want to come in yet you don’t get a say in the matter.’ But anyway, Mary came in my room and saw me lying on my bed while reading.
“What are you doing?” Mary asked.
“What does it look like I’m doing?” I replied shortly. I was mad about the door. I know that it was insignificant, but sometimes small things get under my skin.
“Are you mad at me?” She must had picked up on my shortness. So I figured the best thing to do was lie. As one does when they are asked if they are mad at someone.
“No.” I said. Mary sighed and sat down on my bed with me.
“Telling my mother didn’t go very well. I should probably not listen to your advice.” Mary said with a small laugh. “But then again I do feel a bit relieved that it is off of my chest.”
“Well I’m glad you are feeling better. Now I don’t mean to criticize you as I am happy you told your mother, but was telling her at supper the day of Grandfather’s funeral a good idea?” I asked.
“It was Robert who made it a bigger deal than I wanted it to be!” Mary said defensively.
“You did say that you had news for everyone.”
“I don’t know why I said that. I guess it felt rude to talk to one person on such an important matter.”
“That’s why you wait until you have a private time to do so. It was not my advice to embarrass yourself in front of everyone.”
“I was going to have to tell everyone sometime. And it’s only embarrassing if you allow it to get to you.” Mary doesn’t think everything through, but she can have good points every now and then.
“What are you going to do if you don’t get your parents’ blessing?” I asked.
“Well I don’t quite know. I am an adult. I could just go and get married without them, but I really don’t want to if I can avoid it. I will have to talk to Hugh.”
“Does he really want you to move out to California?” I asked sadly. I didn’t want to lose her. Everyone has a favorite cousin, one that they are excited to see at family gatherings. Mary is more than that to me. Yes, she is my favorite cousin, but she is also so much more than that. She is my only friend.
“He has distant family out there. He says that it’s a beautiful place, the only place he has ever fallen in love with.”
“Mary…” Mary who was looking off at a wall turned her head and looked right at my face. “ I don’t want you to move. I love you and you mean so much to me.”
“I love you too.” She said. Then she moved over to me and we hugged. That was the only hug I wanted that day, the hug of a true friend.
Mary left after that. I did nothing for a while. I had changed into my pajamas even though it was fairly early. I laid in my bed with the lights off and thought. The next day I would go to school. This one girl in my class, Minnie, lost her mother a year or two back. She was only out for a few days. I’ve been out of school for longer and it was time for us to return. No doubt that Father and the Sweets were the reason we were allowed to be out for so long.
Off on a tangent I know, but there is something funny about Minnie. I could care less about the girl and there is a good chance she will never be mentioned again in my story. But I find it odd and a bit funny that her name is Minnie, which was what my mother went by. And Minnie lost her mother, just like I did.
I’ve never really given her an introduction and just beat around the bush. But my mother was Amelia Gibson Sweet. She was born on October 31st, 1877 and died on August 5th, 1911. She was similar to me in the fact that she hated her given name. Only ever went by her nickname, Minnie. We are more similar than I would like to admit; it is just an easy thing to do when the person you’re comparing yourself to is no longer alive. It is easy to push away any resemblance.
But that is enough talk of my mother. I would say best not to dwell on the past. But this entire story is my past that I’m dwelling on. So I will end this chapter the way that I end what seems like all of them; I went to sleep. I hope you will bear with me dear reader. I will try to not end things the same way each time.